Episode 516: Winter Emotional and Physical Storms

No need to whine, it's whiny palooza. Have some wine and join us on the whiny palooza podcast with Rebecca Greene.

Welcome to the whiny palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, happy Whiny Blues Wednesday!

Happy Whiny Blues Wednesday!

We have— of course there's a squall warning. Oh my God, the winter storm warnings don't stop. Oh my God, my friend just texted me and said there's a winter storm warning, be careful. Okay, so I'm gonna let Ella talk and then we're gonna talk about these winter physical and emotional storms. So Ella wants to study, she has a midterm tomorrow, it's midterm week. But she's gonna grace us with her presence for a few minutes. Every Tuesday she writes a Teenage Tuesday blog that you can find at winempluza.com, and this week the title is Lessons from Winter. So every week she does a new topic.

Look at that, you two are in sync.

We're in winter sync this, this week.

So I totally didn't tell her to also write about winter.

Okay, you just magically both arrived at the same theme. That's awesome.

Okay, so this is how I'm doing it so that everybody knows. Ella's going first. It's very rare that we discuss what we're doing for the week, and if I feel compelled, I will piggyback off of what she writes. A lot of times I have my own things that I want to write about. This week I knew what I wanted to write about, just so happened to be along the winter theme. So I want you to slowly— don't talk super fast because you want to go back to studying— go through these lessons and tell them what you mean by them.

Um, so my first lesson is that everyone, even the earth, needs a break sometimes.

We're gonna pause because Cory is telling us the best winter lesson ever. Seth.

The lesson is to move south. Cory, who abandoned us all here in Buffalo to go to Atlanta, I believe.

I don't think he's south anymore.

Oh, did you move back?

So he's not here. So Cory, I know that you moved south, but then I know you moved again, and I— oh, I'm such a bad friend. Cory, where are you right now?

All right, going back. Even the world, everyone needs a time to rest. So talk to us about how winter is that.

Winter is nature's time to rest, so we should take that advice and rest with it because it's part of the Earth's natural cycle. Because like, even nature can't be at peak all of the time. That's not sustainable.

Okay, so what's fascinating to me as the mother of the bunch, um, Max and Ella love the winter. So Ella, tell us— Birmingham, okay, so he is South.

See, still south.

Okay, I'm sorry, we were— we're way behind. I try to keep track of him. He's not here, I know that. Um, but when he comes here, we're supposed to go to Swiss Chalet, so I'm waiting for him. Okay, why do you and Max love the winter?

Well, I love the winter just because, um, I love winter stuff like hot chocolate. I love looking at the snow.

Know.

I like the time I get to spend with my family, all of that stuff. I like Hanukkah.

I think I didn't dislike winter when I was your age. I think it's more a new thing.

This is recent.

I think it's been—

it's been for the last 16 years, right?

I meant recently, not like yesterday, but I don't think it's been for 16 years. Do you, Seth?

No, because there were— you, you did not have as— you have had more winter issues, I'd say, in the last 5 years.

Yeah. Okay, lesson number 2.

Stop trying to get you to stay on camera. You keep leaning that way.

There's something good in most things. So there's something good in winter, like everything I just listed. There's so much good and happiness that can be found in winter if you look for it. So look for it. Um, my third lesson is don't do something before you're ready. So don't create New Year's resolutions in January if that doesn't seem like the correct time of year for you to do them. Uh, just always do what works for you. And the last—

That's really good advice. Thanks.

And the last lesson is eventually you just get used to things. So like eventually you just get used to the winter. Like by February most people aren't complaining about the winter anymore.

Your mother gets surprised. Your mother gets surprised every winter.

Why do you say that?

You get re-upset like you didn't know it was coming.

Um, excuse me, do you think I remember how freezing it gets?

Yes.

No, it is so cold. How long have you lived here? Tanner looks at me to take him outside and I'm like, sorry buddy. Okay, but I want to— oh, I wanted to go back to don't do something before you're ready. I just want to emphasize that resolutions and goals are all year round. I don't want you guys to think that it's just January. Please make new goals all year. Do you have anything else you want to add about the winter and your lessons?

No, just try to enjoy it. It is not the worst season. There is no worst season.

Wrong answer! What's the best season?

There is none. They're all equal.

Oh, Lily, what's the best season? Summer! Summer! I thought you liked fall. No, summer! I was talking to Lily. Okay, are we done here?

I think we are.

Okay, peace out. Thank you for contributing your lessons. You're welcome. Thank you for your lessons in winter. And now we will get back to Wine and Palooza Wednesday. That was Teenage Tuesday.

