108: How Self-care Transforms Business Owners Ft. Rebeccah Silence

Next on The Professional Rule Breaker.

I'm Rebeccah Silence, self-healing and relationship expert, honored to have been a guest on Kathy Waterhouse's The Professional Rule Breaker podcast. This is a not-to-miss show, and you're a rule breaker in the making. And let's go break more rules together.

So welcome back to The Professional Rule Breaker show. I am your host, Kathy Waterhouse, and I'm I'm going to start off with a question because I think what we're going to be talking about today is really, really important. So hear me out. So are you one of those types, one of those busy individuals, entrepreneur, that juggles between work and family and your business, and then you do nothing for yourself? There is like zero self-care and you put everything else in front of you. You're like the low man on the totem pole. If you are, I want you to stay and I want you to listen or watch today's episode because my next guest is an author. She's also a self-healing and relationship expert and the creator of the Emotional Survival Kit, and we are going to talk about why you must make self-care as a priority. So I want to welcome my special guest, Rebeccah Silence.

Well, hello, Kathy, and all you gorgeous rule breakers out there. I'm so excited to talk about breaking the rules and self-care, and the goal is by the end of this episode everyone feels some relief and has some real tangible ways that they can move forward without compromising any of the success and achievement and service that you are so dedicated and committed to.

Absolutely. Because I think sometimes as business owners, we put priority on everything else. And then of course, your family, if you have a family as well. It kind of reminds me, um, years ago I remember seeing a book by Teri Hatcher. She's an actress, and it was called Burned Toast. And it was all about— she came to the realization when she was making toast for her— I think she has a son— and she would give the great toast to her son, and then she would have the one that's the burnt toast. So she wasn't taking care of herself. And I think as entrepreneurs, we fall into that really, really easily. So I want to talk about that. I mean, why? First off, why is it important?

Well, here's the thing. I started my company breaking a lot of rules. I was one of the first coaches in a community where they hadn't even heard of life coaches yet. And I went to the top 40 radio station, pitched them to have a show every week. I said, advertising isn't going to sell what I do. I will answer your audience's questions. I will bring a vibe to your station that is so needed. And long story short, that breaking of the rule, like, this isn't how you start a coaching practice full-time, you know, led to a 6-month waitlist and me doing 10 clients a day on the hour, back to back to back, 7 days a week for years. And guess where that led me to? A cancer diagnosis with a 5% chance to live.

Wow.

So I am the person that isn't here to promote self-care as a selfish act of just pamper yourself more, babe. Like more mud baths, more massages, more yoga.

No, no, no.

If you aren't listening to your body, caring for your body, listening to your spirit, letting you know what you need, which it's talking 100% of the time. We get to a point where we're worse than burned out. We literally get sick. And I'm not saying I caused my cancer. I don't believe I did at all. I don't think I caused it. I don't think I healed it. But man, was it a wake-up call because I had done the exact thing you're talking about, Kathy. I had put me so far on the back burner, and it was all about service and achievement at my own expense. So the thing about self-care is it doesn't have to be hard and it doesn't have to take a lot of time. It's just your responsibility to keep those batteries charged so you can be the most healed you, serving with the most ability to create the biggest impact possible, right? So it is important to listen to what you need, what you want, and how you feel. And to not let it get to the point where it's a breakdown to force a breakthrough. You do not need a breakdown to breakthrough. You do not need a crisis to force your hand. And you don't need to make the mistake I did and exhaust yourself to the point of it literally threatening your life. And the quality of your life being threatened isn't necessary either.

Yeah, absolutely. I think first off, you get lots of signals, right, that you need some time and you need to take care of yourself. And I think again, as entrepreneurs, we ignore all those things. Maybe you're just not feeling well, or you're tired, or you're just getting frustrated, or whatever it is. And I think first off, when you're in that state, you can't serve your people. And, and I think I've seen people get to the point where they resent what it is that they're doing because all they're doing is give, give, give, give, give, and then they're like empty on the inside because they're exhausted. So what's some easy ways if you're really busy um, how to incorporate, let's just say, self-care into your routine?

