Episode 376: Teenage Lessons from Inside out 2

No need to whine and whiney palooza. Have some wine and join us on the Whiney Palooza Podcast with Rebecca Greene.

Welcome to the Whiney Palooza Podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Greene for the Whiny Palooza podcast, and I am extra excited today because I get to interview my wonderful daughter, Ella Greene. Ella, thanks for doing this with me today.

Of course.

Ella is an amazing kid. She's starting sophomore year of high school. I don't know quite how that happened. And we're going to talk a little bit about school at the end. But first, we went to see Inside Out 2 twice, right? Mm-hmm. And we absolutely loved it. If you haven't seen it, go take your kids to see it. There's so many awesome lessons. But I want to talk to Ella because I know how much she loved it, and I think we're going to learn from her. So I want to start with, do you remember your first thoughts after watching Inside Out 2?

I remember I felt really seen by the movie. I felt really understood, like they truly hit the nail on the head with the teenage girl experience. But I also felt that it was a little late for me.

What age would it have been most helpful?

Probably 12 to 14, that range.

So take your kids. If they are younger than that, they will still learn. If they are older than that, they will still learn, and they will relate to so many parts about the movie, which we're going to talk about. There were new characters introduced. Which new character did you like the most and why?

You see, it changes every day, but They were good new characters. I know! I really felt like they did a great representation with Anxiety.

Hahaha!

I felt like she was a great representation of the experience. I also really liked Val. I felt like she was a good representation of a helpful upperclassman.

Mm.

I would say those are my two favorite new characters.

I loved Anxiety. I mean, was that good or was that good?

It was really good.

And I just want to say, I don't even know if it's in my future questions, but when she was spiraling out of control, you and I have both been there when your brain just like swirls and swirls and swirls. And I love that they all banded together to take her out of that. Did you relate to that? Yeah. So when, when your brain is swirling with anxiety after watching that, what do you think would be helpful to you? Or what have you learned for yourself?

I have learned that it takes all the emotions. You truly have to put all your effort into fighting anxiety. And sometimes you have to change your thought process. Like how she had to change the sense of self because anxiety had taken it over. I feel like that's a really good lesson.

As your mother and as a social worker, I am going to teach you something right now, and then we're going to move on. We do not, we do not want to fight our feelings. So I want you to take that out of your vocabulary and say that when you're feeling anxious, you're going to—

I want to feel it.

I want you to be kind to yourself and loving to yourself. And I think that fighting it is going to make it worse. Does that make sense?

Yeah, you have to just let yourself feel emotions and let them go away kind of on their own.

And they gave her a big giant hug, and I think that you could give yourself a big giant hug. Mm-hmm. We can hug ourselves, we can love ourselves, and I think that's one of my biggest lessons. So let's move on. How do you feel about the storyline storyline compared to the first movie?

You see, I feel like both storylines were relatable at different times, but I also feel like the Inside Out 2 storyline was more relatable to a wider audience.

Yeah, I liked the second movie better than the first, and how many people can say that about movies, right?

I definitely think this Inside Out 2 was just better artistically But as far as story, I liked both.

Yeah, I mean, I liked the first one, but I was really surprised to like the second one better. I know, so many more lessons in the second one. Now they need to make another one and keep following her through high school.

We need to know if she made the team.

I know, they— well, shh, don't give any spoilers.

Well, we already kind of did.

Oh my goodness. So I kind of answered this for myself about what scene stood out for me. I mean, I'll talk about it again, but what scene in the movie stood out to you and why?

Definitely, you know, the panic attack. I also really liked sadness and embarrassment working together. I feel like that was really sweet. And I feel like that was kind of true about how sadness and embarrassment can kind of correlate to each other. I know I've felt that, and I know that's a very relatable experience, so I liked the way they chose to represent that.

Can you remind me of that scene? I don't remember.

