Episode 432: Lessons I’ve Learned from My Husband Seth – A Birthday Tribute

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Call 1-800-BETS-OFF. No need to whine and whiney palooza. Have some wine and join us on the Winey Palooza Podcast with Rebecca Greene. Welcome to the Winey Palooza Podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family. Hello everyone. Nice. Now we all self-conscious.

Why? What are we talking about?

You said that I always say, "Hello everyone, happy Whiny Palooza Wednesday." That's not bad.

It's like your catchphrase, right? Paris Hilton says it's hot, you say, "Hello everyone." Paris Hilton says she used to—

Okay, don't share it. Don't share it. I tagged you. Don't share it.

Okay, I'm not sharing it. We're here.

Wait, what did you say about Paris Hilton?

That was a long time ago.

Okay, did she say— did she used to say it's hot?

I think so, yes, many years ago.

Okay, all right. I say hello.

No, you say hello everyone. You don't want to leave anybody out. Hello everyone. Oh my God, little punchy.

Oh my God, what are we going to talk about?

Let's go.

I didn't even finish all my stuff and it's 9:00. It has been such a long day.

Yes.

Um, do you know how much I love my dog? I love my— I love my dog so much that I took him 40 minutes away to get a chiropractic adjustment.

Did you know they had chiropractors for dogs? We— I did not know this.

Drove 40 minutes there in the snow, and you might have escaped it, but when I went to Eden, it was pouring snow.

I went to downtown at like 8 in the morning.

Well, when I went at 1 o'clock, it was pouring snow.

It was not pouring.

So I said to the weather, I need you to stop so I can actually see where I'm going and get my dog to the chiropractor.

Well, hopefully the weather cooperated. You have magical powers.

Oh my gosh. So Seth celebrated a birthday with us on Sunday.

I did have my birthday.

You had your birthday. So this week is all about Seth.

It is? Yes. Okay, it's all about me.

Did you not notice that? My newsletter on Monday was about you. My blog and my vlog today.

Pretending to be surprised.

So today I wrote a birthday tribute to my husband. Did you like it?

I did.

I think I got 2 words as a response to this beautiful blog.

I was a little busy. I apologize. I should have written you paragraphs.

Seth is so busy. Seth worked 7 to 7 today. So, okay, so today I wrote a blog. You can go find it at winapoosa.com. It's all about lessons I learned from Seth. And on Friday, which I will tell you again at the end, we're releasing a new podcast. I interviewed Seth on success, and you're gonna love it. I loved it. You did a great— you did a great job.

Thank you very much. It's an honor to be your most repeated guest.

So let me tell you a little bit about what you've taught me.

Okay, I'm ready.

And this is just a little nugget because we've been together for 21 years.

It's a long time.

And we teach each other a lot. We are— we are yin and yang. Yes, we balance each other out and we teach each other. So like, I'll give you examples. Here we go, here we go. So I don't think that I was as persistent until Seth taught me that, and I think that between in therapy training and school They teach you the importance of persistence, but you really show that to me because when I was writing this, you were texting— I'm gonna try not to cry, I'm feeling emotional. You were texting me your work stress when I was writing this.

Okay, I apologize for that.

And it made me really emotional because— and I want you to hear this, and I was hoping you were in such a not good state that I was hoping that writing this and emailing this to you would give you the little pep to your step that you needed to turn your day around.

Oh, that's so nice of you.

So I was hoping that in having such a bad day that writing this for you helped.

That's very sweet of you.

I don't know if it helps, but I tried.

You did.

And I wanted you to know that I noticed that you have bumps and hard days, but you never give up, right?

And it's only failure if you quit.

It's— oh, and, and it's not a failure if you keep going and learn from it, right? So you have the bumps and you get through the bumps, and you're showing the children and I to be persistent, to, to persevere. Yes. So I appreciate that about you.

Well, thank you. I'm glad you noticed.

