Episode 487: A Mother's Story of Addiction, Relapses and Recovery

No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Greene.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family. Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Greene for the Winey Palooza podcast, and I am very excited today because I get to talk to the wonderful Emily Redondo. Emily, how did I do with your last name?

It was perfect.

Thank you for doing this with me today.

Yeah, I'm excited. Thanks for having me.

Emily is such a fantastic lady, and I love that she's sharing so much with us today. Let me tell you a little bit about her. She is a writer, a mother of 4. Emily, I just want to pause and tell you that I have 3, so my hat comes off to you. I know how hard that must be. Um, she's an author of Wife, Mother, Drunk: An Intergenerational Memoir of Loss and Love. On the outside, Emily looked like the perfect mom with a full minivan and happy family, but behind the scenes, she was hiding bottles, cycling in and out of rehab, and wrestling with the weight of generational trauma. In her raw, honest memoir, Emily opens up about chronic relapse, the pressure of perfection in motherhood, and the ongoing challenges of recovery while raising kids. With honesty and humor, she brings a voice to struggles many moms silently carry and a reminder that healing doesn't have to look picture perfect. So I told everyone they were going to love you and they were going to learn from you. And, you know, it's interesting, I have told so many people, you never know what's going on behind closed doors.

So true.

It's one of the things, you know, because people think that everyone has like the perfect life, and I'm like, nobody has the perfect life.

Yeah, right.

So you looked like you had the picture— picture-perfect life, but what was really going on behind the scenes during those years? Tell us what was going on.

So it was quite a number of years, um, and that's sort of the, the thing about addiction is I got sober for the first time when I was 27, and I had one child. I was a single mom. So that looked a lot different than this final time that I got sober. I didn't get sober again until I was— oh my gosh— 41, 42. And I had some time, you know, some sober years in there, but it just continued to get worse and worse. And it was a full-time job to hide it. I never drank in front of anyone. I never drank in front of my family or in public. It was all very closet, literal closet drinking. And, you know, it's, it gets to a point where you're just not in control anymore. It's like this other person lives inside you and is having you do things that you would never normally do. And so by the end, each time I was drinking around the clock because my body could not function without alcohol in its system.

Seriously.

So it wasn't, it wasn't really— I think we have this, this image, especially with mothers and women, that, you know, an alcoholic mom is sort of like, you know, living in squalor on her couch with a bottle on the floor and babies and dirty diapers and that sort of a thing. And it, it's It was not like that at all. And I think that that's one of the things that kind of is harmful for those of us who just are trying to get through things. And, you know, we don't want that stereotype associated with us.

No, no. And I think it's probably happening more frequently than we think.

It absolutely is.

Yeah, absolutely. Well, so there is societal pressure to be the perfect mom, and I'm doing air quotes to those. Yeah. Are not watching, right? Um, so talk about the societal pressure. Like, what, what did you feel about trying to be the perfect mom?

Well, I think some of it stems from the fact that I really, I wanted to fit in. And that's, I mean, that's like a lifelong kind of thing. Like, we want to belong with the other moms, you know. And so I would compare myself a lot to other moms. And I think the societal pressure to be perfect is the fact that, you know, what's a mom supposed to be? You know, she's kind of supposed to be everything. And I couldn't even manage to keep my house clean. And I think I made a lot of assumptions, which, you know, we all do. Where we sort of compare ourselves to people's best that they put out there. And I got really sucked into it. And, you know, I live in an area where it's sort of normal to just to be everything, to be the volunteer, to have the, you know, the perfect house, the right clothes, the, you know, straight-A students and the, you know, I mean, you know, every kid is involved in something and they're so good at it. You know, I mean, it's just, it's sort of the societal pressure is definitely something that comes from inside all of us, I think. And it's because we want to be the good mom, we want to be the good girl, the good wife. And that comes from, you know, when I was little even, you know, I want people to like me and I want to be accepted. You know, there is that part of us, I think, and that was really something that I, I was struggling with. I think societal pressures are stronger for, for women like myself who kind of have the low self-esteem and the insecurities because we want to get it from someone else instead of from ourselves.