Mm-hmm. Well, my big thing is what I call the practice of emotional healing, which is what saved my life when I was sick. I didn't have a way to describe it before cancer. I was living it, but I didn't have it bottled yet. Going through cancer, it was wild because I knew the healed me is in charge of the mission called my life right now. This isn't trauma reactivated because I haven't done my inner child healing work. Life happens, right? I don't think it happens to us or for us. I think it just happens. And then we get to decide who we're going to be in the face of whatever it is that we're facing, right? So the one thing we always have the ability to control is plugging into our spiritual GPS. How do we want to feel and what's the experience we want to have? Because so many of us don't know we're successful without external validation. And for me, with Cancer, all of the labels I had on myself on an identity level went out the window. I was a successful entrepreneur. I was a woman in business that became a pillar of my community overnight. I was sexy. I was a wife. I had this amount of money in the bank account. All of that all of a sudden meant nothing, right? Because now I have a 5% chance to live. And they're telling us— I'm 34 and pregnant when I'm diagnosed with my second child. It's time to prepare the well, right? So I knew I have to get resolved without anything externally changing, and I have to focus on how I want to feel and the experience I want to have and be really deliberate and intentional in knowing it's my responsibility to be my best, especially now, making the best of each moment and showing up at my best and letting that be enough. But this piece about how do you want to feel. We don't talk about it enough. And this busy, this glorification of busy and high achievement, it's not fulfilling. And it is often leaving us with these levels of dissatisfaction that do create resentment. But resentment is a sure sign you've given yourself away at your own expense. You're in self-betrayal, you're in self-abandonment, and you're in self-sacrifice. And nothing good comes from that. So if we can slow it down and pay attention to the difference between how we're feeling now versus how we want to feel, and know nothing's more important than getting into that place where we're vibrational match for how we wanna feel, cuz from there everything happens so much faster. And the more emotionally clear and regulated we are, the more time we actually have. People ask me all the time how I do as much as I do. And I'm telling you, I'm not focusing on the doing. I'm focusing on who I'm being and how I'm feeling before I take any action.

Okay, so you talk about making the best of every moment. So how do you do that? Hey there, you know I am all about making a big difference. So I am so excited about announcing our podcast sponsor for today. They are the very last US family-owned manufacturer of consumer goods products. And best of all, their products are healthier and safer for you and just really amazing quality. And you know, I can do all the things that I do if I really wasn't health conscious. So this is very near and dear to my heart because they are healthier and safer for you, and best of all, they will not break the bank. So if you're interested in finding out more information and switching your shopping to something that is nontoxic and healthier for you, go to switchaway.com/rulebreaker and one of my friends will reach out to you. And just let's work all together to see if we can make an impact and switch to healthier and safer products, and of course, supporting small businesses. So again, drop your information at switchaway.com/rulebreaker. I think that's a really great thing, especially when things in your business particularly don't go well. I always say that that's feedback. When something's not going right, there's feedback. Your body does the same thing. It gives you feedback when you're not feeling well or whatever. It's giving you feedback. So how do you focus on that, I guess, making it so that you're going to feel good. You're making the most of that moment and trying to feel good, but then you're probably getting all these messages in your head about whatever it was that was not making you feel good.

