Episode 314: Social Media Safety for Kids

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No need to whine and whine.

Welcome to the Winey Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes. Stresses and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Greene for the Whiny Palooza podcast, and I am super excited today because I get to talk to Ronna Glickman. Ronna, thank you so much for being here with me today.

Thank you for having me, what an honor.

And I don't know if Rabbi Alex is gonna listen to this, but I have to give him a shout out. I just found out that Ronna found me through Rabbi Alex posting about my podcast. So thank you, Rabbi Alex.

Thank you.

Okay, so let me tell you about this fantastic lady. Ronna taught family and consumer sciences in Williamsville for 25 years, ironically at the school that my children attended, but I'm sad that none of them had her. During this time, she noticed her students' behavior, apathy, and attitude changes. After doing much research, asking questions to the students, and studying the negative effects of social media, gaming, and screen usage on teens and preteens, Ronna started socialmediasafety.education. Ronna aims to educate as many teachers, parents, and curriculum coordinators as possible in social media safety. In addition to speaking at middle school conferences, being a guest on podcasts, TV, and publishing articles, Ronna would like to educate parents before the damage is done. And as I told Ronna, I'm kind of scared. I'm excited and scared to talk to her about what I'm going to learn because all of my kids are on social media. So let's dive in because we need to, we need to learn. And I would like to start with asking you, as a parent and a teacher. What do you think are the key safety concerns that parents should be aware of regarding their children's social media usage? Let's start there.

Okay, key safety concerns. I don't wanna jump all over the place, but my mind's going in so many different directions.

Yeah, yeah.

First of all, the brain has not reached maturity until the age of 25. So when your kids are coming home and they're saying everyone else has it, That's their immature brain saying, everyone else has it, I want it too. And the parent, God bless them for saying, I don't want my kid to be left out. I understand that having two adult children of my own. Yet what they don't realize are the ramifications of early usage. So the frontal lobe is still growing and changing, and we have to nourish that in the neural pathways that are growing by giving them many, many life experiences. So when you're not using the brain in the capacity of which it was made to go outside, to read, to interact with others, to have eye contact, to cook, learn life skills— I'm all about the life skills, having taught it for 25 years. Yes. You're forming those new connections. And when that happens, the kid's personality will change. Because they become addicted. So when you think of the social media apps that these kids have, those were actually made and designed to keep the kids addicted. The kids will tell you, I can't get off my phone. Adults will tell you, I can't get off my phone. But what they did was they went into casinos and they wanted to know why these people that were still losing money would go back to this and find the addiction there. And that's how they came up with the social media that keeps the kids addicted. So as a preteen and a teen, the kids don't know this is not good for me. This is fun. This is engaging. And you have to realize it's the whole World Wide Web. And they're going to find things on there, very inappropriate language, very inappropriate pictures and videos. And they're going to find those and not be able to really understand what's going on. A 13-year-old— and actually, the average age of kids looking at porn is about 8 now.

Oh my goodness.

And we say that they don't look for it, the porn finds them. So let's say we've got a teenage girl that's on Snapchat or they're on Instagram and they want to learn how to lose weight. As soon as those keywords are put in, they are going to find that child and send all kinds of anorexia nervosa things to them. They're going to find— they're going to look at those words and go, wow, we're going to start sending these things to them. Think about Rebecca Greene, when you have maybe even talked about, not even researched, talked about getting new boots for your youngest. Have you not seen some ads for boots? Okay, these iPads and the phones and so on, they are listening to you at all times. The other thing that is very dangerous is that now with IA, okay, so you've got all those things happening where the kids are putting pictures of themselves online. So all somebody has to do, and it's done a lot, is take the face of your child and put it on a naked body. Then they can, they can sell those images. So there are hundreds of thousands. We've got kids being marketed. We've got kids being kidnapped. We've got vulnerable kids that are on there with someone they think is their age. There's hundreds of thousands of stories of kids that think they're talking to somebody their age. And it's really, in most cases, a man. There are a few that are female, but it's men looking for boys and men looking for girls. And this is why I said my head's going to go all over the place for this. So with the IA, there are some really good things. There are some really scary things out there that an 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12-year-old, they have no idea. So if you want to ask me something separate about gaming, I have something separate about gaming. So that's the social media part of it. Their brains. And their immaturity just because of their age, they don't know what they're getting into. This is fun. I'm communicating with my friends. I'm looking up things I can— I'm diving into this, but now I can't get out. So if you ask any parent who has taken this away, what is the kid's reaction? They're not going to go, okay, Mom, here's my phone. Thank you for taking it away. They're going to get angry. They're going to get aggressive. They're going to get mouthy. This is like taking a cigarette away from a smoker, a drink away from an alcoholic. And this is a true addiction. And the science is there. It's not just— I'm not just saying this. There's science to prove this. Okay.