Okay, so the two words that a therapist will tell every single client is that you need to be persistent and you need to be consistent. So if you are having anxiety and you need to work on your anxiety, then you have to be persistent and not give up on yourself, and you have to be consistent and do it every day, all day. So, you know, a perfect example is Seth training for his 3rd degree black belt, and it has been a lesson for me to watch him. Because he started training small a long time ago.

Yep.

Like, he like makes a plan.

Yes.

And he started training a long time ago and he kept at it consistently to the point where he crushed his pretest.

Thank you.

And will crush your actual test.

Thank you.

Right?

Yes, I'm gonna do it.

So my two, two of my very favorite words Hi Randy! Two of my very favorite words that I never want you to lose sight of are persistence and consistency, and you show us both of those things every day.

Thanks.

You go to work every day, you, you work hard every day, and we see that.

Awesome.

And you're teaching that to us.

Awesome.

Okay, let's go back to Krav for a minute.

Okay.

We're going to talk about how you've taught me to build up and, and partialize things.

Okay.

So tell them where you started training and where you're at now, because you started doing like one set.

Oh, okay. So part of our test, in addition to all the moves that we have to do in the sparring and the CrossFit and all the other stuff, is there is something called physical conditioning where we have to do 10 rounds of it. It takes 20 minutes. It's a minute and a half timed and then 30 seconds rest. And really quickly, a round of conditioning is burpee, burpee, 2 get-ups, burpee, 2 get-ups, 3 push-ups, burpee, 2 get-ups, 3 push-ups, 4 sit-ups, burpee, 2 get-ups, 3 push-ups, 4 sit-ups, 5 squats, 5 lunges. That's 1 round in a minute and a half. And I started like a year, year and a half ago doing 1 round.

And is it timed? Does it have to be a minute and a half?

Yes, a minute and a half. You have to do all that in a minute and a half. Even 9 rounds in, it still can only take you a minute and a half. So I started with 1 round of conditioning. And then I would got that, and then a week later I would do 2 rounds, and then 3, and then 4. It took 10 weeks to get up to 10, but I wasn't doing them all in a minute and a half. It took me longer. And then once I got to 10, then it was each week keep practicing, keep doing 10 rounds, and keep doing it faster until I can do it for time. And then of course there's a matter of our test is like 4 or 5 hours long and doing it after most of that, so doing it while you're already exhausted.

Oh my God, I'm so tired listening to that. So I've watched him train for this consistently, and I've watched him build up, and to the point that people are asking him how he got—

his classmates, yes, everyone else testing with me, my teammates after the pre-test said, dude, you sailed through that. How the hell? They all collapsed, most of them collapsed on the floor and laid there motionless for a while. For many minutes and then said, "You're still standing and you're not bent over dying. Like, how did you do that?" I said, "Been working on it for a long time.

I knew this was coming." Well, and if he had a paper due— you guys have heard me talk about this before because this is such a good lesson from Seth— if he had a paper due, he planned out how many pages he had to write every day. If he wants to clean out the basement, which we want to do, he would make a plan of 30 boxes, one box a day for 30 days. And he would be like, in a month we'll be done if we do a box every day. Like, he, you know, like, I would exhaust myself and do something nonstop all day, whereas Seth has taught me, like, do an hour, do 2 hours, and then go back to it the next day.

Yes.

So I don't know where you learned that. But it's a really good skill.

Study skills from my parents growing up. I mean, I just generalized it into almost every area of life.

I just found that— oh my God, I'm so sorry, I keep yawning. I found that I would sit down to write a paper and I get this flow going and I would crack out a 10, 20-page paper I would just crack it out and you worked 20 days on that paper.

Yes, but I did one page a day for a lot less time than you spent doing your 20 pages in one day.

So I would probably do hours of 20 pages, but I liked my flow state.

I practiced generating the flow state for one page at a time.

And I love—

you're the tortoise, you're the hare, I was the tortoise.

But I love how you do that.

Slow and steady wins the race.

I, I think that that is a healthier way to do it.

