Episode 386: Trauma is a Catalyst

No need to whine, it's whiny palooza.

Have some wine and join us on the whiny palooza podcast with Rebecca Greene. Welcome to the whiny palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Greene for the Whiny Pluza Podcast, and I am very excited today because I get to talk to the wonderful Carrie Rickert. Carrie, thank you so much for being here with me today.

Absolutely. It is such an honor to be here.

I'm gonna tell you a little bit about this fabulous lady. She is a seasoned business and life coach, consultant, and team lead for the System for Integrated Growth program. She has recently penned a book that sheds light on an unconventional yet profoundly inspiring concept, trauma as a catalyst for positive transformation. Her work, Trauma is a Catalyst, offers a fresh perspective on personal development. And as I told Carrie before we started recording, I haven't really done much on trauma, so I am like really excited to talk about this. This is a great topic. I want to hear all about it and all about your book. And I want to start with asking you a deep question. Can you tell us?

All right.

Can you tell us? How trauma can catalyze positive changes in one's life, because that is crazy to me.

Yeah. So it's interesting because I agree with you that it does seem crazy, right? Like you think about all the bad things that have happened to people and, and I can certainly speak for myself, like things happen and you kind of have a choice, right? You can get mired down by those things, or you can use your experience of those things to make positive changes in your life. And for me, the, um, and what my book is about is my own traumatic experience. I was involved in a very bad car accident. I hydroplaned into the back of a tractor-trailer. I do not recommend that to anyone.

Oh my goodness.

Yeah. And so as a result of that, I spent 4+ weeks in University of Maryland shock trauma. I had a traumatic brain injury. Oh my gosh. I— my hand had to be completely reconstructed. And, you know, it was a long road back. And it's interesting because I don't at all remember the accident. I was traveling with a coworker who was also injured, but fortunately not as badly as I was. I was driving and we were driving to work from our office to a work event. And it was evidently raining very hard. And like I said, I don't really remember anything about the accident. I remember waking up in the hospital and thinking, oh, okay, I guess this is where I need to be right now. You know, like, it was, uh, I mean, and, you know, my— I was so fortunate because my parents were leaving for vacation the day that I got my accident, and they turned around and went straight to the hospital. And, um, you know, so I had 4 weeks in shock trauma with multiple surgeries, um, and then a couple other weeks in a rehab hospital, um, and then I went home and It was a shock to the system, right? Like when you're in the hospital, the only thing that you can focus on is getting better. You know, and I understand that a lot of people who have traumatic brain injuries tend to feel like, oh, I am never going to get better. Like this is not— and become very depressed. And I guess because I had small children and I was newly separated from my husband at the time. Um, you know, like we had just basically a couple months prior moved into a new place and like my kids were getting used to the split and then it was 6 weeks without mom at all. And, um, you know, and they were 8 and 4 at the time.

I was just gonna ask you, so they were really little.

They were little, yeah. So it was, you know, so I had a lot to live for. I had a, I had a lot to not only live for but like be the best that I could be for, um, you know, I wanted their, them to have a parent that was able to participate in their lives. And so I looked at every aspect of my recovery in the hospital and in rehab as, okay, what else can I do? Okay, what else can I do? And, um, then I went home and I couldn't go to work. I couldn't drive because it turns out that when you have a brain injury, they don't just give you back your license. You have to test for it again.

Oh goodness. I didn't know that.

Yeah. So I didn't know that either. I learned that. Um, and so I, and I also had a totaled car, so I had to like get a whole new car. My parents moved in with me for 2 and a half months till I got my license and like really got back on my feet. But when my kids were at school or daycare, I didn't have any of the things that I had previously had occupying my mind, and I could have very easily gotten sucked into just an abyss, right? Like, this is never gonna change. I am going to be hopeless forever. And fortunately, I started writing. And because that really helped me, I started writing a blog. And that helped me process all of the things that I was going through. And I tend to be a pretty positive person in general. But, you know, trying to figure out like, okay, well, what, what is going to work the same as it used to? What isn't going to work the same? And how do I adjust to that and create a new life? And so, you know, I figured out quickly that at that time I could not go back to work full time. You know, I wanted to, I tried. And after about 2 weeks, I'm like, I'm not ready yet. I can't do this. Um, you know, so I ended up leaving that role and starting my own consulting business. Um, and just got into it very, very slowly trying to figure things out. And I continued writing. And I look back at all of that right now, Rebecca Greene, and I don't want the accident to have never occurred. Yeah, it's— it was terrible. I mean, there were some really, really awful things, and all of those things have made me resilient. I have been able to persist against some pretty major obstacles. And I've created a really amazing life. I participate with my kids. I get to do all the things I wanted to do. Are things perfect? No, absolutely not. And I would say that things aren't perfect for anyone. You know, I have some things that still bother me. I, you know, I have chronic pain in my hand. I lost the hearing in my left ear. So like there are things that I've had to adjust for. But, you know, like if I hadn't had this, I would have a totally different life and it might not be as amazing as my life is. Like, I'm lucky.