Yeah. I have so much to say about this, Kathy. So number one, I am not a positivity coach. I think being positive is gross. I'm not asking us to be positive. I'm not asking us to find the silver lining. The big contract all of a sudden bails out of nowhere, or you get the bad review, or your family is telling you you're crazy and you should just pull the ripcord. And what are you doing? Like, none of this requires more positivity. Okay? But I believe there are only 5 naturally occurring human emotions. Okay? Anger, fear, grief, joy, and excitement. And your right is to experience joy and excitement as the rule you live by and to know the difference between these 5 core human emotions that a baby's born with, that a baby can go through in 10 seconds, all of them— anger, fear, grief, joy, excitement. Your job is to rest in joy as the rule you live by, and it's your right. And you can be joyful without being positive. And for me, I just know if I'm dysregulated at all, there's an emotion that needs to be expressed in a healthy way. But also all I need to do is figure out the one right next most aligned step. So often we're trying to get from the beginning of the marathon all the way to mile 26.2. I've run 3 marathons, and I think of life as an entrepreneur, as an endurance athlete. Just get to the next mile marker, just get to the next step, and know if all else fails, just what would bring you joy. Maybe it's lighting a candle like Kathy has behind her right now, or listening to music, or just going onto your front porch with a cup of tea and taking a breath, or reading one page out of any book that you pick off of your shelf. But follow your joy and trust that the more you are willing and open to receiving the good and letting joy be the foundation of your whole life, you're going to attract the right clients, you're going to have a better time doing what you're doing. And even if you're understood, or something goes sideways, it's your right to rest in joy. And the more you're resting in joy, likely the more you're connected to your spirit. This is the other big thing, is when you're connected to your spirit and emotionally clear, you don't have to figure out what the next step is. You're shown. I feel like since Cancer, my life is a constant co-creation with God. I am just in this connection, plugged into divine guidance, where I can just say, show me And I'm literally shown, maybe not instantly, but I know it's coming. And all I need is the right next step. And all you need is the right next step because you already know big picture where you're going. If you're here listening to this Rule Breaker Podcast and your vision is probably beyond what you believe you're capable of right now, and the external evidence isn't always going to validate that you're on track, but the more you rest in joy and let yourself take just one step at a time, the more inevitably you can be certain you're crossing that finish line.

Absolutely. So first off, you said one of my most favorite words in the whole wide world— joy. It actually has special meaning in our household and with my husband as well too. And, uh, it's a very long story, but sometimes what I'll do is I will put a, um, in the beginning of the year— I don't do necessarily goals or anything like that, but I'll be like, this is what I want this year. And last year it wasn't for this year, but last year it was more joy and light. And I thought joy was just a natural because again, it has a special meaning in our household as well. But I love how you mentioned what's the next right step. That's what I find so much, that there's this overwhelm sometimes in business because people are looking at the end goal, which I think is always good. The end goal, the end vision, whatever you want to call it. Know where you want to go. But if you're over here, clear on the other side, don't stress out about getting there. Let's just do exactly what you said. What's the next best step? And then I also love how you talked about joy, because I think back at one time I managed a sales force, and when my salespeople were having a bad day, I would be like, like, okay, stop working, go do something fun with your kids, go do whatever it else it is. Because I think it's almost like a pattern interrupt. Because if you're having that bad day, you don't want to just sit there, right, and just marinate about, about that bad day. You want to just learn from whatever that is and then move forward. So I love that you were saying that. I want to ask you, I saw something, a video, I believe it was, that you had done or something like that. It started with, it's okay to quit, but don't.

Yeah, I say it like this, Kathy. It's okay to want to quit. Just don't.

Just don't. There we go.

And this concept of a bad day is really fascinating because to me, all that means is you didn't get your way. And I'm being loving. I promise no judgment here. But I'm just saying we've got to know what it means to be our best and to step into that and to let it be enough when life doesn't go our way. And if we keep looking for evidence that we're off track or we should throw in the towel, we're going to find it.

And absolutely.

