Episode 341: Making Mother's Day Memorable

No need to whine, it's whiny palooza. Have some wine and join us on the whiny palooza podcast with Rebecca Greene.

Welcome to the whiny palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, happy Winey Palooza Wednesday.

No need to whine, it's Winey Palooza Wednesday. Have some wine and join us on Winey Palooza Wednesday with the Greene family. We got left and all the lights, so tune in every Wednesday night.

I love it. Thank you for singing and sharing. You had such a busy day. Are you exhausted? Yeah. Oh, and now I'm making her work.

You gotta work.

So I am excited to have my daughter join me tonight, and we are going to talk about making Mother's Day memorable. Now, when I got home from driving Ella all over creation, I was thinking about how May is madness, and I was thinking how I probably should be talking about May being madness, but maybe we'll save that for next week. What do you think?

I think that's a good idea.

I think that—

don't you write about May Madness?

Every year I write about May to help me cope and hopefully to help you cope. And then I move into the June jungle.

I have so many exams.

You have so many exams. Are they all in June?

Yeah, but I gotta start studying now.

So May is madness, June is the jungle. What's July?

July is better.

July is jello. I don't know.

That was clever.

So let's talk about Mother's Day and how you can make your mother's Mother's Day memorable. I want you to try to say that.

Make your Mother's Day memorable.

It's hard to say.

It's tongue twister.

She's very— she's much better at words than I am. I realized when I started writing this, so you can read the full blog at winingpluza.com. I did write about this, and when I started writing, I started thinking about how all I ever wanted was to have kids. Do you know that? Have I told you that? My whole life All I ever wanted was to have kids, and I have 3, and I'm setting myself up just by thinking about that to go into Mother's Day grateful. So I think if we just look around us, a lot of us got what we asked for. We wanted the husband, the kids, the house, the dog, like we wanted all of this. And if we just look around in gratefulness, we're already going into Mother's stay in a good state. You agree?

I agree.

So I think that a lot of moms— no, you were keeping me warm, come back. I think a lot of moms are going to relate to this when I say that we need to think about what we want, because I think that moms are so used to taking care of others and they don't always think about what they want to do, that you might say to me, I don't even know what I want to do.

Think about it.

You got to think about what you want to do for Mother's Day.

Mother's Day, not take care of everyone else.

I'm not taking care of anybody on Mother's Day. I am not cleaning, cooking, doing laundry. If I just get away with not cleaning, cooking, or doing laundry, then Mother's Day was successful.

I'm glad you don't have to do so much laundry.

And no dishes. I really don't mind the laundry. It's the cooking and the dishes every day, and then shopping for the food, cooking the food, cleaning the food.

I'm happy to cook for you.

Oh my God, that would be amazing. Why don't you cook us dinner on Mother's Day with your siblings?

That's too much pressure.

Okay, we'll talk about it. It's an excellent idea though.

Maybe when I'm—

Speaking of Mother's Day and what we're gonna do for dinner, we have brunch plans with Bubby.

Yeah, you told me.

But we need to make dinner plans with Grammy. Grammy wants dinner, Bubby wants brunch. Hey, I don't take this for granted. We get to celebrate with my mom and Dad's mom. That's pretty freaking cool. How many people can't say that? We do need to figure out dinner. Maybe you could help me.

I can help you.

Okay, we'll talk about it. If you have an idea of where we can order food— my mother doesn't want a restaurant and I don't want to cook, so if you have a good idea of where we can order food for Mother's Day, send it my way. And you have to live in my area. Don't tell me to order food in Florida. I wish I was going to be in Florida on Sunday.

Stop talking about Florida. She's been talking about Florida all day. And it is not even Taylor has a new Florida song. So now I just play the Florida song all the time.

Okay, so first we're gonna think about what we want, then we're gonna ask for what we want. And I don't want you to be shy about Mother's Day, and I don't want you to worry about your kids saying no or your husband saying no. This is how you present it. Let's say that you want to go for a hike. Okay, we're not going for a hike.

We went for a hike multiple Mother's Days.

She doesn't like hikes. We're not going for a hike. Let's say that you want to go for a hike, then you present it to your family and you say, I would love to go for a hike with all of you on Mother's Day. Please be ready at 10 o'clock. We're leaving at 10 o'clock. This is where we're going. I can't wait. I'm excited. This is what I want to do for Mother's Day. Just lay it out. Be clear, be specific. Lay out the expectation and ask for what you want. And the other thing— I did research on this topic— that you can do for Mother's Day is you can honor yourself. You don't have to wait for anybody else to do it. You can do it yourself. If you want to take a long bath, take a long bath. If you want to lay reading your book, lay reading your book. My friend wants to probably lock herself in her bedroom go lock yourself in your bedroom and read your book and watch TV and be happy. Honor yourself. You don't have to wait for anybody else to do it. And that's a lesson for you to learn for yourself. That's an important lesson for women to learn. We don't need— I've thought about that, that I don't need Seth to always be buying me the stuff. I can buy myself stuff.

