Episode 473: Raising Kids in Safe Homes

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No need to whine and whine.

Welcome to the Winey Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Greene for the Winey Palooza podcast, and I am very excited today because I get to talk to the lovely Sabrina Oso. Sabrina, thank you so much for doing this with me today.

Thank you. Thank you so much for the opportunity.

I love her topic. You are all going to learn so much from her. Let me tell you a little bit about Sabrina. She is the founder and CEO of Oh So Safe, a revolutionary company making real changes in the way we approach safety in our homes, schools, and workplaces. Sabrina is a TEDx speaker, a published author, and a passionate advocate for making home a truly safe place for everyone, especially children. She's a proud member of the National Association of Realtors and the Women's Federation for World Peace and was recently honored with the Her Story Award in March 2024. Whether through her children's book, powerful publications, or her Oh So Safe kids video, Sabrina is helping us reimagine what home sweet home can and should be. So now everyone knows why I'm so excited to talk to you. We're going to make our homes even safer. And I would love to start with what inspired you to create Oh So Safe.

Thank you so much, Rebecca Greene, for that wonderful introduction. Oh, that was so great. Um, uh, yes, um, I have been in and out of therapy for quite some time to be comfortable enough to say that I am a survivor of violence. My father beat my mother on a regular basis. My mother would beat me. So I know firsthand how difficult it is to live in that type of environment, uh, very traumatic, very, uh, heavy. And, uh, but, uh, basically I, I'm doing my best to turn pain into power, uh, for myself and for others, you know, especially children, as you said, uh, and I Uh, Oso Safe was born out of a one-woman show that I am a dancer, uh, a one-woman show that I wrote, choreographed, and performed, uh, with myself and also my students at the time, my dance students, which was very exciting in hindsight. And the name of the show was called, um, Home Sweet Home? And I hope to revive it soon. I hope, um, and I play different women being abused. She goes to her good place, that's where the dancing comes in, but then she's pulled back into the terror of violence. The show ends really strong, really empowering. And Rebecca, I did a lot of research for the show and I could not believe the statistics that I was finding. So I said to myself, I need to make this into a business, a bona fide business with products and services that could really help people. And that's how Oso Safe was born. And I want to say that we're not a charity, we're not a nonprofit. We respect all of the charities and nonprofits that deal with home violence, but it, it's not going to get resolved, this huge problem with violence, abuse, chaos, dysfunction in the home, uh, at schools, in the workplace, but especially at home. We made it into a paid service so that way it actually gets resolved. Because when people pay for things, it's, it's resolved. It is, uh, it's on the front burner, uh, versus waiting on the back burner, uh, treating it as a charity. No, no. Um, and real estate, uh, and we could talk about this more during the interview We are making it, uh, respect a required standard in all homes in the real estate industry with contracts, our copyrights, trademarks, our educational seminars and workshops. Um, so yeah, so sometimes I go off on a tangent, but that's basically how Oso Safe was born.

Well, I appreciate you sharing all of that with us. I had no idea that that's where it stemmed from, and I hope that, um, all of this has been helpful and healing for you.

Yes, excellent. Yes. Oh, you just reminded me, I wanted to say healing and you just said it. Very healing. Yes. Uh, you get healed yourself and then in healing others, it's a two-way street, you know. So, um, I, I know that if I had my own products and services growing up, my parents would not have gotten away with half the things they got away with, you know. So, um, and, and this is kind of changing the face of residency, you know. Uh, respect needs to be— needs to be— become a required standard, which is what we're doing at Oh So Safe.

So I want to back up to what you said because I think that was so important. You said that if your products and services were in place, you would have had a different home. Can you tell us more about that?