It's a really good point. I was telling my husband a list of things that I wasn't doing the other night, and he said, you know, that those are all self-imposed pressures that nobody's asking you to do.

Exactly. That's very true. Yes.

And I was like, oh, you're right. You didn't ask me to do this. This is just me.

I think some of the other societal pressures or the other pressures for that perfect mom, and this is where the intergenerational kind of comes in, is the fact that what I saw in my own mother wasn't real. You know, I come from alcoholic parents. My mom was an alcoholic, and I think as moms, like, the more we hide our own humanness, then the more we're kind of giving the wrong message to the next generation. Um, my mom was an insanely talented homemaker. I mean, it like I know the backstory of it now, but as I'm growing up, I'm thinking, oh yeah, I want to be just like my mom. I want to be able to whip up some, you know, homemade bread and make dinner and have it on the table when my dad gets home. And I tell— I told somebody else this too, but my mom vacuumed the entire house every single day. Every day she ironed all my dad's work shirts. Like, we'd never— like, there We didn't take shirts to the cleaners. And so I'm watching her do this stuff thinking, oh, well, I want to do that too when I get to be a mommy.

Yeah.

And it wasn't, you know, it's, it was a lot of pressure.

It's a lot of pressure.

Yeah. And it was, it was not the whole story of my mother. She was very unhappy. My, my parents' marriage. Was not good. And, you know, we want to, you know, sort of like protect our kids from reality, but then they also sort of get this idea that this is the— this is the bar that we're supposed to live up to.

I love that you're explaining that. I want to tell you that when I see a perfect house— okay, I have 3 kids, 3 pets, and a husband. Okay, I'm going to tell you that right now. So when I see a perfect house my automatic thought now. It used to be, I'm not enough. Now it's— now it's, how crazy is that mom trying to keep her house clean?

I know, it, it sort of makes me sad because I tell you what, my family doesn't care.

I know, it's true.

They never did care. Um, you know, it's— I, I sort of do the same thing. This is a terrible thing to admit, but I sort of do the same thing when I see a woman who was like so put together, like her bag matches her shoes, her jewelry matches her belt, her, you know, she's got the per— like all this put together. My first thought is, gosh, I wonder what her issue is.

I, I to— 100% agree with that. So maybe we can reprogram people listening right now.

Yeah.

So I know you talk about relapsing and, you know, I think there's this misconception that, you get sober and you're good. And, and there's a lot of relapse involved that isn't discussed. Can you talk about that? And I mean, why is it so underdiscussed?

I think it's maybe underdiscussed because it looks like and feels like failure. And I mean, I'm That might be some of it. It's also, it's hard to, to comprehend. I think anybody now, I know it's not the proper term, but I do call my, I do refer to myself as an alcoholic and, um, with alcoholism because the level that I was at, that's where I was. And also, um, I know that there is a stereotype for what an alcoholic lives and looks and all that sort of stuff. And I just kind of want to put myself out there. It's like, actually, they can look just like me. Yeah. But I'm so sorry, I lost my train of thought.

That's okay. I just want to hear about relapsing. Oh, yes. Tell us about your relapsing.

Yes. So one thing about drinking is oftentimes I used it as a pain reliever, sort of like, let's dull down this unexplained pain that I'm in.

And emotional pain?

Yes.

Yeah.