Wow. I'm, I'm so happy that you're saying that. And I'm wondering, you know, it's probably changed your outlook on life.

Absolutely.

Can you tell us about that?

Sure. Um, so I have always been a plan ahead kind of person. I'm very fast-paced. I like to get things done. I like to know exactly exactly what's happening, um, for the coming weeks. And the accident made me sit still, and I've never been somebody who sits still. I, I'm, I still struggle with it, but I at least know that it is a good thing. Um, so I think the perspective shift is instead of constantly being future focused I am more focused on the present, and I work very hard to stay focused on the present and not be, not be attached to the outcome of things. Because my experience has been that things work out however it is that they're going to work out, and I can make it good or bad. But things will work out some way or another. And if I am focusing on what's right in front of me, what is right here, right now, I can do the best that I can, that I can do with right now, and that will set my future up just fine.

I love that. We're always rushing. My husband even points it out to me. He's like, can you just slow down?

Slow down.

It's, it's so hard. And, and I still tend to, like, I have to stop myself. Um, but I think my accident has really allowed me to, to be able to do that. Like, oh, this isn't a life or death situation right now. Like, Yes, I would like to be able to do this, but if it doesn't happen, it's okay. Like something else will come my way or, you know, like I'll have another opportunity, whatever it is. It's—

Yeah. I mean, I would guess that it was a process for you to get there because, you know, it's, it's quite the journey through trauma. And I'm wondering if you can tell people about the stages, the pivotal stages that you talk about.

Sure. So, you know, at the beginning it was— while I was in the hospital, it was just very much, what do I need to do to get better? Um, you know, so that was occupational therapy, speech and language therapy, that was physical therapy. Um, you know, and And to be fair, I had— I exceeded the outcomes relative to my injuries by a long shot. So I get that not everybody who has had similar injuries to me has the same experience. They don't. I had amazing doctors, amazing supportive family. You know, I, so in that initial stage, it was just, this is where I am right now. I need to do the best that I can with what I have.

Yeah.

Right. And then once I got home from the hospital, it was, okay, so what do I do now? I'm not sure what, what to do. Like, can't go to work. I still have outpatient therapies. I need to do something. Like, here I am, a single mom trying to figure out like, what am I going to do? How am I going to pay my bills? I can't rely on my parents forever. Um, you know, and it was a workers' comp case, which again, I am lucky about that, right? So like all of my care was covered because if it wasn't, I would have been bankrupt. I mean, I had millions of dollars worth of surgeries.

I was thinking about the finances with just not being able to work.

Yeah, right. I mean, just paying my rent and my, you know, my daycare providers and everything. Like, I was like, I don't even know, like, what do I do? So once I realized I couldn't go back to work full-time and work like my 60-plus hour week, right, that I had been doing.

Oh my gosh.

I was like, okay, so let's figure out what I can do, um, who I need to contact. So it was a lot of like reaching out to people that I've worked with before and figuring out what I can, I can do to, um, to get my brain back into work mode. Um, and all the while I continued writing. So the book, the first— so the first part of my book just, um, is my mom's journal entries from shock trauma and rehab. So my mom is a retired ICU nurse and rehab nurse Again, I was incredibly fortunate to have someone with that experience as an advocate who also never left the hospital.

I got chills when you said that.

I know.

That is amazing.