Yes.

On a Wednesday.

Yes.

When Ella is feeling available, she will join us. She gets up, we get up at 6 AM, so a lot of times she is already upstairs when we're doing this. So, winter emotional and physical storms is my topic this week. As alerts come in that there's another storm warning. So here's what I'm gonna tell you, husband.

Yes, I'm listening.

So we're taking our dog, hopefully, to get an MRI in the morning. So please send good vibes for our dog, for us to get results, and for the weather to be safe. For the weather to be safe, for us to actually be able to go, and for us to get results that will easily, reasonably fix him.

Yes.

However, my husband.

Yes.

The storm warnings are coming in.

Oh wow.

I'm getting alerts.

Yeah.

And I just got a text.

Yep.

From a friend.

Yeah.

Saying, I just got a storm warning, please be careful. I can't promise you that we're going to be able to go.

Okay, we'll see what happens. I'm flexible.

Lets you and I just be flexible. We already canceled Tuesday because of the winter storm warning.

Yep, and we rescheduled till tomorrow.

So I have to tell you, I had a feeling deep inside, I had a feeling that I should wait till next week, but for all we know, there's going to be storm warnings next week. So let's talk about the winter storms. So Max was home for winter break It was awesome. We had Max for a whole month. It was absolutely amazing. Did you love it as much as I loved it?

I did love it.

Um, what were some of your favorite parts?

Um, I liked having everybody around the dining room table for meals. Um, I like getting to go do stuff as a family. Um, I like sitting on the couch and chilling and talking and watching TV.

I thought you were going to say ice skating with him.

Yeah, well, that— yes, doing stuff. So yes, that was on my list. I got an ice skating date with my son. That was his idea, which is very, very nice.

So for Max's 19th birthday, we got him really expensive ice skates that he asked for because he has a wide foot, and buying him any sort of thing for his foot is never cheap.

Yes, whether it was goalie cleats when he played soccer, football cleats, it was always the most expensive, right? The double wide, extra wide ones cost a lot more than regular width shoes and skates.

So Max was home.

He—

okay, so all the college kids were probably doing this. He ate a lot. I just kept grocery shopping. I cooked it more than I've ever cooked, I think. Wouldn't you say?

A lot of cooking.

I did a lot of cooking, um, fed him a lot. He slept a lot. He left a lot to go see his friends. He'd be like, we're going to the gym, we're going for chicken wings, we're going to watch the game. Like, he just kept leaving, and we didn't care because just knowing that he was in and out was just so amazing. And It just feels so good when your whole family is together. And now I'm readjusting.

Yep.

But we will talk about that. Now I'm putting 4 plates out instead of 5. It's stuff like that that I have to readjust to.

Yeah.

Okay, so let's go back to pickup. I was supposed to pick up Max by myself, and guess— guess what? There was a winter storm warning, and I am a little less brave when I am gonna go drive 3 hours by myself.

3 hours each way.

Each way. So that would have been 6 hours. So we postponed for the next day when Seth could come with me because of the winter storm warning. But we got Max home. He was home for a month, and then it was time to bring him home. And I'm going to tell you all something from my experience, and you can all correct me if you have a different experience, but the anticipatory anxiety of knowing that I had to bring him back to school was so much worse than actually bringing him back to school. The actual drop-off, yes, was super easy only because— I mean, you can tell me if you disagree— I was very distracted by the storm warnings.

You were very worried about the weather.

Emotionally, yes, was that the easiest drop-off?

Yes.

You can disagree.

Um, we haven't had that many.

Um, we've had, we've had a good share, so a few.

So yes, that was the easiest one out of the 3 or 4 that we've had.

Okay, so my friend asked me if it gets easier. Um, from myself and other reports, it does get easier. I heard next year I heard sophomore year is easier than freshman year. So, um, took Max. So we're ready to take Max back and there's winter storm warnings, and I felt like I was back to pick up. And why, when it's time to drive him to and from school, are there winter storm warnings? Like, why can't the weather cooperate when I have to travel?

That's right, it's about you.

So Seth looked at me on Sunday afternoon and he was like, let's go now. And like beat the storm. And I said, the storm is coming at 1 o'clock Sunday and going through 4 o'clock Wednesday. When are we avoiding the storm? And now they're saying there's another storm tomorrow. So that was wrong.

Yes.

So I, I was buried in Max's laundry. I was not prepared Sunday to take him. So you were very confused on Monday.

I was because I— you were all stressed when we woke up, so I didn't think we were actually going. And then it was, oh, I guess we're going.

