Episode 503: December Looks Different

No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Greene.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, happy Wine and Palooza Wednesday.

Happy Wine and Palooza Wednesday.

We are ready for bed.

Yes.

We are tired. Parents, very tired parents. Yes, but we're gonna go live with you first.

We're doing it anyway.

I feel like every Wednesday 9 o'clock feels later and later. Is it just like the dead of the winter? Is that what's going on?

I do not know. I cannot speak for you.

I was thinking about that today. So, um, how is everyone's December starting? It is now December.

Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrated it last week.

Happy Thanksgiving. Happy December. My topic this week is December looks different. And before I jump into my topic, I want to let you know that Ella did a new Teenage Tuesday topic, and it was all about impatience. What was the title of it? Do you remember?

I do not, but it was good.

It was very good and very good advice. So go find Ella's new blog at winiflorence.com. All the blogs are always there. So please go look and please go read and then please tell us what you think 'cause we'd love to hear from you.

We love feedback.

We love hearing from you. In fact, I got a really good topic request.

Ooh, awesome.

So I will tell Seth when we're done and I think it's perfect for what we were discussing today, which is ironic. So I will tackle that probably next week.

Okay.

So this week we're gonna talk about December looks different. So what I do is when I go to write my blog, I usually jump into what I'm feeling, and it's usually about my life, which is hopefully similar to your life, and hopefully you relate. So I feel like this December looks very different. Um, what about you?

Yes.

And we ended November driving our son back to school after Thanksgiving break. We had him for a week.

That was very nice.

We loved having him home, and we took him back, and the drive there was smooth sailing.

It was nice and easy.

I asked Seth— well, Seth and I discussed that I would drive there and he would drive home. We tend to split.

Yep, I normally drive there and she normally drives back.

But, but number— my, my biggest thing is, um, I mean, I would rather obviously drive during the daylight, and we were, we were too nice and we'd let Max sleep in.

Yes.

And that was not good parenting planning. We should have left at like 9 AM instead of noon. So by the time we had a nice lunch together and drove home, it was dark, it was snowing, it was hailing, and Seth did not have a good drive home.

I mean, we got home safe, but yes, it was very, very tense.

So at one point, an hour— so it was 30 miles per hour on the thruway, if that tells you everything. Everyone was driving slow. It was, it was definitely scary.

And there were times you could not see very much.

I was hooked to the, to the window. Like, I couldn't look down. I was too stressed to look down, and I felt like I needed to know what was going on, and I needed to be aware in case I needed to help him. So I was focused on the drive the whole way there, the whole way home, and we went really slow, and I just thought to myself, we get there when we get there. Just drive slow, just be safe. So thank you for doing such a good job and getting us home.

You're welcome. Thank you for being patient.

But after the stress of the drive, like after all the adrenaline of the stress of the drive, we got home and all the sadness comes back. And I'm like, okay, now I don't have all this adrenaline, now I'm not scared, now I'm sad again.

Sadness.

So yeah, so I started December feeling sad, and then I was like, okay, I was like, just remember that you're picking him up soon. The weeks are gonna fly. Like, I have— us moms have so much to do this month, and I'm like, the month is gonna fly. The next thing you know, you're gonna be picking him up. In fact, he didn't even reply to my text message. Maxwell! I texted him. Did you see that?

Yes.

Because I texted you too.

Yes, I appreciate that. It was in the group chat, so I actually got to see it.

I went to South. I'm wearing my South gear because I went to the first basketball game that Lily cheered at this season. And I'm in the parking lot. She gets out of the car and I'm in the parking lot, and right in front of me is Max, the same car as Max's. And Max used to be parked in that parking lot all the time, and I just felt like so emotional, and I was like, it's okay, it's gonna fly by and you're gonna see him again. But this is for somebody like— for Jewish people, it's very different because what we have done in the past— now let's change it up. We're gonna—

things—

our kids are getting older, things are going to change. We have to go with the flow, we have to change things up, and Hanukkah starts on, I believe, December 14th, and Max is not home yet. So Lily overheard me telling someone that I was going to wait for Max to get home to celebrate Hanukkah, and she was like, hey! Now, I don't necessarily think I should screw Lily and Ella out of Hanukkah.