So can I ask you some questions based on that?

Yes. I told you I was going all over the place.

I mean, we have— we have— so if you want to keep going, keep going. I have so many questions.

Let's go. Hit me with them.

Okay. Well, you had said to me, so the whole, is there a safe cell phone? I want to ask you that. Tell us about, is there a safe cell phone?

There is. There's one that we promote through Screen Strong. If you go on screenstrong.org, that's where I'm an ambassador. There's the Gabb phone, the Gabb, G-A-B-B. I actually saw some commercials about it on TV, which I was really happy to see. This will only allow your child to text and to make phone calls. There's absolutely no internet. It is not a flip phone, so they're not gonna be going, "Oh, is that your great-grandfather's phone?" It's, uh, no, it looks like a real phone. But so I understand when parents, when it can be scary sometimes sending your child to school, you don't know what's gonna happen, or something as simple as pick me up from soccer practice early, the coach got sick. So that way they are only going to be able to talk and text. There's your safe one. There are many, many promotions on there. The other thing that I love about Gab Phone is it has red flags for parents. You can set these up. So let's say your child uses the word suicide, cutting, self-harm. Oh, that's going to be sent to you in a report so that you can see what's going on. I am all about checking a kiddo's phone and their computer usage. Any parent that says to me, and I get this a lot, "What about their privacy? They don't deserve it." Well, no, I don't want to use that word. They haven't earned it and they don't know what they're doing yet. That, that can be scary. A lot of times kids will not go to their parents if they are getting scary and threatening messages like, "If you don't send me more pictures, I'm going to kill your family." The number one reason is not getting in trouble. The number one reason is because they don't want their device taken away.

So that is interesting, and you bring up a really brilliant point, is that I think the most common thing that parents tell me is that they don't want to invade their children's privacy, and it really blows my mind. I'm really floored when parents say that, and it's really common.

It is, and I, I believe that, um, Some people debate me on this, but I believe in the cell phone contracts. So if you give your youngest a cell phone, I believe coming up with one— you can Google a cell phone contract— but I believe coming up with one together. And one of the things I advise parents to put in is, if you come to me and you are afraid and something has happened, I will not be mad at you, but I will teach you how to deal with this. You're unable at 8 9, 10, 11, 12, and 13 to deal with something like this on your own. I know another example would be AirDropping is very common. And I know many years ago at a school I taught at, I'm not gonna say which one, that there was a party and a girl was making out with a boy. This was in 8th grade. And somebody AirDropped the video in the lunchroom. And everybody got it. Oh, so again, was she ready for those ramifications? No, she was a mess.

That's such a sad story. I'm sure that that's very common.

Very common.

So I'm, I'm afraid to ask you this question, but I'm gonna ask. Is there an age that you think is best practice to give your kids a cell phone and to give them social media? Oh, okay, I'm scared.

Brace yourself. What age do you want your child to see porn? That's my answer. Yeah, what answer?

Can I say never?

There you go, ma'am. Yes. Um, I believe the kids should pay for their phone. I should— I believe that they should help, uh, earn it. I've got— I remember seeing kids with $600, $700, $800 phones, and I'm like Wow, mine was $250. I mean, why? Well, my mom and dad got a new one, so I got their old one. So remember, World Wide Web, you're going to see and hear everything.

Okay, so I'm going to guess that most of the people listening, their kids have a cell phone, they have social media. So what can we do to keep them safer on social media?

They aren't gonna like this answer, don't start. Because there's some really great websites. One is on Facebook, Parenting in a Tech World. There's another officer that I follow called Officer Gomez, and he is in a school. And you are going to see the realities of what has happened. You're gonna see, think about all parents with cell phones and, social media in their households, can you honestly tell me that it has not caused more stress in your home? So if I was going to give you a gift in a box and I said, in this box is something's gonna cause stress in your household and it's gonna cause arguments and your child may hit you, do you want it? They'd be like, no, but they still give their kids the cell phone. So it is not going to be beneficial. There's no child that's going to come back in their early adult life and say, thank you so much, Mom. I am so glad you gave me social media. The counseling, I will be in forever. Thank you very much. I read— I, you know what we're not doing, Rebecca? We're not creating memories for our kids. I have 18-gallon Rubbermaid containers, 5, 6 of them full of scrapbooks of things we did as a family. What memories are these kids being— what memories are being made? How many times do we go outside when the weather's nice and we don't see kids playing? My son used to come out as soon as he came home from school. He put on his skates and they would do street hockey. So you're right.