Like emotional, mental, whether it's my fear of failure as a mother, or whether it's something that I'm overwhelmed with, I kind of put drinking sort of like dulls it out, right? And when I would get sober, what would happen is all that stuff that I was drinking over and wanting to dodge, deny, all this sort of— it's like right on the surface now, and I feel it all. And I think that that's something, especially in motherhood, that really, really nailed me hard because I could see with clarity, uh, the things that I had done and said and become or not done as a mom to my children and it was unbearable, the amount of shame and remorse and just wanting to do it over, you know, do-over. And I'm just— it was, it was so much for me to kind of have to handle that I did the thing that I was the most familiar with, whether I wanted to or not, you know, I picked up a drink. Um, I also went to rehab as the, you know, the rehab mom over like 7 times. And I've been in institution. Well, it's— I'll tell you, rehab saved my life, literally. Um, and I couldn't detach enough to do, to get sober in the craziness of my home life. And I say that lovingly, but I had 3 kids 5 and under and a daughter who was like maybe 6th grade. And so I have these 4 little kids and I'm a full-time mom. We didn't have child care. I didn't have a nanny or a maid. We didn't live like that. We couldn't afford it anyway. And I think that rehab helped in a lot of ways, but it, it's not geared towards someone like myself. And basically, I do really good. I'd have these goals and the schedules set for when I come home, but I come home and I I'm back at the exact scene of the crime that I couldn't do very well, you know, beforehand. And I didn't really have the skills to sort of do it. The expectations of what it's like coming home are, are challenging because family, family members and friends and myself, okay, I was thinking, we all did, that Hey, if mom stops drinking, then everything's fine. That's the problem is her drinking. If she just quits, then everything will go back to normal and be great. And really the whole system, you know, alcoholism is a family disease. And I, you know, I had the mom guilt for being gone when I got back and I'm supposed to do all these things. And, um, you know, I was just being pulled in all directions when I got home, which I think I finally learned that I, like, a lot needs to change in order for me to stay sober. But we don't, you know, we don't want to inconvenience or make matters worse at home, so we just kind of get, get back and try to pick up where we left off, which is super dangerous territory.

I love that you're saying that. That is really, really good for people to hear. I guess I'm curious. So you would, you would get sober, you would come home, and you would feel the emotional pain, the mental pressure, all of it, and you would relapse. And this happened time and time again. So tell us what changed when that cycle stopped?

Yeah, unfortunately for me, I was going to die. I was very, very— I mean, I almost died multiple times. And so it was really a matter of life or death. And it doesn't have to be that way. But that's my story. And that's really where I just had to pull the brakes because I was, I was afraid I was going to die if I drank again.

Well, thank God you didn't. And thank God you're okay.

Yeah.

So you said something really crucial about alcoholism being a family disease and needing things to change. What kind of things do you think moms need to change at home?

Oh, gosh. I mean, that's a hard question because I feel like we're all sort of doing the best that we can, for sure. And everybody's kids are so different that sometimes I shy away from advice because I, I've been on the other side where I've gotten really crap advice. I think one thing is really to sort of pay attention to like, why am I doing what I'm doing? Um, if I always like to say, if someone is asking themselves if they have an issue with alcohol, then most likely they do. And it doesn't, you know, that doesn't have to be like some terrifying thing, um, because I mean, we're all kind of addicted to something on at some point in our lives. Um, but the biggest things that had to change were started with like I needed boundaries and I needed to make them knowing that I'm, I'm doing this out of love. Like, they're not boundaries for the other person, they're for me.

Yeah.

Um, and then, you know, the expectations of what all I could accomplish and pull off had to change as well. So, you know, I was the primary— I mean, I was doing everything around the house, um, and I wasn't good at it. I also, you know, I had to divvy up things. So like, my girls learned how to do their laundry in third grade.

Um, that's amazing. I mean, that's right.

Now it's laundry is— they're teenagers now. One of them, you know, two of them have moved out and are independent, and laundry's still an issue. But I think the other thing is I had to get honest with them. And it's not, you know, some of the reason why there was this overwhelming motherload on me was again, like what you said, it's self-inflicted. I mean, can someone help me with dishes after dinner? You know, I hated cooking. I got to a point where I was like, dinner is a nightmare. I don't want to do this anymore. We were eating like the same 5 things every week because I was just so uninspired. And my husband took over dinner. He's the king of the kitchen now.

And that's awesome.

So much better than I am too. But cycles don't change. In, in even one generation, right? It's hard to do it. And so my husband and I are very focused now on like, okay, what are we trying to like undo ourselves so that our kids see something different? And some of that has to do with, hey, we're going to talk about this, we're going to have uncomfortable conversations, and it's, it's okay, no one's gonna die. Um, and learn how to get better at that, because that was one of the things in my house is that we didn't talk about anything growing up or your current house growing up. I mean, you didn't talk about things that were uncomfortable or you didn't express your feelings in my house. It was very different. But yet that's what I I learned, you know, that's— and we do what we know, whether we like it or not. So I think it really had to start with, okay, I got to figure out what's going on with me. And then my husband and I, this last time I got sober, he's in recovery also, and he does not relate to my experience. So he had his issues with addiction. He went to rehab and he never picked up again.