I teach 4 stages of commitment, and I think hopefully this is going to be useful for everybody because it's really changed my life. I've had such extreme highs as an entrepreneur and then such devastating lows, and it can happen so fast, right? And we don't know, you know, what, what type of a day it's going to be. But if we know we're staying committed to the vision and our best is enough and we're just not going to quit no matter what, then to me that brings a level of certainty to entrepreneurship that just doesn't exist. Like, you knowing what is certain is you're gonna stay in the game and you will figure it out and you're not gonna quit. That can keep your company alive when it would be so easy to just give up. So the 4 stages of commitment are this. It starts with, oh yay, fresh love. This sounds great. I have a best friend who's starting a business now in her mid-40s. She's never been an entrepreneur and she's like, how have you been doing this for almost 2 decades? It's so fun. And then all all of a sudden, stage 2, oh no, what was I thinking? It goes from oh yeah to oh no so fast sometimes, right? The way you get through that oh no stage is you go back to the intention, the why, the original vision and inspiration. So I'm very careful before I commit because I know I'm gonna see it through, but not white-knuckling it, not grinding it out, gracefully and from a grounded place, right? So you got to go back to why you started in the first place and what the dream is. When it goes from oh yeah to oh no, the next stage is oh no, you didn't. Like, you're fighting. It's power and control. You're fighting with reality and maybe even people. It becomes this power struggle. Most people either give up in that oh no or oh no, you didn't. Phase where they're just seeing all the evidence that it's not gonna work, and so therefore they throw in the towel. But the real bitch of it is you don't get stuck in the middle when you quit, you go back to the beginning. So you might as well get all the way through. The last stage is where it's like, oh, we made it! It's that reinvention stage. So it goes from fresh love to disillusionment to power and control to reinvention. And you literally, in that power and control phase, are growing into a next level identity of you that is more committed than you've ever been before. I'm a published author, and if I had done the research before pursuing a publishing deal, I probably would have never done it because I didn't know less than 1% of authors get a major publishing deal with the advance and, you know, the whole kit and caboodle and bells and whistles. But I knew this was really important to me. I didn't want to stay in the game so much of the time, but I had been so careful about when I made the commitment. And I'm really about one big want at a time, that that commitment was already there, and I could just stay in the game, stay in the game, stay in the game. Same thing with cancer. I kept thinking about the movie The NeverEnding Story. There's the scene about the swamps of sadness, and if the swamps of sadness win, you can die. And when I was sick, I was so clear. Oh, it is so easy to give up right now. And I can't even put into words how much I wanted to. Every day I wanted to live, but every day I wanted to give up. But I know the art of commitment. And I know how to continue and I know how to stay in the game and I know all I need is the next right step. And eventually there's not one thing I've committed to in my life I haven't actually created. And so I have that evidence and all of you do too. You've come this far and you haven't come this far to come this far. So hopefully that's useful.

Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I actually, I love how you phrased it, that whole art of commitment. I call it making it a non-negotiable.

Yeah, you gotta burn the option if it's not right.

You, you make it like, come hell or high water, it's gonna happen. You're gonna see it through. Because I think if you give yourself an out, you're gonna start giving yourself outs all the time. That like, oh well, I didn't do this and that was okay, I guess, or whatever. And then something else comes along and you kind of give it maybe not even enough effort or intention, and then you quit. So I love— there's a saying, and it's— I think it's a football coach, and I'm probably not going to say it quite right, but I've used it as a motto for most of my life. Sometimes I invert it, but winners never quit and quitters never win. So I think about that, and that's— I think I love your different stages. I've never thought of it that way, so it's very enlightening.

But yeah, because you're going to get to that point where it's like, oh God, What was I thinking? And then I'll go, oh, that's just the stage I'm in. There's a normalization when you know these stages so that it isn't all of a sudden you're confronted and you have to go back and relitigate the case. Why did you sign up for this dream? Right? It's just like, oh, yeah, this is what happens. All right, I know where we are on the journey. And it's actually progression. Things aren't getting worse. Right? When we go from that fresh love to the disillusionment to the power and control, they're getting better, and the foundation of the dream is getting so much stronger.

Yes, absolutely. And I think it exactly what you said. I love that term stronger, because I think if you can do this, it makes you stronger. So the next thing that you commit to will become easier. It's almost like a muscle. You're working this muscle of making things a non-negotiable and moving it to the next level, which I love your explanation. I think yours is a more fun explanation. Yeah.