You're right. I mean, I mean, I want to tell you that we thankfully, I do what I call forced family fun.

Love it.

And I do make my kids do stuff as a family with us. And my youngest has said to me several times, I left my phone at home, I don't want to touch it today. And that wasn't me, that was her. I mean, I should be enforcing that, but I love that she did that.

I love it too, because once that initial phone— let's say the child doesn't leave it home on purpose and it's not their choice and it's a parent taking away, yes, they're going to be really mad. But when I talk to my students and I did this whole unit on social media safety for a week with my 6th, 7th, and 8th graders, and I did a lot of anonymous surveys and I said, how do you feel once you don't have your phone if it was taken away? And they just, it's a sigh of relief. I don't have to see what somebody's writing on social media either about me I don't have to see what my friends are doing. We've got kids that are in counseling that parents can't even get into a counselor now. And it's not from COVID alone. This is happening beforehand. We've got kids cutting. We've got kids that the suicidal ideology. We've got kids committing suicide at age 10. Oh my goodness. You know, when somebody, when somebody is 10 years old and somebody said, a classmate says, the world would be a better place without you, you take that to heart. At my age, I'd be like, maybe so, but I'm still willing to stick around and find out. I mean, you know, it's, it's, I know, I, I, it's, you're right.

You're right on so many levels. And I'm, and I'm going to say, I, I don't want to make a blank judgment. So forgive me, listeners, but I'm going to say that probably everyone's child Every parent who's, who has, is listening has their children on social media. If your kids are not on social media, I give you a round of applause right now.

But I've always wanted to print. Sorry for interrupting, but you know, I saw somebody in a restaurant the other day over vacation and he was talking to his child and I've always wanted to print Parent of the Year and just give it to him. But I have gone up to many parents that I've seen actually without a device and their child without advice. And I have said, you guys should be parents of the year. Okay, go on.

No, you're right, you're right, you're absolutely right. Everything you're saying is right. But how can we—

I don't want the parents to think that they are bad. I'm not here to judge, I'm here to teach.

I, and I'm, and I, trust me, I'm listening to everything you're saying. And I think what I want to learn, and I think what everybody wants to learn, is how do we monitor their online activity. So they're online, how do we as parents monitor that?

Okay, there's, um, one called Bark. And I apologize, I believe I said about the Gab sending, um, messages to you. I believe Bark is the one that does. I'm not sure because there's 3 different levels of, uh, the Gab phone that you can get for monitoring. But Bark is an app you can put on there, and that's is definitely one of the number one apps, and that's the one that's going to monitor what the kids do. You can put in words that you want them to monitor, like self-harm, and like I was saying before, and I hate myself, I don't want to go to school tomorrow, and, but you can see what they are doing. It's your obligation as a parent, it's your right to see what they are doing. You know, you don't be that parent that goes, oh, I see you have a crush on Joey. No, no, no, no, that's not what that's for. It's to be able to look and make sure that they are okay so that you can intervene. I know this is gonna sound so harsh, but the reality— and it's not a blame. I think about the kids that have committed suicide, and I think about the ones that have the back and forth messages with someone that maybe led them to this. If I were a parent that was checking and I saw that my child was going to do this, I could intervene.

So, so let's talk about signs. As a parent, what signs should I be looking for?

Definitely, definitely personality. So you've got your happy-go-lucky, bubbly child, and all of a sudden they're sullen, they're sulking, You get a call from the teacher, Susie hasn't turned in her homework in the last week and I've noticed some changes. Definitely look for changes in personality. What's wrong? Nothing. Never, never use that as an answer. I'm here for you. Would you like to write it out? Is there someone you want to talk to? It hurts me to see you so sad. Bring in some of your own childhood. If you were bullied as a kid, say, I can relate to this. I think almost everyone except for my oldest son has been kind of bullied or picked on as a kid. And look for those signs, definitely change in personality, change in attitude towards school. What do you mean you don't want to go to school? Used to love going to school. There's a reason that this happens. It just doesn't happen just because they turned 13.

Oh, the answer that I can't stand is, well, you wouldn't understand. Oh, oh, I hate when my daughter says that.

Says that, I would say, then who would?

I like that.

Who would understand? Let me know and let's, let's get together. If you're uncomfortable for some reason talking to me, do you want to talk to Grandma? Do you want to talk to a counselor? Do you want to talk to the counselor at school? I want to help you. That's, that's my job and that's my love. I want to help you.

Well, and I, and I want to tell everybody that I think that my daughter, my, my middle child, has this picture of me in high school, and, and that is why she says that. So I had a heart-to-heart with her and told her my insecurities in high school, and I really, and I really wanted her to know I didn't have this perfect high school experience. I mean, being a teenager isn't easy for anybody. So I think I think that sometimes our kids think that we had it so— now we didn't have social media, so we did have that pleasure, but I think that sometimes our kids think we had this glorified high school experience or middle school experience. So I wanted her to know that that was not— there was, there were still insecurities.

