Episode 458: The View from 49

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No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Greene.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, happy Whiny Palooza Wednesday!

Happy Whiny Palooza Wednesday and happy birthday!

It's my birthday!

It's your birthday.

It's a Wednesday and it's my birthday.

Your birthday is on Winey Palooza Wednesday. What are the odds?

I'm trying to think the last time this would have happened.

We'd have to go look on a calendar. It'd be years.

I don't even know if it's happened, but it's happening this year, so that's all that matters. I'm going to talk to you about my blog. But first, we have a very special announcement.

Drum roll, please.

So our daughter Ella is 16 years old, and she is an excellent writer. She has quite the writing chops, and she has decided on her own— this was not either of our idea, this was all Ella. Yeah, Ella decided that she was going to start Teenager Tuesdays.

Teenager Tuesdays. We're sticking with alliteration.

And every Tuesday, um, as long as she has time— I have no idea how much work her internship is going to be as of this week— yes, on the Tuesdays that she is able, she is going to write a column about all things teenager, and I love it. And this week she started us off at 8 Lessons from High School. So if you go to winiflusa.com, you will find her column blog. What, what is the difference between a column and a blog? She called it a column.

Column would be the original name for a column of print in a newspaper.

Okay, so if you go to winiflusa.com, you can read Ella's 8 Lessons from High School. Ella just finished her sophomore year, so she picked 8 lessons in honor of her 8 marking periods of high school.

It's really good. I'm not just saying that as her dad, and a lot of her lessons apply to life, not just high school, so it is very helpful.

So I have, I have sent this off to people and people have read it online, and the feedback that I am getting from everyone is that this is not just for teenagers, it is for adults too. So it is 8 really good lessons I feel very heard reading this. I feel like she has absorbed a lot of things that Seth and I have taught her.

Yay!

I feel like she's listening. I think she's taking it in, and she gave Seth less credit for something that I taught Seth, so it's all good. All right, well, I think it is hysterical. That she talks all about her dad and the lesson that he taught her that I think I taught both of them.

Oh my God, now I gotta check that out. I gotta check it out now. I gotta reread it. What am I getting credit for that I shouldn't be getting credit for?

No, you know what, you brought— you've done—

I gotta check this out.

You brought it up to her, but I had taught both of you that lesson, but she's giving Seth the credit.

Mother, my check cleared apparently.

I'm gonna tell all—

I have been telling her this a lot lately.

Okay, but who taught you that?

I thought I read it in a book, but if you tell me—

No, your wife taught you that.

Okay, then you can— it's all— apparently I plagiarized my wife and didn't give her full credit. I apologize, audience and wife, I did not realize that.

Um, I think that the funny thing about your family is that you can tell your kids or your husband something and they will give someone on the street credit for telling them exactly the same thing.

It works the same way in marriage.

I know, I knew you were gonna say that, but we're gonna move on. So you're gonna go to winiflooz.com and read Ella's new Tuesday— Teenager Tuesday column. Yes, and she's starting with 8 Lessons from High School.

8—

what is it called?

8 Lessons from High School.

Okay, now we're gonna move on. To my birthday blog.

Birthday blog.

So also on wineandclues.com is the full written The View from 49. This is all about— I meant to do like 9 lessons because of 49. Like, I meant to do like 4.9 or 9.

Oh, I'd like to see 9/10 of a lesson.

And what I did was I just wrote, like, I just like—

flow down.

I just let it flow out and then I counted it and it was 10 and I didn't feel like cutting one. Okay, so I really meant to do 9, but there's a bonus one. Okay, so let's talk about my view from 49 and what I'm learning. And hello, Hall family walking by our window.

Focus.

Focus. Okay, um, this lesson is for everyone, including my husband sitting next to me and my son, who I am going to teach this to.

Okay, I'm ready.

Celebrate your birthday. Celebrate.

Do I not? So I, I—

yeah, you celebrate. I think we need to teach Max to celebrate. So a lot of women are really good at celebrating everybody else.