You're not. You're just hypothetically— you'd be making them wait a few days.

So Seth and I are going to discuss— December's going to look different. We're going to discuss how it's going to look different. I am not attached to anything. I am not— Max is not attached to anything. I just know that when Max gets home, I want to celebrate with Max.

Yes.

And I don't want to stiff the girls. I want to celebrate with my girls. But I look forward to him coming home. And, you know, for all of you celebrating Christmas— and I did not look up when Kwanzaa is this year. I don't know if it's different every year. I don't know if it's like Hanukkah. Do they have their own calendar too?

I do not know.

Um, can you look up what date Kwanzaa is for me? I'm curious.

Sure.

So if you're celebrating Christmas, your kids are going to be home for Christmas, so it's not going to look different for you. But if you're celebrating Hanukkah, your kids, if they're in college, they're— or if they live away from home, you know, we used to celebrate 8 nights as a family.

So it is not the same day every year, but this year it is Friday, December 26th through January 1st.

So if you're celebrating Kwanzaa, you're going to have your kids home home from school. If you're celebrating Christmas, you're going to have your kids home from school. If you're celebrating Hanukkah, we gotta wait for them. So we will either delay or loop him in when he gets home. We'll loop him in when he gets home. As of, as of today, I have done better than the day I was writing this. When I was writing my blog, I wrote that I had purchased one Hanukkah gift. I believe I have done a little bit better than that. I just purchased two for Max. And I've purchased one for Ella, and I think I've purchased two for Lily. So I'm doing a little bit better.

You're making progress.

I'm making progress. I also bought my mother a birthday present, so I'm getting it done.

Checking things off the list.

It all gets done, people. It all gets done. I will tell you that when December 1st hits, in previous years, I start to twitch and I start to impulsively start buying things. Yeah, I feel a sense of calm. I feel— I don't want my husband to get too excited because you know I'm gonna buy stuff. I feel less materialistic. I feel like we have so much. Like, I feel very grateful and I feel, I feel like when Max says to me, I don't want anything, he has everything he needs, right? I bought him a jacket, he has boots, um, I'll probably buy him some new gloves that he may or may not wear. I'll buy him some nice new gloves, I'll buy him some clothes. He doesn't need a lot, right? And we're paying for school. Yes, happy Hanukkah! We're paying for school.

Yeah, I think that counts for the next 4 years for every occasion.

I will say I asked for suggestions in group. The Winey Clues and Mom group is on Facebook. It's free. Come join us. I did ask for advice and the moms really brought some great advice. I will go through it and go back and get those ideas from you. But, um, so what— lots of gift cards. I don't tend to buy my kids gift cards, but I've never bought my kids gift cards, but then I started thinking about it and I So Max knows our children are very spoiled. I think that's what— I don't think every family is the same, and I'm not saying our way is the right way. I'm sure a lot of you think our way is the wrong way, but we just pay for our kids' stuff. They go to Starbucks, we pay. They get DoorDash, we pay. So we don't buy them gift cards, we just pay for them, right?

The gift cards end up going to you, so you use it to pay for their stuff.