Wow.

Now, my parents— I said my parents were both alcoholics. So my mom did the same. My mom walked into an AA meeting and that was it. She didn't drink again. So this is my situation as I'm struggling is that the people closest to me who knew the most about addiction could not relate to me. And it just exacerbated my feelings of total and utter failure. But I think we are like that. There's things I, I feel like everybody's got something that they're, that they're hiding, and some of us hide, have a lot more that we're hiding. And we talk very openly in this house about alcohol, about, uh, you know, I've— my kids all are very comfortable with the topic and That's rare.

Well, I was going to ask you about the discussions with you going to rehab, coming home.

Were your kids—

were you able to talk to your kids about all of that along the way?

I was. I think it's easier when they're younger because they don't know it's— they don't have the the stigma attached to it. They don't see any— like, it's like, oh, okay. Um, I mean, I remember being on a walk with my third daughter and we ran into her kindergarten teacher and she was probably 5 or 6 years old. And, uh, her teacher asked, you know, how was your summer? And she's, you know, she's saying a couple things and then she said, And my mom had to go away to a hospital because she drank too much. Um, and I just kind of looked at the teacher like, uh, yeah, well, that's okay, there you go. And thank God the teacher was so on top of it. I mean, she handled it just so perfectly of like, just, oh, well, I'm so glad she did that, you know, and But Stella's just hopping around, you know, telling her teacher, Mom spent the summer at rehab and now she's back. And, you know, what are you going to do? But it was— it's an example of like how they just— it's not a big deal. I also have told all my kids, including my oldest, from the very beginning that they could understand it, that they're allergic to alcohol. And it's true. It is true. And I need to say that I don't think everyone would agree with that method. But in my case, I have a history that's riddled with the disease, and my husband and I are both in recovery. And it's not that I think, okay, well, if they know that, they're never going to dabble in anything. But it's just sort of setting the stage for it.

Totally understand. My, my friend's mom was an alcoholic and she doesn't touch it. Doesn't touch it. Doesn't touch alcohol, I mean.

Yeah, your friend, your friend, my friend, she doesn't touch it.

Yeah, she said, you know, I saw what it did in my family and I'm not touching it.

Yeah, and my oldest daughter, uh, she's 27, she's getting married in a few weeks, and she's the same. She's never never had a drink.

It's amazing. So, so the generations are changing. Yes, yes, yes, for sure. Well, and I know that you said a quote that you're a failer, not a failure. Yeah, can you tell us what that means?

Well, I mean, first of all, perfection is imagined. It's not real, it's imaginary. It's, it's, it doesn't even exist. And, you know, I learned that creativity is very soothing for me.

It's—

I mean, I enjoy it, whatever the category is. Um, and I think there's so many things that I I learn by failing. That's my method. And it doesn't make me a failure when you don't give up. When I try something and it doesn't work. And I mean, whether that's parenting related, I have a son with ADHD and I got to tell you, I didn't know. My husband and I didn't know for quite a while. And boy, it's trial and error kind of with what's going to be helpful for that. Or if I'm— I like to DIY a lot of stuff. And I mean, I screw up so bad on certain things, whether I'm trying to stain wood or paint something. And it's just sort of like, hey, mistakes are going to be made. Let's just keep going. And I think that's a lot of my story in terms of relapse and those types of things is I never ever quit trying. There was not like this point where it was like, ah, well, I'm just going to quit. Trying to quit. You know, it was every day, every single day.

I'm amazed that you didn't give up those 7 times. I mean, I'm really, truly amazed by you.