Well, thank you for the compliment. I don't know if I agree, it just works for me, but thank you.

I mean, I got really good grades and did a great job, but I did it, I did it very differently than you did it, right?

It might— it worked for you at the time. It might not have been the most efficient energy source, but to usage, but it worked. You did it.

I remember blocking off Sundays and doing homework like all day.

Right, where I maybe did half an hour a day for every day. Just different.

We're very different, but you've taught me a lot.

Thank you.

Um, let's talk about laughter.

Okay.

Because you know you've been really, um, what is the word, nailing it? You've been—

oh, you're talking about Lily.

Okay, okay, so here's, here's the thing about Seth. Is, you know, I fell in love with him for a lot of reasons, but one of the reasons was he makes me laugh all the time. Like, I don't know if you have taken note of that, but I love to laugh.

Yes, well, when we first started talking and I heard you laugh over the phone, I loved your laugh, and I'm like, oh, that's good, because I'm gonna spend the rest of my life making her laugh.

Oh, Seth has said that he does not always like people's laughs, so I'm glad that he approved of my laugh.

I laugh nonstop. But yes, there are— do you folks, there are people there, you hear them laugh and you're like, oh my God, that's it, I wouldn't want to listen to that every day.

Okay, well, you're stuck listening to me every day.

I'm blessed.

So Seth is very funny and makes me laugh a lot, and he really has shown me how important humor is in difficult situations. So like, we will be fighting and he'll say something funny.

Pattern interrupt.

Or like, Lily will be most common, right? Lily will be being difficult.

Yes.

And he is— he has taken it to a hysterical level. So instead of Lily and I getting pissed, we are all laughing.

Yes.

So you've really taught me how to use laughter.

It is a wonderful medicine and coping strategy.

And if you're in a really heated argument with someone, I mean, I could see it maybe backfiring.

You could get— I, I could— thankfully it hasn't really happened yet. You could be pissed going, you're not taking me seriously, or don't make me laugh right now, I'm mad at you. But thankfully that hasn't happened.

I'm just saying, I could see it backfiring, but I usually end up laughing and it lightens the mood. Yes. And it breaks the pattern and shifts both of us to a better place where we talk better about whatever the situation is.

Diffuses tension.

Diffuses attention. Okay, so love is not necessarily big huge gestures, and I love big huge gestures. You can, you can romance me all you want, I'm not gonna ever deny that. But Seth has taught me how important— because I know how I feel, so then I know that that's what it takes to have a good marriage is like the little things. Love is in the little things. So like when you pick me up a coffee or you do the dishes or you ask if you can pick up Lily on your way home, like that's love.

Yes.

And so love isn't necessarily this big huge thing. Seth has shown me that love is all the little things we do all day, right?

Because you probably can't do a big grand romantic gesture every single day.

We could try that.

Thanks, honey.

Seth does not have time. Seth worked a 12-hour day. He doesn't need to be worrying about big, grand, huge things, right?

Right.

You didn't have time for the little things to— you didn't have time for little things today, right? Okay, the power of a positive mindset. So I thought I was positive before I met Seth. I think that you take the cake.

I don't think so. I think you make me more positive.

Okay, so maybe we're affecting each other.

I would freely— I have— I think you are the most optimistic person I have ever met, so, and I love that about you.

Really? Yes, because there are plenty of times when I say something and you have a better way to look at it.

And it goes the other way.

You will show me the silver lining. Yes, you will show me like you're really good at saying, aren't we blessed that we get to do that? So I think that the biggest shift in my mindset because of Seth is that I find that during my day I'm more often saying, aren't I blessed that I get to do this? So whether I'm picking up my kids or doing the dishes or making them dinner or running to Wegmans. There are many times I go to a negative place of, ugh, I don't want to go back to Wegmans, and I can like hear Seth in my head going, you— I mean, I don't recommend this, but you get to go to Wegmans and buy whatever you want, and we live across the street, and you get to feed your family with this amazing food that people can't afford this. Seth is not micromanaging what you buy. Like, go to Wegmans, buy a good dinner, and feed your family and feel fortunate.