Yes.

We celebrate our husbands, our kids, we celebrate St. Patrick's Day. I see moms making St. Patrick's Day magical, making the holidays in December magical. We do such a good job of celebrating everything for everyone else. Just please remember to celebrate yourself. I love my birthday.

Got you some lobster.

I got my lobster and my cake, which is what I want every year for dinner, is lobster and cake. And I, um, celebrated. And I, I have no shame in my age. I want to celebrate myself. I want to tell you how old I am. I don't feel shameful. I just feel joy with the gift of every year that I'm given. So please don't be ashamed of your age. Tell people your age. Be proud of how old you are.

Aren't you 16 again?

Let's celebrate ourselves. Please, moms, celebrate your birthday and teach your family how to celebrate your birthday. I want to go out to dinner, I want to have lobster, I want to have a cake, and we're focused to keep looking out the window. There's lots of people walking by.

I need to close the blinds.

Okay, love you, honey. You want me to focus?

I do.

Okay. Find—

you just—

I'm looking at the cat puking. I'm allowed to look at my cat puking.

Fine, fine. This time it's the cat.

This time it's the cat. Forgive me.

It's all good.

Will you be nice to me?

I will go clean up the cat.

Can you just be nice to me today?

I love you very much.

Patience and nice.

Yes, yes.

Find small joys all day long. Get excited. This is new for me this year. And I want Seth to comment and tell me if he's noticed these lessons that I've learned.

Okay.

So all day long, I want you to find reasons to be happy and joyful and excited. I get excited for my coffee, I get excited for my walk, I was excited to go out to dinner, but that's my birthday, so that's a little different.

Yes.

I was excited yesterday to write this blog that I put hours into. Like, I'm excited to sit down and read my book. I'm excited to go watch some TV with my husband when I'm done with this. I get excited all day and I find joy in all the things all day, and it makes me happy. So I just want to give you the secret to being happy all day long. What do you think?

I think amen to that. And yes, you have made— I mean, you are generally the most happy person I know. And if it's possible, yes, you have gotten happier.

Um, yeah, I'm finding more joy in the month.

Yes, in the everyday stuff. You have definitely made a difference there.

Yeah. Like I want to enjoy every day. Yes, uh, book the trip, book the freaking trip. So my husband is very supportive of this, so it's different if your spouse is not supportive, that's a whole nother topic. But I just took Lily to Toronto with her friends, we booked a concert, we spent too much money on the tickets, we spent— I don't think the hotel was too much money, we split the hotel, that wasn't terrible.

But we might have overdone it on the shopping the next day.

Well, so the next— yeah, the next day probably. So we went to the mall, to the Eaton Center.

Eaton Center, yes.

And I just like—

booked a trip.

We bought too much. Lily bought too much clothes. What's new? And if you—

it wasn't you, it was all Lily.

I didn't buy anything. And if you take Lily into Lululemon Forget about it. You got to be careful with that girl. I think she only got 2 things in there.

Oh, that's about $700. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

Um, it's not just—

very overpriced.

So pretty much every store was overpriced, but she got some stuff that she will wear every day and all summer, and that's how you justify it.

I don't know.

Anyways, um, Lily does not— Lily does not need an end of school year present. She just had a Toronto trip, a concert, and a shopping spree, she's good.

No, you did just go to Disney too.

No presents for Lily. Lily has had enough presents.

You did book the two of the trips.

I booked the— oh, I took two trips with Lily. We went to Disney and Toronto. So Lily's good. Lily's good.

So graduation of high school.

So book the trip.

Yes.

And make the memories, because my favorite memories are our traveling memories. The next one is so obvious, like this is not new. Why did I write this? See, I could have had 9. Treasure time with loved ones. I mean, we were in the pool, all 5 of us, and I was like overcome with like joy, like this is what it's all about.

Yes.

