Episode 395: Surviving the College Application Season as a Family

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No need to whine and cry. The Winey Palooza podcast with Rebecca Greene. Welcome to the Winey Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to success successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Um, happy Wine and Blues Wednesday! Hello everyone! I'm being too loud in your ear and you're tired.

Why are you being annoying?

Because you were just obnoxious.

Oh my God, no annoying husband allowed.

Is there a complimentary, no annoying wife rule, or is it just one way?

It just goes one way.

Yeah, of course it does.

I can be obnoxious.

But I am not allowed.

Oh my gosh. Hi everybody.

Hello everyone.

It is Wednesday.

It is, all day.

And we are live.

Yes, we are. Focus.

I'm tired. I'm here. I'm ready.

Let's do it. Sandy's ready for you.

Hi. So how is your week going? How is everybody doing? What is stressing you out? What is making you happy? Share with us. Tell us what's going on. We have— oh, you're so sweet. Thank you.

I told you you look good.

I put on— I did my hair and my makeup today and all of that.

I bet you even took a shower.

I do that most of the time. Don't make it seem like I don't shower.

You shower every day.

I do shower every day. So our topic this week is a very interesting topic because—

whoo!

So where do I get my topics from? We're talking about what is going on with us as a family, what is going on with my friends and you, and what are you asking for and what am I asking for. That is where all the topics come from, right? Life and how it happens. And we are in the midst of college application season with our firstborn child, Max.

Yes.

And Max is first. Max goes first with everything. Yeah, he paves the way for his lucky sisters who don't have to pave the way. And right now we are right in the midst of it. And he has, he has just walked by, focus, and he has done 8 or 9 applications, and he has, um, how many more? Like 5 more he wants to do. So we're in the thick of it, people. And we had a very exciting week because the acceptance letters started coming in, acceptance emails. Oh, did I say letters?

You did. That was our generation. These kids got deprived of getting the letter in the mail.

Well, so, so we got the first one and we were so excited, and we got a couple more, and it has been a very good week.

Yes, it has.

We're 3 for 3, and we don't have Lily's yet, but Max and Ella's report cards, like, they killed it.

Yes.

So we are very proud, happy parents, but that doesn't mean that there isn't stress that comes along with it. It doesn't mean that we don't understand what other people are going through and that we haven't had many conversations in our house about what we're all going through.

Yes.

So let's talk about it.

Yes, let's do that.

Okay. So we talked about the fact that Max is going first and the nice thing is, is that he is a really good firstborn to teach us stuff. So he learns a lot and teaches it to me, and I, I'm in a very unique situation, but I want to share my gifts with you. I have been gifted, and I talked to a lot of moms who are really stressed out, and I'm like, okay, how come I don't feel as stressed. So I'm going to share my secrets. First, first of all, we have to talk about Anne Marie DeLuca Camerata. So you have your support system that you have to use. I mean, we're not supposed to do this whole process alone. If you're doing this whole process alone, of course you're stressed out. When we do anything alone, we are more stressed out. So Max has been talking to his guidance counselor at school a little bit, but we also have Annemarie who does private counseling, admissions counseling. Admissions counseling. So it's called stressfreeadmissions, correct?

Dot com, yes.

So you can find her at stressfreeadmissions.com. She has helped us so much through the process. She has helped us with what class— I mean, back in sophomore year, what classes should Max be taking? Where should Max be applying? How, how to improve his essays? What SAT prep course to take? I mean, she's really guided us a lot, wouldn't you say?

Yeah, admissions is all her.

So I don't know what she has taught me. She has taught me so much, and I— and like, Max will say something to us and we'll say, ask Annemarie, because we don't know. Okay, so Annemarie is secret number 1. Secret number 2 is sitting next to me. So I have lived with this man for over 20 years, and Seth, for, for his business, helps— well, one of his many businesses—

thank you—

helps parents with finding money for college.

How to find money for college dot com.

Okay, so he helps families every day with the college process. So now I selfishly get to use it for our child.

Yes.

So he helps parents with the financial forms. He helps parents find more money so it's more affordable. So now I am going to benefit I'm not going to tell you— I think our biggest stressor of this whole process is the dollar signs of the schools that Max wants to go to. I cannot believe how much college costs. I, I had complete sticker shock when we started.

Normal, and every parent we work with has that experience.

So when we started looking at colleges and looking up what they cost per year, whoo, If you haven't looked, go check it out.

