Episode 455: Father's Day Special with Seth and Lillie

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No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza!

Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Greene.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. This is Seth Green. I'm going to be your guest host today, and this is our Father's Day special. And I was so impressed with what a great job Lily did interviewing Rebecca that I was jealous and I wanted her to interview me. So I also have some questions for her. But welcome to the Whiny Blues Father's Day special with your guest host Lily and Seth Green. Uh, Lily, let's dive right in and get started.

Okay, I'm gonna start out with, what have you learned from being a father?

I think we could take the entire podcast to answer that question. I would say biggest parenting lessons are probably being patient Being kind. I've had to learn not to jump in and solve the problem, which is my natural tendency, because sometimes you don't want me to solve your problem. You just want me to listen. You just want to express how you're feeling. And I have learned that there are— I have learned to widen my emotional vocabulary. There are way more emotions than I ever knew about.

That's a really good answer. How has the emotions and the things that, like, come with the father affects you with other things like work or like stuff like that?

That's a really good question. So I think it, it makes me better everywhere else. I think the more I grow as a father, that helps me as a leader, that helps me as a business owner, that helps me as a husband. I think that every lesson I learned at home is equally applicable to work. And my relationships with other people. And I have grown so much because of you and your siblings that it's been an incredible journey. Mm-hmm.

Um, what is something you would tell a new dad?

New dad. There is— people told me when mom was pregnant with Max, oh, save up on your sleep. But there's no sleep bank account where you can deposit sleep get extra sleep and then take it out later, right? So I think that is not true. I think better advice would be get used to being sleep deprived. I think be patient, be kind. I love a line that your mother came up with, which is we grow up with our kids, where the older you get and the new phases of life you are in, we go through them with you and grow up as parents. And I would tell them that. I would tell them, It's not gonna be perfect. It's okay to mess up, and your kids are gonna love you no matter what, and you will never be the same, and it's the most beautiful, magical, um, thing you'll ever do.

That is so good. Um, what do you think your favorite part about being a dad is?

Watching you crush it at something. When you guys are happy, when you're doing something you love and you're enjoying it and you're having fun. And you're proud of yourself, man, that lights me up. I love watching you try things, succeed at things, have fun at things, and watching you grow and change and evolve as a person.

So sweet. What is the hardest part about being a dad?

When you don't want me to fix it. In general, that applies to all three of you. And I just want to fix it and you don't want it fixed, or when I can't fix it. I think when it— that is hard for me. I think it is also hard for me when you are in an unresourceful state and I can't instantly snap you out of it, or I let it make me angry or cranky or unresourceful as well, and we spiral down as opposed to lifting each other up. That frustrates me too.

Okay, so I'm kind of making this up on the spot. What is one thing you would tell— like, wait one second, how would you— like, what is one thing you would tell a new dad to tell himself when he notices like his child's like emotions are getting like, like changed or like hard?

I would— that's a really good question, Lily. I would tell him it's not about you, to know that it's not about you. And your child might be hangry, your child might be tired, your child might be stressed, your child might be cranky, And it wasn't that you as a dad did anything wrong. That's just the emotional state they're in at the moment. And I work on this all the time, is you can't— is not to take it personally, not to get offended, not to get reactive or angry back, but being able to stay calm in the chaos, I think, is a really important parenting trick.

What is the first thing you thought when Mom had me?

Oh my God, I was so amazed. I was so— I think I fell in love with you in about half a second and said, oh my God, this is our baby girl. This is our youngest child. And our whole lives are about to change. And we get— we made and get to meet and watch this amazing person grow. And I was super excited to get to be a girl dad again.

What did you think fatherhood would be like before I was born?

Okay, so I was a dad twice to your brother and your sister before you were born, so it's a good question. I had thought— silly me— I had thought my parenting experience with you was going to be similar to your two siblings, and you guys are all different and unique and special in very different ways. So you surprise me on a regular basis with the way how you are as a person. Perhaps it's your energy level, your enthusiasm, the things that you like, the things that you're good at, um, that they may not be good at different things. So I had assumed mistakenly that it was going to be very similar, and Max and Ella are different, and you and Max and Ella are different. So I was surprised and got and continued to learn, um, the different unique people that you are and that you are becoming.

What's your favorite memory of us when I was little? Wow, big question, right?

That's hard, there's so many. Um, when you were little, one of my favorite memories that I have had with each one of you has always been, um, when I came into like your kindergarten class and did a magic show. Uh, I love doing that, that was a lot of fun. I think favorite memories are anytime— I mean, geez, anytime I got to spend time with you, anytime we did something together, going to Um, you know, when we went on vacation, whether it was to Disney or to Virginia, or when we went on trips because Max had a soccer tournament and we hung out. I mean, I, I, I still remember there was a soccer tournament where Ella got the stomach flu, and Ella was— Mom was stuck in the hotel room with Ella, and Max was obviously playing goalie, and it was pouring rain out, and you came with me to get you away from the germs, and we had the little pop-up tent that we hid in to hide from the rain, and you were sitting on my lap, and we sitting there cheering Max on in the cold, in the rain, in our little plastic shelter. It was just you and me, and I, I still remember how fun that was, even though it was cold and rainy.

