Episode 436: Inspiring Lessons My Husband Learned from Earning His Third-Degree Black Belt in Krav Maga

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No need to whine and whiney palooza.

Have some wine and join us on the Winey Palooza Podcast with Rebecca Greene.

Welcome to the Winey Palooza Podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday!

Show them what I bought.

Check out this awesome shirt my wife got me. Now you can't read it because it's backward, but it says 3rd degree black belt unlocked 2025, baby. Oh, I should go get my phone and monitor.

It says we're live. Oh, because you want to see the comments? Yes. Okay, go ahead. So Seth just earned his 3rd degree black belt at Krav Maga. It was a 5-hour test. 5 hours.

Yep.

And it was insane and it was long and he really impressed me and I wanted to buy him a gift.

She got me— yes, this t-shirt is awesome.

So he really loves the gift and that makes me so happy.

I wasn't expecting anything. I was just happy I survived.

I was— I wanted to get you a present. I was looking up presents and I was like, I don't want to get him a plaque. I feel like plaques are just I don't know. I've gotten you stuff for the wall.

Yes, I have plenty of walls.

And you also have told me that you have plenty of t-shirts, but I do, but this is cool. I was like, I know he has a lot of t-shirts, but yes. So I'm just like so proud of Seth and I just, I wanted to try to express it. I don't know if I love it.

First I get my birthday, now I get this. I'm on a roll.

I don't know if I adequately expressed my feelings about it. I think I probably could have written more, but if you go to winingpluza.com, the whole blog is there. I wrote to Seth, to all of you, about lessons that I've seen him learn from Krav Maga over these last— well, he started 25 years ago when Master Spoth opened.

Yep.

And he took some time off because we had little kids and I needed him.

Yep.

And life was a little too crazy. And he went back, I don't know how many years ago, a long, long time ago, and he's been training. And I was there for his first degree, and I was there for his second degree, and I was there for his third degree. And I cannot believe the difference in Seth from his first degree black belt to his third degree black belt. When I went to his first degree black belt test, I couldn't watch. Seth looked like he was gonna fall over. I was so worried. I was so concerned. I didn't know how to handle all of my feelings. I almost wanted to just leave because it was so hard for me. So I went into this test really like nervous, like what am I gonna see? And his mom texted me and was like, I can't come, I can't watch. And I was like, that's how I felt for the first degree. But for this one, Seth kicked A-S-S. He— hi Randy! He did such a good job. He got himself in such good shape. He did not look like he was gonna fall over, or else he's a better actor.

I know I was not gonna fall over.

And I was, I was so impressed with him because of how well his stamina was, for how well he knew all the moves. I mean, you passed that test. Obviously.

Yes.

So before we talk about the lessons that I've seen you learn, I want to tell everyone that you were supposed to get your 3rd-degree black belt in November.

Yes.

And I want to tell you about this wonderful father back here. It was Max's last football season, and there were a lot of Friday night games, and the trainings, the boot camps, are all on Friday nights. So Seth wasn't willing to miss half of Max's— it was more than half.

Yes.

Seth wasn't willing to miss a lot of Max's games to train for his black belt, so he put it on pause and he waited until the next session.

Yes.

And he tested in— was it April?

Yeah, just— he tested in April.

It was November.

I delayed 6 months.

It was Saturday.

Yes.

Feels like forever ago, but it was just Saturday.

It's been a long week.

It's been a really long week. Really long week. So anyways, I'm beyond proud of you. And let's— I'm going to tell everybody my observations. But what I didn't have you do, because for the sake of time, is I didn't really have you write part of the blog. Like, I wanted you to write.

Oh, I didn't know that. I would have done that.

Oh, I'm sorry. Like, I wanted— I thought I wrote when I sent it to you. I thought I wrote, do you have anything you want to add? Maybe I didn't.

I think you might have. And I didn't know that that meant— I thought you meant chime in live. I didn't know that meant write something, which I would have done.

I thought that maybe you would write your perspective.

Oh, I totally could do that. I didn't know that's what you wanted.

We didn't communicate, and maybe you could do that at a later date.

I'd be happy to.

But for today, we're going to talk about my observations, and you're going to add your two cents, and you can add stuff that maybe I forgot.

Happy to.