Well, what they cost and what we're going to pay is hopefully very different. Okay, because our magic's going to work.

So we are going to hope that my husband can make it more affordable for us. So I have Seth, I have Anne-Marie, and I want to tell you, please don't do this process alone. There are experts out there to help you. Please find them. And even like the SAT prep course, was so helpful. Okay, so that's secret, one of my secrets, but I do want to pause because we have a son who is very academically focused. He loves to learn. He is very into school. He want— he already is talking about what he's doing for the next like 6 years. I mean, he's got stuff planned out. He wants to go to school, he wants to learn, and not everybody is going to be like that, including other children in our house. So we have 3 kids, and Seth, I don't know if you have thought about this, but the process is going to look different with every child.

I have indeed.

So our kids couldn't be more different. So we're just starting out with Max, but we know Ella and Lily— this is going to look really different with our daughters. And he is really driven and is focused on getting into the school that he— schools that he wants, really wants to go to. But I want us to be where our children are at. So I'm going to give you an example. Lily is obsessed with skincare. Lily is our youngest. If Lily tells us that she wants to be an esthetician— am I saying it right?

Yes.

We support her. So I don't think that they necessarily— our children have to go to college. I don't think that every path is going to look the same, and I just want to help my children reach their goals, whatever those goals will be. I just want them to find something that they can enjoy doing and make a living doing. So I don't—

positive contributors to society.

So I just want us to be where our kids are at, and some kids may not want to go to college. Some kids, um, don't like school, and some kids, like, are talking about their PhDs already. So it's just a unique journey. So I don't want you to judge against Max, and I don't want Lily to judge— our daughter to judge against Max— because I want them to all be unique. Yes. And find their way.

Comparison is the thief of joy. You have taught that on this show many times.

I will keep teaching it. So I'm gonna talk about something else that Annemarie taught me. And Seth, honey, you knew a lot more about college than I did when we started this process. So I'm talking about what I have learned. You're gonna find that you knew a lot of this already and you might have stuff to share that you learned that is different from me.

Awesome.

So for me, um, when we were talking to Annemarie and Max was like, I want to go here and I want to go here and I want to go here, she was like, okay, Max, you got it covered on like your— would you call them reach schools? What would you call them?

That's exactly what I would call them. Okay, so he has reach, target, and safety.

Okay, so he has— okay, so explain to them what those three things mean.

Okay, so the safety school is I'm 100% sure I'm getting in. I am well above the average GPA. I am well above the average SAT score. I am a bigger fish in probably a smaller pond. I'm going to get in and I'm going to get money to go there, right? As my backup, backup, backup plan. Target schools are these are schools where I'm not automatically going to get in. It's going to be— but I got a really good shot and they are a school I would more like to go to. And then there's the reach, is the, man, everyone there is going to be as smart as me. I'll be lucky. I'll be hopeful if I get in. And man, that'd be a dream to go there, but I'm not putting all my eggs in that basket and thinking that's the end-all and be-all.

Okay, so I called it realistic schools, what you called target schools. I didn't know the lingo.

Either one works.

And as far as reach schools, and correct me if I'm wrong, I think there are reach schools that you would like to go to that you think you can get in, and I think that there's another level.

Yeah, there's two, yes. You can break it into two tiers.

There are reach schools that I don't think I'm gonna get into, but I'm gonna apply and give it my best shot.

Yes.

So you agree with that?

Yeah, I do.

You could split them up. So what I liked that Annemarie taught Max while I was sitting there listening is that you have to spread it out and make sure that you're applying to all of these schools and not just your reach schools, because you want to make sure that you have schools to go to, right?

You don't want to just have 7 Ivy League schools on your— every Ivy League school on your application and nothing else, and then if you don't get in anywhere, you're out of luck. You don't want to do that.

Exactly. So then there was a whole nother level of lingo for me to learn. Okay, so if you know this already, forgive me, I didn't know any of this stuff. Like, this is all brand new for me. So Max starts talking about early decision and early action, and I'm like, I don't understand what you're talking about or what any of this means. So do you want to explain it to them?