We were at my brother's house, my brother and sister-in-law's house for my nephew's bar mitzvah, and my mom came over to me and she's like, I love when we're all together. And and I was like, this is what it's all about. This is what my life is all about. I was sitting at the pool today watching Lily and her friends, sitting with my friends. I was like, this is what I love. I just love my people, love my family, love my friends. This is what my life is all about. Somebody said to me— oh, I was taking a quiz, like, what is life's purpose to you? And to me, life's purpose is all about my connections, my loved ones, my connections. That's what I care about. That's most, most important to me. Yes. Okay, so this one is huge for parenting and really in marriage too. Be the tour guide, not the controller.

What does that mean?

I love that you said that. Okay, so my job is not to control you and the kids. My job is to facilitate and guide as needed, but to let you all do what works for all of you. So it's really interesting. Yeah, I'm not supposed to be in control, I'm just supposed to be along for the ride. So like, I look at myself as like I'm the guide of the family.

Like, that's a really good analogy, right?

So maybe I need to guide Lily away from a friend. Maybe I, you know, I don't want to control control her and her choices, but maybe I will guide a little or suggest a little, right? But I want them to— I mean, my kids are 12, 16, and 18. You might have a 2-year-old. At the— when, when Max was 2, I was so much more controlling because I felt like I was always protecting him from himself, right?

Because he was gonna run into something, hurt himself.

Oh my God, he was running all over the place, and I had to keep him out of street. My, my mom bought me a backpack, um, to put on him with a leash because she was so worried I was going to lose him in the airport. I mean, she's not wrong.

Yes, although I think you did say, I don't want to be that mom.

I, I changed my mind in the airport because he started to take off.

You're like, oh goddamn it, put this thing on. I remember that trip. I don't care what anybody thinks, I'm keeping him from running away.

I don't care what what anybody thinks. I just want my kids to be safe. I don't care what anybody thinks. But I was controlling when he was 2. I wasn't guiding, I was controlling.

Yep, I see the difference.

Right now he's 18 and I'm just like along for the ride. Like, does he need a little guidance? Does he need a little suggestion?

I'm not doing the right direction.

Okay, a perfect example is college forms. Max, here is your immunizations. Do you need help uploading this, or are you gonna go do it all? So I'm not— right, so I didn't sit with him and control him and do it, but I asked if there was any guidance needed.

Yep.

So I like that. Be the tour guide. Yeah, just show up. It's that simple. Oh my God, I want to teach this to like everyone. So parents everywhere, are hyper-focused on if they are doing a good job. Am I doing a good job? Am I good enough? Am I perfect? Well, we're never going to say perfect because nobody's perfect, but your kid doesn't want you to be perfect, and your husband doesn't want you to be perfect. They want you to show up. I mean, Seth's face— I don't go to every single mastermind meeting that he has. He runs a mastermind group if you want to attend, it's very cool. Let us know, we will let you know the details. But he loves when I'm there. I've shown up, I show my love by showing up, and you can tell how happy he is that I'm there, right? When we go to our kids' stuff, I see them looking for us in the audience, and it melts my heart. They just want us to be there. We can't be everywhere, we have work, we have personal things, We can't do everything all the time, but if we can show up, I feel like that's what life is all about. Yes. Connection over correction. What do you think of that one?

You— I have heard you talk about this.

Okay, so I'm going to tell you to bite your tongue. I feel like the older I get, the better I get at self-control. Okay. Yes, I don't need to say everything that I want to say. I don't need to word vomit all over the place. I'm an extrovert, and extroverts talk more. Introverts think more. Extroverts need to be a little bit more like introverts and think before they speak. Is this going to bring me closer to my husband or further away? Is this going to bring me closer to my child, or is it going to piss my child off? Now sometimes we have to say things that are going to piss our kids off, and that's being a good mom. But I'm going to tell you that, um, I'm going to use the lawn as an example. And Seth, this is literally just an example. I do not feel this way, okay? Okay. Um, I mean, maybe I did once, maybe that's where this comes from, but I don't feel this way now.