It was so amazing. She wrote on— there's a site called CaringBridge. I don't know if you've ever heard of it. CaringBridge is a It's like a journal entry kind of thing, but it is a public thing. So my mom could talk about what was happening to me and everybody who was following it. So all of my friends and family members and, you know, people near and far could follow along and find out what was happening with me at the time. And shockingly, there were a lot of people who followed me. Oh, and like, it was just amazing. It was amazing. I mean, I had people all over, not only the country but the world, like sending me prayers and good vibes and like all of the things. And, and I think that was enormously helpful. So then the second part of my book is my blog. Right? So from that beginning time, like, how am I processing through all of this change and not understanding, like, how am I going to make this work? And what else can I be doing that, that could help me? And I think writing was my biggest processing piece. Yeah. Makes sense. And then the last part of it is, is kind of like where I am now, um, or like a year ago. Um, but, but, um, so I think that relative to the journey, the, that second piece of like, oh my God, I don't know what's happening, and trying to navigate myself out of that. I think that's where additional resources could have been really helpful, and that's part of the thing that I really want to push with people is that there are resources out there. The Brain Injury Association of America has chapters all over the country, um, and there's a trauma survivors network in all of the level 1, level 2 trauma centers. I didn't know about much of that, you know, like I, it's possible that people told me when I was in the hospital, but you know, I had a brain injury, memory wasn't really good point, you know, and my mom of course was completely stressed out, like she was watching all these things happening to me and knowing what the outcomes should have been, right, that fortunately weren't. Um, you know, I had some life-saving surgeries that could have very easily turned out differently. And, you know, sometimes knowing too much is harder than when you're just like, okay, we'll just pray that everything is going to go well, you know, because my mom was like, this could be bad, you know, like she knew, she knew what was going on.

She was the perfect person to be there with you though, because yes, oh absolutely, self-educated, you know. Yeah, well, and like you're describing, as you're describing these stages that you've gone through, I mean, I'm thinking about the person who I think that what is hitting me is that you really had some great support. And I mean, you know, obviously people need that, but for somebody who is struggling their post-trauma and they're not moving through stages, I mean, any steps that you can recommend that they start taking?

So yeah, I would say, so this is the, the interesting thing. I had enormous support. No one in my support system had ever had a brain injury. No one in my support system had ever had a catastrophic accident like I did. And so even though I had that support and I knew that, you know, my family and friends were sticking by me and cared about me, I still felt isolated and alone. Oh, because I was the only one— like, they weren't in my mind, right? They, they didn't know specifically. And I think that is the case for anyone who experiences trauma, any kind of trauma. People may have similar things happen to them, but it is also uniquely yours.

Right. Yeah.

And that can be very isolating. So my suggestions would always be to reach out to— if you've had a brain injury, reach out to the Brain Injury Association in whatever chapter that is in your state. Um, you know, the trauma survivor networks have monthly Rebecca Greene support groups that are virtual and they have in-person ones. So you can find something so that you can at least talk about what's going on with you and, and see that you aren't actually alone in some of these experiences. You know, like the brain fog and fatigue that you get after a brain injury is— can be almost debilitating. Like, I would, once I got my driver's license back, anytime I drove more than like around my little neighborhood area, I would have to like— I, I needed like an hour to just decompress. Um, so, you know, the other thing I would say is give yourself some grace and look for some alternative methods of pain relief, of, you know, suffering relief. Like, I have found a lot of, a lot of help through acupuncture. I have done a lot of PTSD work with my acupuncturist. Um, it has also helped my chronic pain. Um, meditation has been really good for me. And again, that's the, like, me fighting against the need to continuously move, right?

Yeah.

And that has been enormously helpful. Like, it's okay to sit still. I had to reframe that in my mind. And for anyone who is like a go-getter like I am, to like, oh, sometimes I actually have to like stop and heal. Huh, that's a new one. You know?

Right.

Yeah. I can't imagine going from 60 hours a week to having to chill in a hospital.

It was crazy. It was absolutely crazy. And also I would say that my life was careening out of control at that point. I was working as much as I possibly could. I had, you know, just separated from my ex-husband. I had— was working on single parenting. Like, I had all of these things. So having 6 weeks where I only focused on my physical health was really great for my mental health, and it, it allowed me to prioritize, like, okay, what is actually important here? And what is important, what was important back then, it's all the same. It's my family, it's my kids.

Yeah, I'm wondering how you worked 60 hours a week with 2 little kids.