Sure. Um, so early action in most cases is not— is not legally bind— is not binding. You apply earlier and you find out sooner, so you just know sooner. In most cases, there's a couple schools that are exceptions, but in In most cases, it doesn't change your chances for admission, except in, I think, one exception or two that you're gonna mention. Early action, you can apply to as many early action schools as you want. You can apply to as many regular admission schools as you want. You can only apply to one school early decision. The parents, the student, and the high school guidance counselor all have to sign forms for the one school you apply early decision for if you do it, because You are basically committing, saying, "If you let me in, I'm coming here," and the only real way out of that quote-unquote agreement is if the financial offer is way off and you can't afford it, but you should have your research done ahead of time and have a ballpark, which we can help you with, knowing how much they're gonna offer you. So pretty much knowing you can afford it and knowing you're going if you get in, you can apply to one school that way, and the advantage of that is in most cases, applying early decision, significantly improves your chances for admission. Like, if a school is at 4% admission rate and you apply early decision, your chances might go up to 15, 17, 18% because they know that you're committed.

So your early decision school— so this is all from what I've learned— needs to be your first choice school, right? So like, I don't want to go— like, I really know I want to go to this school, so I'm going to commit to this being my early decision school. So does that mean that the guidance counselor and you and Max signed off on it? Because I did not sign off on it.

Well, because I am Max's parent on that, for listed for financial aid purposes, because I did the— so yes, I signed a form, Max signed a form, Annemarie signed a form, his high school guidance counselor all signed a form. Okay, Annemarie didn't sign it. I signed it, he signed it, high school guidance counselor all signed it. Saying, yes, we understand the commitment here. He gets in, we're— he's pretty much coming to you.

So as we're talking, I complete— you told— taught me this. Max taught me this too. I totally forgot that the guidance counselor had to sign off on it too, and I did not know she completed that.

Yeah, otherwise the application wouldn't have gone through.

So Max got that done?

Yes.

So what I like about this, which is not going to serve Ella and Lily It— Seth, Seth is good at this though, is that Max is being so independent in this process that there's a lot that I still don't know. There's a lot that like parents are like, I have to keep asking them to do stuff. Um, like I said, it's gonna look different with every child. I think that with Lily, I'm gonna be like, did you get it done? Did you turn it in? I don't know. I don't know what it's gonna look like.

We're gonna have a, just like we have. You don't— you may not know this, but I have had with Max a spreadsheet of schools, when things are due, what things he needs to get done when, what essays need to get written by these dates. He's done it all. I've— the only difference is I haven't had to micromanage that process. He's just hit all the deadlines. I would assume that with like, let's say, a Lily, you know, we will be checking in with her repeatedly, reminding her to go do stuff.

So did you create the spreadsheet or did he?

Um, I told him to and then he went and did it. And the one he did looks remarkably similar to the vision in my head, so I was like, he pretty much did exactly what I said to do.

And then for early action, which is a new term for me, Max said that it does sometimes help your chances.

It depends on the school.

Okay.

There are schools where it helps, some— most schools it doesn't, you just find out sooner, but there are some schools where it does help and it helps to know which those schools are.

Well, and you know, I want to give just some general tips based on what I've learned, and please add your two cents. I do think that we need to check in regularly. As independent as Max is, I will like check in as his mom who just wants to make sure. I'm like, did you turn it in? Did you get it in? Like, what's next? Like, I want to check in with him and know what's going on.

Yes.

Um, we talked about using your support system. Uh, be a listening ear. I want to tell you that I do feel, um, a tad bit like I'm on a roller coaster journey because emotions are all over the place. I mean, from the beginning it was like he would tell me one thing, then the next day he would tell me something else, and like I couldn't— and then his like his top choice changed.

Yeah.

And then like, like, be curious.

Like, can you get attached to anything, right?

I, I just went on the journey with him, and this is his journey. I did my college journey, so I want to help him decide for himself. So, okay, what made you change your mind? Like, what makes this school your top choice? I want to hear from you. I want to know what research you've done. And I do think it helped going to the schools.

Yes.

I do think you should visit the schools if possible. If possible. So just be a listening ear because I feel like one day they're excited and the next day they're worried.

Yeah.

And then that totally bounces, right? It's like his emotions have been everywhere. There's been a lot of excitement this week, which is amazing. Yes. But like, I'm just like going on it with him and like, What, what does he need to talk about today? Like, there's been a lot of me listening because he has a lot that he wants to talk about, which I love. I love that he likes to talk about this. Seth said, don't put all of your eggs in one basket. I know that he has his number one choice, and I know he also has other good choices, and that makes me feel good. I would never let my child apply to one school. I'm like, I had said to him, and it depends what you can afford to— like, these applications aren't cheap. I'm like, I would like you to apply to 10 schools. That was my goal. I don't know what your goal was.