So if I get Starbucks gift cards, Lily and I use it to pay for all of our Starbucks. So we're both using it, right? Whatever. My point is, I do think DoorDash might be a good idea because then he'll feel like he can order it. Oh, because, because I think that although he knows we'll pay for DoorDash, I think if— I think he doesn't do it. I think he's done it once since he's been at school. Yes. And I think if he actually has gift cards, he'll feel like he can. Okay, so I do think that that is a good idea, but we don't— we've never bought our kids gift cards before, right? Because they're used to buy stuff. Very spoiled. They're very spoiled. So my friends are— were texting me as I was writing this, as we were discussing, you know, let's do it different. Let's do it different, people. They were texting me and saying, let's skip gifts this year. Okay, less is more. I say less is more. Less gifts. We don't have to buy for everybody. We don't have to buy for every single person in our lives. I will say one of the best things that we did in our family is get rid of buying for adults. Would we just buy for kids? We don't buy for any of the adults. I mean, do we buy for our parents? I don't know that we buy for our parents.

I don't think so.

I just think we don't have to buy for everybody, and I think we need to discuss it with our families. I think we need to pare down. And one of the awesome things that families do that I love— if you have a really big family, I love when people draw names. You draw—

we've done that, right?

Oh, we have done that. You draw one name and you buy one gift as opposed to buying for like 12 people, right? So I say less is more this year.

Okay.

So I normally get our kids more than 8 gifts each. There's 8 nights of Hanukkah, and they have multiple presents to open every night. I don't know that we need to do that. I would say Seth, every year, every— I think every year Seth is like, you don't need to buy them all this stuff, right? I will say The difference between Lily and Max. Max: I don't need anything, I'm good, give me a list, I don't need anything. Lily never has enough clothes, shoes, makeup, skincare, haircare, jewelry.

That's a list.

Lily always has a long— Lily has a long list. I've already bought her 2 or 3 gifts from her list, and I need to send the lists to the grandparents. But my point is, she always has a list. I never have to worry about that. But I'm just kind of like gonna embrace the change. What's gonna be different? When are we gonna celebrate? We're not gonna have 5 nights of Hanukkah with Max, but, but I, I did think of something. And I don't know that he's even going to be game for it, and he might think I'm lame, and he might give me one night, but we could light the candles with him. Like, we could—

aren't we—

call him? I'm saying— oh, I'm saying we could call him. Yeah, and do the blessings with him.

Got it. That's a good idea.

I mean, we don't have to, but it was just one of my brainstorms because we're gonna miss 5 nights with him. Yes, we're literally gonna get 3 nights of Hanukkah with him. Yes, which is plenty. It's plenty better than zero. We could do, we could do 3 nights of gifts.

We could.

What would that— in fact, you want to know what my friend said? Boo! Let's see what Seth says to this. She said, you guys have nothing to do on Christmas, why don't you just open all the gifts on Christmas? No.

Okay, I veto that idea.

Okay, so I knew Seth was gonna veto that idea. What do we like to do on Christmas?

Chinese food and movies.

I hope some good movies are coming out this year on Christmas. In fact, Jews are not the only ones who go to the movie theater on Christmas. When we have gone to the movie theater, we have seen a lot of Christian friends too. We have also skied on Christmas.

We have, but it's been a little bit. It's been a few years.

That is the only thing that Lily asked for this winter break. In fact, while I have you here, before I go to my next section, I want to ask you all, give us easy vacation ideas. Like, would I love to go to Florida and go to Epic Universe and take them to Epic Universe and get the sunshine? Yes. But maybe we go— we might be going like smaller scale or no scale. Give us some ideas. My only idea that I came up with was Peak and Peak, which is, uh, I'm, uh, for that idea. I gotta, I gotta text my friend and see if they liked it there. But we are open to your ideas. We would love to hear like a mini retreat. Right. I was thinking of staycation ideas. I was thinking of close-by places.

Drivable.

You even brought up New York City because it's drivable and our kids love going there. We are going to have to go there for college tours, so don't forget that.

I don't know if I need a double dose of walking a million miles.

Oh, we vetoed New York City because Mr. Greene does not want to walk a million miles. You know, we could use the subway and the, and the Ubers.

I did offer them. Okay, it's rejected.

So last time we didn't do it enough, right? This time would look very different.

Okay, we can talk about it.