Well, and at the very least, if all you did today is stay committed and stay in the game, that's a victory. You just won the day. And let that be enough. And the dreams are probably going to get bigger, if we're honest. So commitment might feel harder or scarier the bigger your dreams are. But the bottom line is, the more you know how to stay committed, the easier it is to stay committed, regardless of how big the dream feels or how far out of reach.

Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, why— this is the way I kind of look at it. Maybe this is not the way I should be looking at it, but I'm always kind of like, why do something if you're not going to give it your all, right? If you're just going to attempt it, well, then don't even start it if you're just going to try it. Yeah.

Well, and people do what I call failing on their own terms because they really want it. But it's almost easier if I fail on my terms than to risk it doesn't work out and it's out of my control. But failing on your own terms just means more evidence that you're not enough, which is absolute crap. You are so enough. And these dreams are here because it is realistic. If you can see it, it's realistic. Nobody told me it was a good idea to go pitch the top 40 radio station. Everybody told me I was insane. You're going to be private pay. You're going to be a life coach. I have a master's in counseling. Why not just be a therapist in this community? And I just knew I could see it. It, and therefore it was realistic. So let's not be waiting for everybody else to get it and to support you staying committed and creating this thing. Let's just know if you can see it, it's realistic, and all your job is just to stay in the game.

So I love something you just said— you could see it. I'm gonna let you explain that. I'm not gonna give my take on it because I am 1,000% behind. If you see it. And that's quite frankly a lot of my success. I could see it. I knew with my whole heart and soul that if I could see it, it's going to happen. So how do you help people learn to do that? Because they may— they might have this vision or something that, you know, that they have a dream, but they're too scared. To go after it. Okay.

Can we go a little bit deep here, Kathy?

Sure.

Here's my answer to that. Okay. So we're all born pure, innocent, and totally clear, and we all create a survival personality in our family of origin. And for many, many, many, many, many of us, we think that's who we are. So when I was in grad school, my first class was personality theories, and I take this assessment, and lo and behold, I'm fun. At the time, I about fell out of my chair. I was the most rigid, serious, responsible, buttoned-up little thing because I had come from all this chaos and crazy. And I just remember the moment I gave myself permission to be the fun, bright light and spirit that I am. So for many of us in business, we resort to our survival personality. Versus giving ourselves permission to reinvent ourselves. My last name is Silence, Rebeccah Silence. My first marriage was domestic violence. I kept the name after getting out of that marriage with a 2-year-old because I loved who I became as Rebeccah Silence. But I married that guy meek and shut down and silent, and this me had no clue it even existed. So I don't think we wake up one day and we know who we are. We wake up one day and we decide enough with survival. So when we're talking about seeing it, you already see there's more than survival. You already see that the way you survived your childhood has no business in your business. So you get to flirt with every single day based on the vision you see. Who would I need to become to create it? Who am I gonna be today? You know, and I've done a lot of work with a lot of the world's leading personal development experts and more and more and more. The guidance for all of you is just be yourself. So it's about knowing what the dream is, and it's being more you than you're comfortable with. That is what it takes to actualize what you can already see. But you know, on your heart, it's a book, or it's a mission, or it's a, you know, nonprofit or a scholarship fund, like, whatever it is that's important to you. For me, I'm helping a million families heal in 2024 because I want kids to have healed parents, and I want entrepreneurs to be as healed as possible so they can make their biggest difference. I know that. So who do I need to be? And I get to play with it and there's no high stakes and there's no way to get it wrong. But again, if you're using— do other people support and approve and see it too as your metric and guiding light for whether or not you're right, that what you can see really can happen, you're going to be so discouraged so fast. So I'm just here to say you already know what it is. Now, who are you going to be on an identity level that you haven't met yet beyond your survival self to go make it happen?

Absolutely. Get out of that survival mind and be who you truly are. I think a lot of times there's a persona that people almost like try to fit in.

