Episode 380: Parenting a Rebellious Teen

No need to whine and whiney palooza. Have some wine and join us on the Winey Palooza Podcast with Rebecca Greene. Welcome to the Winey Palooza Podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family. Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Greene with the Whiny Floozy Podcast, and I am so excited today because I get to speak to the wonderful Suzanne Rorigan. Suzanne, thank you so much for being here with me today.

Oh, well, thank you for having me. I'm excited.

I'm excited too, and I'm really excited. I want to show you— some of you are going to watch this, some of you are going to listen. I'm holding up her beautiful book. It's called Unconditional, and it's how a mother's love rescued her rebellious son. And I'm going to tell you a little bit about her, and we're going to talk about her book. This book is fantastic. Go get it. I'm on page 247. I can't I can't put it down. I can't wait to finish it. So first I wanted to show you her book, and now I'm gonna tell you about this wonderful lady. She's an author. She's a dedicated mother who has faced the immense, immense challenges of parenting head on. I just showed you her latest book, Unconditional, and her rebellious son takes readers on a heartfelt journey through the trials of raising a rebellious teen while navigating the complexities of military life. Suzanne's story is one of resilience, love, and the unbreakable bond between a mother and her child. She's here to share her insights and offer hope to parents going through similar struggles. Oh, this book.

Wow.

Well, first of all, I want to thank you for writing this book.

Oh my goodness. My pleasure.

I want to thank you for sharing your stories and for you and your son being open and honest about this. I mean, it takes courage and strength to write this book.

Yeah, thank you.

And he was— and, and there's stuff about him. I mean, he's writing his perspective and he read it and he's okay with it.

Well, that's a, that's a two-part answer. I asked him no, no less than 20 times, and he even participated, as you saw. And so the information— this what makes it a fun read too, is that I'm over tralalala, as moms are, you know, the, the world's going this way. And then when we sat down to do his his input on a certain event that happened, he's like, oh no, no, Mom, that's not what happened. This was far worse than you imagined. And so I was clutching, I was just clutching my heart as I was like, oh my gosh. Okay. But because of our close relationship, I guess I'm digging in here, but, uh, our close relationship from, you know, him being an only child growing up in the military, I was kind of a dual role of mom and, and confidant and friend. He never knew how to not share with me.

Yeah.

So he shared way too much. Yeah. So it's a, it's a perspective that I was like, man, I've gotta share this with other parents because I know maybe more than the average parent who didn't have that, that certain relationship with their son due to the circumstances.

Well, and I think you just answered my question about the inspiration behind the book is that I think what you're saying is you wanted to help other people and share with other people.

Yeah, absolutely. And, and, you know, it kind of, it accidentally happened from some journaling and some tough times. And I'm just a writer. I'm a writer by nature. I love cobbling words together. It's like a puzzle to me and it's fun. It's so much fun. Not that writing this material was fun, but I enjoy wordplay and, and writing. And I've always been a writer, but you know what I noticed, Rebecca Greene, it's not a fair fight anymore. Are you getting that too? It's like it used to be, okay, you grow up in 25, 30 years ago in a community, and if, if your child did something bad on 3 streets over, you got a phone call. By the time your child got home, he was in trouble.

Yes.

And so I always felt like it was the community for raising the children. The schools were a partnership with the parents to raise the children. And what I started noticing was that wasn't the case. And as many schools as we went to and as many situations as we saw, I'm like, wait, what's going on? I didn't know what it was yet, but I'm like, why is this not seeming like a fair fight? I'm struggling with the school. I'm struggling with the community. I'm struggling to find people to help me raise my son, if you will, you know, guide our children together. And it's not a fair fight. It's— there's a different set of morals out there.

Well, and, and not all parents agree. You know, after reading a lot of this and having these conversations with my husband, not all parents agree on the same rules.

No.

Which is, which is very challenging.

Yeah.

