Episode 349: Lessons Learned from our Recent Marital Conflicts

No need to whine, it's whiny palooza. Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Greene. Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family. Hello everyone. Happy Whining Blues a Wednesday.

Happy Whining Blues a Wednesday.

I always say, how is everyone doing? And nobody answers me. I think it's because people have to see that we're live and join us.

It takes a minute or two for you to get people starting to come on. You're saying now, are you doing any good? How are you doing at the end?

It is quite the week in June, isn't it?

It's a lot going on.

We were talking about feeling a little bit overwhelmed.

Yeah, a wee bit.

Wee bit overwhelmed. I think the most helpful strategy for me is that I'm really focusing on each day and what needs to get done each day. Yes, because if I looked at the week, I would just sit down and cry. And a lot of it's good stuff, Seth. You know, Monday night was a chorus concert.

Yeah.

Tuesday night was an awards ceremony.

Yeah.

Tonight was a track meet.

Yep.

It's all good stuff.

It is good stuff.

So we had a couple, I would say, little tiffs.

Yep.

I don't think they were big tiffs. But they were tiffs and when we were taking a walk and we were debriefing, it's funny because I was like, what am I gonna write about and talk about this week? Because I pick a topic each week. Let's live in the moment. What is going on in the moment? What was going on in the moment of my thought of what am I gonna talk about was Seth and I debriefing from our conflicts.

Yeah.

And we learned a lot. From two little tiffs that we had, and I found it really helpful to debrief and talk about what we learned. So we wanted to share with you in hopes that it will further help us and you.

That's right. Avoid our mistakes.

Yeah, we did some stuff wrong. We did. So in the, I think that part of it is that May and June have been so busy. That I think that the busyness is part of the lack of communication.

Okay.

I feel like we're balancing so many things. Think about the car thing. So Seth was rear-ended. He is okay. His car is okay, but he had a dent that he needed to get fixed. So we took his car to the car dealer to get fixed. I took him to the rental place to get the rental car. Seth had to get to work. He had a meeting, he had stuff he needed to do, so we had to go straight to work and I had to drop him off at work. So Seth didn't have a car. So I went home and proceeded with my day, and our son is 17 and he drives. So I said to Max, when you come home, stay home, because we're going to take a car to Dad so that Dad has a car. And he— work is close.

Now, before this all happened, Rebecca Greene's like, I'm gonna bring you a car. And I said, no, you don't. And she said, what do you mean? And I said, my last meeting, I'm going to dinner with some friends at Black and Blue. I will walk from my office to Black and Blue, and then I will walk from Black and Blue home. And she said, you can't possibly walk home. That's ridiculous. You can't walk to Black and Blue. I got to bring you a car. I said, no, really, it's 5 minutes there, 5 minutes home, 5, 10 minute walk. It's a nice day out. I'm fine. I'll walk. And my wonderful wife did not hear me, insisted on bringing me a car. So you got to have that preface.

I just think that. I thought that he was just trying to be nice. I thought he really wanted it. He really didn't want a car.

I was fine.

I was gonna walk. I thought he was being nice and I knew that it would take us 10, 15 minutes to drop off a car and come back and that I could ask my son to help me. And now that Max can drive, I can do things like that. So I was like, you're gonna follow me and you're gonna pick me up at Dad's office and you're gonna take me home. And I had picked up Lily and brought Lily home before I proceeded to go to Seth's office.

I didn't know that was happening. I had assumed that she was dropping me a car off at 2:45 when Max was gonna come right outta school to my parking lot. Rebecca was gonna meet him there. They were gonna hand me a car at 2:45 and go home. We did not communicate. I did not know that that was not the plan. The next part happened.

There is no way that I was gonna tell Max to pull into work and wait and that I would drop off your car. I was not planning. If you would have told me that, if you would have communicated, if you would have told me to do that, that is a much smarter idea than what I did. If you had said, when Max pulls out of South, meet him in my parking lot and he could drive you home and you could leave me a car. That was so much smarter.

That was what was in my head. It was common sense to me. I assumed that was what was happening. Why would I need to tell you that?