I don't— I, yeah, and I don't really know. I don't— I can't— I don't know why I didn't. You know what I'm saying? I just it, it wasn't an option, I guess, in my head. Um, the more distance I get from the experiences, the more I'm like, oh my God, that's terrible. You know, it's like writing this book took me, I mean, you know, I started it 11 years ago and then I just diligently worked on it for 8 years. Wow. And look, I quit that too. I mean, you don't even want to know how many times I started over and just kept going because I knew I was missing stuff. I knew I wasn't getting the deeper story that I could dig a little bit more. Um, and you know, I stopped for a while and I would start back up and it was just like I I had to finish it. I had to do it for myself. And then by some miracle, you know, now it's, it's actually getting published and coming out. But that wasn't really the goal of me writing it originally.

What was the goal?

The goal really was to document what happened, I couldn't even put it all together. You know, my husband and I at one point, you know, we're sitting down trying to figure out now which rehab was that, or was that a psych hospital, or was that a detox? And we finally pulled out a piece of paper and made a chart. And that's the first time I realized how many there were because it's sort of You know, it's all in the— it's a blur, um, all this stuff that went on. And so I was like, you know, I'm gonna write this. I think the other reason I, I needed to write it, um, was because we all have a story, and the story that people think is true really isn't really necessarily the way it went. I think also that people are more complicated, uh, than we give them credit for being. And I remember feeling like, um, not that I wanted to explain everything that happened to me, but sort of like, who's gonna listen to this whole slew of things while I try to work it out? And it's scary. Some people just won't listen to you. They don't want to, you know, I have family members who just, they don't, they don't want to hear it. And I thought, you know what, this is a perfect way for me to speak is I'm just going to speak on this page. And when someone's ready, then here it is, you know, they can, they can read it.

So when people are reading your book, what, what is your hope that they're going to leave the book with? What do you want them to take away from it?

Well, I hope that the, the women who were like me feel seen, and I hope that people get a, an inside look at what's really what it's really happening when someone is addicted to alcohol. Um, you know, that it's not about a decision to quit. I could quit, no problem. I could get sober. I couldn't stay sober. And, you know, why is that? That's what I, I kind of investigate about myself in the book.

It's amazing. So you are home, you're sober, you're, you're trying to recover with 4 children.

Yeah.

I mean, what, what did that look like?

Well, it was a very interesting year because, um, the year I got sober was, I call it my bookend year, and I had my oldest daughter was a senior in high school. And my youngest was going into kindergarten. Wow, that's crazy. Yeah. And also, um, the first time I was in a rehab, my oldest daughter was in kindergarten, and the last time she was a senior in high school.

Oh my goodness.

Yeah. So it was very kind of Um, you know, what are you gonna do with, with that? How are you going to live with, with these things? And, you know, time is not always on our side. We don't always, you know, we don't— we can't make it up. We can't go back and reclaim it. And I realized that in the beginning there with, you know, with the kids and stuff, that the more I wallow in what's happened and try to grapple with how terrible I was as a mom, then the more I'm robbing myself of right now. And I don't have a lot of time. I gotta get momming, you know. I gotta, I gotta set the stage here. And, um, because I would be watching my kids do something marvelous and on the inside think, God, I really, I was such a shitty mom, you know, these kind of inside dialogues. And I thought, no, I can't do that. I can't do that. I've done that enough. I've used up all the time to do that. And now I'm, I'm going to get over it.

So mothers listening, stop beating yourself up and enjoy the moments with your children. I love that.

Yeah, I do think it's important to, you know, we want to say the past is in the past, you know, start over. Is it day one or, you know, one day? And we have— the past stays there once we deal with it, is my take on that. And there was a lot that I had to sift through and look at about myself and just get really honest. And that's one thing about my book is it's super honest. Um, and I don't know, I don't look that great in a lot of it, and that's okay because I know I wasn't great. It doesn't bother me. I'm in acceptance of, of these types of things. Um, but I had to do that by myself. I had to do that separate from how I was parenting.

Well, and you talked about your husband. I'm curious, I mean, you're still married. Yes, you seem happily married. Can you talk about, you know, how your marriage did through all of this?