Oh yeah, definitely. Exactly.

So there's so many social media platforms. What do you think, what platforms do you think our children are on and how do we as parents keep up with it? Because I'm struggling.

Again, I would find out what they are on. You know, Snapchat now is the number one. Of course, we know Facebook is for old people.

They do tell me that.

I'm sorry, I still like it. Me too. So Snapchat is not only the number one place that the kids go, but it's a— and I'm not saying your kids are drug dealers, but it is the number one place for drug dealers. Because what happens is the Snap will go away. And what's very scary about this, because if I haven't scared you enough, Rebecca, listen to this one. So I am a male predator and I have asked Suzy for— we've been talking and we're soulmates. It's been about 3 days. Right? Yeah, we're soulmates. And I said, if you really love me, you will send me some pictures, you know, just of your face, and then we're gonna go a little bit more and a little bit more. So I promise to delete them because we're gonna do it through Snapchat. What Susie doesn't know is that I have another phone that took a picture of that before it was deleted. All right, now I'm gonna use that for leverage. If you don't send me more, I I have your contact list and I have all your friends. I'm sending this out to everyone. Imagine when you are 12, 11, 10. You don't know how to deal with that. Adults don't know how to deal with that. So Snapchat's the one I'd be very leery of because they believe those will go away. There was another—

Really good advice. I want you to know that was really good for me to learn that.

Yeah. Oh yeah. You know, don't trust that the person you're talking to is the person you're talking to.

100%. Yeah. Well, and you emphasize that we need to have open communication with our kids about social media and their phone usage. So how can we as parents, how can we encourage healthy, open communication?

Again, just by, by talking. I'm, I'm hoping that it's not going to start. You're not going to start an open, healthy relationship when you give them a phone. I'm hoping it starts before that. If you have a child that is naturally going through something and is angry and is nasty now, why would you give them the phone to make that worse? So, yeah, I do. I love the contract. Because we've got contracts in life. I had a contract to get my cell phone. I have a contract to do a rental or a house. There's contracts to get a car. Why wouldn't we teach them this life skill of a contract? You break it, it's mine, or whatever you do, you know, where you break the rules.

Okay, so let's talk about the rules. Okay, so let's talk about some good rules or guidelines. I'm sure there is— there are contracts online. That we can go find, I'm sure. But what kind of rules and guidelines would you recommend?

Number one, charge the phone, your child's phone, your children's phone in your room. Do not for any reason let them charge it in their room. Number one, they won't turn it off and they are in— their sleep is interrupted. Sleep is the most important thing what we can give our kids. You ask the, uh, the teachers of middle and high school My kids are tired. My students are tired. I was up all night playing games. So definitely charge the phone in the room. One of the videos I would show my kids, it was like 30 seconds long, was that the kids are sleeping with the phones underneath their pillow. And I'm, I'm not even going to go into the radiation big time, but there's a lot of MRIs that show the change in the brain because you're literally heating the brain. Not only that, if you've got your phone, you know that it gets hot sometimes. So now that it's not getting any air, basically getting smothered under the pillow and it can start a fire. So between the— and waking up your kid and the fires. No, no, plug it in your room and don't have a charging station in the kitchen where everyone puts their phone because I know I sleep great during the night. My child probably would have been up on the phone. So yeah, yeah, he would have gotten it and used it. But again, sleep time, when you are tired, we both know this, having children and being up and lack of sleep was so horrible, or if they're sick or anytime you're not getting enough sleep, your decision-making is at an all-time low. You are not able to make good decisions. And that's where the suicide— not saying the kids are going to make suicide, but studies have shown the most suicides or thinking about it happens at night when you're tired.

Mm.

So now we give a phone to a child in their room. Oh, I've got a good one for you. I've got a great one for you. This is how smart our kids are. And it's tough because as soon as I know something, the kids will tell me something else that they're doing, or the parents will say they're always one step ahead. This is a great one. Well, I let my child have the phone in his room because it shuts off at 9 o'clock. Well, guess what the kid just did? He set it to Mountain Time. He got 3 more hours. Isn't that great?

See, I never would have thought of that. Never, never would I have thought of that. There is no way for me to be 10 steps ahead of my kids with technology. They're teaching me technology.

Yep, yep, yep, yep. Absolutely.

So, okay, there is a topic that you mentioned that is very upsetting to me, and that is cyberbullying.

Yep, cyberbullying.

So can you give us some advice on how to help our kids with that?