The ice maker you want so badly.

Dad told me not to buy the ice maker. I think he wants to buy me the ice maker. Oh, okay. So I'll wait for the ice maker. Maybe my birthday present will be an ice maker, which is—

Birthday and Mother's Day are so close for you.

Birthday is—

ice maker is kind of a stupid birthday present, but you really like that ice. Oh my God.

Okay, spend some quality time with your children. What do you like to do with your kids? Do you want to cook with them? Do you want to bake with them? Do you want to play a board game with them? Do you want to do some gardening? What would be special to do with your kids? And children, if any of you are listening, this is not the day to say no. This is the day to say, sure, Mom, let's go garden. I'm not going to ask you to garden.

What do you want to do with your kids, Mom?

The problem is that Mother's Day tends to be raining. So I would tell you that I would love to— don't be shocked, but I would tell you that I would want to go in the pool.

Oh, shock of the century!

But I haven't looked up the weather, so I don't even know the weather for Mother's Day. I think it's rained every Mother's Day.

I think we can probably still go in the pool if it's raining.

We could, we could swim in the rain if it's not too cold, as long as there's a thunder. I could go in the hot tub in the rain. I don't know, I'm not attached to anything.

I'm not attached to the vlog.

Keep me focused, Ella. Okay, it's a great day.

You're not as funny as my dad though.

You're— but you're cuter. It's a good day to reach out, and I want you to learn these lessons too. It's a good day to reach out to people, maybe I tend to text a lot of mothers that I know and say happy Mother's Day. Maybe you want to send a card or flowers or just tell your friend that you're thinking of them. I have a couple of friends who have lost their mother this year, so I'm going to make sure to check on both of them and see what they're doing. And it's a good day to reach out, and it can be really special to someone to hear from you.

Yeah.

The other thing that I learned in my research about Mother's Day is that it's a good day to reflect. And I don't know about you, but the two of us love to journal. What day is better than Mother's Day and your birthday to take out the journal and reflect on your mothering? What's going well? What do you want to work on? What are some special memories from the year? Wow, you look pretty tonight.

Thank you. I'm not even wearing any makeup.

This one just keeps getting older prettier behind me.

Okay, I don't got reactions now.

Okay, they're teaching me new things about Facebook. So we're reflecting, we're reaching out, we're being grateful. How else are we going to make it memorable, Ella?

You subscribe with it.

Oh, I love that idea. That's not in my notes. It's a really good idea. And if Kristen watches this, I bet you she has scrapbooked many Mother's Day because she loves to scrapbook. Some more advice is to do a new tradition and maybe make something that you like to do every single Mother's Day. One of the things that I love to do, and again tends to rain so I don't always get my way, but I have made my children— and I should look through the years of Mother's Day and see how many times we actually got to make this happen, but I have dragged my family to Glen Falls to walk through Glen Falls and take a picture by the falls. Do you remember this at all?

Oh no, but I would totally walk to Glen Falls with you.

If the weather cooperates, which I keep saying because it doesn't tend to.

There's usually always a rainbow on Mother's Day though.

That— oh, so maybe it's raining on Mother's Day to give mothers a beautiful rainbow. Maybe that's what it is. Thank you for changing my perspective, Ella.

Every Mother's Day you're like, "Oh, there's a rainbow for the mother." I totally forgot about that.

What I'm saying is my tradition is I like to get a picture in front of Glen Falls when the weather cooperates. I'm not going to do it when it's pouring. We have pulled up to Glen Falls and it has started raining before. You don't remember because you were little, but I have made your father drive over there many times.

You have to get the picture for your digital scrapbook that is Facebook.

Yes, and do you know what I need your father to do? One of the things, tell me if you can relate to this, one of the things that I am not so good at is that I don't print out pictures and I don't make photo albums. So one of the things that Seth started was he surprised me with a social media Facebook photo album. And what he did was he printed out a year. So like 2012, Lily was born. So I was fantastic with photos until we had Lily. This tends to be the case with many mothers. The more kids you have, the less you print out pictures. So he started with, I think, 2012, and he printed me out the year. And I don't know how many years he's done, but I would love for him to print out every year.

Does he have one from like last year?

No, like he, he started to and then he stopped, but I would like every single year.