It's when Joy and the other emotions send Sadness up the tube so that she can go back and recall them so they can get back to the mind with a sense of self. And when she first gets back, Embarrassment is the one to find her and help her get to the console, even if there are some struggles getting there.

Yeah. So you think sadness and embarrassment can go together?

Yeah. I mean, I felt them go together.

I feel like a lot of the emotions are really sadness underneath it. Right? Like, I don't know. That's just my experience. How did the movie make you think about your own emotions?

We kind of already talked on this a little bit, but you know, having to feel them. And not fight them. But also, in seeing it a second time and taking notes, it helped me realize how they work together and what you can do to fix them.

You know, I'm just thinking of a scene with Joy when she's realizing that it's not just about happiness, it's about all of the feelings. Do you remember that scene?

Yes, I do.

Talk about that.

That's been an underlying message the whole Duality, I guess.

Okay, so tell us more about the lesson because it's a big one.

Well, you know, a lot of people would— it's easy to make people feel that they need to be joyful all the time, they need to be happy, and they can't have other emotions. And it is truly a process in trying to accept all the parts of yourself, all your emotions, even the ones that aren't pleasant.

You sound like a social worker's daughter right now. Well, I am. Oh my goodness. You know, it's easy. It's easy when we're happy, right? But we're more than happiness.

We are not one-dimensional.

We are not. I love that, Ella. So what lessons did you take away from the movie? Can you tell us some of your other lessons?

I mean, we've talked about so many already.

Any more that you can think of from your notes?

Didn't we write a blog about this?

Um, there is a blog that Ella and I wrote at whiningpluza.com if you want to go find it about Inside Out 2. Ella helped me write it and she's a fantastic writer. You should write something this week. This is— you and I are going to write together for your last week of summer because you're not going to have time after this week.

Okay.

He's like, "Oh God, Mom, don't give me more work to do." Yeah.

Also the sense of self. That's a lesson I took away from it. How you have to— how the sense of self develops and also how you can't let anxiety take over how you think of yourself and how you have to accept that you are a nuanced person. You're not just, "I'm a good person." You're also the fear and you're also the anger and you're also the anxiety.

You know what I really related to? I know that you did too. I'm just thinking about her not feeling good enough. And if people, almost every person feels that way sometimes, and we're all good enough. It's not like, right? It, we always think that we have to do something to be good enough and our actions aren't what makes us good enough. You know that?

Yeah, I agree.

So I'm gonna ask you a loaded question. Do you feel good enough?

I guess.

And what would make you say 100% yes?

I don't know. That's the thing. There isn't really one answer to that question.

So do you think that who we are as a person innately makes us good enough?

Yes.

Do you think that your grades are what you need to do to be good enough?

I think it's part of it. I think it's just one metric of defining what good enough is.

Well, it's interesting how we define good enough. What makes us feel that way?

Everyone defines it for themselves. It depends on your priorities.

Well, and she didn't feel good enough.

Yeah.

So it really helped. I think it could help teenagers and adults relate to that and see that in action, trying to compare yourself to other people.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

It is. How did you feel about her trying to fit in?

I think it was very relatable.

I do too.

I think it's an experience everyone's gone through.

Did you learn anything from that for your own self?

I mean, I had already learned those lessons.

Oh, how did you learn those lessons?

I guess just from going through middle school, transitioning to high school, and as you mature, you also kind of learn things.

I would say that you're much more confident in high school than you were in middle school.

Well, no one's confident in middle school. If you're confident in middle school, you are the minority.

The awkward years is what I call them. Well, so we're kind of answering this. I was going to ask you how it handled growing up and dealing with new emotions. How did you think they did with that?

I think they did a great job. I think they represented it in many different ways, and it was a great lesson about accepting all the parts of yourself. And it was also an amazing lesson on how to deal with anxiety.

If you haven't seen the movie, we were introduced to the first set of emotions in the first movie, and then the second movie they bring on new emotions, which I thought was amazing that they did that. So does that mean the third movie there's going to be more?