Okay, so we need staycation, mini retreat, local-ish vacations that aren't let's fly to Aruba or the Bahamas or Florida.

Got it.

Okay, so we're asking people.

Yes, people.

Um, questions I hope every mom will ask herself this holiday season. Are you ready for this?

I'm ready.

What do I want to do? What do I want to skip? Okay, so I want to do gingerbread houses. I don't want to address holiday cards. I want to put up one Christmas tree. I don't want to put up two or three. So I am seeing a trend. Okay, back in my day when I was younger, no Christmas tree. I'm not getting a Christmas tree. It has nothing to do with what I'm gonna say.

Got it.

Okay, no, no, no, I would—

you said I want to put up one, I don't want to put up three. You were giving that to somebody else.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm talking to somebody else. I got it now. When I was growing up, every single family had one tree. Now it seems families put up more than one tree.

Why?

Okay, so they put up trees in kids' bedrooms. Kids have their own trees.

They, um, getting crazy.

They have trees that they let the kids decorate, and they have trees that they like keep as like the picture-perfect tree.

Oh boy.

Um, I will say that, um, Nikki's mom has like 3 fabulous trees. Like one of them is like a Disney theme, one of them is like a panda theme. Do you know how much fun I would have making a Disney tree? Oh my gosh, all the princesses, all the— I would have the best time.

And just think of all the, all the things you have to buy for that tree now.

I would have so much fun.

Yeah, that does not sound like a cheap hobby.

You know what's really cool? I love families getting a new ornament every year. I think it's so cool. There's got to be a Jewish way to do this.

Moving right along.

I'm gonna— I am going to make—

no—

a menorah that is beautiful. Okay, that has spots to hang ornaments, like little, like, nails all over the menorah?

That I would consider.

And then I can put ornaments, okay, all over my menorah?

I would think about—

what if I create this and boom, I make a billion dollar business?

Then that would be awesome.

Don't, don't steal my idea.

Uh, Corey says more than one tree is a waste. Old school. Hashtag old.

I think that there's a lot of people who are feeling like less is more this year? Less decorations, less trees, less presents, less money. That's what I'm seeing. Okay, okay. So I want you all to ask yourselves what you want to do this year, what you want to continue this year, what you want to skip this year. What will it take for me to feel less stressed this year? I am going to tell you that we make our December experience. So do we want to enjoy the holiday season, or do we want to be stressed the whole month? I want to enjoy it.

That would be good.

So we can— okay, so I'm gonna go online when we're done with this. I'm gonna go online and look for a few presents for my children. I am going to enjoy it. I am going to have fun. I'm going to enjoy the process, and I'm not going to stress about it. Awesome. That's my goal.

That's a good goal.

And you know what I love?

What?

I just want to give you kudos right now. Because when I handed you my phone for advice, you just gave me advice. You weren't annoyed, you just helped me.

You see, I have evolved.

So I like that you're willing to consult and be part of the gift buying. Yes, I do most of it, but I appreciate that you assist. Happy to help when you're home and able to. Yes, it's appreciated.

Yes.

Okay, so I want you to ask yourselves, who can help me and what can I delegate? Um, I'm gonna tell you that moms are the queens of doing everything, and I know that we're the magic makers, but guess what? Our kids are getting older. Some of you have young kids, and I'm gonna tell you that even at 3 years old, your kids are capable of doing more than we think. So as your kids grow up give them things to do. The tree doesn't look perfect, people. The whole family can put ornaments on the tree. So it's so funny. I think that when we put ornaments on the tree, I bet you Vivian's mother comes over and fixes the tree. I had heard from— I think Vivian told me that her mother, like, fixes what we all do.

The years that we went and helped decorate the tree.

Oh, we didn't get to do that this year.

We were home with our son.

