Episode 413: Max's 18th Birthday

No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza Podcast with Rebecca Greene.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza Podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Greene for the Whiny Pooza Podcast. And I am extremely excited because I got my son Max to be on the podcast today. And my lovely husband is joining him. Hi, Seth and Max.

Hi, Mom.

Hello, I'm lovely husband. I've never been called that before.

Max, thank you for doing this. I know that you're humoring me. Max is a very, very busy student, and he's taking time out of his schedule to do this with me. So I appreciate it. And the reason why I have corralled him to do my podcast today is because he is turning 18 in one week, and I can't believe it. And you know I'm gonna cry at some point tonight, um, but I want to ask him about turning 18, and I want to say congratulations to Seth and I for raising an almost 18-year-old. Give it up!

We did it, honey.

High five from upstairs. So, Max, how does it feel to be turning 18? Do you feel different or does this feel like just another birthday?

I would say it feels a little different because of all the stuff around it. But as for me and my daily life, not a lot is going to change.

Okay, well, we'll get into that because there is lots that's going to change this year.

This year, not—

I'm— What are you most excited about now that— well, he's not an adult for a week, but picture yourself as an 18-year-old. What are you most excited about to be a technical adult?

I guess the only thing I've really thought about is the fact that I can vote because I've been in my government class a lot.

Awesome. Yeah, that's awesome. I, I will tell you, as your mother, I am very excited because I don't have to worry about what time it is anymore because Max is not allowed to drive after 9 o'clock until he turns 18. He's only allowed— he's only allowed to drive one person in the car who is not related to him, and it is a challenging rule to follow. So in one week I don't have to look at the clock, right?

Yes, I'm excited about that too.

I'm excited. Um, what is something you've learned about yourself during your teenage years?

Uh, that's a bit of a loaded question. I probably learned a lot about myself from the ages of 13 to 18.

What's gonna help you? What's gonna help you as an adult? Pick something.

One thing that I probably have learned is that I, I really like the feeling of working and being busy. And like, sometimes you'll think that being busy is a bad thing, but I think I kind of need to be busy.

Interesting.

Oh, I want to know more about that. Why do you need to be busy? I love that.

Well, when I'm not doing stuff and my brain isn't as active as normal, I kind of get in a slog. And I think that slog is enjoyable for a little while, but it's not good for an extended period of time. And I think there's a sort of value to being busy.

Yeah, being bored and lazy gets gets old. Yeah, I, we, I think that this family likes to feel productive.

I agree.

Yes, yes. When I join the PTA and take on a role, Max will say to me, Mom, you love homework.

That's an excellent point. Maybe it's genetic.

Well, I think that you and I are very hard workers, and I think our kids are too.

Yes, for absolutely.

What is one piece of advice that you would give to younger teens about growing up?

Hmm, I would say outside of the cliché, you know, enjoy it and do what you like, I would say that you don't need to feel as pressured as you do around your teenage years. Your teenage years can feel like there's always pressure to do certain things and you have to get all this done, but I think you should just, yeah, do what you like and just experience being you.

Yeah, less pressure. Less pressure. I, I think you should tell your sisters that. What is a childhood memory that has stuck with you and shaped you?

Um, hmm, well, what immediately came back to me was the Mabel West Bright Playground, and I, I just thought of like how I made a bunch of friends there and how those friends still impact me today and all those like cool times that I had.

Oh, I loved those days.

The Playground Posse.

The Playground Posse. Who are you thinking of on the playground? Can you give me one example?

Like John?

John, yep. We haven't seen John in forever. Mm-hmm. What is a fun or silly goal that you've set for yourself now that you're 18?

Mm, well, I've got a lot of fun and silly goals, as you know.

Why don't you not be shy and share one of them?

Um, well, one of my most well-known silly goals is that my friends and I really like Spider-Man. And so one of my life goals is to create functioning Spider-Man webs.

Oh my God, I told him he's not allowed to be Spider-Man. You're not allowed to, to like, what is it called, jump off—

wing from buildings.

You're not— I don't care how good the web is that you create one day. Max is obsessed with Spider-Man, and I love that he loves Spider-Man, but even if you create the strongest web in the world, I forbid you from jumping from building to building. You're never allowed to try that.

I don't know, Mom.

Oh my God. What are you nervous about as you step into adulthood?

Well, obviously there's the like uncertainty of my future and all that and how it's a big transformation for me. But I'd say I'm most nervous about getting done what I want to get done, just in my life in general.

You know you can do it, right?

I know. I know I can. I'll just have to figure it out.

I hope you have as much faith in you as we do. That stuff stuck to me. Sorry, it's bothering me. Um, I hope that you have as much faith in you as we do. I really do. So how do you think your relationship with your family might change as you become a legal adult?

Well, in the next 7 months, I don't think it'll change a lot, but once I go to college, wherever that may be, Um, I think it'll change quite a lot since I might not see you guys as much.