So, I mean, let's talk about support and other parents. Um, oh, you guys moved so much, you know, and as someone who has been rooted, I've been in the same town for 48 years and I'm laughing. And I'm laughing reading your book and I'm like, oh my God, they're moving again. So, so let's talk about the moving and the supports. I mean, how did you guys handle the constant moving and the constant needing to build a support system?

Well, luckily the, the military, at least, you know, 25 years ago, they were available with all sorts of resources. So we took advantage of as many of those resources as we could. You know, children's activities, the base always offered kids events and there was always a support center is what it was called. You know, to help assimilate the military family. And there was sort of a channel you went through, but, you know, establishing new friends, that's not something that's in the playbook. Finding out if the curriculum is going to flow from what they just learned. I think I wrote in the book. Yes. He had, he had like 3 or 4 different uh, history lessons about the state we were in. So he can tell you about Hawaii and, uh, California and Virginia. And, you know, he's— it was just always different, you know. He learned so much in Hawaii, and then he's like, cool, now I'm going to take this to California. No, you're not. You know, it just was completely different. And, and the friendships and the changing. So I tried to keep a stability, you know. Let's do the same thing when we when we hit ground, let's set up your bedroom the same. Let's, you know, go and find the same sports team and a Boy Scout. I mean, we, we had all of that, all that consistency, but you know what kids want? They want to be accepted by their peers. You can't make that happen.

Oh gosh. I mean, hearing about him telling the stories about your adventures and people not believing him, like I wanted to, I wanted to cry for him and I was like, people, he's not lying.

He's not. I know. Yeah, I rode up in the cock— I rode up in the plane. They're like, no, you didn't.

Oh, good Lord.

Yeah, I went down a gondola in the Venice Canal. Oh, please, you know. And so, you know, the truth wasn't working for him.

No, it was not. It was not. I mean, and I felt for him. I mean, moving from place to place and making friends place to place, I mean, how do you think that contributed to any of his issues? Or don't you?

Oh, I do. I do, you know, and I think this applies to children like, like you that have been in the same school that just switched to a different classroom where suddenly their friends are in another classroom. I think on all levels everybody's jockeying for a certain position within their peer group. Um, but for us, you know, early on, and I think it started in Hawaii, Nick decided to snuff out his voice because it wasn't embraced. His original personality was not embraced, so he got silly and he didn't want to excel and draw attention to himself in that way. He didn't want to compete. He'd rather— he was a fairly decent athlete, so he sort of diminished his qualities in order to gain acceptance. And so that sort of— by the time I noticed that that was what was happening, I mean, he was 15 or 16 and trying to do what the other kids were doing and fallen in with that crowd that was experimenting.

Oh, good times. I know my son is like, I don't want the teacher to point out if I'm doing something smart, Mom. And I'm like, yes. I'm like, celebrate that.

Later they will.

Oh my gosh. So let's talk about early signs so that parents listening can watch for things. Can you give us some advice around that?

Well, I think, you know, we have an audience of people with the younger kids. I think the earlier signs can be quite simple, like lying. When we're sort of programmed as parents to think, oh, all kids lie. Well, they may, but as you know, from an early age, you know, if, you know, I can say this, I think there's an enemy at play trying to gain our children's hearts away from you know, a godly path. I just, I, you know, there's this goodness, this light that children have, and I think there's a, you know, this kind of a dark thing that wants to take their hearts. So lying isn't natural. Cheating isn't natural. These are things that parents guide them through. But if you see that, that's kind of like, hey, why are, what's going on in your heart? What's going on in your psyche that's causing this need to do, to veer away from the, the, the good things? And so that starts early and, you know, and I kind of say as an aside to parents that still have young kids, and actually I do it now, you know, show your, if, if this happens, you know, your child lies or cheats or whatever, you know, show them it in, in the Bible or, um, or some, you know, uh, immovable source, you know, other than you, here's where you can turn to for the answers. Wherever that might be, because they're not always going to turn to you and they will turn away from you. So where can they go? Set that structure up when they're young. You know, here's, you know, even maybe it's a booklet you make and give to them. Here's our morals. Here's our family code. Here's our guideline. Yes. Something like that. So those early signs are important. And then as my child got older, Um, I started noticing that he was hanging around kids that were doing these things, but he wasn't doing them. Oh, mom, that's just what XYZ is doing. I'm not doing that. But if they're hanging around children that are doing that, warning sign, red flag, they're interested in that. If they're not doing it, they'll yet, they'll probably be doing it. If that's somebody that they're hanging around and that interests them. Um, so I think that, and then just suddenly just pulling away from me and, and this. New anger that came out. And then finally, when they start pulling away from things they love, if you start noticing them pulling away from things they love and veering toward things that aren't good or that are toxic, whether it be an activity or a friend, like my son pulled away from sports because he didn't, like I said, he, he was, he was being ostracized for being competitive and he didn't have that, you know, that spirit in him to, to lose all these guys that he could be his friends, which had started in Hawaii. So I didn't notice any of those things as being serious, right?