I would say before they even go on social media, let's be preventive. Before you give them a— be prevent— and say, if someone says this to you, this is how you should react, this is what you should say— or not say back, because the temptation at that level of, um, of being 10, 11, 12, before the brain matures, is to come back quick and, and come back with really nasty comments. And then you're going like this and back and forth. So the cyberbullying is horrible. I don't see that ever because it's so much easier to say it to a computer than to somebody's face. And what I would do is have the kids tell me if someone is bullying you. This is why, changing the persona. This is why I don't want to go to school. Somebody said if I come to school tomorrow, they're going to blah, blah, blah. So, definitely the cyberbullying is very, very scary. That's why I recommend the BARCC so that the kids can The parents can see what the kids are doing, the back and forth conversation. It's not going to end. So I would teach them beforehand the preventive and how to deal with it and do some role playing. So Rebecca, I hate you. The whole school hates you. I just sent you this in bullying and you're 12 years old. What are you going to say back? And go back and forth and do some scenarios.

That's really good advice because they don't know what to say.

They don't know what to say. And when they do, it's, it's, it's, it's going to be very angry. It's going to be a quick response, not thought through. And that, again, is the immature brain, the brain not fully developed. And you know what? They take it to heart. And that's where the cutting comes in. You know, I had 13 people tell me I'm ugly and I wore something today that's ugly. They're right, I am, and I'm not gonna now cut myself because I'm just an ugly whatever they called me. I'm trying to watch my language, um, because it's bad. It's really bad. I mean, we're talking 6th graders that are the— or younger.

So we're parents, we find out they've been exposed to something inappropriate, something, something risky, something inappropriate. We're not happy. What do we do?

I would take it away. I know that seems tough and I know, and again, I go back to the Gab phone. See, again, let me go back to the box. If you open this box, your whole life is going to change and not for the better. So why do we give this to them in the first place? Number one, they want it. Number two, they think all their friends have it. No, not all of them. They don't want to feel left out. I get that. That's a middle school phenomenon. I don't want to feel left out. Everybody else, I would keep it safe before it happens. You know, they've seen this, and, and explain, this is what this is, this is why you shouldn't be looking at it. You know, I mean, we've got kids that, um, the violence towards high school girls in dating and date rape has increased significantly because number one, the guys are looking at it and that's how they think they should behave. And the girls are looking at it thinking, that's how I'm supposed to behave. That's how I'm supposed to treat a girl. It's, it's not sex. I know I just went off on that.

No, that's terrible. Well, and I think that the ideal situation is that we don't let them have access. But I think that the re— I think that that is a great goal, and I love that you're promoting that. I just don't know that— I mean, if one person takes away the phone listening to this, that's fabulous. But to everybody else whose kids have access, I think that you telling us the, the Bark, to have restrictions, to have rules, to have a contract. I like that you're giving us tools to use for the parents whose kids have access.

Well, the other one is, I think if you sit with your child and if you go to any, if you go to screenstrong.org or you go to Officer Gomez and you, or any of the other places, there's a wonderful book that came out called GLOW, G-L-O-W, GLOW Kids. Read the first 15 pages with your kiddo so it's not coming from you. What do you know? You're old. You're my parent. You have no idea what this is about. Show them the research. Watch it with them.

Yeah.

And show them, well, this isn't going to happen to me. Yes, it is. You have a brain like everybody else. And there could be the 1 or 2% that you can give this to and they can be responsible and respectful. You know, we've got the kids with the watches now. You don't think that that's distracting in school when that goes off?

I know.

AirPods. We've got boys growing their hair long so they can cover that. We've got kids cheating. That's a different subject. But I do want to talk about the gaming when you have a chance.

Yes. No, let's move to gaming. Let's go.

Oh, I don't even know how you can call it a game. So I mean, you've got the Fortnite, you've got— I'm gonna just focus on the Fortnite because I know that's, um, um, Grand Theft Auto is another one. So I want to ask you, Rebecca, this: when you give me two games, at least two games that you played as a kid.

Uh, Super Mario Brothers.

Uh, non-TV ones, sorry.

Okay. Um, we played Life and Monopoly.

Okay. If you were in the middle of a game, you have siblings?

Yes.

You're in the middle of a game and I say your name and the siblings' names, come on, it's time for dinner. Would you have knocked the board over and screamed and cried and made a hole in the wall?

No, no.