It was pretty crazy. I would go in, I would drop them off, go into work, work, you know, work. Then I would come home, get them all together, you know, like bed, bath, bedtime, and then go back to work. So like just virtually, I would— it was just constant. It was insane.

Wow, that's a lot.

Yeah, it It is, and it's not healthy for anyone to do that.

No.

And so, like, for me, it took a traumatic event to realize that. Oh gosh, like, that's crazy.

I mean, it's terrible what you went through, but I love that it changed so many things for you. And I'm wondering, I don't know what, what the memory was of the accident. You might not have any memories, but like Do you have any, like, did you have to deal with flashbacks or anything from the accident?

I did not. And to be honest, I remember slivers of things. Like, I remember going down the elevator from the building, from my office building, to get in the car. I, I remember the conversation that Emily and I had. She was the coworker that went with with me. I remember that we were talking about how my car needed an oil change, and so she was trying to find Jiffy Lubes nearby that I could get my oil changed. Turns out I did not need to get my oil changed after that. Bye-bye car. Bye-bye. Yeah, I needed a whole new car, so—

oh my God.

But it's like Those little things are what I remember. I do not remember the accident at all. I get incredibly nervous, not so much now because I've done a lot of PTSD treatment, but like certainly in the first couple of years, driving on the Beltway or on an interstate with large trucks really like I would get super nervous. I still have trouble driving with women in my passenger seat. Like, my kids I'm okay with. They weren't in the car with me. Um, you know, even men in my passenger seat, I'm okay with that. Women in my passenger seat make me nervous.

I would think rain would make me nervous. It makes me nervous now. It makes me nervous now.

For sure. Absolutely. And so like if it's raining more than a sprinkle or two, I usually just pull over.

Yeah.

I don't blame you.

I was very worried. I heard a storm was coming and we were 40 minutes away yesterday and it started to rain and I'm like, we're leaving.

Yeah.

We're on the thruway, let's go.

Well, because you, you never, I mean, you never know.

I know.

I don't know.

Yeah. I don't love the driving in the rain and that's really scary. What can happen when you're driving in the rain?

Right. Right. Absolutely.

So you talked about something really important that people need to hear. You mentioned the PTSD work that you've done.

Uh-huh.

Can you talk a little bit about that for people?

Sure. So I have, so I did some trauma therapy. So I worked with therapists that were specific for trauma. Interestingly enough, and this is something that I would recommend to anyone who has been through any kind of traumatic experience, find a therapist that is trauma informed, you know, that works with people who have, who have had trauma. Um, I was— mental health was kind of the not really mentioned in the hospital to me, right?

Right.

Because they were making you alive, right? So, you know, and, and Western medicine unfortunately is very siloed. So, you know, like Yeah. There were all of these things that were going on at the same time and they were all very individual. You know, like it was my therapies, it was my surgeries, it was, you know, my hand different to my brain, you know, and it was like all of these things and there was not a holistic approach. Just because our systems aren't set up like that. And so, you know, finding a good trauma therapist is a great idea to, to process through things. Um, I probably should have done that longer than I did. And, um, but then I started going to acupuncture mostly because of my chronic pain, um, because my coworker Emily had told me she went to acupuncture for her pain, um, from the same accident. And, um, I was like, oh, okay. And, and her boss actually goes, or at the time went to my acupuncturist, so I got a referral.

Oh, that's awesome.

And so I went in first just about pain. And then as we were continuing to talk and I'm like, yeah, like I keep getting— I get all of this like neck and shoulder pain because of tension. And like when I'm driving, it's so much worse. Like I just grip the wheel and, and, you know, and slowly my acupuncturist started talking about like, okay, well, you know, We can certainly continue to treat the symptoms and the pain and all of that, but, you know, there are some other options that we can start doing some treatments, some more spiritual treatments with acupuncture. And I will tell you that has made a world of difference. For me and what I am able to tolerate driving-wise. Um, that's amazing. Just been unbelievable. So I would say explore other avenues. Yeah, there are so many things available, and acupuncture may not work for you, but Reiki might, or meditation might, or yoga might, or, you know, like, there are there's trauma-informed yoga. There's like, there's so much out there that I didn't know because I didn't need it before.