It's, it's hard to know. It's hard to know. And I think that it's hard for our kids to learn that good friends value them succeeding in things like sports.

Yes, huge. And that's something you, you imprint on them as they're young. Oh, look at that friend, they really value you for what you're bringing, you know. And you just sort of—

I love that.

Hey, look at that. And that's That goes all the way through, you know, well, to adulthood.

Yes, absolutely. And I want to go back to something we discussed earlier, that not all the parents are going to agree with our rules. So can you talk about that and how you tried to manage that?

Um, so when I noticed that, that, you know, my son was kind of veering into the wild side, I said, well, I know he needs these friends, and, and I put that priority on a pedestal, you know, because that had been an issue throughout our military life. But, um, and I, I probably should have put something else on a pedestal, but, um, so I would call the— I don't want him to lose this friend. They, they come from a good family, you know, with the goals that I think I have. But I said, hey, let's meet, let's see if we can, you know, keep an eye on these kids together and do these things together. Little did I know these parents were like, ah, let boys be boys. It was more of that attitude and, and kind of like, um, you know, we're just gonna turn a blind eye, which I think a lot of parents, and that was another thing that I think a red flag for parents, am I turning a blind eye rather than, hey, my child's doing this, say, whoa, how am I managing this? Am I ignoring it? Am I pretending it's not happening and they're just gonna get through it whether I'm, you know, guiding them or not? No. You've got to guide them. You've got to push in, especially now, because going back to what we said, it's not a fair fight out, out there for our kids. There's too many easy ways. Like, for me, we had a telephone. You know, there was no way to find out where the drug sources were, where, you know, a certain person, um, across the globe is doing this terrible thing. And hey, look at this terrible thing I could be doing. We didn't have that access. And now We have got to insert ourselves. We've got to take the blinders off as parents and just face it, you know. Oh, I don't want to take my child's phone or social media, or where will that leave them? You know what? You're the most important thing. Your family, their faith, their morals. These are the most important things. They may hate you now, but they're going to love you later when they avoid all these epic fails that they could get into.

It's really good advice. Yes. And I think that, you know, the The line that is going through my head that sometimes people feel is ignorance is bliss, which ignorance is not bliss at all.

It may be a faux bliss because you're not in the, you may think you're happy, you know, because you don't know what's going on. And I think that's where some of my friends were, you know, or the, the parents of these other kids. They had no clue. I remember one specific lady. I'm like, does his mom know what he just did? You know, and I outlined that in the book, what he did. You know, he, he was so drunk when he was driving, and he reported his car stolen. And then a week later, it shows up, and he had forgotten where he parked it. I mean, she had no idea that, you know, he was driving drunk. And I had kind of clued into that earlier and gave my son an unlimited pass to Uber, you know, so there were things with me taking the blinders off and throwing myself headlong into this agony of You know, his foibles and him sharing them with me that probably saved him from a lot.

Well, and I heard you str— I mean, I read about you struggling with, okay, so I know that he's doing this, so how do I make it the least, what is the word you use? Risky. Yeah. How do I help? Right. How do I help?