I don't know, Mom, do you get more emotions as you're an adult?

Ah, that's a really good question. Probably yes. Yes, I would say yes. So do you think that the movie helps kids understand their feelings better?

100%. Both movies do.

Yeah. Is there anything specific that you can tell people about that?

Well, the first movie was all about accepting your sadness and accepting that it's a part of you and blah, blah, blah. And the second movie is a really great lesson on accepting the emotions that come with being a teenager and becoming a more complex person. It does not get easier as you grow up, and just sort of learning to accept that through processing and understanding yourself and giving yourself a hug.

Yeah, I love all of that. Why did you love this movie so much? Because I know you did. Mm-hmm.

Well, it's a great teacher, first and foremost. Every little detail represents something that I found relatable. It shows a great experience that a lot of people can relate to, and it was also accurate. I feel like when I started hearing talk of this movie, I was worried about that, but it truly was extremely accurate to the experience of, honestly, not just teenage girls, all teenagers. Aye.

That is true. I bet you boys relate to it too.

I'm sure they do.

We have only talked to girls.

Oh yeah.

I guess you should.

Yeah, tap dance. Dad liked it, didn't he?

I, I think so. Why do you think it's important— every emotion is important?

You couldn't be a person if you were only happy all the time. It wouldn't make sense. That's not how the world works. I mean, we are humans. We are imperfect. We have an Earth that is imperfect. There's no one emotion that could handle it all. Wow. It's just all about learning to accept and love the emotions that you need.

So what would you say to the teenager who was fighting one of her emotions?

Don't do it. It's not worth it. It's a part of you. It is always going to be there. There's nothing you can do to make it not there. So you just have to learn to love it, embrace it, and also as you have it for more time, you'll learn how to use it.

So let's talk about each emotion.

Go ahead.

And what you think about them. Let's start with the easy one of joy.

I mean, I like joy. I think joy is a great emotion that is extremely necessary for the human experience. But there's also a time and a place for joy.

Yeah, that's true. We did see that in the movie too.

We did.

She was trying to interject herself in places that she didn't belong. Yes. So that's a good lesson right there, is that joy is— it's not always an appropriate feeling for the time period. What about envy? Mm.

Envy stems from anxiety. It's completely normal. It is completely understandable. You'll feel it in many situations. But I feel like my envy has gotten less as I've accepted that I'm good enough as I am and I'm a good person.

I feel like envy wasn't a huge part of the movie.

She was mainly Anxiety's sidekick, which I thought was also really accurate.

How did envy then play into anxiety? Remind me.

Well, they were always together. She was always working with her. That's essentially it. I always feel like anxiety and envy have worked together in my head.

So when she was feeling envious of something, it made her anxious.

Mm-hmm. And then when she— and vice versa.

Yep.

I'm doing that in my head.

So move on to Anxiety, who I believe was a huge part of this movie. What did you think about her? How did they do with that?

I think it was— I think they did a great job with her. I think everything about how they represented her was perfect. I have no criticism, and I think it was a great lesson on how to use your anxiety.

So we talked about her panic attack. And how they all kind of came together to help overcome the panic attack. But back up to what you said, because that's so important, is we forget that anxiety can be helpful, right?

We need anxiety. We need that stress response.

So give them an example from, from the movie of how you saw that.

Well, am I allowed to give spoilers?

Hmm, sure. Spoiler coming, people.

Well, at the end, they give Anxiety her special little chair and they give her her tea, you know, but she also reminds them of the Spanish test, which is a good use of Anxiety. Okay, make sure you're on top of things.

Oh, like anxiety reminds us of things. Yeah, Anxiety also correct me if I'm wrong, made her practice more. Yeah. And get back and get better.

Yeah. I mean, I think they made her practice a little too much, but yes.

Yes. But anxiety can be used for good things.

Yes, it certainly can.