The lack of communication in these conflicts.

Yes.

So he did not tell me what he expected. He did not tell me what he assumed.

Yep. I made an ass out of me.

And I was home. I dropped him off at work. I went home. I proceeded with my day. I picked up Lily. I brought Lily home. And then I said, Max, let's go drop a car off to your daddy. He doesn't have a car at work. We go to work. I drop off the car. He's not at work. He walked down the street to a meeting.

Yes. I walked down the street to a meeting I had at 3:30 going, oh, it's 2:45. Max left school. I can see on Life360, didn't come here. Oh, they must be bringing me a car later. Whatever. By 3:20, I'm like, they're not here. I'll just walk to my other meeting that happened to be out of my office.

So if you knew, and then my wife was not happy. If you knew that your wife was bringing you a car.

I didn't know when.

Why would you not tell her that you left the office, you were down the street at a meeting, and that she should probably bring the car where you are?

Number one, I didn't know when you were coming and you weren't there. So I was like, maybe she changed her mind. She's not bringing me the car. She's going to let me walk. Two, there was no need for you, for me to actually be there. You could leave the cars with someone, the keys with someone who worked for me, and I could walk back. I didn't need you to drive me the 3 blocks from Creekview to my office.

So in my mind, I went upstairs. I left his keys. Max was like, Max and Seth, not my most, not very patient men. I was sandwiched between not two very patient men. Seth was in a meeting going, just leave the keys.

I'm fine. Max was telling me, I need to come to you right now. I'm like, no, you don't. Just let me walk the 3 blocks.

Max was downstairs going, he said to leave the keys. Put the keys on his desk and let's go. Max is not very patient. So we left the car in the parking lot. I was not very happy with Seth for his lack of communication multiple times that day.

Yeah.

And I left and went home. Annoyed wife number one.

Yes.

Not a big issue, but a tiff that we— tiff?

Tiff.

Tiff.

I think. We'll have to check which word it is. Tiff is like Tiff Farms, right? I don't know if tiff is a word.

So we had a little squabble.

We're coming up with where the source is tonight. The Thoraya.

We definitely did not have a full-blown fight, but we definitely did talk.

I got a text going, I'm so annoyed at you right now.

I was like, what the hell? Just text, I'm leaving work. I won't be there when you bring the car. If you know that your wife's bringing you a car, why wouldn't you tell her you were leaving?

Because one, I didn't know when you were bringing me the car at that point. And two, it didn't matter. All you had to do was hand Kristin the keys and I'm good.

When you watch this, I know you'll all understand that he did not communicate and I was annoyed. So I went home annoyed.

Yeah.

Conflict number one.

Yeah.

Conflict number two. Little squabble. Conflict number two. We go to the dance recital, Ella's dance recital. Now, this was stressful because I was on a time crunch. And I had dance recital number 1. I had a little break to eat something and feed everybody, and then I had to get back to the place for Lily's dance recital because they weren't in the same dance recital. They were at the same studio, but the studio put them in 2 different recitals. So we watched Ella, we ate, and then we went to watch Lily, and we stayed in Lockport, and we stayed close to the theater, and we started walking. To our— I had talked to some people about some restaurants. I got some recommendations. I told Seth, we're gonna go to Scrooge's. It's stuffed burgers. And we start walking to Scrooge's with Stooges.

And she said she was just— Scrooge's is a different restaurant in Charles Dickens' world. She said, I checked the menu. I'll look, they got chicken fingers, they got roast beef. We're— I looked at the menu. We are good. So in my head I said, ooh, stuffed burger. New place to try. She's checked the menu. We're good. That's where we're going.

And we had his mother with him. So, yes. Remember that in this story. So the four of us, Ella, Seth, mom, me.

Yep.

Start walking to Stooges and we're walking and we're walking and we pass, what is the restaurant? Something.

Another restaurant.

A nice—

Lock something. Lock 24, something.