The least consequence.

The least fallout. Yes.

Thank you.

Thank you. And I was like, oh. You know, I told you my son is 17, so I really am reading this like every word. And I'm like, oh, I understand. Yeah.

And it's different for every parent, you know? Yeah. It can be an overachieving child who goes into college. The overachiever, I think, is at risk as well, you know, going into college and seeing this massive pool of overachievers they have to suddenly compete with. So you just want to get their emotional health stable. And I think, you know, therapy would've been a nice idea if I could've found it. He was so reluctant and resistant to that. We tried that in freshman year, but you know what the, what I actually read and what was the experience for us, why these children go to these therapy classes so they can get a prescription for Adderall.

I was, I literally just wrote Adderall to talk to you about Adderall.

Oh, well, that's what I, I later learned. And that's what my son was like. If I could get some Adderall, then I can have this. That, you know, I'm looking to, to, to calm this anxiety. I'm looking to fit in. I'm looking at whatever it is. Um, I'm looking to have more fun, whatever it is. This Adderall is what my friends are doing to make this happen. And they all have prescriptions. So if I can get a prescription, you know, to buy this Adderall, whatever it is.

That is really good to know. And as I told you, when I think about things to talk to my kids about, Adderall was not on my list until I read your book. And my concern is that, you know, you're— it's 5:30 in the morning, your son is out running. He had taken Adderall, had all this energy. You were like, I know something is up. This is not normal behavior. So my red flags went up because my son is such an overachiever. And I'm like, oh, you go to college and you find out about You know, Adderall keeping you up and allowing you to study more. And oh my goodness, now I need to talk to him about this. Like, I never would have thought of that.

Never just ways for him to have that energy. You know, you can start that now in the home at 16, 17. Hey, you're going to want to compete. Here's some, here's some ways for you to gain that energy, you know, whether it be vitamin B supplements or getting their physiological systems checked. Because at this age of hormonal growth, you know, take them and say, hey, I need a hormone test for my child. I want to make sure that their, their metabolic syndrome or metabolic system is, is operating optimally, you know, for stress because their adrenals get worn out. And then they look to, you know, so, you know, what's wrong with going to a therapist or getting it checked out with, you know, a blood, simple blood test?

Yes, yes. Well, I wanna talk about boundaries because you did a really good job, you know, with what am I gonna allow, what am I gonna set a boundary with? Talk to us about trying to set boundaries with your kids and rebellious behaviors.

Yeah. And as you know, as parents out there, those get set really early in life, whether you have them or not. I mean, are you the parent that's jumping up and running, uh, you know, at their every beck and call? Are you the parent that said, Hey, mommy is in the middle of a phone call. Why don't you play with that toy until I'm done? That's where the boundary setting starts, you know, or, you know, with their siblings. And I think most parents are pretty good at that, but that's maybe they didn't, they're not identifying that as boundary setting that's going to be useful to them when they get older, but that's when it starts. And I did that. I did that. I thought I did that pretty well. And I think the saving grace in all of this is that I did an okay job with boundary setting. I did an okay job. With respect and open communication and all these things. And so when we went through the fire, those things didn't burn up. They were tested, but they still existed. So build that as early as you can, all of those pathways. Um, and then you're going to have them down the road. I mean, there's a million books on boundary setting, on goal setting, on, you know, all these things. And, and, but what I recommend for parents is don't bounce around. Just find, what am I gonna, what am I going to do? How am I going to raise my kid? Like my friend was using How to Parent Your Kids with Love and Logic. And she started that when they were 3. So I think I said, you know, when they were 16, I was at her house and her daughter had forgotten. They were walking out the door and the daughter's backpack with her laptop for the day. Which is her success for the day, was sitting on the kitchen table. And she was just going, I can't tell her, I can't tell her, I can't tell her, because she'd been doing that since she was 3. And hey, should you wear a coat outside? It started there, you know, with her allowing those natural consequences and setting a boundary of how much she was going to be in her life. And so I, I just couldn't watch it another minute. And I said, hey, um, do you typically take your backpack to school? And her mom was going, thank Thank you, thank you. You know, I had to help the mom out.