I mean, what were we going to do, go on Tuesday when there was also a winter storm?

It seems like there's one every day, so, at this week. So I don't know what to tell you, but we went and it worked, and we got back. We made it safely. Okay, all the way back was not that pleasant, but you're going to talk about all that stuff, I'm sure.

Okay, so here's our advice for the winter. We don't advise driving anywhere if there's a winter storm. But if you have to, at least be prepared. Um, Seth was floored that I was packing a bag. He was very confused, but I was like, I'm gonna pack us a bag because what if we get stuck? And then I'm putting blankets in the car because what if we get stuck on the thruway? And my friend said that we should put a shovel in the car.

Yeah, my mother said that too, but I forgot that she said that. In case you gotta dig yourself out or something.

I never heard that before.

That's actually a good idea.

Okay, so you're supposed to bring a shovel?

I guess so.

So we had two people telling us to bring a shovel. We did not bring a shovel.

We didn't. We could toss one in your trunk so there's always one there.

I'm not gonna dig myself out, I'm gonna call you.

And then you'll have a shovel with you. What if I'm not home to get you a shovel? What if I can't get home to get you a shovel?

I'll take one tomorrow. Good times. Okay, where are we? Okay, so we're preparing for the winter storm. So I said to Seth, let me drive there because the drive there is going to be easier than the drive home. It always is, wouldn't you say?

Yes.

So the drive there was easy.

Yes, not a cloud in the nose, not a drop of snow.

Okay, you want to talk about the drive home?

Drive home was not so easy.

So we had some whiteout conditions.

We did.

So what do you do when there's whiteout conditions?

I drove. You were there. I drove very slowly.

So you just keep driving?

I, I did. It wasn't so bad that I had to pull over because I couldn't see at all, so I just drove very slow.

I don't think Jen is on here, but I will ask her when I see her. She was coming home from Pittsburgh and she had a really, really hard drive home. I would say we had a decent drive home with some scary spots of not good. It sounds like her drive home was really bad. So what can we do? Our kids are away at school. Like, this is getting old in the winter. It's getting old. So the first night home is always the hardest without him here.

Yep.

How did you do with it?

I did okay.

You did okay?

I did.

And how are you doing now?

Okay.

So tell everyone why you're okay.

I'm not thinking. I'm—

you're busy.

It's just life. This is just how it goes now.

You know, what am I gonna say?

We could have made him go to UB.

I think that we should take bets on how many times I will say that while my kids are in college.

Most of the time you're gonna say it.

If my friend's kid from Florida comes up here to UB, I am gonna lose it.

I don't understand.

If a friend from Florida—

yes.

Goes to UB. How do you think I'm going to feel?

That you could send your kid to Florida? I don't—

he's not getting it.

I am not getting it. They— it's not about the weather. They're not either going somewhere else or coming here because of the weather.

No, they're not coming here because of the weather, right?

And oh my God, keep going. You can explain it to me later.

So I asked Max while he was away— I— or while he was here, I said, so the first 2 weeks you were really homesick of when you were away at school and you went for the first time, first semester.

Yes.

How did you handle that? Like, how did you get through that? And he said, I knew it was normal and I knew I would adjust. I mean, I think that's brilliant.

That was a very mature viewpoint.

So I would say that first of all, ask your kids questions because I learn from my kids every day. And as much as I miss having babies, if you know me, you know that I love babies. Mm-hmm. It's really cool to hear what my smart kids have to say. And it's, you know, as much as they're kids and their brains aren't fully developed and they have so much to learn, They're teaching me a lot.

Yes.

Um, I took that to heart, and as I was crying, I was like, this is normal. You know you will adjust.

Yes.

And you know you will be okay. So I am using Max's words for myself.

That's awesome. Corey Clark says, if someone from Florida, which is far away, can get their kid to go to UB, why can't she when it's just down the road?

Corey, Sometimes I need someone else to interpret for me.

Yes, I understand. Because this UB, that we have a whole separate conversation about, UB versus Cornell.

So here's the deal. I think that UB is a fantastic school.

It is.

I have tried to sell it to each child. Um, I had Max a tiny bit. Um, thank you, Corey, you explained it. Perfectly for me when I could not find the words.

Yep, because the cool place is always out of town. The Florida person, if they're coming to UB, they're not going to Miami, they're not going to a school in Florida. It's always somewhere else.

So here's what my friends are telling me. They're telling me that we have this amazing school down the street and our kids put their noses up to it because it's down the street. Yep, it is what it is.