Lock 34. I don't know. We pass. A closer, nicer restaurant. Now, when I looked up these restaurants, when I looked up these restaurants, I did not look at what is like the closest, which probably would have been most effective for my mother-in-law. I just looked up what is within walking distance.

And the person that you talked to told you that Lock 34 was fancy and you didn't want fancy and you wanted quicker.

Yeah, but when I—

She told me.

Oh my God. When I walked by the restaurant. It didn't look fancy and I could sit outside and I loved the menu and I wanted to get salmon and I wanted to eat healthy and I was excited to go there. And Seth got annoyed and kept walking to Stooges.

'Cause first you were like, let me look at the menu. Let me think about it. And I was like, it's gonna take half an hour. We don't have any time to eat. You, I'm exaggerating. Impatient. You already looked at the menu. You already know. We already decided. You already researched. We're good. I'm going on a mission. I'm getting to my destination.

Okay. So Seth is on his way to Stooges and I'm standing at Lock 34 going, I wanna eat here. And his mother—

you were saying, I'm thinking about it. You didn't say I want to eat here. You said, what about this? It was not a direct, we're changing the plan now.

Okay. So I was not direct enough, which we will talk about communication.

Yes.

And he was impatient and just kept walking. And his mother was like, how far is this place? Heidi says Stooges is great, but I want to— I do not agree. I'm going to tell you about Stooges.

I like my supper.

I passed a nice restaurant where I could have eaten outside and had salmon.

And I originally didn't have time for—

and I walked to Stooges much further with stairs. And my mother-in-law has to deal with walking further and dealing with stairs.

She has a cane.

And I walk up and I get inside and it's dark and dreary and inside and looks like a bar. And I don't want to be there. I was annoyed with Seth.

Yep.

Again, for, but there's so much in this to unpack that I didn't know. Okay. So what I want you to know about my husband, I wasn't thinking about him. I was thinking about me. So I wasn't trying to get in Seth's shoes at all. I wasn't trying to figure out why he kept walking, why he wanted to go there. Ella was like, I want Stooges. I'm following Dad. I don't want this other place. And my mother-in-law was like, this place looks nice. So my mother-in-law and I should have stayed.

Yes.

At Lock 34 and had lunch. And I should, or dinner or whatever it was.

Linner.

Linner. And I should have sent Seth and Ella off to Stooges.

That would've been a good solution.

That would've been a good solution. And I'll tell you why that was, would've been a good solution. Lock 34 is great. I hate how Stooges is not disabled friendly. And I have complained about this to them. They're in an old building.

It's probably grandfathered in the building code. They don't have have to replace the stairs with a ramp.

Heidi, 100%. That, and I learned a lesson with my in-laws.

It's not like on the menu it says how many stairs they have.

But like for my mother-in-law and her husband, I need to be more conscious of seeing if restaurants have stairs.

Right. Cause he really can't do stairs.

So I needed to know that there was no ramp and I needed to know that it was not— Seth is right on that. Yes, exactly. That you can't put in a ramp is what I think she's talking about.

It's also to know that it's an old building.

Yeah.

And they're under the old— like our building is on an old building code.

Yeah.

So like we don't have to rip up all our stairs and replace them with elevators.

No, I understand what you're saying. So anyways, I learned that I have to research exactly how far something is. I have to research what is the closest restaurant.

Yeah, it's gonna be the extra 2 blocks of shopping.

In a situation like that, I need to know what's the closest restaurant and is it handicapped friendly? So I learned two things and I also learned that my husband needs me to be completely direct.

Yes.

But he was not direct.

I was not.

In that if I would have tried to put myself in his shoes, Seth loves burgers. Why wasn't I thinking about him?

I've never had a Seth burger. When she said Seth burgers, I looked at it. I was like, oh my God, look at all these choices. This is gonna be delicious.

Okay. So all he had to do in this whole conflict. On the street in Lockport, all he had to do was say, honey, I really wanna try a stuffed burger. And I would've gone, okay, done. I didn't think of that. I didn't know that he got attached to it and was excited for it. I didn't think of any of that. And had I known, the whole conflict would've been avoided. But instead, I was really pissed at him.