I, you know, as I told you before we started, none of us are perfect and we're certainly doing our best, all of us. But you know, you were extremely resilient through all of this. I mean, I am so impressed with you and, and trying to hold it together during all of your challenges. Can you talk to us about how you were able to to be resilient through all of the challenges?

Oh gosh, I think, well, that's something I learned growing up because we moved around a lot and resiliency is mandatory. And I think, you know, just in the world, you know, you've got to be that resilient person. But as a parent, I had done, I had, you know, started out when my child was 34. So I had done some early work on me and I think that everybody will benefit from doing a little bit of, of work on their trauma and their past and how to be a functional parent. I said, you can't come in and, and be this great parent and be this resilient parent if you're not resilient in, you know, if I lost a job, or if, you know, a parent dies, or, you know, if you're moving. I think you've got to develop those resilient skills in yourself before you can pass them to your kids, which I did. I did a lot of that front-end work and therapy and, uh, self-help and all of that, and retreats. And then I got into the, you know, exercise and all these other things that you're modeling for your child, that resiliency, um, that I spent hard work doing. And, and then also just growing up that way. So if you have a trauma, if you have something in your past, take care of it before you're a parent, or, you know, it's going to come back to, you know, show up somewhere in your child.

That's really good advice. And I wanna tell you what spoke to me was reading about you pursuing your own education, you know, and, and furthering your education during challenges. I mean, you, you plowed through.

Yeah. Yeah. God, it's just, you know, get developed that I don't know where I got it from, but it's just, I never wanted to quit. I never wanted to leave. I wanted to have everything. Completed. I never left anything unfinished, and that was just a value that I had, and I hopefully passed that on to my son. But then it was my faith, you know, and that's sort of where, um, you know, I encourage everyone, if, you know, you feel that inkling that God's calling you and pulling you, ultimately it was that faith that, hey, it's, you know, it's almost a relief. It's not all in my hands, you know. And so developing that faith and, and, and, uh, my God, then that's what really ultimately brings me back to the, to center that makes me understand that this is all gonna work out the way it needs to. I think that coming back to that time and again is, is comforting.

Well, I'm glad that you have that, and I hope that people listening have that too, because I think it's super helpful. And I also think there are people listening who are like, I need to take action. I need to take some immediate steps in regards to warning signs that I'm seeing with my child. Um, any advice as far as steps that they should start taking?

I always think seek out an expert if you're not the expert. Find out, you know, what am— well, Find out what am I not doing? What's missing in me? As we said, you know, why am I having a hard time laying down the law or setting boundaries? What's in me? You, if it's not in you, you're not gonna be doing it. And then, and then, you know, seeking out help. I mean, whatever ways, um, if it's not in the budget, there are so many ways to seek out help, whether it be through your church or through the school system, you know, and they have a lot of referrals there, whether it's, you know, Boys and Girls Club or whatever it is. I think find someone else. Don't gut it out alone. And I know I did a lot of that. I was going to ask you. You need that community of people and your friends don't always know what's best. So finding the expert is often helpful. And if that expert's not working, then find another one that's resonating with you. And I think seeking help, which I didn't do, and I wish I had.

Oh yeah, that's, that's really, really good advice. I think that, you know, it's interesting to me as a parent to look at parents who are raising successful kids, and I like to look to those parents to see what are they doing right? What can I learn from?

And I think also Back to a previous question you had. Yes. There's, there's a parent that knows what's right. They, they've taken care of their trauma. They've got it all handled, whatever. They're really balanced and whatever. But society is so loud now telling them what kind of parent they should be or telling them who should they be. And it's that judgment that we're afraid of. It's like, wait, if I do this tough thing or if I do this crazy thing, Um, you know, that, that's in my heart and in my intuition to do, you know, because ultimately this rebellion is a heart issue. There's something wrong with your child's heart.