Ah, yep, yep. So just change because you won't see us? Yeah.

Um, you will have to function on your own by yourself.

Well, that's not my relationship with my family.

No, I'm asking about his relationship.

Yes, right. But your ability to do that might positively affect things like your self-confidence and other things that might benefit your relationship with your family.

Mm-hmm.

How does that benefit?

Well, if he is a more confident, functioning, independent adult, then obvious— then I would— he'd be an even more amazing role model for his sisters. His confidence might affect the, uh, things that he does, the choices he makes, the communication he has, all of which affect us?

I think that what has changed for me, and I would love to know what, what Seth thinks, but I think that I treat Max differently. I don't think I treat him as a kid anymore. I mean, I still tell him what to do somewhat, but I respect him and I ask his opinion on things in a different way. Do you see that, Max?

Mm-hmm. I mean, I don't think it's just because I'm an adult. I think that's been over like the last 3 years.

I think it's— I think it's larger as you get older, but I, I understand why you're saying that. Seth, what do you think?

I, I would agree with that. I think over the years, as he has gotten even smarter and matured, um, it has positively affected our relationship with him.

Yes, yes. As somebody who loves babies, I will tell you, I miss him being a baby, But how cool is it to see your kid become an amazing human being that you can have deep conversations with?

Amen to that.

Pretty cool. It's pretty freaking cool. So to all the parents listening, and I want you to be honest, what do you think that your parents have done right? What do you think we could have done differently?

Well, the first example that comes to my mind is the sleepovers when I would forget things because you always tell yourself that you're such a bad mother for telling me not to forget my stuff or whatever and how that's still impacting me on trips.

Max and I—

I did not expect that.

Wow.

Max and I have talked about that. You know, you really can do a number on your kids. Like, we can talk about what I've done right, but I could tell you a lot that I've done wrong, like freaking out on Max for constantly forgetting things at sleepovers. And now when we're leaving, he's like counting everything on our trips to make sure he doesn't forget anything because I scarred him. Or like Ella doesn't want to smile with her teeth because I've criticized how she smiles with an awkward smile. So now she doesn't want to smile. Yeah, don't do that, people.

Well, how great is it that those are the examples that came to mind when you did something wrong?

Yeah, those are pretty— yeah, if that's your worst example, that's pretty darn good, right? Give yourself some praise.

I'm sorry, Max. What I should have said was, no big deal, you lost a sock, you lost a glove, no big deal.

I'll just go back tomorrow and get it.

So What did we do right?

Uh, well, I said you did a lot right, but, um, you guys, I think your best trait as parents is being cheerleaders. That you guys are very good at being cheerleaders, always supporting me and making sure to get to all my games and stuff. That is definitely what you guys were best at.

Oh, we're, we're definitely his biggest fans.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, for sure. Um, I'm thinking there will be a beautiful wife one day that might overrule us and be your biggest cheerleader, but for now we're your biggest cheerleaders. So what's one thing about being a kid that you're gonna miss?

Mm, the ignorance.

Ooh, that's what you say, ignorance.

Tell me more.

Well, whenever— when I look back on my childhood, the thing that I look back on is the memories I made. And a large part of those memories is the ignorance of everything else going on, maybe the looming responsibilities. But yeah, the ignorance is bliss is definitely what stands out.

Now you're too smart for that. Now there's no ignorance at all. What are you most proud of accomplishing before you turn 18? All that you've accomplished. Hmm.

I don't know. I think I just— I'm proud that I always try to improve and look to the future. It's not really one specific accomplishment. It's more just the fact that I build on previous progress.

That's awesome. That is awesome. I mean, you've got to be pretty proud of your grades and your— and all of— all— yeah, all the accomplishments. He's got a lot of accomplishments. We could give you his resume, but I won't do that to you. I'm pretty proud. So if you could talk to your future self 10 years from now, What advice or encouragement would you give to yourself?

Mm, well, like anyone, I'd probably more have questions, but what advice I would give to my future self would, um, if I still care too much by then to go, uh, for what I really want, then that I would give him the advice to just say, screw it, go for it.

If you could go back in time and give advice to your 8-year-old self, what would you tell your 8-year-old self?

Mm, I'd probably tell myself not to get into much trouble.

So you didn't get in that much trouble, but I understand.

You didn't get into trouble. You know your sister's in the shower, right? Okay, they're both lining up for the shower. Um, what did you just say, Max? I'm sorry.

He said he— I asked what advice he would give his 8-year-old self, and he said don't get into too much trouble.

Right, but you didn't get into trouble.

Well, that's about the best advice I could give my 8-year-old self since I'll give your 8-year-old self advice. Hmm.

When soccer gets boring and you don't want to do it anymore, don't do it.

Yeah.

Tell your parents sooner.

I, I still think that that experience was important.