Yeah. For just walking and just keeping on going and To be fair, I did stand with you for a minute or two and then I watched your wheels turn and I was in my head exaggerating going, she said she was pressed for time. We don't really have time to then go think about another decision. We just gotta do it.

So Heidi, we also don't know if Lock 34 would've taken too long, right? So we went to Stooge's. I reluctantly picked something unhealthy on the menu that I did not want and had some food and It was fine.

It was a bar.

It's not fine.

It's supposed to be 5 stars.

It's a bar. Ella loved her roast beef. Seth loved his burger. My mother-in-law should have, and I should have stayed at Lac 34. That's true.

Yeah, but you never would've done that. But that would've been like, we have to eat together. We cannot possibly separate. That's rude. And you're being ridiculous. You would've thought if I had said, let's split up, that's what you would've told. And there might've been some choice words thrown in.

Anyways, those were our two Tips.

Yes.

Squabbles, whatever.

Squabbles. I like squabbles better.

You like squabbles better?

So, I squabble with you.

So in our debriefing, we learned some marital lessons.

Yes.

And I think the biggest thing as a therapist talking to any couple, family, child, parent, any sort of combo duo, it always comes down to lack of a commu— lack of communication or a miscommunication. It always comes down to communication. Are you communicating clearly? Are you communicating calmly? Are— this one over here next to me does not tell me what he's thinking and it's really frustrating. So here's what I would have wanted him to say in both of those situations.

Oh God.

Situation number 1, honey, I know you. I know you're trying to be nice to me. I don't want a car. I want to walk. Please don't bring me a car. I mean it. I'm not trying to be nice to you. I don't want a car. Second situation. Honey, I know Lock 34 is looking appealing to you, but do you mind if we just go to Stooges anyway? Because I really want to try a stuffed burger. Both conflicts never would have happened. Lack of communication, right?

You are absolutely right that I could have done both of those things differently, and it doesn't want you could. Okay.

So taking responsibility is number 2. I knew you were going to say that. So it is very easy to point fingers. It is very easy for me to say—

And when you point one finger at me, you got 3 pointing back at you.

Oh, where did you get that from?

Isn't that common sense? It's forever around. I guess. It's been around forever.

So we need to look in the mirror and look at what we did wrong. I was not direct. I saw—

and you didn't ask questions.

I didn't ask.

You didn't tell me this is when I'm going to bring you a car. Or I said the time's not going to work. Don't worry about it.

There was—

I won't be there.

There was— I didn't know there was— I thought this is what I feel. I thought you had to be at Black and Blue at 5 o'clock.

I did.

I also had to be somewhere else. But I didn't know. I thought you were at work until 5.

You didn't ask. It's true. You didn't.

Oh my God. Let's try not to fight again.

We're not fighting. Okay. So it was, you were just supposed to point out what I did wrong and what I learned from this. But we weren't supposed to talk about anything you could learn at all, right?

I learned a lot from this. I learned so much. I learned that— Don't change the plan. I learned that I wasn't getting in Seth's shoes at all. I wasn't understanding where he was coming from for either conflict. I didn't think about the fact that I'm married to the Burger King who loves to try burgers. Like, where was my brain? He loves a good burger. How about getting outside of myself and the salmon that I wanted?

I'll get you some salmon.

I don't know, salmon's my new obsession. Yes. And I saw that they had salmon on the menu, so I wanted to stop, get outside of myself and what I want, and think about my husband and the fact that he loves burgers and wanted a burger. So I didn't get in your shoes.

Yes, I've had Grover's, Heidi. Thank you. Those are enormous. That's a multiple meal burger.

But I would go split one with you. Do they let you split them?

Would you like to go to Grover's with me and we can pick a date and time to go?

Yes. Thank you for the direct communication. I was not direct. I did not ask questions. I made assumptions and I did not get in your shoes. I learned a lot.

Yes.

I learned a lot.

And you know what? Also, I'm working on being more flexible, but it does drive me crazy when I think you've told me what the plan is and then you change.