Yes. Um, there was violence, abuse, chaos, dysfunction in my home quite a bit. Uh, verbal— and, uh, we break it up into 3 categories: verbal, physical, sexual abuse. Uh, there was verbal and physical abuse, not sexual. But for so many people, you add the sexual element of abuse, sexual abuse, and forget it. It's a— I mean, the whole thing is just a recipe for disaster. So, um, this is not something that should be normal. What should be normal is the respect, positivity, empowerment, encouragement, freedom, choice. Respect. That's what needs to be the norm. So that is what we are focusing on. So in building my business, I thought long and hard, what did I need? What would have helped me? Because I have to say, uh, you know, I'm not, um, I'm not young, and but the thing is, all this time has passed, decades, and we're still in the name— in the same situation. You know, there's more awareness. Yes, there's more. Uh, yes, the Child Protective Services is there, and I'll go into that because the governments, uh, the courts are horrific, horrific. The courts, the laws, the judges, the Child Protective Service agencies, they existed back then, and if anything, things have gotten worse. There's more awareness, but with the internet like the internet added an element of a different way to abuse you, because people abuse that, the internet, you know, unfortunately, social media. And so, um, because, you know, we didn't have the internet back when I was a child, but the abuse was still going on. The nonprofits were there, the shelters were there. So, so I said to myself, what would have helped me? You know, what would have helped me? So we developed our core product is the OsoSafe certification for properties. And this entails for respect to become a required standard in all homes. So whether you live in a townhouse, a co-op, a condo, a single-family home, a multi-family dwelling, a two-family home, a villa, a mansion, a mobile home, a senior community, a dormitory, it doesn't matter. You need to have respect. And once you put that key in the lock, you should feel like you could exhale, like it's your sanctuary, you're safe. So what makes a home safe? Yes, love. But a lot of abusers use that word. And it's not, it's not safe, right? It's not safe, you know. So it's, um, it's, it's, it's respect and practicing that every single day. So I said to myself, let me, I'm going to make a product and, and service that can really help people and really put it on the map. And I want to say that, you know, Women can be abused, but they could also be the abusers. Men can be abused, and they could be the abusers. And children are the victims, 100%, whether they are teeny tiny through 18 years of age. I should know, I was one of them. So, so we are saying to the real estate industry, hire us, we'll get your property Oso Safe certified. What does that entail? The landlord or the property owner purchases the Oso Safe Home Suite Home package. It consists of a policy, a seminar, an app, and therapists assigned to the property. So just to give a brief description, if I may, of all of those components. Of course, yes. We want this to propagate over all residency. As I mentioned, all of those types of residency homes, you know, a two-family home, a villa, a mansion, a townhouse, a co-op. But right now we are marketing this to the landlord-tenant portion of the industry because that's the path of least resistance. So to the landlord, HireUs will get your property OsoSafe certified. They purchase the OsoSafe Home Sweet Home package. It consists of, as I mentioned, all of those 4 components. A brief description of those 4 components. The policy basically states, I as a landlord, I promise to provide you a safe space for you to live. You, in turn, as my tenant, you promise to not act in any way, shape, or form abusively. Otherwise, you, the abuser, only gets immediately evicted, expelled from the premises, and we go into full knowledge knowing that that would be the consequences. So there's no surprise. The second component is the seminar, the Oh So Safe Home Sweet Home seminar. Everybody gets educated, Rebecca Greene, adults and children alike. On facts, statistics, warning signs, definitions of abuse, the difference between abuse and discipline, what constitutes a good relationship, what are the warning signs of a bad relationship. So that way, uh, uh, a tenant can't say, oh, I didn't know that if I pull my partner's hair, that constitutes abuse. Now you know. The third component is an app. This app will detect violent-like movements and captures them in real time, issuing alerts to the landlord. Landlord. Whoa, I have 10 units. Just saw you beat the crap out of her in my unit 2, and you just beat the crap out of him in my unit 10. This is grounds for eviction. You knew that this was going to happen. You are held to a higher regard, a higher standard in an OSA certified property. You need to go because I have to protect the rest of my tenants. I have to maintain property reputation. You need to go. The fourth and final component of the Home Sweet Home package is therapists are assigned to the property. You are required to check in with your therapist once a month. Is everything okay? Do you feel like anything is looming? Well, Mr. and Ms. Therapist, actually our kid came home with bad grades. We don't know how to handle this. We're not going to beat him up. We're not going to verbally disparage him. We know better. We are held to a higher regard, a higher standard in an Oso Safe Certified property. But help us through this. We really don't know how to, how to handle this. Maybe he's being bullied. Maybe the teacher, there's a disconnect there. Maybe he's distracted in some way. Maybe he got sextorted and we don't even know because he's not telling us. Help us through this. All of these components working together. Makes for an Oso Safe Certified property. Our logo gets placed outside of the property. That way, any vehicle, pedestrian traffic, they're looking for a place to live, a place to raise their children. Wow, I would rather raise my child in an Oso Safe Certified property versus one that isn't, because they have the mechanisms and systems in place if and when violence occurs. And I wanna say Another big component of this is children are at the core of what we do at Oh So Safe. We are giving them voice and choice. So we do not wait until they are 18 years of age for them to have agency over their lives because quite frankly, waiting until they are 18 years of age, it's too late. When they are being beaten, verbally, physically, sexually abused from young, they will resort to drugs, alcohol, gang-related activity. They will get involved with the wrong people, continuing the cycle, uh, with boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, or so-called friends. They will self-harm, start cutting themselves, and ultimately commit suicide. Why? When you can nip it in the bud. We trust our children at Oso Safe. We are giving them voice and choice. And our book, our children's book, is a staple in all Oso Safe certified properties. It's called Home Safe Home for You and Me. And we are telling them that, um, no, that for the moment, which means right now, you are safe. We're planting that seed in their psyche, and we are telling them that In an also safe certified property, you know who makes you feel safe and free and respected and good. You kids know. So we're trusting them, and we realize, Rebecca Greene, they could lie, right? They could lie. They could say, no, no, no, I'm safe with Mommy and Daddy. But we know that— and I should know— abusers can only keep their poker face on for so long. Sooner than later, their abusive true colors will come out. And we tell them in seminar at Oh So Safe, the Oh So Safe Home Sweet Home seminar. Because in the seminar, we have the adults and kids together, and then we separate them, and then we bring them back together through the seminar, and we tell them, the kids, speak out, kids, you're safe here, speak out. If you're not safe at home, mommy and daddy is beating you up. Daddy is coming into your room and asking you to take down your your pants? No, this is abuse. And if you're not ready to say, that's okay. When you're ready, you'll speak out. And we talk about this in the book. So it's planting those seeds that they can speak out. And when I say speak out, maybe there's an aunt, an uncle, a grandparent, a close family friend that's ready to take them in, to raise them. So we are encouraging them to speak out. And if they have nobody, we say to them, be patient, We're working as fast as we can, but we are giving children voice and choice, and they are the focal point in, in OsoSafe certified properties. So all of these components working together makes for an OsoSafe certified property, and it's a much better way to live in your home, for crying out loud. Period, over and out.