Okay, disclaimer accepted.

Disclaimer accepted.

So Seth does the lawn, mows the lawn, and I see that he like missed spots and whatever, and I go outside and I'm like, what the hell, you missed a bunch of spots!

That might have happened.

Go fix it! Okay, so that has happened, but that's criticism, that's correction, that does not make Seth feel good.

No, it is also controlling and not being the tour guide.

Yes, but a better way for me to come outside and say Honey, thank you so much for mowing the lawn after such a long day at work. I appreciate you doing this. Thank you so much. That makes him feel loved, appreciated, and brings us closer together.

It does.

So I need to do things that connect us and not always look to correct you and the kids, right?

And if you said that first and then said, oh hey, by the way, look, can you go get that, redo that one spot over there, I would be all happy with your praise and would jump to go do that as opposed to being like, "Damn it, it's not good enough," which I would feel if you led with correction.

You are good enough. You said that earlier too. You are good enough. I'm very lucky. I'm very blessed.

Thank you.

I want you to feel that way all the time.

Thank you.

Okay, so we're gonna bite our tongue and we are going to not say everything that we wanna say. You've heard me talk about self-care. The walk is my therapy, the book is my fuel. Like I'm learning stuff about my self-care.

Interesting word choice. Okay, please continue.

I'm just saying that when I'm choosing to do these things, it's fueling me, it's refocusing me, it's recentering me, it's re-energizing me.

You love your Re— or Rebecca Greene?

It is! It is— it is very wise of me to not— there was a time when I would go non-stop all day and fall over. Do you remember those days?

Yes.

I try to never feel that way at the end of the day. There are days when I feel that way, but I try to avoid that by— you taught me to take breaks throughout my day, like you will lay down for a minute you will read a book for a minute. Like, I have learned a lot from watching you.

Thank you.

You don't go non-stop, you take breaks. You work really hard, but you plug in breaks. Do you feel like that helps you all day?

Very much.

So I just think we're gonna do better. You know, it's interesting because if you're at work— I was gonna say, if you're at work and you're sitting at a desk all day, if you take a break and like even take a short walk, it makes you so much more productive.

Yes.

I'm gonna say that you need to get outside, and I think the older I get, the more I value getting outside, and I see how much better my mental health is when I get outside. You know, now it's nice out in Buffalo, New York, where we live, and I am sitting in the backyard with my coffee, and I'm like, wow, this is like really good for my mental health. Like, I feel so happy and I really missed this. So I just noticed the difference even in the winter. I try to get— oh my God, now there's a deer in our front yard.

There is a deer. Why did the deer cross the road? It's crossing the road.

Be careful crossing the road, dude. Okay.

It made it across the road.

So we're gonna get outside and we're gonna freaking move our body every day. Do you know that sitting all day is like— I have been told that sitting all day is like waiting for death.

I have— that's dramatic.

It is. It's true. You have to move your body every day like a ton. Okay, you have to move a ton. Okay, so I have, I have my watch on to track my steps to get my 10,000 steps every day, which you accomplish. So I'm gonna go see after this if I've gotten to my 10,000 steps.

And if not, she'll be doing laps around.

So I'm gonna say do the weights. Oh my gosh, the older we get, the more weights we do, the more we need to move. Keep, keep us young. And I am going to tell you that I do not feel old. I feel very young. I feel young at heart. I do not feel like my friends will say we're old. I do not feel that way. At all.

That's good.

So I'm just telling you that.

Yes.

And I think that I learned good stuff. What do you think?

Those are good lessons.

Those are some good lessons. And next year is the big 5-0, so I am going to have to write like the top 5 lessons of 50 years or something.

Yep.

That's going to be fun. But it was a wonderful— are you pushing me?

No, that's the dog.

Oh, the dog. Oh my God, I totally thought you were— the dog is pushing me.

How did I get to the other side of you?