We should tell him that.

I, if he's not listening, I will go tell him right now when we're done. So a new tradition could be a special meal that you bake, a special flower, like maybe you pick a different flower to plant every Mother's Day.

But plant a tree on Mother's Day.

Oh, I love that.

Planting trees are such a good thing and you can watch it grow every Mother's Day. Because trees take a while to grow.

That's such a special idea. Do you have any special ideas of what you want to do with your mother? Okay, think because I have more to share.

Share.

Okay, I'm going to share, you're going to think.

Okay.

Okay, so I'm going to get a little somber and not everybody's happy on Mother's Day. Some people want to ignore it, some people want to pretend it's not happening. And there's many reasons for that, and I'm going to give you some of the reasons. And I'm going to start with the people who have lost their mother recently or not recently, and that can make Mother's Day really difficult. And I love that— I really think we need to honor our mothers, and I think we need to talk about— you need to talk about your moms, you need to honor them and celebrate them and share memories with your kids. And I love that my mom goes to the cemetery every Mother's Day and plants flowers for her mom. Do you know that she does that?

Yeah, she's told me about it before.

I would tell you we should go with her, but we're going to brunch, so I don't think that's going to happen. But that's how my mom honors her mom. She lost her mom pretty much 20 years ago. I don't know that I'm—

yeah, I'm named after her.

And she— it's hard. It just— because it's been 20 years doesn't make it easy, it's still hard to not have your mom on Mother's Day. So honor your mom, find a way to celebrate her. Maybe she has a favorite sundae that you can go have with your kids. My— I love listening to my friend talk about the foods that her mom loves. Her mom used to love Ted's and hot fudge sundaes, and she has a list of stuff that she tells me that her mom loves to eat. So I have no doubt that she will go eat something in honor of her mother that day.

That's so sweet.

Isn't that so sweet?

And I came up with my idea. Oh, I want to have seafood with you because you love seafood.

That was so thoughtful.

We can even go to— I think it's called Platters, the orange chocolate place that you like.

That's so sweet. So you're going to get me orange chocolate and seafood? Yeah, cuz you love me.

I love you so much. She's so thoughtful.

So maybe moms are sad because they have lost a child, and I'm thinking of my friend right now, and she talks about her first child frequently, and I love that she talks about him, and I love that she honors him, and I love that she does stuff to comfort herself. And I know that Mother's Day is hard for so many reasons, and I want you to know that I see you and I send you so much love. And no mother should have to deal with that, and I see her deal with that frequently. And I just love that she talks about him so freely. And I'm thinking about her as I'm talking, and I know that I was blessed to be able to have children, and I don't take that for granted because I see so many women who are struggling to even conceive. And I follow a couple on—

Mother's Day is for you too.

For me?

No, I was talking about people, women who can't conceive. Oh! I was saying Mother's Day is for them too.

Oh my gosh! Do you have anything more to say about that? Because that's beautiful.

Mother's Day is for all mothers. Those who have lost their child, those who have had to put their child up for adoption for one reason or another. They're all mothers too.

Oh, what about the pet mamas? Are they moms too?

Sure.

I feel like there's some moms watching who have pets like Megan.

You can honor your pets too.

I feel like Megan needs a dog mom sweatshirt if she doesn't have one.

Oh, that'd be so cute.

So maybe moms are sad because they're trying to conceive and they've been trying for a while. And what I was saying was I'm following a couple on social media who I just love them. And I've been following them for a while, and they went through years of— is it IVF? You don't know— unsuccessfully. I think it was a few attempts unsuccessfully, and they adopted a baby. And I was crying. Ella and Seth were like, why are you crying? And I'm like, because they adopted a baby and they have a baby, and I was so excited for them. So maybe your plans don't turn out how you thought they were going to turn out, but we can have alternative routes to things that turn out pretty special, right?

Yeah.

So my hope for Mother's Day is that you think about what you want Mother's Day to look like, that you ask for it, that you honor yourself, that you reach out to other moms, that you connect with your children, that you start a Mother's Day tradition. What are we going to start?

Planting a tree.

I was going to say Glen Falls, but we can start— where are we going to plant a tree?

I don't know. Okay, it's just a really good thing for the environment.

I like that you're thinking about the environment.

We were learning about it in biology today.