People come from all over the world to go to UB.

Oh my God, my mother was talking up UB to my son, to our son, like, it's a research school, you want to do research, you giving him articles, like, just go down the street. I am very happy for him. And what I was going to tell you all is that if I look at his, like, is Max happy?

Yes.

Is he excited?

Yes.

If I can focus on the excitement and the drive and how much this is what he wants, then I'm not sad. Yes, if I can focus on that. So maybe you can remind me of that.

Yes, get out of your head.

I do think that, um, I will be curious to discuss this with you next year because I can't tell you how many sophomore parents are like, oh, The first year you're sad, the second year you're not. I don't know, do you think that will apply to your wife?

Nope.

Are you making that up?

No, I think you both still have feelings.

Are you upset with my feelings?

No, of course they're normal. You will adjust. Corey says my parents were the opposite. I wanted to go to UB and they were like, no way. Wow.

Okay, so tell me more. So a lot of parents say that you have— they wanted me to go away. A lot of parents say that you need to go away to school. I do not feel that way. I went to UB for 6 years, had an amazing experience, and I think I turned out pretty well.

You turned out amazing.

So I do not think— I also would like to be really um, I want to say cheap. Is cheap the word? I don't think you can— I don't think you can be cheap with college these days because it's a fortune.

It would be much cheaper.

So for me personally, selfishly, if Max and our other children go to UB, yes, then I can afford a lot of the things that I want to do.

Yes, because you won't be spending— we won't be spending all our money on tuition.

So we're spending— so Cornell is a lot of money, like, like 3 times UB, right? Like Cornell is, you know, if you go away it's a lot more money than if you go down the street to school, especially if you live at home. Yes. Now mind you, we would have let him dorm if he wanted to. Yes, but he didn't want to, right?

So there's no point in me dorming at a school down the street.

I'm just saying, right?

He's like, I'm gonna go away and I'm gonna dorm.

For— to the non-frugal lady, I'm feeling like part of it's a frugalness that if they go down the street, it's cheaper, saves a bunch of money.

Yes, I fully agree that that is the case.

So I am definitely— so I'm assuming, Corey, that you are very happy that you went away to school. I'm assuming everyone who— you know what, no, there are lots of people who go away to school and come back and don't like it. Our neighbor just came back and didn't like it.

Depends on the type of per— you've got to be the right type of person in the right environment for you for that to work.

I will say that it's individual to the child. Yeah, I probably would not have wanted to go away.

I mean, it's different people. I loved it, doesn't mean everybody— and we know people who don't love it.

I mean, when I hear about your experience at school It was so different from mine. I mean, I loved mine, and I could tell you and others about commuting versus living on school. Yeah, but living on school is a whole different story. I mean, your stories are amazing. And I was working during college, I was working at Applebee's with my friends who I met who were dorming at UB, so I did hear about what was going on. Um, I'm surprised I never like went to their dorm party. I never went to a dorm party. I'm kind of surprised by that, but I'm also not a party person.

You are not.

So yes, so Max is back at school, and I know from last time that I adjust. Um, I know that winter storms are predicted regularly in Buffalo. If you are not in Buffalo, I am very happy for you. If you are in Buffalo, I am sorry that our weather sucks right now.

It does.

Um, I have been told that when you live in Florida or Arizona or Alabama— I don't know, Alabama, does Alabama get super hot? I've been told that when it gets super hot they don't want to go outside, and for us it's like when it gets super cold we don't want to go outside. But we are in the heart of winter. I mean, this is like the depths of our winter, and it is freezing, and we have lots of storm warnings, and we have snow days, and it is what it is, and I know I'll be okay. Um, I will tell you, I really hate driving in the winter.

I know.

So I think that is part of it, the one of the biggest parts of it, because I have 3 children and a husband that I drive around in the winter. And I drive you too.

It's not like you're driving me to school every day. You don't drive me much.

Okay, I drive the kids.

You drive the kids every day.

I will tell you, in the winter he's mostly driving us, right?

Which I'm happy to do because you really don't like it.

Yeah, but when the weather's nice, there's a lot of times that you're like, can you drive?

There are— this is true. This is— you are correct. Just didn't— it sounded like when you're like, I drive my husband and my kids around, I'm like, you are not normally my chauffeur every day.

I'm the kids' chauffeur.

Yes, thank you.

And I'm the kids' friends' chauffeur.

Yes.

So not only am I trying to drive super winter careful with the kids, I'm trying to drive extra super careful because I have other kids, right?

We don't want to kill the other people's kids.