I was so confused. Um, it was a wonderful birthday, and Ella and I went for a walk in the rain and got Starbucks, and I got my free Starbucks drink. And, um, we went to Panera for lunch because it was pouring. I was gonna get everyone pizza, but that didn't happen. And, uh, the sun decided to come out, and Lily had a pool party, so I'm toasty burnt from the pool party, and then we went out for lobster for dinner. So what a wonderful birthday it was, and I'm so glad that the sun came out. I just am so glad that I got some sun today. That's all I— I mean, I can't control the weather, but now we need the weather to cooperate for prom and graduation. So please put that out there for us, and I'm excited for the year ahead. I— maybe I should have done goals for this year. Maybe that's next. Maybe I need to work on my goals for this year. So go read Ella's blog. Feel free to read my blog, the whole thing, at whinypluza.com. And go join my Whiny Pluza Mom Group on Facebook. It's a free supportive community, and you are going to slowly tell them the other stuff.

Please go to whinybalooza.com and find the Linktree with all of Rebecca Greene's free resources, including her now like 3 or 4 times a week email newsletter that is absolutely awesome. Please make sure to help her get her content to more people, and the way to do that is to like, comment, share, rate, review, and subscribe, which tells the social media algorithms to share it with more people. And she's going to tell you, hopefully, in just a second who the podcast guest is this Friday, who is a fabulous lady, who is really, really smart, who you're absolutely gonna love her. And Rebecca loved her, and you're gonna learn a lot by listening on Friday. And you can listen on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Amazon Audible, Pandora, or watch it on YouTube. And the person that you are going to listen or watch Rebecca interview is—

did I stall long enough? Donna Moss is doing Taming Teen Anxiety.

Oh, I want to listen to that one.

That is a really good one. I, you know, it's hard for me because, you know, I have interviewed— ah, I mean, it's wonderful for me. I have interviewed So many people, so many amazing women, and so many awesome topics. I just am so blessed.

Amen.

So anyways, Donna talked to us about taming teen anxiety, so you will love this topic.

She teaches applies to adult anxiety too, right?

Exactly. So listen and share. Happy birthday and happy birthday to me. And, um, working on your birthday, my friend said something that I need Seth's help with.

Okay.

Um, she doesn't know how to rate and review the podcast. So can you—

yes.

No, no, no, we're going to post it, but I want you— can you like tell them how to do that? Yes.

So if you go to say Apple Podcasts and you find and you search and you bring up Winey Palooza—

thank you, thank you, Michelle—

and you scroll down 5 or 6 or 7 episodes, you will then see a thing that says ratings and reviews. And Rebecca has 4.9 out of 5 stars. Um, so you click tap to rate, and then it will allow you— you take— click 5 stars please, hopefully, because she's fabulous. And then you click write a review and you write a couple sentences about what you like about her show.

So I would love you to do that. So I'm so thankful when people tell me that they don't know how to do things because Seth and I forget that, like, we do this stuff so we know how, and we forget that other people don't know how.

This is a great review right here from Deborah at thedailydecisions.com. Love, love, love this podcast. Slice of her life, great information, fabulous guests who share knowledge, all things parenting, good, bad, and interesting. Rebecca is a welcoming host and so much fun to listen to. Mother of 3 children and 3 fur babies, she's the real deal. You won't be disappointed. Deborah, thank you, Deborah. That's a great review.

Thank Thank you, Deborah. So anyways, I was just so happy that my friend told me she didn't know how to do it. So now I realize that this is stuff that we need to talk about and we need to post. Okay, so have a wonderful week, everyone. And it's the last day of school. Finally, it's the last day of school. Lily had her last day of 7th grade. She is now a big 8th grader. In middle school. It's our last year as a family in middle school, and, um, it was the longest year ever. I feel like this was a really long school year, and I'm very excited that it's summer. So happy summer, and thank you, Debbie. It was a good birthday. So I'm gonna go relax and enjoy the rest of my birthday, and we will be back next week.

Happy Whiny Palooza Wednesday.

Thank you for tuning in to the Whiny Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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