Okay, so, um, we've talked about some of, some of this stuff. Most of the stuff is new. Some of this stuff I talked about as things Seth has me for his birthday episode. But, you know, I briefly want to touch on that discipline is a daily practice. I mean, it takes a lot of training to be able to do that.

Yeah, I, I worked out 5+ days a week. Yeah, for a year.

You really trained for it because you wanted to be able to do it.

Yeah, actually year and a half. Yes, I started a year and I traded— I started 6 months before the 6-month boot camp was gonna happen for the last cycle. And then when I found out I wasn't gonna test that cycle, instead of stopping and going backwards, I said I'm just gonna keep training and keep getting in better and better shape before the boot camp process even starts.

Did you, um, feel a difference?

Oh, yeah, absolutely. It was still exhausting. Yeah, but I definitely was in— I'm in the best shape.

I'm trying to figure out what I'm hearing.

Is it your brain? No, he's vibrating. Tanner is moving a lot. Okay, so I'm definitely in the best shape of my life and definitely felt like I dealt— dealt— took that. That test was harder than the second-degree test, but I definitely felt better than I did at the second degree.

I mean, I could tell watching you. Okay, growth happens in the uncomfortable moments. Were you always comfortable training for this test?

No freaking way. Oh my God, the conditioning exercises that you saw me do suck. Um, like, nobody— nobody likes them. They're really, really hard, and you just have to be able to do them for time and skill. And I did them multiple times a week, every week, and it sucked every time. Painful, tiring. No, I— no, I was just like, just got to get through it.

But you grew from it. Yeah, we grow from the discomfort, the uncomfortable things.

Yes. Yeah, do hard things.

We grow the most from the most uncomfortable things.

That's a good line, I like that.

Yes, I will, I will.

It's another t-shirt.

So one of the things that I, you know, I was talking to my guest today about being uncomfortable, and my guest on my podcast today, and I was— we were talking about her being uncomfortable in things that she was doing and that she did them anyway. And I was thinking about how I really am aware of when I'm feeling anxious or uncomfortable about things. I'm really aware of it, but I'm really conscious of not letting it stop me. So like, I know that I'm feeling nervous about a few things, but I'm still gonna do it.

Feel the fear, do it anyway.

Like, feel it, like, feel it, experience it, allow it, and then just go do it.

Yep.

Yes, I've gotten much better at that. I think that there were times where I would just not do it or like avoid it or take a safer route, and I think I've gotten better at just like plowing through it.

Awesome.

But this is about you.

It is.

It was just a conversation I had today with my wonderful guest. So, stay calm in chaos. Do you feel like you've always been naturally good at this? Do you feel like Krav has significantly impacted that?

Oh, Krav helps a ton because it turns the rest of the noise in the rest of your life way down. Right? You go somewhere where people are trying to punch or kick you in the face, and you're not thinking about work, and magically everything else— the noise gets turned down by comparison.

The alarm was going off in the middle of the night, and Seth just gets up and handles it. He just gets up, goes downstairs, looks around the house, searches the house, cleared the house, cleared the house, shut the door that we think was open.

It was, yeah, it was partially open, which is why I don't know why it took an hour till 1 in the morning. Yeah, the wind must have blown it a little bit open.

But, um, I just noticed that even in Krav, like, when you're, you know, having your sparring matches and everything, like, you got to stay calm through all of that.

Yep, because you can't think if you're tense. And the people who get tense up in sparring, get hurt or get hit a lot more because you can't fight tense. It doesn't work well.

I think it's one of the best things, one of the best lessons that you've gotten from Krav.

Thank you.

Um, one of the things that you will tell people about Krav is that you're never done learning it. I mean, you're a 3rd-degree black belt and you don't know it all.

I'm never gonna know it all, but I am a more— each level I am a more experienced student. I'm always learning.

Well, and Master Spohth, what did we say he was at? 8th. And how many levels are there?

I don't know. I thought 7 was all there was apparently, but I never actually looked.

So, so if you— okay, so just hypothetically, if you were level 7 and that's all there was, then what?

You would just keep going to keep improving your skills. And the thing is Krav Maga isn't a martial art from 1400 or 500 BC, right? It's developed by the Israeli military, so they're always developing new stuff, right? They added the anti-terror counter-terrorism components, like they're always adding new stuff based on real-life situations.

So you're always learning.

Yes.

Yes. And I said mastery is a mindset, not a destination.