This is our—

I'm working on it.

This is one of our fundamental marital issues is that I'll say to Seth, okay, Friday night, we're going to go to this restaurant. With so, and I'll tell him couple day, 5 o'clock, this is where we're going. And then I'll say, oh honey, we changed the time to 6 o'clock and we decided to go here instead. It drives him crazy. He likes to know what the plan is.

Just make one decision and stick to it.

He's married to a woman.

What?

Maybe if you go marry a man.

No, thank you.

They're much more—

no.

I won't be gender specific here, but I think that my observation is that women change their mind more. You all can tell me that I'm wrong.

Certain women.

This woman.

This woman is the only one that matters to me.

Okay. We talked about taking responsibility and looking in the mirror.

Yes.

Pointing a finger. It's easy to say, Seth, you didn't communicate. This is what you did wrong. It is not easy to look in the mirror and take responsibility for what you did wrong. And as the therapist I spoke to today, psychologist said today, we only have control over our own behavior. Correct. We talked about practicing empathy, getting in each other's shoes. How was I feeling?

Which time?

Let's talk about the burger place. The burger. How was I, do you know how I was feeling and why I was wavering?

I, yes, I think you were, you were certainly frustrated with me. You were annoyed with me. You thought I was being selfish. You thought I was getting Ella to join in my escapade and that you were trying to do something healthier for you, easier for my mother. It was my mother that you were trying to be nice to, and I should have jumped at that opportunity. And how dare I be selfish and ignore you and be rude and keep going and get Ella to follow in my footsteps to go get the other place. And why couldn't I be flexible?

Because what happens is that, especially with Ella, is that he says something like, I'm going to Stooges.

I didn't say I'm going to Stooges. I said you told us we were going.

I'm just giving you an example. Sorry. He'll say something and then Ella will mimic him and follow him and take his lead. Yeah, we're going to Stooges. I want Stooges. So I just wanted to—

I did not know that. Did you know this? No, we did not put ourselves in our conflict. We did not put ourselves in your shoes, Ala. Well, thank you. See, it wasn't all about, come on down, Ala.

Right. But he's like, his flexibility, you can cut, you tend to copy his lack of flexibility because he's sometimes he's not, sometimes I'm not a good role model and sometimes he's not a good role model. I have nothing to say. You're real— OK, well, thank you.

Thank you. See, it's a little less my fault. You're hired, Ellen. Why weren't you happy about your dance? You did awesome.

Ella did a great job in her first dance recital.

I didn't notice a single thing wrong.

OK, so let's move on to marital tips. Thank you, Ella, for the—

Yeah, all right, Ella, guest appearance. Hamio by Ella.

She's always listening. She's always over there listening. Compromise. Marriage is a give and take. You can't give all the time.

I was taking my way to the burger place.

You were taking. I was taking and you were taking.

Yeah, I think we were both at the same time.

Neither of us was giving.

I'm sorry about that.

And I think that a compromise would have been, honey, you and Ella want to go to Stooges? Go to Stooge's. I'm gonna stay here.

Then I couldn't have done that because I would've known that you didn't really mean that. That was gonna result in you being upset at me later. And I would've, I would've said, oh, screw it. We'll just go to this damn salmon place.

Anyways, I'm glad you got your stuffed burger. Thanks.

I appreciate that. I'm sorry about the conflict that it caused. In retrospect, it wasn't— the burger wasn't so good that it was worth the conflict. I should've gone with the salmon.

It's not a big deal. I just needed to know what you were thinking. If you could tell me what you're thinking more often, we would have a lot less conflict.

All right. I will work on that.

Okay. I statements. I feel sad when you keep walking away from me.

Yes, I know that you are sad.

So instead of you are—

you are doing this. Yes, it's about me as the person saying you are making— I feel this way when this happens.

I feel sad when you do this.

Yes, right. I feel frustrated when you change the plan.

I would like you to be flexible and go with the flow.

I'm working on it every day. I just say all that stuff.