I don't want— Seth, don't even use that word, right?

We want to be extra protective because it's not just our kids that's something would— nothing would happen to you.

Oh my God, God help me.

I will— it's gonna be fine.

I will get through this winter.

You will get through.

I will get through Max being away at school. I am okay. I can do hard things. Yes, I can handle winter. I can handle my child away. And, um, I think that one of the best lessons that we can teach and model to our kids is that we can handle the hard things.

Yes.

So, um, what else would you like to share about winter emotional and physical storms?

Yes, you have them.

Are you punchy tonight? I feel like, I feel like you're not your normal Winey Plousa Wednesday self.

Oh, am I not? Okay.

No, you're like off your game. You're like, I think you're punchy.

Okay. I will work on that.

Okay, that's— is that all?

That is all.

Okay, so I do want to know, Cory, are you happy that you went away to school? And why are you happy that you went away to school? And if you went away to school, chime in. And if you are a parent, do you want your kids to stay home or go away? And to all the parents who are surrounding me and their kids stayed home for school, I am very jealous of you, but you know that already. I do. Lily's gonna stay. Lily says she's going to Miami.

Nope.

Nope. So, um, I tried to give my kids a 3-hour limit, 3-hour drive radius. He loved the experience of going away. I tried to give them a 3-hour driving limit. Driving 3 hours to get Max and come back, not so easy.

So, but way better than if, let's say, he had gone to Boston and it was 6 hours each way.

Well, we know where your daughter's looking.

I know, my daughter.

Yes, she's your daughter.

She's going to UB, she'd be your daughter. I see how that works.

Okay, Ella's not interested in UB at all. There's a little hope for Lily. We shall see. So, um, anyways, we had a— what month is this? January—

challenge—

Winey Palooza Mom Group Challenge on Facebook. There's a free Winey Palooza Mom Group. Come join our supportive free community. We have a challenge every month. Joanne won.

Hey, Joanne!

I mailed her her prize. She should get it on Friday if she sees this. I should probably message her and tell her. That it's coming on Friday. And, um, oh, Dr. Darla Bishop— I wrote it down— is doing Breaking the Cycle of Financial Stress on Friday. I loved Dr. Dark.

That's a very timely episode given our college cost conversation.

So, um, I think that we are doing an amazing job paying for all of it. Yes. And Mr. Greene is working. Okay, so I know everybody's gonna come to my defense. I am working a lot.

You are.

I'm okay. So my mom job and my wife job and my house job takes a ton of hours.

Yes.

My whiny-palooza job that I get paid for, yes, is He's not as many hours as Mr. Green over here. So, so thank you for paying for the majority of it.

You are welcome.

He wrote Max's card and birthday card. It was so beautiful that he's just so proud of himself because he's paid every monthly bill.

Yes, first semester.

And is really doing such a good job. So thank you for managing our finances so well.

You're welcome.

You don't want me to be in charge of the finances. We'd be going to Aruba, Jamaica.

Ooh, I want to take you.

I actually want to go to Universal.

Yes.

So Dr. Darla Friday, she's going to teach us about ending financial stress. We have cycles of this in our families and she wanted to end it. So she ended it in her family and now she's an expert on it and she's teaching others. And, um, what else do we want to tell them, Seth?

Go to whiningpalooza.com, sign up for the free multiple times a week email newsletter, find the link tree with all of Rebecca's resources, jump in, check it all out, share it with someone you care about. Sharing is caring. And I am super proud of my wonderful wife and all the work she's done on her podcast as well because it is blowing up. And am I allowed to tell them last week?

Sure.

She had over 7,042 people listen to her podcast, so it is taking off. So you're going to say you knew her when? It was like a couple weeks of that, it's like you're speaking to a football stadium full of people.

That's amazing. I'm very thankful. So, um, the very successful podcast that I listen to Remind everybody to subscribe and share and all that stuff that Seth says super fast that hopefully you follow.

Like, rate, review, comment, share, subscribe, all that good stuff.

I can't do it. I can't do it that fast. And, um, anything else we need to share?

I don't think so. Tune in, Winey Valizza Wednesday next week.

So wish us luck tomorrow that we can get to the MRI safely, pick Tanner up safely, and it goes well, that it goes well, and that we get results that we can fix easily that aren't going to cost us a fortune.

Amen.

Amen. So hopefully everybody around me drive safe tomorrow and be safe because as I'm talking to you, there's winter storm warnings coming through. So we will let you know how the weather's doing next week.

We'll give you enough day. Yes.

Have a wonderful week.

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