And it's a good way to put it.

Constant growth. One of the things, so at the end of the 5 hours they had a ceremony, and when they all sat down to talk and be asked about like what are they taking away from this, I think the biggest lesson that was repeated was how strong their mind had to be to get through that.

Yeah, we talked, I mean we have all talked about that, at least the 5 people who tested for advanced degree with me. We've talked about it all through boot camp that the first 40 minutes of the test are all of our pad sets. And at the first end of the first 40 minutes, you're done. Like, you're done, ready to quit. And like, okay, I'm done. That was good enough. Can I go home now? And it takes a lot of mental pers— because they're that hard. And then it takes a lot of mental perseverance to go, nope, that was just getting started. I'm going to push through for another 4 hours and 20 minutes.

So first of all, I feel bad because I was driving Ella and Lily around and I missed the first 40 minutes, so I didn't get there until 9:40.

Right.

So when I came in and you looked so tired at that moment, I was like, what did I miss?

Yeah, so the first part of the test and the last part of the test are the two hardest parts. Oh, the pad sets are the hardest part, and then there's all the moves.

What is the pad?

And then there's the conditioning and the drills and then the sparring. So I'll think of it— the best analogy I could give you is think of it like a martial arts kata, except like a series of predefined series of moves, except you're doing them against each other and hitting each other.

Oh, I missed—

I could show you.

Well, I'm sorry I missed the beginning. I wanted to be there.

That's okay.

I guess I should have made Max drive them around. So I said, your mind is stronger than your body thinks, which is another good line.

You were full of them this time.

And your mind has to be talking you through it because you're going to want to give up many times. But you didn't give up.

Nope.

So what were you telling yourself?

Uh, just one more move. Whole way through, just like I made milestones of every section. I was like, when I did the pad set, like first you hit and then the other person hits you. So I did the first half of the, of the first pad set and I was like Okay, now that was one chunk done. Okay, now hold for Ron, and Ron's gonna hit you for Pad Set 1. Okay, good, you got the first both sides of Pad Set 1 done. Now move on to Pad Set 2. Just do your half. Okay, now just do the second half. Okay, just do this move. Like every little step, I was like, I told everybody ahead of time when we huddled up, I was like, make every little step a win and go, I got through this part, I got through this part, and just keep doing one move at a time. Because if you think about everything to do, then you get overwhelmed and don't want to continue. That was my pep talk.

I mean, that's interesting because that's what I did on the treadmill.

One more step.

I was like, just 5 more minutes. Then I was like, you can do 5 more minutes. Yes, right?

Yes.

Um, so strength is knowing when to hold back. How did they teach you that? Because you weren't full force.

Oh, because they said you cannot— you will be told you will work yourself, you will burn yourself out. If you go as hard as you can, as fast as you can from the very beginning, you'll be gassed. You'll run out, you'll run out of energy, you'll run out of gas, and you won't be able to finish.

I just feel like you gotta pace yourself. Um, I mean, you're not perfect, I'm not perfect, but you have a lot of control and intention.

Yeah, I would agree.

And I feel like you get it from Krav. Certainly helps a lot of it from Krav, from your training. Yes. Like, you can't just fully punch people out. Well, if you, you, if you use your full strength at Krav, would you hurt people?

Yes. No, you're allowed. We're told go 20 to 30%. Your job is to keep your partner safe. You're not trying to take their head off. You're trying to show them your defense has failed. You got hit, learn from that. And like they tell us, you know, hey, if they don't block, that's their fault. Or hey, best lesson they can learn is to get punched in the face. But you're not trying to hurt anybody. You're trying to educate each other about how to defend yourself.

So my point is you're not going full force and you're learning control.

Yes.

And you're learning self-control and self-restraint.

Yes.

Protecting others is a privilege. I feel like they teach you that. I feel like they're teaching you— okay, so Krav is about defense and protection, but they don't want you to have to use it, but they want you to be prepared in case you need to use it.

Yeah, the saying is, so that one may walk in peace.

Oh, I love that.

The best defense is no be there.

Well, I feel very safe knowing that you're so well trained.

Well, thank you. It's my job to keep you safe.

One of the best lines that Seth says to me— now, don't, you don't need to overuse this. But I will say to him, and I'm joking by the way, I'm like, you could beat the crap out of me. And he— and then what do you say?

Well, you don't act like it.