Oh, I'm so glad you said this.

Yes. Or they're like, okay, if I'm going to be a is some— I don't know, let's say is sales, for example. So I, I'm also ex-corporate, and there's a certain look, there is a certain, you know, everybody wears blue suits type of thing. You have the same laptop, you carry the same notebook, you do all those things that make you like an army of ordinary. Is the way I look at it, right? And your clients see those type of people, your potential customers see those type of people day in and day out, and they forget about you. And I'm not saying go do something crazy or dress differently. Dress how you feel comfortable. I mean, obviously you can't show— I mean, could you show up in shorts and a t-shirt and your customer, if you know them well enough, absolutely. You know, or what?

Alex Hormozy, that guy has strip off his nose and his wife beat her on everyone.

Oh, you're right, when he's on the stage, right? Exactly, exactly. But I was gonna say, if you are, you know, who you are— like with me, there was a memo that came out one day, says don't wear red, no one's allowed to wear red. I'm like, really? Seriously? Because it's supposed to be the color of aggression. Well, hey, that's my favorite color. So I was like, no. Next day I showed up head to toe in red because that's who I am. So I was like, well, if you think I'm aggressive, that's okay, you know. But it's kind of that thing, your clients will remember you if you are, are like that. I also like how you said, like, who do you need to be to get to your vision? So you're not going to be able to, I mean, be that timid afraid, whatever, you know, having the shields, all the shields up because maybe some past trauma or something somebody said to you or whatever it is. You gotta go out there and be bold and fierce and be who you truly are and go out there and, and serve. Go help, you know, focus on the, on the other folks, right?

Yeah, well, it is about a life that fits in with you and being who you are. And I just want to say, for many of you, you might be listening and going, well, I don't know. And I have seen in almost 20 years of private practice with thousands in my VIP client roster, the hardest question that people get confronted by is, what do I want and who am I? They don't know. So if you're sitting here listening going, well, that sounds great, Kathy and Rebeccah, like you're comfortable in your own skin, but I don't know who I am or what I want. You know what you don't want anymore. I guarantee it. So if you know what you don't want, you can flirt with trial and error. Well, what's the opposite? The other hack to help you get closer to what you actually want and who you really are is think about what you want for everybody else around you. That's what you want for you.

Oh, best thing ever.

Every time. I just want to acknowledge how painful, especially for entrepreneurs, this can be. But I love what you're saying here, Kathy, because it's not about fitting in and comparing and contrasting yourself to everybody else. It isn't going to work. And not only will your clients feel when you're more you, you will attract the clients that are meant for you when they can feel you. I, I'm laughing as you were talking inside because I did a photoshoot a while back and I'm leaving my house with this huge, like, see-through tulle robe and I had this bodysuit on and a leather skirt. And my husband goes, are you doing a professional photoshoot today? And I was like, yeah. And he goes, what on earth are you? And I said, oh, you just wait, you just wait. And then he saw the pictures and I said— he goes, who's going to pay you when they see you in this like weird robe, sexy thing, you know? And I said, oh, people are going to pay me to feel that free. 'Cause that's what my brand is all about. Like, you are free and your life fits in with you. And just one more time, we do not need a breakdown to break through. It took cancer for me to be like, what am I doing? I am living a life where I am trying to fit into an industry and to a community and in with people so they want to work with me. And after cancer, I just had permission to— I am never fitting in again. If it doesn't fit in with me, it's a no. So everything from what I wear in a photo to, to on camera today, to how I eat, how I move, what I do. It feels good to me. It's honoring and respectful towards myself. Please be more honoring and respectful towards yourself and focus on does this fit in with me or not? And if it doesn't and you don't know what would, at least you have more information around what doesn't and you can guess.