Well, he applied to more than that.

I'm just saying my goal was 10. I was like, I would like to see you apply to at least 10 schools, 10 schools that you would go to.

I don't know that he would go to all of the ones that I know there's some he doesn't want to go to that he applied to anyway, but that was for negotiation purposes, which hopefully we won't need.

Reassure your child. Um, if you read my blog at wineandclothes.com, Max wrote a really good paragraph about this. There's a college for every child. There's a path for every child.

Doesn't always have to include college.

And reassure them that their college and their grades and all of that does not define them as a person. Like I said to Max the other day, I was like, you know, I'm really proud of you. I mean, your grades are amazing. I'm really proud of you on this college journey. But like, I'm most proud of who you are as a person. And who you are as a person has very little to do with where you go to college. Like, college helps you on your journey, but there's a lot of colleges that can help you achieve your goal.

Very true.

So we talked about being where your child is at, and some children might say to you, I need a year off of school. I personally, my own recommendation, I don't necessarily advise that. I kind of liked that I just kind of plowed through my 6 years. I was like, I'm gonna do my 4 years and I'm gonna go straight to my master's program because I don't want to lose momentum.

You're in the school mode, right?

I don't want to go work, and, and Max might— I'll, I'll support Max if he wants to work and then go back to graduate school. Whatever works for him. But I'm telling you, for me, like, know your child. I just wanted to keep the momentum going. That's me. Um, remember, your child is unique and may have something in mind that maybe you didn't think of. Maybe, maybe they want to go to— I don't know, think of something— Utah. If Max wanted to go to Utah, I might cry, right?

So I wasn't against the state of Utah.

No, I love— it's beautiful. I hope to go there one day. But I mean, I said to him, I'm like, my goal is to be able to easily drive to you, because he brought up Berkeley in California.

Yeah, I remember.

And I had so many friends be like, don't crush his dreams. Well, He hasn't really brought it up much, so I don't think I'm crushing his dreams. I think that's a little bit dramatic. But he brought up Berkeley, and Seth was like, no. And I was like, you know, the other side of the country, it's gonna take me all day to get to you, like, on planes. I would kind of like to be able to just hop in my car and get to you. Can we like stay on the East Coast?

Yes.

So I don't think that was a big ask.

There's plenty of wonderful schools on the East Coast.

I mean, like, there's so many parents that are like, just pick a SUNY school. I think that's a reasonable thing to ask of your child. Or like, stay in New York State. There's so many schools in New York State. So we're— I think we're allowed to have our limits.

Yes. So parents, if you're paying for it, you should get some votes.

So what, what tips do you have? Anything that you have that I didn't touch on?

On the admissions side, no. I would say it's really important to know what the financial aid package is going to look like before you apply so you know if you're wasting your time or not. And if you need help calculating that, knowing, hey, what is this school going to end up costing me before I apply, we're happy to help at howtofindmoneyforcollege.com. Just mention you came from Winey Palooza.

I just can't even imagine Like, as someone who knows nothing about that, I wouldn't even know where to start with like figuring that stuff out.

Yes, we have parents who say that every day. We say, hey, you got a senior, um, did you already— you have private schools on your list? Did you do the CSS financial aid forms for private school? Like, what are those? When were— I'm like, those started October 1st. Like, oh, I didn't even know I had to go do something.

So Do parents— I'm looking for the question— do parents do this stuff by themselves?

Obviously there are 19 million college freshmen a year and we don't help them. I mean, I don't help them all. We're not the only company, uh, but we're the only one who does everything that we do. So yes, I'm sure there are tens of millions of parents who do it themselves, figure it out, or don't, as opposed to the folks who think, hey, is there a better way? I'm going to go see if there are people to help me with this.

So, College Guru, anything else that you want to share? Because this is so much more your topic than my topic.

Well, you've learned a lot, um, and you don't do it professionally, but you are now a professional mom doing it. So, um, we have, I think, about a 90-minute training at howtofindmoneyforcollege.com/training. If you register, you can watch it with myself and Anne Marie and our tax expert accountant, where we talk for 90 minutes on all of the process of admissions and financial aid. It is free if you come through WineyPalooza. So go to howtofindmoneyforcollege.com/training and you can go watch it.

So I think it's been, it's been a couple years of me learning a lot about college. So by the time—

you didn't really hear about it much other than my work, and we didn't talk that much about it until Max started going through the process, and then all of a sudden the intensity picked up in our house.

