Episode 484: Our First Month as a College Family

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No need to whine and cry. The Winey Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Winey Palooza podcast with Rebecca Greene.

Welcome to the Winey Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to success. Successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, happy Mindy Palooza Wednesday!

I was gonna sit here and fix my hair until Seth yelled at me to go live.

I wasn't gonna yell at you. I was gonna learn my lesson.

I was gonna test it and see how long— Seriously?

I'm a psychological experiment now.

I was gonna see how long I could fix my hair before you complained.

I would have kept my mouth shut. We would have been here all night. You keep fixing it. There's nothing wrong with your hair, by the way.

Not a very happy Winey Palooza Wednesday.

Okay, sad Winey Palooza Wednesday.

Lots of sadness.

Okay.

Why are you acting perplexed?

Okay, well, I'm not sure what— which thing we're sad about.

Well, first I was sad because Max missed the holiday yesterday.

Oh, okay. I did not know you were sad about that.

And then I was sad because of parenting teenagers. Yeah, which is not fun. So I think that there is a topic coming of parenting teenagers is not fun. I think that's the title.

Okay, it's a good title.

I Don't know if you disagree, but I'm not finding it very fun, especially this week.

I can understand that.

So I am not going to move on to that topic because that's not my topic tonight, but it's where I'm at. And here comes Tanner. I'm sorry I left the room, bud. So our topic tonight Our topic is our first month as a college family, and I realized that it had been a month and we had made plans to go see Max. That did not work out because, well, Lily has games every Saturday, so we were going to go up on a Sunday, but the plans that we made got changed because Max ended up having a bunch of stuff due on Monday. So he was like, Mom and Dad, I'm really sorry, but can we make it the following Sunday?

Which was a couple days ago.

So we did end up going, and it had been over a month of not seeing him, which is in person. Yeah, very new for us.

Yes.

And he said to us when he saw us, he's like, that's gonna be the longest we're gonna go, because he's like, I have breaks like every other month. So we're very happy about that.

Yes.

And what I had said to him when he had canceled, which we're going to talk about that, um, with all of the stuff that I learned— what was it called? What did I call it? Make a date and go with the flow of it is what I called it. Because you don't know what's going to come up for them, and you don't know what's going to come up for us.

True.

So you don't know if something's going to come up and they're going to cancel. So what— this is what I said to Max. I said— and Seth liked that I said this. I think you agreed with me when I said this. I was like, I am not expecting— and I told him this before he left for college— I said, I am not expecting you to spend the day with us.

I—

if I have to drive there, give you all the stuff you need, hug you, and leave, I will do that. But I had a mountain of stuff to bring, so I was like, I'm gonna bring it regardless. Yes, and replenishing your snack supplies, um, and other stuff, which I could have ordered for him, but he doesn't like going to the mail room to pick up the packages and wait in line. Apparently it's very busy, so I don't really know the details of that. We didn't get into the details of that. But I found that we have to go with the flow. We can't expect— when we go, we can't expect hours and hours. We were very surprised.

Yeah, I thought we were just getting lunch and then he was going to be done with us, but he spent the afternoon with us, and that was really nice.

Yeah, so we got a pleasant surprise and spent the whole day with him, but we didn't expect that. So that was nice.

That was nice.

And some people, like, we drove there. Some people have to fly to see their kid, right? So that's like an entire weekend, and I think we can't expect them to have time to give us a whole weekend when they have so many classes.

Yes.

So what am I learning other than the fact that I need to go with the flow when I schedule time with him? I'm learning that I— you can't let anyone make rules for you about college. I was super annoyed when he left for college that Moms were texting me that you're not supposed to see them until fall break, until October, and some people were not going to see their kids till Thanksgiving. And I was like, dude, I am not a rule follower. I am going to do what works for me and Seth and our son, and I don't care what these so-called rules are. So supposedly Colleges were telling people not to come until a certain amount of time has passed. I totally disagree with that. According to Max, he sees parents at school every weekend and has for weeks. He's been telling us that. So these parents are not waiting until October. I don't think that we can listen to other people and their rules. I think we need to figure out what works for our family. And as far as phone calls go, I have heard mothers tell me so many things. I had one mother tell me that she talks to her daughter like multiple times in a day. Wow. And, um, and I had, you know, an another mother tell me that it's like once a week. And again, I think that you know your kid and you know you Max knows that I'm gonna text him every day. So I—

She made that very clear.

He doesn't care.

No, he doesn't. I'm just saying you made it very clear that that was one of your expectations.