That's so cute. I hope that you will reflect on your motherhood journey, do something that you enjoy, spend time with the people that you love, Be clear about your expectations, but be realistic about your expectations. And honor your loved ones who have passed. And reach out to your mom. We didn't talk about that. We need to talk about that. So the other reason that I find— I promise I'm almost done, Ella. The other reason that I find that people are sad on Mother's Day is because they're having some sort of estrangement with a family member. Let's say that a mother and daughter aren't speaking for whatever reason, and if the relationship was abusive or toxic or whatever is inappropriate to reach out, then don't listen to what I'm going to say. But if there's some sort of conflict that hasn't been resolved that you might want to be resolved, or you might be thinking about the person you want to reach out to them. Mother's Day is a great day to just say hello, just reach out and maybe say hello. And maybe there's too much pressure on Mother's Day, maybe it needs to be the day before or after Mother's Day, but if it's not toxic and it's not abusive, maybe it's a good day to reach out, right?

Yeah.

Remember to look around and feel the gratitude for what we have because look at this one right here. I'm pretty freaking thankful. I hope that you have a wonderful Mother's Day. I hope that something that I said resonated with you. I know that it got me thinking about Mother's Day, and I think that over the years, as my kids have gotten older, as things have changed, I think my expectations have changed.

Yeah. Okay, so I just don't feel like there's as much pressure around Mother's Day, and you have to do whatever I want today.

Okay, so you agree that my expectations have changed?

Yeah, I agree.

I feel like when they were little, I wanted to like all go do something, right?

Yeah.

And now I just feel less pressure. We're gonna go to brunch, we're gonna see Bubby for brunch, we're gonna see my mom for dinner, and honestly, that's good enough right there.

You agree? If that's enough for you, it's enough for me.

It's always enough. It's just a day. I can just hear my friend saying to me, it's just a day, like it's not a big deal. It doesn't have to be a big deal for you every day. I think that most mothers would be happy just to have a little time off that day, right? Yeah, just a little time off from the grind. So don't set yourself up to have a ton of work on Monday. Maybe your family could do this stuff. That you usually do. I'm just saying.

You haven't taught me how to do laundry.

Okay, you keep talking about laundry, and laundry doesn't really bother me. Why don't you do the dishes?

I don't know how to do the dishes either.

The dishes are easy. You put the dishes in the dishwasher.

Yeah, what do you do with like this tab thing?

Oh, that's easy. I could show you that in 2 seconds. Okay, you do want to learn how to do laundry though?

I do.

Now why do you want to learn to do laundry so bad?

So I can do it myself. I left one for you.

Okay, all right, I can show you.

Thank you.

It's easy, I just do the laundry every day, so I just do it. I don't know, I know I can do the dishes for you. There was a mom that I interviewed who said that at 7 years old she got her kids doing their own laundry just because she was so overwhelmed. I think that, you know, the difference for me You know, if you're working full-time, that is a whole different ballgame. Like, I'm working part-time. I can find time while I'm working at home to do the laundry and to do the dishes. Like, it's a different life for me. If you're at work all day and you're overwhelmed, then yes, when your kids are 7, you're teaching them how to do laundry. So anyways, I hope Mother's Day is special for you. I hope you get to do something you want. Happy Mother's Day to every single mom who is out there who is listening. And I did a Mother's Day contest in my group— not a contest, a challenge. I call it a challenge. So every month, come find the Winey Pooh's and Mom group. It's a supportive free group that I really enjoy, and I think everybody in it enjoys it. and I feel surrounded by love in the group. And you can talk about your challenges, you can talk about your successes. And I just did the May Mother's Day Challenge, and so I picked a winner, and the winner is— bum! Thank you, Brandy McKenzie Elba. So Brandy, thank you for taking part in the challenge. You are our Mother's Day winner. I will drop off a prize to you And on the podcast this Friday is one of my all-time best friends, Liz Karcher. And I decided for my Mother's Day special to interview her for the first time. We have known each other since I was 14, and I'm 47, turning 48 next month. So do the math, that's a long time of friendship.

You were younger than I am.

She has been through every one of my relationships with me. She has been through every one of my births with me, and vice versa. And it was fun to interview her, and you're gonna love her and love what she has to say. And maybe you'll learn something, and maybe you'll learn something about me. Maybe you'll learn something from her. She's a pretty cool lady, right? And we, we love her.

I love Aunt Liz. Yes.

So I think that's all we got. Go to winifusa.com. There's a Linktree with my links to everything— my newsletter, my blogs. And I really appreciate it when you— what does Seth usually say, Seth? Comment, subscribe, share.

You're not close enough.

Seth always takes care of that part.

And all the podcast places.

Share this episode with a mom who you think would enjoy it. So thank you everyone and have a wonderful week.

Thank you for watching Whiny Palooza Wednesday with the Green family.

Thanks for doing it with me, Ella.

Thank you for tuning in to the Whiny Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review.

I love to hear your feedback.

Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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