Well, I'm so glad you explored other avenues. And you wonder if the hospital staff even know about effective other strategies. You know, that's something that it would be wonderful that they, if they learned that.

Well, it's very interesting that you say that because I am actually, um, talking to the Southeast Trauma Symposium later this week. Wonderful. And I am gonna— and the focus of my, my talk is about like, hey, you know, like a more holistic approach might be really beneficial to the outcomes that your patients have. And I get that, you know, like, I'm not blaming anyone for the excellent care that I got in both hospitals. Like, I had— I mean, I had doctors save my life multiple times, right? So like, I'm not complaining about that. I just feel like it we could look at things more holistically. And, you know, and I think too, I was so lucky because I had an advocate. I had a case manager with workers' comp, and I had my mom. How many people get into catastrophic traumatic events and don't have an advocate? And that is something every patient should have.

I couldn't agree more. That's such a good point. And I think that you are probably such a resilient person now. Not that you weren't before, but can you tell us what you've learned about resilience?

Oh yeah, absolutely. So, um, so interestingly enough, about several years after my accident, but like as I'm getting my feet under me and everything, my house was hit by a tornado. What? I know. Oh my God, it's like a bad joke, right? Um, so I, you know, fortunately my kids were at their dad's when it happened, and his house wasn't damaged. Um, you know, I lost a third of my roof and had all kinds of issues. Um, but I took it in stride, right? I'm like, okay, we're alive, the important things are still here. Like, I didn't lose any of my artwork or my antique furniture, you know, like the only things that I cared about in my house. Like, I, I'm not a attached to things so much anymore. Um, and I think that's a part of resilience, is to like, you know, yeah, I like, I like this stuff that I have, but could I like leave it? Sure, no problem. Um, now the artwork that my very talented aunt and cousin did, both did, I, I would be devastated if I lost that, but But, you know, like, I, I have learned that the important things are still the important things and the rest of it is just icing.

Yeah.

You know, like the cake is my family. The cake is having a place to live. It is having friends and family who are supportive. It is not the stuff. It is not—

priorities is the word going through my head.

Priorities. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. And I think understanding those priorities is the biggest part of resilience.

It's really good advice. I'm wondering what your core message is from your book that you want people to take away from it.

So I would say that, um, you're not alone, that talking about your experience just brings more people in, and you will find people that have had similar experiences, not necessarily the same, but, you know, have had some measure of, oh, I experienced that when I had my trauma. Um, and, you know, like, I tended to worry so much about talking too much about my accident, like Like, it was like a, when are you going to get better kind of thing? But that was more in my head than it was in anyone else's. But when you have invisible injuries, you know, like, and for the most part look and act normal, it is really challenging to not feel like you are harping on something that it could very easily still be giving you a lot of problems. This is why it's important to, to not isolate yourself. There are people around that can help. There are therapists, there are support groups, there are other modes of healthcare. And also, I hope that my book gives people a spark of hope.

I love that. Yeah, I would imagine anyone who has gone through trauma who hears your story and where you are now would feel very inspired.

I hope so. Not because, like, I'm anything magical. I just want them to believe that I want people who have experienced trauma to believe that they can get to a different version, and that different version can be great. I love that.

That's beautiful. I've asked you a lot of questions. Is there anything important that I didn't ask you?

No, I think you covered all of it.

I tried.

Yeah, I, I mean, I would just say the important pieces are find, find what works for you, but keep looking for things that work. Don't just go inside.

I love it. Well, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your time and you sharing with us. Can you tell everyone where they can find you and your book?

Sure. My website is carrierickeart.com. That's C-A-R-R-I-E-R-I-C-K-E-R-T.com. And my book is available on Amazon, Barnes Noble, any of those outlets. And you can also— there's also a link on my website to the to the book.

Wonderful. It sounds like an amazing book. I would be so curious, not just about what you had to write, but what your mom had to write, because that is unique that you included that. I love that you did that.

And interestingly, I had friends say to me, I can't read the first part again. I know it was— I can't live through that again. I just can't. And I'm like, I understand that first part is for context for people who don't know my story. Like, it's okay.

Well, it sounds fantastic, and I'm so happy for you to hear where you are now, and I'm so sorry for what you went through, and I just appreciate you sharing with us today.

Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate you having me on.

Absolutely. This is Rebecca Greene, and I want to remind everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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