Okay. So when we grew up with games, They did not have that effect on us. They were actually really good as far as learning games. I mean, Monopoly in itself, my goodness. Um, so now we have these games. If you look up the MRIs of the before and after of kids that have been playing games, there's literally a change in the brain. Our brain should not look all gray. The gray matter should not take over. It should be nice bright colors like reds and yellows. And when they are immersed in these games, it actually, it changes it. And that's where you get the addiction and that's where you get the personality change. So if you talk to some parents and if they unplug Fortnite or they unplug a game, the kids go nuts. And start hitting, punching, kicking, and cussing. There's another gentleman called, um, Lieutenant David Grossman, and he wrote a book called Assassination Nation, and it's all about the gaming and what it does to the kids. Um, one line that I like to repeat because it's in my head, it is so true: not all gamers that are gaming with these become mass shooters, but every mass shooter was a heavy gamer. I'm going to repeat that. Not all kids that play the games will become mass shooters, but all mass shooters play these games. So you think about it, and again, a mass shooting, you only have to kill 4 people for it to be a mass shooting. Mm. Okay. So you think about every one of these mass shootings, not one of the killers, and this is what I love about this gentleman that wrote this book. He's written many books. When he talks about the shooters, he will never mention their names or give them credit. I love that. He's not giving them the notoriety that they want. So they did not go to a shooting range to learn how to shoot. They learn by playing a video game. And most of these video games, and this is a good one, sad, sad, sad, that you get more points when you shoot police officers, women, and then nudity, especially Grand Theft Auto. This one definitely includes rape scenes. So is that, you know, I was talking to one of my students, I went back a couple years ago after I retired, and I just did one class. So when I was doing my social media, I was told by this student that his, his 6-year-old brother plays Fortnite and Grand Theft Auto. Is this really what— so you think about that. Let's say the kid plays from age 6 to adult. What has it taught him? Shooting. The more I shoot, the more I kill, the more points I get. I'm a fabulous shooter now. I've had years of practice. and if I shoot and kill, um, a lot of people, I get many, many more points. I think they call them skins in the Fortnite. So terrible. And they have made billions. Sorry, I just want to tell you, I, I agree.

They are— they're so popular. So what do you think of the games like Madden? So like my son plays Madden, it's a football game.

Yes.

What do you think about games like maybe that are less violent?

Less violent. What's he watching it on?

The Xbox.

Okay. But a TV screen, correct?

Yes.

Watching TV, regular TV is different, has a different reaction in the brain than doing a game online. Okay. It's still going to change the pathways of the brain. For Screen Strong, we say don't even give it to 'em on the weekends. I'm a little bit different. I would say if your child is able to get off in 30 minutes, I would say that's okay. Is what happens when you take it away?

I mean, my big thing is I will say we're having dinner at 6 o'clock, so like I tell everybody, I, I feel like all of them want warnings because they're in the middle of homework, they're in the middle of a game, they're all in the middle, in quotes, in the middle of something. So I tend to give like a dinner warning.

I think that's brilliant. That's awesome. Um, that, that is great. And obviously your kids— okay, if he, if your son said, no, 5 more minutes, no, 5 more minutes, and he kicked the wall and he pulled the plug and he kicked the TV. Would you allow him to continue playing?

No.

Right. Okay. Now, Jimmy Kimmel, if you really want to see what happens when parents pull the plug, you know, he does those things like take your kids' Halloween candy and those little, uh, well, he does these things for the parents to, and record it and send to him. Oh boy. I, I found this interesting but not funny. It's not an anti-Jimmy Kimmel thingy. If you Google Jimmy Kimmel, uh, parents unplugging Fortnite, it's very, very scary and sad. And all right, actually the last one where it's a baby doing it to a parent. That's all I'm gonna say. And if you watch this, there's no way you can tell me this doesn't have an effect on the brain. Terrible.

It's terrible.

That's why I did the— that's why I said about the board games. If you took Monopoly away, if you took Life away, if you took, um, kids aren't going to have the same reaction. It's changing the brains again.

I told— no, you go. I'm sorry. No, I was gonna say I told you I was scared to talk to you, honey.

I haven't even service. Oh my gosh. I have a— do another story?

Yes.

This is how brilliant— and I'm using that very loosely, um— I read about, um, very through a newspaper, so it's a— it's credible, I guess you could say. Yeah. 6th grader in a school had, um, was able to talk girls into sending pictures of the nudity pictures to him. Now, how he got all these girls, 10, 12 girls, to do this without them thinking this is wrong— what's happening to consciousness? I mean, so, um, he then set up and gave a password to kids at his school. For $10, you could have a look at these for, uh, 24 hours. This kid cashed in big time till he was caught. And the FBI actually got involved. Well, it's a felony. It's a felony. He's under 18, and so were the girls. So imagine getting a knock on your door, Rebecca, saying— I'm gonna call her Susie— um, we just found these pictures of Susie. She was sending them to Joey, and, um, he was selling them. He made a lot of money, but every 24 hours he would change the password. Very, very scary.