Okay, so your kids are super capable. Delegate some baking, delegate some decorating, put them to work, people. In fact, I said to Lily— she was laying on the couch watching a movie the other day, and she's like the queen decorator. Her room is already decked out for Hanukkah. She already brought up her—

I have not checked it out.

She already brought up her decorations, put everything out. So I said, Lily, if I bring up the decorations, will you decorate the house? No, I can't believe she didn't take you up on that. Well, she was super comfy on the couch watching a movie.

Get her another time.

But I feel like you just start doing it, she'll come take over. But I do feel like that's something that I could give to her. Yes, because she's better at it.

Yes.

I mean, pay attention. What are your kids better at? My friend came to Lily's bake sale over the summer, and Lily's a really good baker, but I— so am I. And I was like, I'm gonna bake a cake for book club. And she was like, have Lily do it. Well, I could have Lily do it, but you know, I like to bake too. So I'm gonna tell you to delegate, but if there's some— if you like baking the cookies, you should bake the cookies. You can bake the cookies. I still like to bake, people.

You're very good at it.

Um, how can I experience December in a better way? I just told you that. And what can I do less this year? Less gift buying. Less is more. What can I do less of so that I'm less stressed? So I interviewed my very good friend Laura Brand before Max went to school. She has two kids at college, away at college, and I interviewed her on my podcast. You can go find it. Um, her last name is B-R-A-N-N. Just search her name. And she gave me such good advice, you know, she just made put my mind at ease and kind of told me what to expect. And one of the things that she had said is that it's very different when the kids come home. They're not rushing to go see friends. They want to spend time with her.

They want nice—

they want quality time. And she's like, we watch shows and we hang out and we have quality time. So I don't get as much quantity but I get quality, is what she was telling me. So, um, what are we gonna do for him for a month, with him for a month while he's here?

We're discussing that, remember?

So if we don't go anywhere, Seth— yes, we do need to plan. Are you— you're not gonna work the entire month?

I'm not off for a month, but yes, there are— I, I, I don't think that you—

you— I did— do you think that I ever thought that you would take a month off?

That's good.

I would never expect that.

Awesome.

Okay, so how much time are you taking off?

Uh, probably Christmas to New Year's, the week above the week of Christmas and the week of New Year's.

Okay, so if we don't travel, yes, we need to find some fun things to do. Yes, as a family.

Yes, even if you didn't get to Peak 'n Peak, you could still go to Kissing Bridge or Holiday Valley or Forest Family Fun. Forest Family Fun.

So the only thing Lily asked for was skiing, right?

That's one day. I certainly could fit that in.

Um, that is one day out of like 30. Yeah, so he has 29 other days.

Do work for me.

He's gonna do work for you, but I don't want him to be totally bored out of his mind either.

Okay, well, you should start brainstorming.

How about Maxwell? How about if you cook me dinner every night?

Or is that just one day? Because you got 27 days more now to go. That's an hour.

I'm trying here, son. You're trying.

You need a list.

Okay, so I want to tell you some of these awesome tips from the Whiny Plousa Moms, from the Whiny Plousa Mom group, when I said, how can moms be less stressed this holiday season? So let me tell you what they said. Um, what will be will be. You could only do so much. And I added to that and said, know your limits. Everyone will be okay if things don't go as planned. You need to be okay with it too. Really good advice because we get into this perfectionistic. Yes, you know, um, ask for help, write things down. Lists are my friend. How many lists do you have, Mr. Green?

A lot.

Do you have them in multiple places or do you keep them in one place?

They're in one directory of lists.

Okay, um, take every moment in. Let's be present. Everything always works out. I was thinking about that as I was finding gifts. I'm like, you always get it all done.

Yes.