Oh wow, I mean I have so much to say. I'm looking for words after all of that. I think that you're doing wonderful work, as you know. I think you're going to help so many families. I think you've probably already helped so many families. For people listening, what do you define as a truly safe home?

Excellent question, and thank you so much for the positive feedback. We appreciate it so much because we're strangers, right? We never met before. So when we get positive feedback, We appreciate it so much. What makes a safe home? Respect. And that's a broad word. It's a very powerful word. So some examples are, ah, when you're respected, you're free. So you could communicate, you could say when something is bothering you, you're not made to feel shameful or guilty. You're not locked locked up in your room. You're not smacked, you're not hit, you're not kicked, you're not punched, you're not verbally disparaged. You're a piece of garbage. You're never gonna make it without me. What do you mean you, you got a B? A B is not good enough. You need to get A's. You're going to be punished. You are not going to have any friends. You're not— I mean, you want to, um, there's a big difference, and we go over this in our workshops and seminars, there's a big difference between abuse and discipline. Abuse instills fear, and discipline instills education. So when Pat—

Pat—

we're saying to parents, married couples with children, or even if you're single and you want to have children at a later time, you have to discipline your kids. You cannot allow them to throw things and punch somebody or slam doors. No, you have to discipline them, but it's coming from a place of education, not fear and manipulation and domination and control. That's the opposite. I mean, they are— it's—

I mean, that's an important— that's really important distinction what you just said. That's a really good lesson.