Do you want me to act like it?

The right answer to that is no, of course not, honey.

It's just, you just want respect. Yes, you just want—

well, if you were really afraid that I was going to punch you in the face, you probably would never raise your voice to me, right?

Okay, so I'm not afraid that you're going to punch me in the face, right?

Because you know I wouldn't do it.

Okay, so you could beat the crap out of me, but I know that you won't, right?

So that does me no good in our marriage for me to be well trained.

You don't need to stop you. You don't need to scare me to get respect. I just need to give you respect.

All right, well then you could do even more of that than you already do.

I think that I have improved significantly.

Of course you have. You improve every day.

I—

you brought it up—

work on My self-control. I don't know if you notice how much I work on my self-control.

I have seen a dramatic improvement in the last 20 years.

I would say that I work on that. That's one of my biggest things that I work on.

Yes, because it affects other areas of your life that you care— also care deeply about.

Oh well, it affects all of my—

right.

I want to be a good wife, a good mom, a good friend, a good daughter.

Exactly.

And when I don't have self-control, I say things that I regret.

Yes.

I had a little like lisp when I said that. Um, so I appreciate that you can protect us and I want to respect you despite you being able to beat the crap out of me.

Thanks.

I don't think that you would ever do that. Nope. But I think you would beat out the crap out of someone trying to hurt us.

I would kill them. Well, and your hair looks really good today.

Thanks, honey. As you say that you would kill them. Yes.

Um, don't mess with Rebecca, people.

Community matters. Community matters. I was beyond touched when Ron came up to me and told me that you got him through that test. Like, I'm gonna cry. Like, that was such a meaningful moment to me because even more important to me than you— that even more important to me than you getting through the test is that you helped other people get through the test. And you being a good, caring, supportive person means the world to me because that's who I want you to be.

Oh, well, thank you.

So I care so much more that you helped other people than that you helped yourself. And I love that you helped yourself, and I love that you did a great job, but I love even more that he came up to me to tell me that you got him through the test.

I didn't know he said that. That is very sweet.

Oh, you weren't there when he said that? Oh my God. I thought you were standing there.

I think I might have gone to the bathroom. Well, the downside to drinking a couple hundred ounces of Gatorade is you can't stop peeing.

Well, so he is lovely. It was wonderful to meet him. It was wonderful to see your community, cuz I don't go, right?

Yes, that is my morning family.

So you have a family. I got to come and see your family, and the warmth and the love and the support— like, these are people like fiercely training for their black belts, and the room was like full of caring support.

Yes.

I mean, I could feel it through the glass from where I was sitting.

That's awesome.

And it just felt really good to just be there.

Well, thanks.

I mean, our kids complaining didn't help, right? I don't know that I would have— if I could do it again, I don't know that I would have brought the children until like 1 'clock.

That's the problem is we didn't know exactly when any of the times were gonna happen. Like, I wanted them to see the last hour before the ceremony, but you didn't know. I never know when that time was going to be.

You told me you wanted us to come all day.

Yes, well, if you're complaining that the kids were complaining, then the alternative would have been bring them for less of it. But no, I have come to— I went to every football game, every soccer game, every cheer, every dance, every play. They could come sit there. They didn't sit there for all 5 hours, but they could have been shut up after all the time we put in. Well, hey, this is my sport, right?

You should have given them that. Well, Max was an angel.

Max was fine.

Oh my God, I'm gonna tell you about Max. Max knows that I wanted to sit there and watch Seth. Max knows that it was important for me to be there. He knows that Seth wanted us there. He knows that, that his sisters were driving me crazy. Lily wasn't too bad. But Ella had an audition and she was not in good spirits. She did not want to be there. She wanted to be home. She wanted to be practicing. She wanted to be eating. She wanted to be getting ready. And I heard about it.

I'm sorry about that.

Oh, and I heard about it. So Max did his very best to help me and he took Ella next door and got her food and he took her home after she ate and she was still complaining. He took her home and came back. I mean, he earned so many son points that day. And one of the girls, I think it was Ella, was like, "He's gonna be such a good dad." Yeah, that was Ella.

I did hear that.

But Ella was driving me crazy.

Yeah, sorry, Ella.