Yes.

So I think you've done a good job of shifting my mindset with all the things that I get to do all day.

That's awesome.

So yes. Ah, the next one is funny. We just experienced this. Yes, staying calm under stress. So I'm going to preface this with I am exhausted and the cleaning lady was just here. Okay, I did not do a lot of cleaning today. I did a lot of other things today. So I recommend outsourcing when you can. My neighbor told me that I should be using Instacart instead of going to the grocery store. It would probably end up saving us money if I did that because you wouldn't impulse buy as much.

You wouldn't walk down the aisles and go, oh, that looks good, right? You just punch in what you are actually buying.

I think a lot of people just repeat, like, it's just like repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. We could probably get it to a smaller bill, like we could probably organize it to be like, this is what we're gonna eat.

Yep, yep.

And just repeat that.

Yep, it's taco Tuesday.

And then you would know, and then you would know what our bill was every week.

It wouldn't be a guessing game. It's like playing The Price is Right. Is Rebecca gonna be over or under?

We— I listened to a couple on YouTube talking about budgeting because I knew my husband would appreciate that.

Okay.

It stressed me out.

Oh my God, honey, I didn't tell her to listen.

I don't know what she's talking about. Stressed out. But they were right. Everything they said, it is a muscle. Everything that we learn, it's like practicing something new with a new muscle.

Yep.

And they were talking about how you go to the grocery store and you spend $200, and then you're like, okay, the next time I go to the grocery store, I'm gonna spend under $200. And then you spend $190, and then you say, okay, I'm gonna beat that. And they're like, you play a game with yourself.

I don't expect you— I've never expected you to go that far.

I just um, and like just the way that they talked about money in general was just such discipline. I was just so impressed. But anyways, back—

calm under stress—

back to calm under stress. So unfortunately, a shelf decided to break.

The shelf didn't broke, it fell out of the refrigerator and all of the things on it fell. And we— one of them, the olive jar broke and there was glass all over the floor and olive juice all over the floor that had just been cleaned.

So I was like, she just scrubbed the floor, I'm exhausted, I still have a million things to do, I have to go live soon. So I'm— my head is going, oh my God. And Seth is like calmly picking up the glass, just so calm. Like, if things happen He's so calm, and I have been known to freeze, and Seth has been known to act. So like, we're watching Yellowjackets, okay? So I would be in the cabin crying in the fetal position, and Seth would be out hunting so that we could eat.

Yep, that's about right.

That's— if you haven't seen Yellowjackets, you don't understand, right?

But they're stranded Plane crash, survivors, mysterious place.

So Seth would be out getting shit done.

Yes.

And I would be inside crying that we were stranded, right?

Yes.

But you're very calm under stress, and I appreciate that. And you have taught me to just stay calm and get it done. You're like, okay, we're not gonna complain that the glass broke everywhere, we're just gonna stay calm and clean it up.

Right, you could have spent more— might have spent, not tonight, but in previous instances years ago, might have spent more time complaining about it than it took us to actually clean it up.

Right, and you taught me that, right?

I'm like, you could have been done already, I'll give you the 4 minutes back.

Or you'll look at me, or you'll look at me standing there staring at the mess and you'll be like, are you gonna help?

Right, you're just staring, I'm cleaning.

You're like, oh God, she's in her deer frozen place, can she get out of it and just start moving and helping me.

Yes.

So thank you for staying calm under stress.

Thanks. I don't always— I don't do it every time, but yes, home stress I'm pretty good at.

Okay, so you're persistent.

Yes.

You're consistent.

Yes.

You build up to things.

Yes.

You use laughter.

Yes.

You show me love in the little things.

Yes.

You have a positive mindset.

Yes.

You stay calm under stress.

I do my best.

And you've shown me the magic of teamwork.

You are, you are my teammate every day.