Right, right. And we explain this, we break it down in our seminars and workshops, you know, the abuse versus discipline. And this is a practice. I can't stress that enough. This is a practice. So, for example, we, we teach a safe home, a safe home. There's no racism, there's no misogyny, there's no disrespect where you're putting down someone or someone of a different color, a different race. And this is all taught in the home, you know, so, and this is all practiced. And, for example, I like to give the example, let's say as we do as parents, married couples with children, you have to go to the store and little Timmy, little Sally, you don't want them to create a scene and embarrass you. And, and it creates a whole scenario of, uh, you know, you see it, right? Like, don't you dare embarrass me. And, and then you could see them even almost getting— well, I, I've seen it and I've actually gotten up to them and say, look, I don't mean to get involved, but I'm getting involved. This is abuse. You know, this is abuse if you're smacking them, if you're humiliating them. So you want to prepare your child before you enter the store and do some role-playing and say to them, little Sally, little Timmy, look, I would love to buy you 5 things, but I can't afford it. Be honest with them. I can't afford it. I can only afford 1 or 2 things, and you get to pick whatever those 2 things are. But when we go to the store, we're not going to yell and scream and have a tantrum. So how about this, little, little Sally, little Timmy, you be the mommy or daddy and I'll be the kid. That way they see it and, and be like, oh, is that how I act? I'm sorry, Mommy and Daddy, um, I didn't know that I was acting that way. Okay, okay, I understand. If you talk to your children honestly and be open with them. And we realize it's difficult at times. But if you get over your own barriers of, well, you got to do as I say, and that's it, that, that's not going to come across to them as understanding and respect, and you're not honoring their feelings. So this is all again a practice. And I want to say also, to answer your question, what makes a safe home. Yeah, uh, that's okay, that's okay. Um, uh, if I may, uh, the— and this is big with kids, uh, especially as young as 8, 9 years old, unfortunately, 8, 9, 10 years old. And I'm talking about boys and girls because your podcast, your audience, uh, if, if I'm not mistaken, is there's a lot of, uh, married couples, relationships, and Uh, pornography is a big driver of violence, huge. And, uh, and a lot of people— and this is, this is true— a lot of the perpetrators of pornography are men. But I, I am here to say that a lot of them can be women. And those women, the glamorous title is a financial dominatrix. You may have heard of this, these two words together, financial dominatrix. Uh, they are BDSMers. That stands for bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism. These women— and primarily they are women— now these women, they do convulsing, revolting, disturbing things on and off camera. They make a lot of money doing this, and they could be part of your PTA, they could be your neighbor, they could be upstairs, downstairs, next door, across the street. And let me tell you, these women are in neighborhood societies, communities. They are dangerous. They will stop at nothing to get what they want. And they are the groomers, sex traffickers of our neighborhood societies, communities, because they prey on submissive men. And if these men have children of their own, they will rope them in. And that household, it's a recipe for disaster. There is verbal, physical, sexual abuse going on, and these towns are oblivious And the worst part of it is BDSM, the BDSMers. What they do is considered legal because they say that it's two consenting adults. I am here to tell you and your audience that is a bunch of nonsense. And they use that and they think, well, I'm not involving the children. That's a lie. They are involving the children. They're grooming them to be like them because they're like— it's like a pyramid. The BDSM-er mom or girlfriend, person, wife, whatever, is up at the top, and beneath that they are grooming their young stock to do what they do, and they're making money off of them. And children are as young as 5, 6, 7, 8 years old. So, um, You don't want your kids involved in that. You don't want— you don't— you want to teach your children, um, I don't want you to consume or produce any pornography. And if you are exposed to it, I want you to tell me. Like, if a friend shows you, oh look, check this out, look at what they're doing, you want to arm your children before that happens because they're otherwise going to come to their own conclusions, like, oh Is that what, what girls want, or boys for that matter, where they want to be choked, they want to be beaten, they want to be raped, sexually assaulted? You want to nip it in the bud and have these conversations with your child way before. So, um, so I've been making it a point to make people aware that both men and women can be the perpetrators, and it's horrible either way. So, so that you— a safe home does not have any of that going on.

Oh my goodness, I didn't know a lot of what you just said. That was some education for me. So thank you. And, you know, I don't want to forget, you know, I'm checking my notes because you have so many important things that I want to touch on. You have an Oh So Safe Kids video. Can you tell us what that is and what's— what the goal behind it is?

Yes, um, it's actually a complement to the book, to the children, to the children's book, and, uh, it's further explaining, giving them voice and choice. And in the video I had different kids, um, and I had them, uh, I didn't want them dressed up in, in a uniform because that signifies kind of charity, nonprofit, so I want them to stay, stay away from that. And I, I am saying to them, speak out, speak up. And we go over the Oh So Safe Kids cheer. As I, um, uh, in the book about giving them voice and choice, uh, I am planting the seed to say who they feel safe with. And the cheer goes like this: I want to live where I am oh so safe, and I am oh so safe and say who that is— an aunt, an uncle, a grandparent, a close family friend— because unfortunately so many of these kids are alone because they have mom and dad, the two people, or even if you're a single parent, uh, or, or like it's a, it's a mom and the boyfriend, or the dad and the girlfriend, or two moms, two dads, whatever your home situation is, these poor kids the people that should be protecting them are the perpetrators. They're the abusers. They're the ones that are attacking them. So where is a child supposed to go? You know, at school they say, oh, respect you, respect your parents, and listen to your parents, and your parents are there for you, your stepmom, stepdad. But for so many of these kids like me, where do I I had nobody, nobody, and the neighbors knew, family members knew, and they just brushed it off. So the Oh So Safe Kids video is encouraging them to speak out if they have an aunt, an uncle, a grandparent, a close family friend. We're going to get you to that person because that person I know doesn't want any money from the parents. They don't want anything. They just want to to remove you from that horrible abusive situation and raise you the way you're meant to be raised, with safety, positivity, empowerment, encouragement, freedom, respect, and safety. Oh, so safe, essentially. So that video is a— it's, um, it's giving kids voice and choice, and we're telling them we hear you, and, and And be patient. We're working as fast as we can. And you matter. All kids matter.