And in Ella's defense, she was so focused on her audition that she couldn't settle and enjoy her time there. So the girls were not so fun, but Max was easy. So anyways, perseverance is the real black belt. That was some real perseverance. That's all I can say. You, um, you— he would come home so sore. I can't even tell you how many ice packs this man used this year. He would come home and he would ice himself and he would go back. I think there was maybe one day that you didn't go because you were so sore, but other than that one day, I never missed. You went so consistently.

Yeah, and I never missed a boot camp.

So boot camp was every Friday night.

Yeah.

So we lost Seth for a bunch of Friday nights, and I was happy to give him his Friday nights to train. And, um, I think that what you have learned is that it's not just about earning the 3rd degree black belt, it's about honoring the journey, who you become along the way, and, and what you're doing along the way, what you're learning along the way. Every single session teaches you something.

Yes.

And you would come home and talk about, I mean, so many things. I wish I would have taken notes we could have talked about it today, but you came home and had stories to tell me.

Yes.

And I think that what was most moving as your wife was to hear how proud you were of yourself. Like, you would come home and be like, oh, I got those moves, I memorized them. Or you'd come home and you'd be like, man, I, I don't even think I was winded this time. Like, you— and oh, the best was, this was the best, he would go like an hour early and train before their class.

Yes, boot camp was 2 hours and I got there an hour ahead of time to train more.

And he was like, I have to get ready for my test, I have to train before the test. And, and his team— teammates?

Yes.

What do you call them?

My teammates, sure.

What do you call them?

We didn't call each other anything.

I don't even— teammates work. Okay, so your Krav team was like 'What are you doing? Like, why are you so early and what are you doing?' And you're like, 'I gotta get ready for our test. Aren't you training?' Yes, they—

yes, I would get her there early and do conditioning drills for the whole time. And then people started showing up after the first or second week that I did that. People started showing up early and going, 'Can I do them with you?' Oh, I love that.

So you're such a good example, Seth. Um, I just— what I mean, what did I not talk about? What else did you learn?

I think you did a great job covering it.

I think that I did not look up who was on the podcast.

Would you like me to check?

I mean, sure, you can check while I talk. So, so those were the lessons that I observed Seth learning in all of his Krav Maga training so far, and he earned his 3rd degree black belt, and super proud of him. And now I'm assuming he's going to continue training and at some point earn your 4th degree black belt in about another 3 years.

So 3 years, um, April 11th. Is that Charlene Ruanne?

Is that right? What— yes. What's the title?

Um, hang on a second.

Yes, there's a new podcast on Friday, and I have been interviewing some amazing women So it's Women's Mental Health and Peak Performance. Women's Mental Health and Peak Performance.

What if your trauma doesn't count you out but actually gives you superpowers to achieve more than you ever thought possible? Oh, I want to listen to that.

Yeah, yeah, she was good. And, um, did, did you listen to Sarah last week? The, the Google lady?

Yeah, the juggling, the balance. Yes, the juggling. Yeah, I told you about how good she was. Yes, yes, what a good interview that was.

Yeah, Seth really liked that one. So a big wig from Google was on.

Global marketing.

Yes, VP of global marketing for Google, people, on her show, baby. She came on to my show on Friday, last Friday. Go listen to The Art of Juggling because Sarah's way of giving back is by talking to us about how she does it all. And then this Friday, and then this Friday is Char— Charlene Rouen. Did I say that right?

Hopefully.

And, um, she was fantastic too. I, I, you know, I have this amazing producer, Adrian. I know you're going to hear this, and you are sending me— well, either Adrian finds them or they find us. It's both.

Yes.

And Adrian finds me amazing women, and, um, I'm just appreciative of her. I'm appreciative of these ladies. And I just did my April spring challenge, and Susan Gatewood won the challenge.

Hey Susan!

So I, um, ordered her a prize off of Amazon today, so that will be arriving hopefully tomorrow to her house. And what else, honey?

Go to winypalooza.com, find the Linktree with all of Rebecca Greene's resources, sign up for all of them, especially her 3 times 2 to 3 times a week email newsletter that is free. And with all of our resources, please like, share, subscribe, comment, rate, and review.

Woo! I hope that they got that.

Do the things.

So if you know someone in martial arts, I think they would love this episode. If you know someone that would like to hear about these lessons that Seth learned, share this with them. And we appreciate you being here with us.

And we'll see you next week.

Bye everyone.

Happy Winey Palooza Wednesday.

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