Mm-hmm.

And you can melt that away, but you've gotta do the tough things to make that happen. You know, do something hard. Take them, you know, if you have the means to away for a month in the summer with no social media and help them rediscover who they are. I mean, whatever it is. Do something hard and don't be afraid of being judged for it. That's the hardest thing about being a parent now.

Yes. We have to focus on what our own beliefs and morals are in our own family.

Yes. And know what they are. Know what they are. You know, I think a lot of parents are so buffeted about by, you know, what social media is telling them. Well, oh, this is the thing. This is the thing. You got to know and you've got to establish that. And you know what? It's never too late. 15, 16, 17-year-olds are not too late.

Never. No, I agree with that. So what do you think the hardest part was for you to share?

Um, the whole thing was tough, but you know, you get to be a certain age and the jig is up, you know.

Yes, yes.

Like, I don't— I'm tired of hiding. I was one of the most private people. My husband's like, I can't believe you wrote this book. You're really, you know, kind of private. I'm like, I want other people to be comforted knowing what I went through might comfort them. And then also maybe there's a lesson there that'll help them avoid an epic failure. Just one or two people. And my son said the same thing. He's like, Mom, I'm not ashamed of my past. I mean, that happened. I'm a, I think I'm an amazing person now. Oh, that's wonderful. You know, I'm on the right track. He goes to bed at 9 o'clock now. You know, he's, he's like a, he's got a dog and a house. You know, he's like the most boring person. He plays pickleball, you know?

I love this. How old is, how old is he now?

26.

So can we talk about what he would say he learned from all of this? Like how did he come out of the other end of this?

Okay. Another hard thing. So the hardest thing first about writing the book was talking about that he was apprehended by law enforcement and oh yes, that was the hardest thing to admit. That was so, so, so hard. I'm like, I'm gonna sugarcoat this. I'm not gonna say that he did a drug. It was all so hard. Um, but so your question was, what does my son think about all this?

Or yes. Yes. What is, what are the lessons? How did he come out of it? Yeah. Like he's okay now. So how did he come out of it and what did he learn from it?

Well, he actually, he, he had, he bumped up against his faith. He had a spiritual encounter when he was. You know, in a jail cell, he had a spiritual encounter and he, he realized, wait, there is a God, you know? And so that was it for him. Hey, it didn't all smooth out. He loves having fun. So there was still a lot of learning about how to have fun in the right way. Um, but he says, if I hadn't gone through that, Mom, then I never would have known that I don't want that anymore. He never want— he, he's, you know, he's up for, you know, a good time on the weekend at a bachelor party. He'll, he'll still drink and have fun, but he's like, I will never do any of that ever again. And that was the huge lesson for him. Huge.

So what do you think he would tell us parents to try to prevent it?

Um, he would, he would actually say, get in your kids' business. Mm. Get in their business. Don't be afraid to get in their business. You know, we're given these children. We're stewards of, of their, their life. Get in there. They're your children to, to steward. And, and you have been trusted with these souls. Get in there. Don't be afraid like I was sometimes. Like, you know, oh, I'm so used to partnering with him. I'm gonna do all these terrible things to help him, you know, do this better, you know, to drink better, you know, here's the breathalyzer, you know, and there was a bigger problem there. And that's just how I managed it. But I wish I had done more. And, and, and so he would, he would say, Mom, you should have known more. You should have, you should have known more. Maybe you should have taken my car away from me more, you know.

Well, and that is hard because, you know, I definitely recommend that, but, you know, I'm reading about you telling him not to leave the house with a concussion. And I mean, my 17-year-old is a lot bigger than me.

I mean, yes, they're scary.

I'm not saying that they're gonna hurt us, but like, I have hung on to him. I will never forget in the kitchen, I hung on to him and I think I wanted to talk to him and I was hanging on his arm and it was funny, like we were laughing. He pulled me across the whole kitchen. He did not wanna talk. And I just like, let go and let him go. And we laughed about it, but like, he's big.