Okay, wait. So now tell me what you would like. You would like me to be consistent and keep the plan? I would like—

If at all possible, yes. I know that you're going to change your mind and it should not have been a big deal and I'm sorry. This was more my fault than yours.

During a conflict, we need to stand. And in this whole conflict, everybody. I would like to tell you that I wasn't being selfish and only thinking of myself. In this scenario, I was thinking about my mother-in-law who was like, how much further is this place? And I was like, there's a place right here.

They had to put it right in our path.

Anyways, stay calm and respectful. Oh, sometimes I do a great job with that. Sometimes I am calm. I am respectful. Sometimes I escalate and say things that I regret, right?

I don't, in this time, I don't think, I don't remember you saying anything that you would regret. I remember some gestures I wasn't thrilled with.

I was like, I'm gonna give you a knuckle sandwich.

I prefer Peter Butterjelly.

Oh my God. Okay. So we're gonna be calm and respectful as often as we can.

Yes.

We don't wanna call each other names. No, we did not do that, but I'm not gonna tell you what happened.

Right, in the last 20 years it's happened.

Yes. We were talking today, the psychologist and I were talking about the B-I-T-C-H word in relation to children, daughters.

Oh, okay. Yes.

Her first, the first title of her book was, I think it was, Why Is She Such a Bitch? And she changed it to Sassy and Rude.

Oh, um, first title was way better. I'm trying to remember so many more.

I'm trying to remember the rest of the title of the book, but she changed the title or maybe her publisher changed the title, but we could have done some split testing and told her that would have sold more copies. We were talking about how many times that we have wanted to say the B word.

Yes.

Yes.

Not to me, obviously.

Not to you. No. Regular check-ins throughout our marriage. We're experiencing different marriages. I don't know if you know that, but Seth has a marriage and I have a marriage and we have a marriage. We have a marriage. We're married. We're married to each other, but you're experiencing the marriage differently than I'm experiencing the marriage. So it's nice to say, how's your marriage? He'll say to me, yes, he has learned this from me. He will say to me, honey, how's your marriage going? To check in with me to see how it's going.

Yes. If I had asked those days, it might not have been going as well.

Yeah. You didn't want to ask me those days. Not that it was a big deal, but I was annoyed.

You were annoyed.

What's going well? What isn't going well? What do you want to work on together? It's just good to do regular check-ins, right? Yes. Yes. And debrief after conflicts. We do this. We do this a lot because we talk about what went wrong. Why did we both get upset? Why did that escalate? How could we have done it better? I think that most— I think those two examples, I think if we would have communicated differently, better, I don't think it would have even happened.

Totally could have been avoided.

Totally could have been avoided.

I apologize for—

Active listening. Me too, honey. I wish I wouldn't have gotten annoyed. Active listening. What that looks like is neither of us has our phone in our hands. Neither of us is watching TV or looking at the computer screen. And we are not sitting there thinking about what we are going to say next. We are just listening.

I'm listening.

I, I, what do you think? I think we're good listeners.

Yes.

Okay. So I think that is all my tips.

Awesome.

And I'm going to tell them to communicate clearly and calmly over and over again in your day. And I think that what Seth has realized that is that he can't really over-communicate. Telling me I'm going to be home around 5 o'clock today for dinner. Or I'm going to be home around 5 o'clock today, or I'm so sorry, I thought I was going to be done at 6. This meeting is taking a long time. It's going to be more like 6:30 or 7 o'clock. I'm just using that as an example. Communication. I don't know that we can overcommunicate.

You tell me if I'm ever overcommunicating and, uh, the pigs will fly and then I'll back off a little bit.

The funny thing is you will say to me, I'm going to go take a shower.

You're like, I didn't need to know that. I'm like, okay.

No, I, I actually am sitting here thinking it's so nice because there are so many times in the house where I'm like, where the hell did he go?

There are plenty of times that I don't know where he is, that you just disappear. And I'm like, oh, Life360 says she left. I'm like, where'd you go? Oh, she went to go to a BDA thing. I didn't know you were leaving.

I didn't tell you I was leaving. I tell you when I'm leaving.