Okay, so talk about sadness.

Sadness. They did a great job with sadness again. I love how they have her working with embarrassment.

I didn't see much sadness in this movie.

She was definitely a minor character in this movie. I think because the focus is on the main emotions.

I think it was more anxiety and less sadness.

Mm-hmm. But still had great lessons of accepting anxiety. I mean sadness, sorry.

Okay, moving on to embarrassment.

I think they did a good job with Embarrassment. He wasn't the main character or anything, but it certainly worked out. I love the design for Embarrassment. I do too.

He was hysterical.

He was funny.

Yeah, he made me laugh. And she would do something that would embarrass her, and he would be like hiding in his hood. It was so funny. It was so funny! Okay, Boredom— boredom?

Anwii?!

He was funny!

She was so funny, yeah.

Was it a she or he?

I think it's a she because the voice actress is a girl.

So Boredom was hysterical.

What did you think of him? I know, I mean, I didn't like them at first but it was really funny. They ended up being really funny. It was a great representation. And also, Boredom being in charge of sarcasm was really funny.

I think about teenagers being like, not impressed.

Yeah, also, ennui and boredom are two different things, I believe.

Okay.

Ennui is a French word. It means like, to be outside of oneself, I think. It's similar to boredom, but it's not the exact same.

Oh, I didn't know that. What about Anger?

I mean, they hit the nail on the head with Anger again.

Did they do much Anger?

There wasn't much Anger this movie. I like how Anger was kind of mad at her secrets in the cartoons. That was about all Anger did.

Mad at her secrets in the cartoon.

I see. I don't—

it's been a while. We wanted to do this interview right away. We should, we should have done it when it was fresh in our mind.

Oh, pouchy! Pouchy.

Yeah, yeah. Was mad at Pouchy.

Yeah, yeah. That's about it.

What about Fear?

They didn't really do anything with Fear.

I was— I'm trying to even remember what Fear looked like.

I mean, Fear had a crush on Anxiety.

I think I'm gonna have to see this movie a third time.

That's about how I remember. Yeah, fear has been a minor character 2 movies in a row.

Hmm, so more, more anxiety and less fear with this character. Okay, let's talk about puberty. What did you learn about puberty from this movie?

That it brings new emotions.

Yeah.

That as you go through puberty, Family Island gets smaller.

Oh, um, yeah. Friend Island was big and Family Island was small.

And so was Goofball Island.

So you become more into your friends and less into your family.

Yep.

Realistic though. Yeah. What did you learn about positive and negative thoughts in relation to self-esteem?

Well, the negative beliefs created a negative belief system that ended up causing the panic attack.

So how do you switch it to a positive self-esteem? Switch your thoughts.

Yeah, essentially you switch the thoughts and the beliefs you create.

Did you see how her thoughts affected her sleep? Mm-hmm.

Oh yeah. Anxiety didn't let her sleep.

Right. So what did you learn about your thoughts and sleep?

If you're anxious, you're not really gonna sleep. It takes away from that, and that's not good.

So do you think that working on your thoughts helps your sleep and your self-esteem? Yeah.

Yeah.

So do you think that kids will learn that from the movie?

I feel like the sleep thing might be a more minor thing, but yes.

Mm-hmm.

Overall, I would agree. Also rephrasing how you think of memories. I feel like that was a little more at the forefront. Than thoughts.

Okay, tell them more about that.

The memories created the beliefs, so letting all the memories affect how you think of yourself and understanding what they mean for you and that you are not a one-dimensional person was a really important lesson that they did in this movie.

Do you recommend this movie?

I do.

What would you like Inside Out 3 to be?

I'd like it to talk about going to college.

Oh yes, I love that idea. I hope that they listen to this. Can we send it to them? What is your greatest takeaway from the movie?

Anxiety is good unless you let it take over you.

Oh, use anxiety for your benefits.

Yeah.

Is there anything from your notes that is important to share that I didn't ask you?