He's— yeah, yeah, yeah. And they will find one— they'll find another way, you know. Luckily, you know, that rebellion comes with disrespect, and that's hard. That hurts your heart as a parent.

Yes, yes.

But ultimately, it's a heart issue. And keep your child's hearts softened toward what's right and what's good. And when you see them hardening towards certain things, Um, that's when you gotta go in and do these tough things that we're talking about right now.

Well, so what do you think that your biggest lesson is from all of this?

Um, gosh, so many lessons. Um, well, it's my, it's, it's what I am going around and talking about. Shut down the toxic before it takes root. Who is, you know, for us, in our faith, I wish I had put God at the head of the table instead of, you know, expectations and culture and, you know, what he wanted. I needed to have more of a guiding force for him. So my takeaway is, you know, what we're doing now, I'm not gonna be ashamed of my faith and I'm not gonna be ashamed of, you know, saying tough things, you know, and it's all about doing the tough things.

And how is your relationship now with your son?

Oh my gosh. He calls me every morning on his way to work. Cause he's usually sitting in traffic and I'm the only one awake. Let's be honest. But, but we just talk. Oh, you know, he'll call me for recipes. Yeah. And you're at a place when your child's getting older where you're more their board of directors, their mentor. You're not their parent so much, but that slips from time to time. I'm like, you better go get that checked, you know, or that could turn into an infection on your arm or, you know, so I'm still You know, it's hard to pull back from being a parent all the time. Um, but mostly he calls for advice and I'm this mentor and he's my friend. You know, I've gone through some tough things lately myself and I'll just call him and, and he'll say, what's up, mom? I'm like, well, it's been a tough day. He's like, well, tell me about it. So now he's my friend because of all the work and all that we've been through and everything I did when he was 3 and 10 and 15 and even that Rebecca detention from 17 to 19, um, all of that. It, it— now I enjoy this most wonderful relationship with my child.

That's wonderful. That makes me so happy. You got through so much with him. So much.

Yeah.

Uh, is there anything that you think I didn't ask you that is important to share?

Um, you did a pretty good job, Rebecca. I gotta tell you.

I try.

But one thing that, that I think you suggested is what's the best advice you've ever gotten? And I want to share if I can. Yes, some great advice. And I don't want to keep harping on my faith, but I— my big piece of advice when I'm working too hard is work like it's all on you, but live with the faith that it's all on God.

Oh, that's so beautiful.

You have got to work as a parent like it's all on you, but then you live out a faith that it's not your burden. So that's my best piece of advice. I love it.

I love it. I love your book.

I just want people to read the book, and I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

Oh, I'm almost done. I'm gonna go finish it. I have like 50 pages left. Here's the book if you're watching, Unconditional.

And that's a picture of my son and I in Hawaii at the lighthouse.

Oh my gosh, the places that you have lived. Oh my goodness. You have seen the world.

I have, and it's been amazing.

And where are you settled now?

New Mexico. We're in New Mexico. We are. Yeah.

And is your, is your son there too?

No, he's in Florida. So we're eventually gonna make the move to Florida. I would— hey, if he's going to have grandkids, I want to be at least 4 hours away or anywhere from 1 to 4 hours away.

Absolutely. Well, tell everybody where they can find you and your wonderful book.

Okay. Oh, thank you. Um, well, I'm on Facebook, um, Suzanne J. Roehriggen, uh, Instagram Unconditional Suzanne. And then I have a website and I just put out a new blog and it's my fun writing that I've got on the blog and some other things that I'm sharing, SuzanneJRoehriggen.com. And, you know, and share it with a friend. Um, if you can't afford a book, let me know, I'll mail you one. It's not about— it's about, you know, sharing, sharing and, and building a community of people again, you know, so that we've got that on our side here as parents that want these children to be launched into the world, you know, on a really good footing.

Well, I can't thank you enough for writing the book and sharing with us and helping all of us.

Oh, thank you so much.

This is Rebecca Greene, and I want to remind everybody to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving. Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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