I remember that. That's a favorite memory from mine too.

What's something you hope I always remember about our family, like a life lesson, or like how much we love each other, how much we care about each other, how much we always have each other's back? No one will ever love you as much as the four of us do. And the Greene family always finds a way.

That's so sweet. What's something you hope I, like, I, like, take in to know for when I'm older, like when with my family or as I grow?

That you can do anything. You are one of the most determined people I have ever met. You are one of the most disciplined people I have ever met. And I met people who wrote books on discipline, and some of them, I think you put them to shame. I think when you want something and you are willing to, and you work at it and there's a long-term goal. I mean, look at all the work you did to work on your back handspring, right? You've been working on that for a long time.

Mm-hmm.

From back in the beginning when you couldn't even do a cartwheel to the hours we spent on the trampoline where I kept spotting you wrong. Like we, I mean, you worked and worked and worked until you got it. And I mean, if you look at your cheerleading and your fitness routines, I mean, you, when you want something and you put your mind to it, you go get it. And I hope you do that forever.

I love that. What is one regret that you have before becoming a father, if you understand what I mean?

I do understand what you mean. Okay, so this is going to be selfish, but I wanted more time with your mother before we had kids. And she was— in her mind, her biological clock was ticking and she was ready to have kids, and I wanted more time to go places and do things with her. But thankfully I did not win that argument and we started having kids when she was ready to. And I'm so glad because you would all be much younger now if she had listened to me.

What's one thing you've learned from my mom about parenting?

Everything. She knew a lot. She's obviously a parenting expert and was before any of you were born and then took it to a new level parenting our children. One thing, patience. They don't have— I mean, all the lessons I'm still working. Patience, kind, sweet, don't try and fix it, ask what they want before you jump in and think they want to fix it. I think those are some of the big ones.

Okay, this one's kind of about fatherhood, kind of not, but why did you choose, like out of all the careers you could choose, how do you think the career you chose affected you and why did you choose it?

Okay, so I started out in financial services because your grandfather, Graham, drove me crazy about the cost of college, and I wanted to help other people not drive their kids crazy. So that's what started me down that path. And then the marketing I had to learn to grow that business spun off the marketing companies. I think it's, uh, shaped me and affected me because I like telling stories, and I think I tell stories every day in every business that we own. We're telling somebody's story to someone else, whether it's marketing or financial planning, in such a way to help them achieve their goal, whether it's put kids through college or retire or grow their business. So I think my original, you know, undergraduate degree in acting was because I wanted to tell stories on stage, and I've just changed where that stage is.

So cool. How did you get through the toughest times and throughout your life?

I think your mother's love is a big help. She is my number one cheerleader, and without her, I don't know that we'd be here. It'd be a totally different story. So I think her love and support has meant the world to me, and she believed sometimes more in me than I even believed in myself, and that helped me believe in myself more. I think when going through a tough time, I remind— I try and remind myself what I'm doing it for, which is the 4 of you, your mother, and the 3 of you. That helps. Um, reminding myself that I've gotten through tough times before and that it will always work out. And as long as I keep going, I'll get through it. And it's only failure if you actually quit. If you don't quit, it's just feedback to help you become better. And I think trying to think about all those perspectives helps me deal with things when they're challenging. Whoa.

So we've talked about work and family. So how do you think you balance work and family?

I think I do a pretty good job. I think there are times that family requires more time. There are times that work requires more time and you have to juggle that. But I do my best to be home for dinner, whether dinner is at 5:00 or ends up being 7:00 because I got home late. But I've been to pretty much— I've been to every cheer competition you've had, every dance recital you've had. I've been to every show Ella was in, every chorus concert, every game Max had. I've only missed a few things in the course of the last 18 years of parenting. So I think I've done a pretty good job. I'm— I'd like to get to the point where I have even more time, but there's a toss-up between that and paying for 3 college educations. So I think I have done my best to always make sure I was there for everything that was important and home well way before— even if I was home late, it was before— it was always before— it was always before bedtime.

Yeah, I think you're the best dad anyone could ask for.

Thank you, Lily.

Um, what is something you wish you could tell your childhood self?

It's gonna be okay. Um, there were times that I thought the world was— and my world was ending, because you're so more dramatic when you're a kid and you think things are such a big deal. And I can think of a number of times that I was so upset and about something and didn't know how trivial it was going to be, didn't know that 10, 10 years, 20 years from then it wasn't going to matter much at all. And that it was going to work out and I was making a small thing into a really big deal. So I would tell myself, believe in yourself. It's going to be okay. It actually is going to work out better than you think and you'll get through it.