Well, we talked about the islands.

Mm-hmm.

Ooh, your imagination changes as you get older. Anxiety took over your imagination. Do you remember that?

No, tell us more.

They were in like whatever pillow fort thing, and Anxiety had all these little mind people using the imagination to think of the worst case scenario.

Yes, I do remember that. So when we're little, we use our imagination for good, and as we get older, we can use our imagination to drive us absolutely nuts. So we need to use our powers for good and not evil. Well, I think that in summary, go see the movie. And can I shift gears to school?

Sure.

I'm not going to ask you much. You're almost done. So we talked about Inside Out 2 and how much we loved it and how much we learned. I was amazed as a therapist how good the movie was. Like, if I was actively seeing clients right now, I would, like, assign them to go see the movie so we could talk about it. So I want to shift because Ella is about to enter sophomore year of high school next week. She Completed freshman year, did beyond amazing. What do you think your biggest lesson from freshman year was? I'm hoping you say what I want you to say, but I'll say it if you don't.

Oh, you got to learn to be at the bottom.

What on earth does that mean?

The freshmen are the babies.

Okay, so I know that you learned that lesson. What else did you learn? Come on now. That is not all that you learned from freshman year.

I don't know. What do you want me to say, Mom?

I mean, you can be honest.

I've been learning that my whole life. It wasn't a specifically freshman year thing.

Okay, well, I was amazed because she freaking slam dunked it.

Thanks, Mom.

And now going into sophomore year, how do you feel?

I feel good. I feel ready. I just got my schedule. I have a great schedule. I have friends in a lot of my classes. I'm doing good.

And you keep telling me that this year is going to be great, which makes me so happy. But why do you feel that way?

I have great classes. I have great teachers. I have great friends. It's the perfect setup.

I think that What Ella is excited about, part of her excitement, is that she is getting to take classes that she is so freaking excited for, right? Stuff that she's interested in. Tell them what classes you're excited for.

I'm excited to take AP Lang. I'm excited to see what I learned in that.

That is, um, that is— what's the full title of the class?

Um, AP Language and Comp— English Language and Composition.

And she got an amazing teacher for it who already loves her. Okay, what else are you excited for?

I'm excited to see what I learn in psychology.

I'm excited for that.

I'm excited for theater. That'll be fun.

Yeah, current events.

Yeah, that's what, that's what I was getting to.

AP World History.

That'll be fun.

She's gonna have a good year.

I'm gonna have a great year.

So what advice do you have to all the students who are about to embark on a new year of school?

You got this. You're gonna do great. Trust yourself, and you are awesome no matter what happens.

What if they're starting a new school like high school and they're nervous? What advice do you have for them?

You know, give yourself the first week, but after that, you'll be fine.

Yeah, so give yourself a friend.

You can handle it.

So figure out where you gotta go and all that stuff. And I think that Ella just said the fundamental thing that I needed to believe entering freshman year. I think that I needed to believe that I was capable and I could handle it, right?

Mm-hmm.

What I told my husband is that anytime I have felt anxious, it was a lack of confidence. And if we are confident in ourselves and our abilities that we can handle things, then our anxiety decreases. So anything else you wanna say about school before I let you go?

Nope, but have a great year, everybody.

Have a wonderful year in school. We, Ella, will be back to talk about school at some point, cuz you know your mother's gonna make you do that. I'm sure. I wanna, well, you are like my most popular podcast guest. Don't tell your father who might be listening. But Ella is my most popular podcast guest. I get the most emails and text messages and messages when Ella is on the show. Everybody loves you, loves what you have to say. You have such insightful things to share with everyone. So I would say not only would we love you to share this with a friend, but share this with a child that you think would benefit from learning from Ella. And we want to thank you so much for listening and joining us. And I want to thank Ella so much for being such a wonderful guest.

Thanks, Mom. I love you.

I love you. This is Rebecca Greene reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

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