But, but I wanna back up. What was the relationship like when they lived in your house? Right. When Max lived with us every day, him and I texted every day. He texted me from school all the time. Yes. He texted me after school. We're doing the same thing. He's not living with me, but he's— we're still texting each other every day. Yes. So for me, it helps me to text every day. And honestly, I think he likes it too. I think he likes to, you know, like keep in touch, keep in touch and feel connected. And you know, like he'll call and be like, what are you guys doing? Like he wants to know what we're doing. So, okay, so we're not going to let people make the rules for us and we're not going to expect everything to go perfectly and smoothly. Like when I went there, there maybe was a couple things that I noticed, but I don't expect things to be absolutely perfect and he's happy, right? And yeah, you know, I was— I noticed that I was twitching because I wanted to clean up a little.

And I saw that.

Did you? A little bit. And I wanted to like—

yeah, I was like, I gotta clean this.

I wanted to put everything away. I brought him so much stuff. So it made me sad when I found out, you know, I brought him all this food, he went through all of it, and he's like, it's hard at like 9:30 at night when I'm hungry.

There's another dining hall that's close, it's open.

And then, and then he has to go find food, right? So So, um, you know, I want to provide him with lots of stuff in his dorm room for him to eat. And I was like, you know, if you would have told me, I would have Amazon, you know, Instacart, like I would have sent you food. And he has money, like he can order stuff on Amazon.

Yes.

So anyways, I brought him tons of food and I wanted to like put it all away. I wanted to organize everything and put it all away and make his room look perfect. And I was like, literally, yeah, like I was trying—

I was holding yourself.

I was controlling my hands and I was like, just leave the room, leave the room. So I did not stay in the room. I brought— we brought lots of bags into the room.

Yes.

And he was like, just leave the bags and leave the stuff. Yes. And let's go. And I was like, okay. So it's very impressed with you. So I can't expect everything to look perfect and be perfect. I can't expect every time I talk to him for him to be like perfectly happy and content, right?

Life happens.

Um, a couple of times he was like, oh my God, I have so much work to do, but he is plugging away. Yes, plugging away. Okay, so something that I have tried to talk to myself about and it's helped a little bit, is to embrace the easy. Okay, do I want it to be easier?

No.

I like all 5 of us home. Oh, I like cooking for all of us, cleaning for all of us, doing laundry for all of us. Obviously my ideal is that it's all 5 of us. However, one of us is not here anymore. It's not. Max is not here. So what that looks like for me, who does a lot at home, yes, is I have a lot less laundry. He makes a lot of laundry. Oh my God, somebody posted and said, my son has done 2 loads of laundry since he went to school and I'm so proud of him. And I'm thinking to myself, Max has so much laundry, he's doing laundry at least once a week.

Yes.

So I have less laundry. I'm cooking less food, I'm buying less food at the grocery store. Um, you're gonna have to tell me if you see any impact on our grocery bill.

Yes, I will. Yes, once we've had a—

yes, once we've done a couple months. And I'm also adjusting.

Yeah.

So like, I went to go down an aisle where I buy a bunch of stuff for Max, and I was like, no, you don't need anything in that aisle, right?

Our takeout bill has also dropped.

I'm just, yeah, like I'm noticing all the different things for people and I'm noticing that it's a little easier. So maybe I can just like embrace that it's a little easier.

Yeah. And silver lining.

And when he comes home, it's going to be like a lot of food, a lot of laundry, a lot of food.

Yes.

So I think that I do better when I know when I'm going to see him. September was hard because I told Max, I said, I don't think I'm gonna make it to fall break, which is October 10th. Um, so we're gonna see him on October 10th. So I was like, I don't think I can go that long. Like, I'm gonna at least need to drive up for a hug. I'm like, I'm having major Max hug withdrawal. And he was like, oh yeah. He was like, you can, of course you can come up in September. So like, I needed a September date. Like, now I know in October when I'm gonna see him. I know in November when I'm gonna see him. Like, it makes me feel better when I have a date.

You have something to look forward to.

I also found that it really helped me to buy stuff for him. So I sent— what did I send him to him on Amazon? I sent him a hair dryer and something else. But sending him stuff, like buying him stuff, makes me happy. So what I realized when he told me he was out of like so many things is I started shopping and I went to like—

retail therapy—

and I— yes, well, that is definitely a problem. I was like, oh, I just spent like $200 at this store and now I'm going to another store. So I had so much fun buying Max a ton of stuff to bring him— protein bars and protein chips and, and nuts. And wait, what was the other thing? I like bought him some candy. Like, I just kept buying him stuff and kept throwing stuff in. And, um, it made me happy and it made me feel better. And to show up with all that stuff, and my mom made cookies, and like, here I am like Santa Claus with all this stuff.

I don't want to spoil him and his roommate because his roommate's in Colorado, from Colorado. So mom can't just drop by with a bunch of stuff.