So, so by the time So Ella's next. Ella is— oh, it's been so lovely seeing how excited she gets. I mean, I, I'm not gonna lie, I get sad. The mom emotions with college. If you're a mom, you know that your emotions are gonna go to like 50 million different places with this topic. So it's been a joy seeing Ella's excitement because not only is Max excited But our, our middle child is only a couple years younger than Max, and she is soaking it in. She is taking notes. And, you know, we got her report card today, and we were like, honey, you can apply to the same schools Max is applying to. Like, she is just loving this. So by the time we get to Lily, we are really gonna be college experts.

There you go. You just hopefully have some emotional excitement and energy left for her.

Oh honey, so you do the third kid.

I mean, we have the third kid thing where it's the third time, so we're gonna have to save some of that emotional excitement for Lily.

So I did retake day today with Nicole, picture retake, and Nicole made me feel better because Nicole still has children in the elementary school. I'm in the—

4 kids, right? I—

she has 4 kids. I'm in the elementary, the middle school, and the high school. And she is in all 3, okay? So, elementary school, middle school, high school. By the time her 4th child is going to things at elementary school, she's like, "Uh, we don't need to go." We can skip all that, we did the 3 other times. "I did this already, do you really wanna go?" So, she made me—

Another ice cream social.

She's like, "You don't need ice cream." So, Tayton, you're here. Hi, Tayton. So yeah, so that is our college story as of today. We will keep sharing. When I was at school today, it was so sweet. Like, people are following me and following Max's journey, and they like want— get excited with us and want to hear. So it's fun going on this journey with our community too.

Yes.

So we, we will see where Max ends up. There are lots of options and, um, I have a winner to tell you about.

Oh, what was the challenge and who won?

So we, in the Whiny Pooh's a Mom group on Facebook, it's a free supportive community, so come join us. We, uh, have a challenge every month, and this month it was the November Thankful Challenge. And I love, I love seeing the mom's comments, and I love to give away prizes. So, um, the name for November is, and I don't even know if I'm gonna say this right, so forgive me, but it's Amber Kowie-Koroski.

That looks right.

I did my best.

Hopefully.

So Amber won.

Yay, Amber.

So Amber, I will contact you and get you your prize. So thank you to all the moms who took part in the challenge. So come find us. And this Friday on the podcast, on the Winey Clues podcast, is Dr. Amber Thornton. I had trouble introducing her too. It's a tongue twister.

Dr. Amber Thornton.

Thank you.

There you go.

And the topic is A Parent's Guide to Self-Regulation.

Oh, does that help me regulate myself?

Oh my God, she— I loved her. Listen to her. Yes, she will help you.

I need to regulate myself.

You I am going to tell you that if you can regulate your own emotions, which is not easy, I try every day and sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don't, but I keep practicing. If we can regulate our own emotions, that is what's going to help our kids and our spouse.

Yes, everybody.

Thank you.

So, um, Please like, share, rate, review, subscribe. Go to whinyblues.com, read the blog, find the Linktree, sign up for all of Rebecca Greene's awesome free resources, including the Whiny Blues newsletter that is 3 times a week.

Do you think that they understand you when you talk that fast?

Yes, because they listen to used car commercials on the radio.

When I go to Seth— okay, stop, stop. When Seth does a mastermind once a month.

Business seminar. Yes.

So if you are in the world of business and you are— well, you don't have to be local because— is it, is it on?

They could Zoom it. Yes. But if they're local, they could actually come. She says we— Sandy says she understands. We thank you, Sandy.

So if you are, if you are local, you can, you can come join us. If you are not local, I believe it's on Zoom.

It is.

So feel free to reach out to connect with Seth's mastermind group. But I go to the mastermind group once a month, and sometimes, like, my processing skills just, like, shut down. And I'm like, Seth, you're saying so much good stuff, but you're saying it so fast that I can't even compute. I don't think that everybody there agrees with me. I'm on a different level than most of the people there.

Please don't demote yourself.

I'm a social worker. I'm not a speed listener. I'm not a business owner. Well, you are. Anyways, I won't degrade myself.

Thank you. Yes, I do need to talk slower. I agree with you, even if you haven't surveyed the group.

So yes, anyways, but Sandy got it, so thank you, Sandy. You're great.

Please subscribe and share.

I appreciate all of the things that you have to share with us, Zach. And I appreciate everybody joining us. So join us next week for a new topic and have a wonderful week. Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time. This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.

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