I'll take that in too. And what is something that makes you the proudest to be my dad?

You are so sweet and smart and funny. And energetic. And when I see you having a good time with your friends, when I see you helping somebody else— because you have a really sweet heart, like you try and help people who are having a hard time— when I see you taking the, you know, talking to one of your friends who's having a hard time, or taking the phone to Mom and saying, can you help my friend? Um, or when you sit with someone at lunch, get someone to sit with you at lunch who doesn't know where to sit. I mean, I, I think those are beautiful examples of how much you care about other people and how awesome you are as a human being. So I'm going with that.

Oh, that's so sweet. What is the silliest memory of me from when I was a child? And I still am.

Yes, I was gonna say, um, oh, okay. So one of my favorite silly memories is Max, um, was— Max, I forget how old you were, but Max was pretending to be a weeble wobble and you kept pushing him and he on the floor and he would fall back and then bounce back up and you thought it was the funniest thing ever and you were like laughing hysterically and he just, he was a good sport and did it as many times as you wanted. I think you guys just sat there for a long time just pushing him and he would flip back and you would laugh and then he would laugh and just, it was, I, I, I, it was hilarious.

What do you think that I need from you as my dad?

I, I think you need me to be patient. I think you need me to be kind. I think you need me to wait for you to be ready, whether that's to talk about something or need help with something. I think if I try and force a conversation or something with you, it doesn't always go very well. Because you might not be in an emotional state ready to talk. But I think if you— if I wait till you're ready, it goes way better.

Yeah. What is something that your dad taught you about parenting that you still use today?

That's a good question. So I think I got my work ethic from Gramps. I saw him— he made a— wanted to make a career change when I was a teenager, and I saw him work essentially two full-time jobs to pull that off and get me and my brother, your uncle, through college. Um, that made an impact on me. And even if he was working 80+ hours a week, he managed to, um, be there for the important stuff.

How do you have such good work ethic?

Um, one, I learned it from watching him, and two, I got the 4 best reasons in the world to work that hard.

Yeah, I might have asked someone questions.

Well, I got questions for you.

Oh, okay.

All right, so what's something you think I do really well as your dad?

Um, I think you are really good at showing up, like you're always there for us. And just whenever I see you like helping like Ella or Max, I always know like you're there for me. And you're always— you're just the best dad.

Thank you. What's something I could do better to be an even better dad?

Um, Maybe being— you already are really patient, like maybe staying calm with me because I can be really dramatic about some things. So like when I come home, I'm usually stressed about homework or something. So it's usually not you. So just like acknowledging that.

I didn't know that you felt that way when you got home. Thank you for telling me. That will help. What's your favorite thing we do together?

Oh, I love this question. I have to think for this one. I'm going to say I love our father-daughter dates. Like when we had that Yes Day, I still remember that. Or like our father-daughter dances we always go to. And I love when we go in the hot tub together.

Awesome. How do you know I love you?

You show a lot of affection and I just think like you emphasize your love for everyone really well in the family. Like I've never not thought you didn't love us.

Oh, thank you. What's something you learned from me?

Oh, definitely discipline. Um, you've taught me to be like, whether it's like with like fitness-wise or like, like when you're teaching me cheerleading, like on trampoline, like you never let me give up. And like that showed your affection also. And you always want the best for me. So like that has taught me like to never give up. And with homework, since you have such good work ethic, I've learned throughout the years to keep doing homework and get good grades and stay consistent.

That's awesome. If you could plan the perfect father-daughter day, what would we do?

Oh, okay. Um, I would say we'd go to— that's a good question. I have to think about that. Hmm. I think we'd go to like We get breakfast like by the water, and then we'd go to like the pool and swim, and then we'd, um, we'd go— we— you like make us like lobster because I love seeing you grill, and we'd like— and then we have s'mores after, and we just like all be home as a family and stuff.

I think we could pull that off. What do you think makes a great dad?

Oh, oh, um, I'm gonna say showing up for your kid. That's really important.

Um, is there anything you wish I understood better about being 12 years old?

Um, I'm gonna say that we have— I have a lot of emotions, and when— whether it's like when I'm coming home or when like I'm going to bed or something, if I'm like moody or there's something going on, I'm usually like, I didn't do something good, or like I like bombed a test or something. Like, it really just like all comes down to like things that have affected my day. So it's never on you.

I appreciate you saying that. And you've never bombed a test. What's one thing you think we'll always share even when you're grown up?

Hmm. Maybe like our love for each other.

If you could tell me one thing for Father's Day from your heart, what would it be?

Um, thank you for always being there for me and treating me with such love and expression. And that's from my heart.

Yes, it is. Well, I believe that concludes our interview. So thank you everybody for watching or listening to the Whiny Palooza podcast. This is Seth and Lily Green reminding you to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

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