Well, and I kept asking what to bring his roommate and his roommate didn't want anything, but I figure Max will probably share. I don't know how that works. So, um, I think that next time I will probably do more for both of them, like maybe bake stuff or whatever. I saw that one mom told me that every time she goes up, she brings, um, about her, the, her daughter and her daughter's friends like a home-cooked meal. Like she makes them a whole meal. And her mom said, you know, or her daughter said, you know, Mom, you can come anytime with a bunch of food for us.

Really popular.

So yeah, so I was like, oh, that's a really good tip to like make a bunch of food and bring it up.

Giant tray of chicken parm or something.

So I'm finding things, I'm learning. I think every month I'm gonna learn more.

Yes.

I feel like I learned like a crash course ton the first month, and I almost wish that I had like watched or listened to people talk about like the first, first month of your kid going to school. Everybody is sending me the Holderness Family stuff. The problem with the Holderness Family is is that they're going through it with me and I needed someone ahead of you. I needed them to do all of this last year. So like, they're like, they're so popular with all their new college stuff because their daughter went to school and they're posting all this content and I'm like, I needed this last year. This is not helping me now because I'm learning it with you at the same time.

Got it.

And he's he's totally making fun of his wife. Oh my gosh, if you have sent a kid to college, go watch it and laugh with them. It's freaking hysterical. Him, Penn, making fun of Kim and, and how Kim is about Lola being at school is so funny. Have you seen any of it?

I will now go check these out.

Oh my God, he's like, you know, we should really get an apartment here. She would want that. We should really get something here. Like, it's just so funny. And she's like— he's like pretending that he's Kim and he's spying on her at school. And he's like, oh, she's with her friends. Okay, I won't go say hello.

I will check these out.

I can't believe I didn't show you. I'm sorry. I will to show you after this. It really made me laugh. And I was like, listen, Penn and Kim, you needed to have a kid a year older than mine and not the same age.

Yes, we should definitely talk to them about that.

But they have to fly to go see her, and that— oh, parents who have to fly to go see their kid. I don't know, we're working on Ella.

We're trying—

stop it, go! We're trying to explain to Ella that we would like her to be a car ride ahead And I've had— stop, Faith, go!

She's talking to the cat.

Um, I've had multiple parents tell me that they set a boundary of their kid has to go X number of hours away so they could drive there, and Ella is not cooperating. Yeah, so anyways, that's what's going on in the greenhouse. We had our first visit, it was wonderful. Cornell is just gorgeous. I'm very excited to go up there in October and see all the leaves and how beautiful it's gonna be. It's like rated one of the most beautiful college campuses. And I was looking out at the view and I was just staring, and he was like, yep, I get to walk by that every day and look at that.

Yeah, it's pretty awesome.

Isn't that cool? So Max is doing well. I am, I am doing well most of the time. What about you?

Yeah, I would say I am doing well most of the time. Most of the time is a good description.

I think yesterday was a little bit hard.

Yeah, because we saw him and then we were— yeah, had a holiday.

Well, no, it was the holiday. It wasn't, it wasn't because I had just seen him, it was because it was a holiday. And Seth has also found, although I agree 100%, that it's hard because he's surrounded by girls.

Yes.

It's a lot of estrogen in this house, and Max and his testosterone energy was very helpful. And now we have two teenage daughters, and it's not so easy. No. Um, we definitely miss Max for many reasons. For many reasons. So if you are with us and it's been a month and your kid has been away, tell us how you're doing. Tell us what you've learned. Give us some of your pointers. And this Friday on my podcast is Dr. Casey Myers, and she gives us parenting, marriage, and purpose lessons. Um, really cool lady. I get to talk to such amazing women on this— on my podcast. And I have a bunch of interviews set up, so I'm really excited to talk to all these women. And, um, what else, honey?

Go to whinybalooza.com, scroll down until you see the option to sign up for the Whiny Palooza free community newsletter and get awesome parenting and marriage tips. Sign up for that and make sure to like, comment, rate, review, and subscribe to Rebecca Greene's Facebook and her podcast and her Instagram and her TikTok and all of the things.

So I think you only subscribe to YouTube and the podcast, right?

And the newsletter. That's true. Oh, follow— yeah, Facebook, TikTok, etc. Instagram.

Yes. Um, so I follow Matt and Abby Howard on YouTube. I don't know if you guys watch them, but I do, and I watched their latest podcast today and Matt was complaining and he was like, the YouTube analysis is telling me that half of you are not subscribed. So people don't realize how much it is helpful. So thank you for watching and joining us and for doing all the things to support us, because when you do it, they put it out to more parents so that we can hopefully be helpful and inspiring and entertaining. So let me know if you have any topic requests. I think that, um, a future one is how parenting teenagers is not so fun. Sometimes it is, but today not so much.

Definitely not.

No. So have a wonderful evening, and we will be back next week.

Happy Whiny Palooza Wednesday.

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