Pick names for gifts for less gift buying. Remember what the season is really about. Uh, so much good advice. In fact, we are in the middle of the December holiday challenge in the Winey Plus a Mom group. So go join the group and jump into the challenge. You have to answer one question for the first 5 days of every month, and then a winner is picked every month. So you have plenty of time to go answer day 1, 2, and 3, and then there'll be 2 more days. So come and find us, and we're going to be less stressed this holiday season. You are going to tell me Advice, please comment if you had— have advice for moms to be less stressed this holiday season. We would love to hear your advice. And I want to tell you, this Friday is one of my favorite people on the podcast. I interviewed Christina Fletcher for the second time. I believe this was number 2. Yeah, there will be a number 3 too. I'm sure I will interview her many times because I absolutely adore her. One of my favorite people that the podcast brought into my life. She is spiritual awareness coach, and we really focused on parents regulating their nervous systems while they're parenting. I needed her 18 years ago. I think that it's amazing how far I've come in 18 years as a parent, and I was feeling really bad for Max the other day because, you know, he got the new mom who who just, you know, there's just so much to learn.

And lots of on-the-job training.

And I feel like if I knew what I knew now then, I would have been so much calmer.

Yeah.

And, you know, I love how he turned out, but it would be interesting to see how he would have turned out if I was calmer.

Got it.

You know, but, um, But then I was like, I was like beating myself up and I was like, why are you beating yourself up? You like love how he turned out.

He's amazing.

I mean, he's a great kid.

Yes.

Um, so part of me wonders if Ella gets the best of me. I don't know what you think, Seth.

Sure, because by the time the same things happen to Lily, you're tired and bored.

Okay, so Max gets the discovery mom who's like just learning everything with him. So like right now I'm learning college with him. So we were talking when he was in town for the week, we were talking about how, you know, right now we're all learning college. I'm like, you're teaching, you're the guinea pig, you're teaching us college, we're learning from you. So then we learn all this stuff, like whether it's elementary school, middle school, high school, college, you know, whatever the subject is, Max goes first and teaches us and we learn with him. And we grew up and then we're like ready for Ella and Ella comes along and we're like, okay, Ella, we're better at this college. We're better at this college thing. We're ready. I think we did do a good job with college. Obviously.

Yes.

Obviously we did a good job. I'm just saying we're learning.

Yeah.

So now Ella gets like the more experienced parents and I feel like I have considered the fact that I almost feel like she gets the best of me and then it's Lily's turn, and I'm like, oh, I've done this twice. Do I really have to do this again? So for parents with 4, 5, 6 kids, kudos to you, because by the time I get to number 3, I'm like, really? I have to do this again? So poor Lily. Um, do I know what I'm doing with Lily? Yes, but like, Lily is the most independent of the 3, and I think that's because I'm tired.

Yes.

And I'm like, make your own lunch.

I don't know, novelty has worn off.

Um, I do take care of her, don't worry. She doesn't really— she likes to do her own thing anyway.

Yes. So who's on the podcast Friday?

Christina Fletcher, like you said. Like I said. So listen to Christina. Yes. Join the Wine with Whose a Mom group.

Go to whinyblues.com, sign up for the free couple times a week email newsletter, and please share, like, rate, review, comment, subscribe, all of the things that we will, I swear, soon make tech support videos to show you how to do.

Right, but you say that so fast that I don't even digest it. You want them to share things.

I want them to sign up first. I want them to subscribe.

I don't want you to talk fast. I can't pro— if I can't process what you're saying, how are they processing?

I was gonna talk slow.

Talk slow.

So, okay, okay.

What are they subscribing to?

The newsletter.

The newsletter and the podcast.

Yes. And then they're going to like things, they're going to share things. When it comes to the podcast, you could give it a 5-star rating and a review. It's helping.

He's trying so hard to go slower. He's trying so hard.

I swear we'll make some videos.

Anyways, we appreciate you joining us. We appreciate you joining all the content. Yes, we love when you give us ideas. My friend gave me the greatest idea that he wants me to do for a topic. And anything else?

Thank you for watching Whiny Blues at Wednesday.

We will be back next week with a new topic, a new fan-requested topic. Have a good week.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast.

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