Well, I mean, I talk about this in the book too, because there's a point where I kind of just speak to who the reader and say like, why isn't he leaving me? Like, I thought it too. Why do you love me? How— what, what What the heck? But we did stay together through all of it. And it was, it was challenging. And we weren't, you know, sometimes I mean, I think marriages just get in a, in a rut. Anyway, at times, there's better years than other years, and our bad years were really bad. But he's the first to say he never thought about leaving me. Um, and so I don't— I mean, you'd have to probably talk to him about that. But I think that once the weight of the past and the— and being able to talk about what it looked like back then, for me to be able to sit and listen to his perspective and what he saw and felt is terrifying, but, and it's painful to hear because, you know, I mean, I just did things that, I mean, were not good, were not good at all. And I couldn't exactly remember them. So when I was writing the book, I'd have to ask him like, What, what was this? What happened here? And, and he tells me because he remembers. I mean, he remembers everything anyway, but, um, I had to be willing to hear it and then deal with it. Um, and once we kind of got better at that, then it's, it's like our whole romance kind of started over fresh, and we're like We're so together and fun, and we don't take anything for granted. And, um, so I think we— that came out of it. Also, when I first got sober, I just want to say, you know, I really— my, my husband didn't want to have to change some of the stuff that was going on. Um, And I had to learn a whole new side of myself. I sort of had to, you know, really find a way to be happy myself. But there was a point in time where I told him, I said, hey, you're gonna lose me unless you, you get where I'm at here. And I think, you know, that kind of started things where he was like, yeah, I need to, I need to change some things as well.

Sounds like you picked a good husband.

I did. I mean, it took a long time. Like, we were not— we both have quite a history of, you know, engagements and marriages and all this sort of stuff, but we finally found each other.

That's awesome. What do you think your kids would say about this whole journey?

I think the first thing that they would say is that they're proud of me, and they do tell me that often. I think as they get older, they have a better understanding, um, of the big picture, you know, of what was, you know, oh, my mom is a real person and she, she was getting, you know, she had this going on and she did her best. And, you know, all they ever wanted was a happy mom. They wanted me, you know, in a good place. And I think that that's a good message because, you know, you don't have to even try to be the perfect mom. You just have to be, you know, be happy for— and I don't mean like happy happy, but I mean like that you— they know you love your life.

Yeah, they, they just want— they just want their mom.

Yeah, they do.

Yeah, I know.

No matter what.

Yeah, it's true, it's true. So to the mom struggling with addiction, what kind of support do you think that she needs right now?

I think, um, If you're asking me that in terms of like a listener knows somebody who might be struggling. Yeah, I can tell you what I wanted so bad. I just wanted a friend. And it's not because I didn't have people in my life, but we're in such a culture of, well, okay, you have a problem, I'm going to solve it. Here's what you need to do. Or, you know, she's got a problem. I need to stay away from that because it's, you know, I'm just going to kind of leave her over there. And that happened to me as well. And then it's okay to just be a listener and a friend without giving advice or trying to fix anything. Because I, I promise that if someone is really struggling with alcohol and they're hiding it, I mean, they know, they know it's a problem. And for me, uh, if someone is the one who's struggling and, and trying to hide it, I think I would say, you know, the thing about time, like, it catches up eventually. And one day, you know, the elusive one day I'll have time to work on this and then I'll, you know, I mean, that day shows up and it's hard to walk into any support meeting for anything. You know, it's like, oh my God, I'm, I can't do that. And that might not be the greatest first step for somebody. Maybe you just need that one person in your life that you're like, okay, I think I think I can talk about it with them, but you know, it's something to just start with a baby step of like saying, yeah, you know what? I probably should look at this. Some people journal. I mean, I, I wrote a lot before I was comfortable talking to somebody. Um, and there are people that will love and embrace, embrace you no matter what. You're not, you're not alone, and you're, you're definitely not as alone as you think you are. You're just being really brave.

Well, and people, and people are hiding things, as you and I have spoken about. So nobody has the perfect life. I see that over and over again.

Yeah, for sure. And no offense, I don't want a perfect life. How boring. It does sound boring.

It does.

I mean, as much as I spent half my life trying to attain it, now I'm like, oh, where's the fun in that?

Oh my gosh, it's true. So, I mean, I asked you so many questions. Is there anything that I didn't ask that you want to share with us?