So I think that one of the biggest mistakes that women make is that they think that they have to do everything themselves, okay? And I can still fall into that trap. And, you know, like, my mom was texting me today that she would pick Ella up on the way home from work for me, and I was like, no, I'm going. Like, Tanner's like in the car, we're just gonna go get her. I could have easily just said thanks, Mom.

Yes.

And gone in the house.

That's right.

But I was, I was like in the car and I was like, nah, I'm just gonna go get her. Accept the help. Or like Seth will show me that I'm not in it alone. Like I have a partner who wants to help.

I do.

So he will literally say to me, how can I help? And I noticed yesterday that I have this friend who is so good at asking for help, and she texted me for help, and it just kind of struck me that she has no problem asking for help. Like, sometimes things just hit you over the head, and I was like, you just need to ask. People want to help. I'm telling you, it's a village, and people don't want you to always be the giver. Like, that's another thing I've learned, yep, is that it's selfish in a way to always be the giver because you're making the other person feel bad and you're denying them the pleasure of helping you because they want to help too. It's not just they don't want to just accept help, they want to help.

Gotta be give and take.

So I love that you are in it with me. I love that you are always asking how to help, and I love that you've taught me to be a team. Instead of a solo player. Yes, because in school, you know that I never wanted to do the team projects, right? And you know that if I was doing the team projects, I was doing the whole project.

I might have done that once or twice myself.

I think your son is the same way, and I'm gonna guess Ella is the same way.

She is.

Do we know about Lily?

I don't— haven't had that conversation.

We, we will see how Lily is, but we've got 4 out of 4 right now. Yes, 4 out of 5. I'm tired. Okay. You have taught me about the importance of being present and enjoying the moment, and, um, will yell at me for that in a good way.

Yes.

Like, I'm a multitasker, and I am— one of the things that Seth doesn't know is there are oftentimes that were, I don't want to say having a conversation, but sitting together, watching something, finishing a conversation, whatever it is. And I might be responding to an email. I might be, I might be annoyed.

It's annoying that you're not like, say, watching Yellowjackets, but you also got to be on your phone.

So one of my coping strategies with that show is to multitask.

Yes, it defuses your tension a little bit by looking at something else at the same time as the creepy stuff is happening.

I did the same thing with Hunger Games.

Yep.

Oh my gosh, 6 o'clock is too early for me, people. So Seth is very good at being present and being where his feet are, and he has taught me that, and I strive to be like that, and I love that he does that. Thanks. Okay, last but not least is your unwavering support. Do you know what it's like to have someone who supports you all the time?

Yeah, because you do it for me. You are my cheerleader.

Well, I think you've taught me the importance of it, and you've taught me how, how much more I can do because of your support. And I think that it also— I don't want to say makes you feel invincible, but it makes you feel like you can take bigger risks when you have somebody by your side.

Absolutely.

So you agree with that?

100%. You do that for me.

So what do you think of those lessons?

I think those are really good. I'd like to meet that guy.

That would be you, and I picked very well.

Thank you.

I'm very proud of myself. Sometimes I make good decisions.

Good job, you.

Good job, me. I have done some not good decisions in my life, but this was a good decision.

I'm glad you feel that way.

Yes, and I mean, that's just like the icing. Like, there's like a whole cake. Like, there's so much more I could talk about, but that was a few things I wanted to share with everybody.

That was very sweet. Thank you.

So, um, I would love to know what you've learned from your spouse or someone significant in your life. I would love to know if any of that resonates with you or teaches you anything. And I would love to hear from you if you listen to the podcast on Friday, because Seth is going to talk about success, and I have learned a lot from him about work stuff too.

Well, thank you very much, and please go to whineypalooza.com, find the Linktree with all of Rebecca's amazing resources, including the 3 times a week email newsletter. Make sure you like, rate, review, share, comment, and subscribe.

That was lovely. Don't know how you do it. I say that every week, and I am going to go to bed now because I can't stop yawning.

Happy Whiney Palooza Wednesday!

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