Oh, I love that. That's an excellent message. So if someone feels unsafe or if someone knows someone who is unsafe, can you give them a first step to take?

We want them to know that, and I know this is said a lot, but but it's worth repeating, uh, it's not their fault. It's not their fault, and they're not alone. Um, and to start documenting, start documenting any which way that things are happening. They got hit, things got thrown at them, they just got humiliated in front of the teacher or in front of, uh, their, their relatives or whatever the case may be. So start documenting it. And I know it's painful, but when you document it, you could see the pattern. Because as a victim, you probably are— are— you're told— not probably, I know this for sure— what do you mean I beat you? You hit your head by accident. That's gaslighting. Yeah, you know, that's—

talk about gaslighting right there, right?

Right, gaslighting. What do you mean, uh, uh, I, I shoved you? I shove you? You just tripped. What are you talking about? Stop lying. Document it, because that way it's like a— it's like holding a mirror to yourself. Like, no, this happened on such and such a day, and then it happened again a week later, and then you did this, and he or she it. So start documenting. Another thing that I want to say is, yes, you can go to the courts, hire the lawyer if you have money. And there are pro bono, uh, like by, by us here, uh, where I am, there's the Women's Center. And we're not trying to knock anyone, uh, the Women's Center. I have gone there myself actually for certain Reasons, and they're located in Englewood, if I'm not mistaken, Englewood, New Jersey. And they are very resourceful. They have so many resources. They have access to lawyers and, and, and, and, um, advice and shelters. And, and you could go that route. However, why should you be on the run if you're the victim? Why? You stay, you stay right where you are. And it's exactly what my TEDx is all about. The title of my TEDx is If You're a Victim If you're a victim of home violence, don't leave, stay. Why should you leave? You need to stay. It's the abuser that has to go. So I want to say to anyone that is a victim, get us into your property as best as you can. You don't have— it's not about admitting like, yeah, I have a problem, I'm in an abusive relationship. Just get us into your, into your multifamily dwelling, your, your, your place of residence. Like, look, you know, she has this Oso Safe certification, property manager. Why don't you talk to her? Because I'm sure there's many people that can use this, this service. And because I'm tired of hearing 1A screaming and yelling and the kids are getting beat up. Up, and I'm about to move myself because I don't want to hear the screaming and yelling. It's affecting my residency. Um, so also I want to say, and I mentioned it, it's part of our OsoSafe certification— find a good therapist. Because if you're, if you're a victim, uh, as we say at OsoSafe, there's no shame in getting help. The shame is in not getting help. Because a good therapist, a good therapist will help you hold that mirror and say, look, you don't have— what he's doing to you, what she's doing to you, it's wrong. You're not the one who's crazy. Um, you can't live like this anymore. And see if you can get him out or get her out. Call the police, make a report. Uh, so I hope I, I gave some tips. I hope I gave some.

Oh my goodness, I mean, so many.

You—

the work you're doing is the, the word that's coming to me. See, I don't know what everybody's spiritual beliefs are. Whatever you believe, it's very godly work. It's very wonderful, helpful. I mean, you— I hope that the families listening reach out to you. Can you tell everyone where to find Yes, yes, thank you so much, Rebecca.

Thank you so much for— for— I like that, I like that, um, uh, that description. Um, the, the website is ososafe.com. Uh, we are on all the major social media platforms, uh, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram. Um, two platforms that we dedicate just to children, uh, and, and we talk about abuse, we talk about respect, we talk about Warning signs if you're in an abusive relationship as you're dating, you know, you deserve better. You, you, you don't have to be with this guy or girl. Um, and that's the YouTube and TikTok. And I want to say, um, I almost forgot, kids, kids that are listening, if you are not safe at home, speak out and call the police yourself. If there's an aunt, an uncle, a grandparent, a close family friend, speak out on behalf of your own abuse. Go call 911 and don't go home. Say it: Daddy beats me up, Mommy beats me up, stepmom, stepdad show me something called pornography. I don't even know what that is, but I know it's not appropriate. And they, they're saying things to me I'm not comfortable with. So the YouTube and TikTok, we, we talk openly about all of this. Um, and our children's book is on Amazon. It sold on Amazon as well as other bookselling platforms, which was— we're so happy to see. But those are the best ways to reach out to us.

Well, I can't thank you enough for sharing all of your wisdom and resources with us today. It was a pleasure meeting you and getting to talk to you today.

Likewise, Rebecca. Thank you so much for this huge opportunity. Thank you.

Oh my gosh, loved having you. This is Rebecca Greene, and I want to remind everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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