Um, I think, I think you did a great job. And I, you know, I have a hard time— I will go ahead and say this on recording that I do have cognitive impairments because of my drinking now. And I've been sober for 9 years. They're not going away. Some of them are getting worse. And so one of the things is my memory. So when I have a conversation and I'm so focused on having just talking to you, I forget what I said. And so I need a lot of cues from people in my life, like, what was I saying? What, what were we talking about? So you might have picked up on some of that.

You did such a good job. Oh, thank you. Such a good job. I thought it was wonderful, and I think it was super helpful for people, and I just appreciate you doing this so much.

Yeah, definitely. And, um, you know, no matter how, how bad things are, change happens even when it's slow. You know what I mean? I think change is so slow. So that's another thing.

That's a good point because we have our expectations are sometimes off on what to expect as things get better.

Yes. And I kind of think about it in terms of like our kids growing. I don't see them growing, but then one day I'll look at him and I'll be like, who are you? I know, you know, whoa, you've grown so much, you— none of your clothes fit. And, um, I think human beings are just the same, you know, we, we change slowly, but it doesn't mean that we're not improving or going backwards. You know, you just— it's hard. These days are super hard to be a parent. We just, I mean, it feels like we've got so much on our plate and so little time. It's like everybody's busy all the time and don't forget to put yourself on the list.

Yeah, I keep, I keep seeing over and over again, it's like a message that is supposed to come through to me that it makes us better for everyone when we take care of ourselves. For us, it makes us better. For us, for our kids, for our husband. And I'm like, I am supposed to be taking more care of myself.

Yeah, I want to speak on that note really fast because the whole self-care and taking care of myself, I mean, I had to just really go out there and mix things up a little bit because it's not taking a bubble bath.

It's—

no, it's not going and sitting and getting a manicure. And I had to be willing to, like, whatever it was, just go ahead and, and do it for myself. Yeah, the whole thing about, like, eating right and exercise and I hate exercising. I don't like it at all. Um, so I get my exercise other ways, you know. I garden and, um, you know, I'm out hammering stuff in the garage. And I, you know, just be willing to, you know, pick up something that maybe is weird and wild and wacky, but it's it's you. Like, you love it, you're passionate about it, and it has nothing to do with your husband, your kids, or your neighbors. You know, it just lights, lights you up on the inside.

That is fabulous, fabulous advice. I will take that advice. And, and exercise looks different ways, so I appreciate you pointing that out.

Yeah, and I know it's all about the endorphins, but man, I get my endorphins I love art and I love music. And, you know, I get, I get a rush out of things that don't have to do with running or— so, I mean, although I was, you know, like obsessed with food and calories and weight and all that when I was younger, now it's like, no, no, she retired.

That's good. I'm glad she retired. Oh my goodness. Well, you are so inspiring, so helpful. I love that you shared your story with us. Can you tell everybody listening where they can go find you?

Um, I, I have a website, emilyredondoauthor.com. I'm also on Instagram. And that's, I think, Emily Redondo author. And it's kind of challenging because I quit social media completely. And so I just started back up, but I've got a few things on there that are kind of fun. But it wasn't a good place for me. I didn't— I ended up just dumping it all. And doing other things instead. I also, my book is available in, I mean, a lot of different places pretty much. You can find them, I've got links on my website and you can also find it on Simon Schuster website where there's a bunch of options of where to buy and it's on Amazon.

Well, and again, it's called Wife, Mother, Drunk: An Intergenerational Memoir of Loss and love. So Emily, thank you so much. We appreciate your time today.

Thank you. Thank you for all that you do with this.

Oh, it's my pleasure. This is Rebecca Greene, and I want to remind everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving. Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.

This episode? Yeah, we made it. The voice you just heard? We helped put them there. And right now someone's out there thinking, "I should have my own podcast." You should. Not because it's trendy. Not because "content is king." But because your voice has weight, your ideas have gravity, and the right people? They're waiting to hear you. We build shows that don't just sound good. They work. For your brand. Your business. Your audience. Ready to step up to the mic? To see if you could grow your business with a podcast, apply at yourdream50.com/seth-green, G-R-E-E-N-E, because your story deserves more than just ears.