Okay, so why did you learn from it? Yeah, so, so everybody doesn't know, everybody listening doesn't know. Can you wrap it up and summarize what happened with soccer?

Well, I started playing soccer when I was 3 years old and my mom and dad put me in some play soccer league, I don't know. And I enjoyed it for a while. And after a little bit, I switched to playing goalie and I got pretty good at that. So I started playing on travel teams and state teams. And what I found was that I didn't really like the people I was playing with and I didn't, I found the game boring after a little bit. And so I decided to quit after 12 years.

And it was a really hard decision. He felt so bad 'cause he felt like he was letting us down, you know, 'cause we had put so much into his goalie training and all of that. And Max really wanted to do football and he really wanted to try football. And I kept saying no. Seth and I kept saying no. And I was worried about his brain and playing football. And do you wish that you had started playing football in like 7th grade?

No, no. I think that sticking with something for so long showed me that having a lot of experience and you can get better by practicing. And like I said, the experience of putting a lot into one thing and then realizing when it's time to step away, that there's a lot of value in that.

Yeah. Excellent lessons for all of us. I learned a lot too. What about you, Seth?

Amen to that.

Yes, I would say to all the parents listening, pay attention. Even if your child is the best person at gymnastics in the world, if they're telling you they would rather play football Let them try it. Let them try things. So what do you hope this next chapter of life will look like?

Well, I hope I continue to do what I'm doing. I go to college, I work hard, try to get good grades and take advantage of the opportunities that I have. Really, that's, that's my number one goal for the next chapter.

The next chapter is really exciting. I'm really excited for you. As you wait to hear from colleges, the, the admissions are rolling in. What is your advice to students about the application process?

Hmm. Well, for current seniors, it would be to mostly sit back and relax because there's not a ton you can do at the moment. But for upcoming seniors, It would be to just at least take the chance because crazier things happen than you think. So apply to your dream school, apply different places, and just see what happens.

Yes. And I do think that you should apply to your dream school. And I do think that you should have lots of safety schools. Can you tell them what safety schools are?

Schools that are below the stats that you have, like your SAT score, you would be above their average SAT score.

Yeah. Why do you think you are so successful?

Well, I wouldn't say I'm so successful, but—

Hahaha, what do you like? What do you— can I— would you like me to fight that with some stats?

No, that's okay. But if I had to answer that question, it would probably be that while it is important to celebrate your successes, I just go from one thing to the next, take it one thing at a time, the best I can. And just keep moving forward.

Why do you think he's so successful, Seth?

I think relentless persistence, refusal to give up, and a desire to constantly improve, and a work ethic that makes him— you know, it's funny. I sent him— he has gotten into various things over the years. And we might start it, especially when he was younger, we might start a video game together or a thing together. And I'll go to work the next day and I come home a week later and he's light years beyond me and I don't have a prayer of keeping up with him anymore because he went through all the tutorials, he practiced them over and over and over again. He got really, really good and I played once.

Great example. Max is very stubborn and persistent and it's not always an easy thing to parent. But I have such admiration for it, and I know that it makes him successful, so I have a lot of tolerance for it. Right? Like, I'll tell him to do something, and he'll say, no, I'm not going to do that. And I'm like, you know, now that he's turning 18, you know—

Yeah, but I'll tell you why I'm not going to do that.

He might present you with a PowerPoint about why he's not going to do that.

You know, stubborn and persistent, but very kind in his approach. So if you look into the future, where do you see yourself at 25 years old?

Mm, at 25 years old, probably in grad school, hopefully getting my PhD in bioinformatics or machine learning or whatever I choose and just chugging along.

So when you go to college until you're 21, And then how long is graduate school?

Depends. Um, PhDs are like 2 to 6 years, I think.

Okay, okay. I didn't know. So he might still be in school when he's 25. We shall see. He has some dreams he wants to accomplish. Um, what, what is the career goal at the moment? Today?

Uh, to be a professor at a school in Boston, hopefully.

And teach what? And do research in what?

To teach, uh, well, a number of things, but just generally, uh, comp bio, and to also research comp bio.

Awesome. Um, Seth, what other questions do you have?

I think you did. You had some really good questions in there. I think you did a great job.

I, I don't have any, um, anything else, Max, that I didn't ask you that you think would be helpful to people. I couldn't be more proud of you. I am not only like so over the moon proud of you, I'm going to be really honest here and tell you that I'm really proud of your dad and I because we raised you.

We get some credit.

And I'm pretty proud of our accomplishment because when you raise a successful 18-year-old, that's like huge. And then like the next goal would be to see a successful adult, like that we raised a successful adult. So thank you for being our child.

And thank you for being my parents.

Thank you for being so awesome and happy almost birthday. And thank you for doing this with me. And, uh, this is Rebecca Greene, and I want to remind everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving. And I can't believe I didn't cry. I did a good job.

Congratulations.

Okay, bye guys.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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