I just can't even believe the stories.

I—

it's just, it's sickening. It's just—

and that's why I want to talk to parents before they do this. I would love to talk to parents in preschools. How many times have you gone to the store and you've seen kids in the, um, in the grocery cart looking at a TV? I remember it was maybe it was the home Becky Homecki in me that I love taking my kids to the grocery store because they would look at things that we would look at coupons and you'd have to go and find it and you talk to each other and you had eye-to-eye contact. You talk to high school teachers, ask them if they have eye-to-eye contact with kids. I have a real problem with kids having cell phones in schools. If you look at the statistics and you look at the Proof about disciplinary reports go down tremendously when kids don't have phones. Concentration, grades go up. You know, I was— I never told a kid he couldn't go to the bathroom, but these kids are going to the bathroom all the time. They're checking their phones or cheating, but mostly checking their phones. So if I don't have that temptation, we told the kids in, in middle school, you're not allowed to have your phones. There's a big sign from 8:00 AM or 8:45 AM until 3:35, no phones. I mean, you saw it in their back pocket. You saw it. They had it. Now, some teachers would say you need your phone for this activity, but, um, yeah. So think about this. They should not be on any device for more than 2 hours a day. So I go to school. And in 5 of my 6 classes, I'm supposed to use an iPad. All right, nothing against teachers, but what I have said when I've talked to teachers is this: why don't you meet as a team? And on Monday, math is using an iPad. Tuesday, social studies. Wednesday is science. Thursday, music class might need it. And if you need to switch, you switch. There's— I talk to my students and the ones I tutor. How often do you have an iPad usage in school? Almost every class, almost every day. I was able to teach without one. Where's that iPad?

Well, you taught the best class ever, if you ask me. I tell my, my daughter comes home and tells me about, um, it's now called Family and Consumer Science, but back in my day it was called Home Ec. So I screw up every day and they correct me every day. But I tell my daughter all the time, it was— it's the best class. It's teaching my stuff, right? Stuff that we actually use every day. I'm sorry, but I don't use trigonometry.

What is that? No, I'm just kidding. How about using the iPad in your kitchen and making a meal together? How about using the iPad to learn how to fix something? You know, when I was in, taught 7th grade, the life skill that I taught the kids, because we happen to have a washer and dryer in the back room, because when we did our food labs, we needed to wash the towels and dry them. And I taught the kids how to do a load of laundry. I taught them the dangers of using a dryer and not cleaning out the lint trap and so on. And their assignment, they had a week to do it, was to do their own laundry. And the parents, not— they didn't have to— they were required not only to sign it, but to leave a comment. I had the best comments. Can we do window washing? This is the best assignment.

Oh, I want to tell you my favorite assignment. My daughter, who is now a freshman, was assigned last year as an 8th grader that she had to cook an entire meal for her family.

Love it.

That was my favorite assignment ever. And she loved it and she was so proud of herself. And I will tell you, I have my own mental roadblock about my washing machine because it was so much money.

Mm-hmm.

And I do not let them touch it.

Well, I say that parent guidance and assistance.

Yeah, I will, I will let them with me. I will, I will move to that because they do need to learn how to do laundry. And, uh, yeah, on their own.

How about they sort, they put, they put the detergent, and hand over hand you get to put the— you push the buttons with them just to relax you a little bit.

I would let them push the buttons. I just have to like monitor a few times. I think I keep telling them, it was a lot of money, please be careful with my washing machine.

Yeah. But can you imagine if 3 loads of laundry, you had 3 loads less to do a week?

I can't imagine. Can't even imagine. I, yeah.

So, I'm imagining it.

I'm picturing it. So my question for you is, you know, you taught for 25 years. So after those 25 years, I mean, what do you think that your biggest takeaways were, your biggest life lessons from teaching the kids?

Middle school is the best, and I know most people would disagree, but I love middle school, loved it. I would say, and every teacher would say, um, the lack of respect that has happened over the years. And I do blame social media. I'm sorry, but I do. You're looking at, um, yeah, I'm not even going to reiterate what I've already said, but, um, the lack of care and concern, um, not caring if they turn in homework, not caring. And this isn't everyone. Oh my gosh, 99% of my students I would take home in a minute. Loved my kids. I called them my kids. But I would say the, um, I don't want to spill. Apathy.

Do you have your homework?

No. I mean, if I didn't have my homework, I mean, for all, you know, due respect, I would have, I would have been in tears. I'm so sorry, Mrs. Greene, I forgot it. Can I call, you know, can I call my mom and have her bring it? And you say no. Yeah. So the disciplinarian, the, the discipline that I had to do, you have to do a little bit, a lot more disciplining than teaching. You know, can you please sit down? Can you please, oh my goodness, another one, reiterating directions. The ability to follow directions has definitely decreased. You had to do it.