You said later, I am gonna go pick up checks or whatever it is that you were doing. But you didn't say, hey, I'm actually leaving the house now. I found out when the door went and I was like, oh, did she leave? And it was you coming back.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah. Max was like, where'd mom go? I'm like, isn't she here? No. I'm like, oh, oh, she must've gone to do the BDA thing that she said she was gonna do, but she's not telling me she actually left.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Huh. Okay.

I think if anything, I do overcommunicate in that department. I try to.

I could, yes. I like to try to tell you where I'm going and—

Or you say, I'm gonna go take a shower and half an hour later the water still hasn't turned on. Because you stopped and folded laundry on the way or checked your phone and got lost in messages.

When you—

and I'm like, oh, is your shower over? And you're like, I haven't even taken one yet.

Well, I get—

mom world.

I get distracted along the way to the shower.

Very true.

Those were our two little conflicts. Yes. Not too big. Let's keep them small.

Let's keep them bite-sized.

And let's learn from this to prevent future ones.

Yes.

What is your biggest takeaway, Mr. Greene?

Communicate, communicate, communicate. Tell you what I'm thinking, tell you what my plan is so that we, and what I'm thinking so that we're on the same page, or at least you can correct the page.

Do you agree that if you would've told me that you wanted a burger, that whole thing would've been avoided?

I agree it would've been significantly reduced. I think in retrospect you would like to think that if I said that, you'd just been like, oh, let's go get a burger. But I, there, there's a part of me that thinks that I could've told you that and you could've been like, it's not about you. Your mother's tired and she doesn't wanna walk any further and I want some damn salmon and it's right here.

Yeah.

I don't know if it would've completely eliminated. I think it would've reduced it.

Yeah.

I'll give you, I'll give you the reduction. I don't know if it would be a complete absolution.

Okay. And my takeaway, lots of takeaways, but I think that I really need to be more direct. And I think that since I met you, I think when I met you, I was much more indirect than I am 20 years.

Oh, you've gotten so much better.

So it's been 20 years and I think that you've made me more direct.

Thank you.

And I think you've encouraged me to be more direct.

Yes, please.

And I think that because you're so direct, you've taught me to be.

I appreciate that.

And I appreciate when people are direct.

I sure do too.

I don't want people to be like, I'm not sure, I have to think about it when they don't really want to do something or can't do something or whatever.

Yes.

I think we should all be direct. Direct is good. And What I have learned is you can be direct kindly.

Yes.

You don't have to be aggressive or abrasive in the direct communication. We can be kind with it.

100%. You teach me that a lot.

Hopefully we can prevent future squabble.

We get better every time. Yeah, I get you, Rachel.

And hopefully everybody learns something for their marital relationship in the future.

Awesome.

For the future.

You got it. Okay.

So we talked about marriage. Let's talk about the podcast.

So this Friday, Children's Reality TV, baby.

Oh, hi, baby. Amy Tyler is on the podcast and she is talking about optimizing our children's brain health. So you're going to love her and I learned from her and you'll learn from her. And the June Summer Challenge is going on in the Wine Inclusive Mom group on Facebook. It's free. It's supportive. Come find us, come join us. And this is the last day of the challenge, but you can, I will give it a day or two. You can jump in and you can go back. There's 5 days of questions. Go answer the questions and comment and all of your comments get entered for summer prizes. So I will give it a couple days for everybody to answer stuff because people are still doing it. And then I will choose a name for the winner. And what else, honey?

Go to whinyblues.com, check out the Linktree of all of the Brett Babakas' amazing resources, the podcast, blog, the books, the newsletter. Share, rate, comment, subscribe, review on all your favorite platforms.

I leave that for you cuz you do it so much better than I do.

I don't know about that, but thank you.

Thank you for joining us and we hope—

thank you for watching Whiny Blues Wednesday.

We hope that you are surviving June with us.

We're June jungle. We're navigating.

We're going through the June jungle day by day, and it's crazy and good and crazy. Anyways, have a wonderful week and we will see you next week. Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time. This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.

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