Okay, so tell, tell us. We know you— we know— I know you're going to tell me to take away social media, but what else can I do as a parent to help my children be even better at school?

What if you let— what if they earned it? What if, what if instead of giving our kids things, they actually earned it? So do you, you know, this is my favorite one. Do you have any homework? No. Don't do that. Go on WITS or whatever platform your school uses and look.

Yeah.

Look at grades. There were way too many times when report cards came out and it was, it was my fault that your child didn't get on honor roll. Well, I'm sorry. I had 3 assignments. I was down to 3 outside assignments. Because kids weren't turning things in.

Wow.

And one of them was to get the class expectation signed. That was it. Bring home piece of paper, sign. And I think they're doing it electronically now. But, um, and then the laundry assignment. And I think I had one more in the cooking unit. But have them earn it. Stop giving your kids things. Have them earn it. And when they're disrespectful and haven't earned it, then they get it taken away. But honestly, I'm not saying 100% no to no screens. That's not even what Screen Strong is about. But use them appropriately. Learn from the screen. Learn how to change a tire. Learn how to do a load of laundry. Learn how to make a meal for your family. Learn a new recipe. You know what? Do something where you're helping your community. So many times I've seen on TV where they have kids that have actually made little trinkets or something to sell for Roswell, or they had a lemonade stand for Roswell. It's going to bring them so much more, you know, that, that hit of dopamine that they get when they're online. Let's get that offline. Agree.

I agree.

Yeah. Kids that say I hate reading, well, find the right book. And again, I am not parent bashing, but please get off your own phone.

I was just— you literally just read my mind.

I have another funny story about that. I am in 7th grade. This is one of the best stories ever. And he was playing a sport. I want to say, let's just say, because I can't remember, it was baseball or hockey. So let's say he was playing hockey. He said, every time I looked in the stands, my mom was on her phone. So when the game ended, I said, Mom, did you love that goal? I scored the winning goal. Yes, honey, I'm so proud of you. He's like, I didn't score the winning goal. You weren't even watching. I love that story. Yeah, yeah.

My, my, my children will say, watch me.

I love it. I love it.

And they'll be like, watch me with their fingers. So you're right, we're guilty. I'm guilty. I need to put the phone down.

So with them in the car, I know they want to be plugged in. I know they, you know, I— but don't lose that. I mean, I've got a 35-year-old and a 31-year-old, and I'm telling you, I blinked and their childhood was over.

I know. It's going—

you know what? Somebody once said that the days are long and the years are fast. Couldn't have put it any better. And as a, as a grandma now, I am so proud of my son and daughter-in-law. They have not posted that they are grandparents. I have not posted it. There's not one picture online of this baby. Nothing. You know, you've got parents that hold a sign, my first day of kindergarten, Forest Elementary. And guess what's in the background? The school bus number and your address. So easy to find these kids, kids that are doing TikToks and dancing. All right. You've got— you're doing it in your bedroom. Well, there's all your awards. There's your name. And all I have to do is say, oh my gosh, Rebecca, I saw you dancing. I am a coach for a dance company and you're exactly what we're looking for. What do you think that's going to do to a 13-year-old? I've been discovered. I'm going to be the next Taylor Swift. Oh my gosh. Look at me. Swifties.

Oh my gosh. Well, tell us, tell us your website. Tell us where to find you.

On my website, socialmediasafety.education. Do not put edu. Someone else took that one. Socialmediasafety.education. There's a form, a contact form you can fill out. I get back to you within 3 hours because it comes right through to my phone. I want to talk to every group of parents that I can because it's got to start there. I definitely want to come in and talk to kids because the kids don't know this. They don't know the dangers. And when they're sitting with their device in their room, I'm safe. No, you're not safe from anything. The predators— talk about someone being one step ahead of you. That's all someone needs is a compliment after they've had a terrible day. Oh, you look pretty. You're exactly what I'm looking for in a friend. My parents divorced too. Do you want to be friends? You know, they know what to say.

Oh my goodness. Well, now that, now that I've been completely freaked out and want to throw all their phones in the garbage, I want to, I want to thank you.

Thank you so much.

For your time and your expertise and for teaching us so much about social media.

There's a lot to learn, and again, I just— it's the tip of the iceberg. And I just want to reiterate, parents, I know you're doing the best job that you can, and this is not parent bashing, this is parent education. You don't know what you don't know.

It's true, it's true. Thank you so much. It's an absolute pleasure. This is Rebecca Greene. I wanna remind everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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