Absolutely. I think about one way of looking at it. Because one of the things you said is, is what would you want for other people, right? That maybe that is what could be something that you want. I think about if you look at yourself as in either as an infant or a 2-year-old or whatever it might be, where you're innocent and pure, and yet the world is, you know, at your fingertips, what would you want? So all that negative self-talk of whatever the millions of things that you might be saying to yourself on a daily basis, potentially, would you want to say that to your 2-year-old self or your 6-month-old self? No, you wouldn't, right? You'd want to give yourself as a child a hug and encourage and like, you can do this, and Everything is possible if you allow it to be. So I just always kind of bring it back to that. I read that somewhere, and I remember when I read that, it literally almost brought tears to my eyes. And then ever since then, I think back, and I think that even relates to self-care, right? You know, if, if you are not taking care of yourself, would you take care of yourself when you were 2? Or 6 months or whatever, you know, you wouldn't starve yourself, you wouldn't ignore yourself, you wouldn't— all those things. You'd want like something good for that little 2-year-old self. So I love having you on here. We're gonna have to have you back. I think it's a—

I would love to come back.

Yes, because I think it's something that's really important for everybody to— as entrepreneurs, people that we all, you know, if you're an entrepreneur, you go into start your own business, you're going to be working really hard and you have to take care of yourself. And so I think it's really important because if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of your customers.

No. And I think the more relaxed you are, the more powerful you are. So just because it's hard doesn't mean it has to be stress and pressure in the gas tank. The most relaxed person in the room is the most powerful person in the room. The more aligned you are the more ease and flow. So I just wanna plant that seed as well. And the thing I like to say as well is if you can survive survival, you can survive alignment. And alignment only benefits everyone all the time. And the only thing you get from alignment is information about what was already there. So don't be afraid to see what's real in the face of you creating business your way and a life that fits in with you to support your business and your impact your way. People will react The supporters you thought for sure would be there, maybe all of a sudden will turn, or people will come out of the woodwork and support that you never expected. But I just want people to know, if you can survive survival, you can survive alignment.

Absolutely. Absolutely. I'm going to have to have you back. Something popped in my head about when you said if you're calm and in the room and you're yourself, that people will in essence be attracted to you, and you'll also be able to quite frankly deal with whatever is happening, I think, a little bit easier. Because there is a little bit of a science to what I would say is disarming someone that's coming at—

I call it neutralizing it. But yeah, yeah.

And I think there's a real skill, and I think in the business world is something that is really, really needed. Um, I know my husband has said to me, he goes, I don't know how you do this, you can disarm anyone. It doesn't matter how angry or what's going on, you're the, you're the first one that can just get whatever is going on like calmed down and happy or whatever. So I think there's a real science to this. So maybe that's something I'd love to have you back because I think—

oh, I have all kinds of things to say about this. Yeah.

I was gonna say, I think you're probably the wizard when it comes to that type of thing.

There's no situation you can't defuse. And the real key, I would love to come back and have an in-depth conversation about this, but back to what we were talking about earlier, emotional regulation and clarity is the key. Cuz if you are emotionally regulated and know how to stay emotionally regulated, you are not gonna be swept up in anybody else's emotional storm.

Mm-hmm.

And you maintain leverage. That's really what it's about.

Oh my gosh.

How do you ever maintain the leverage? How do you maintain leverage and rebalance the power differential? We'll talk about this more, but the more emotionally healed you are, the more you maintain leverage.

Yes. Oh my gosh. Yeah, absolutely. I would love to talk about that because I think that that, again, in the business world is so important. I have all these visions coming to me of all these different circumstances I've been in, in the business world, where literally you have to disarm what's going on. And if you do that, my gosh, the amount of leverage you have is insane. It really is.

But you can't need to be liked. No, right? That's the other thing. I was playing that scene, right? Because if you need to be liked, you have no power or leverage, right? It's about respecting yourself and staying clear. But yeah, that'll be a fun conversation.

Yeah, that'll be a really fun conversation. Oh my gosh, this— I'm so glad that we were able to, uh, connect. So Rebeccah, tell me where people can find you.

Visit me at rebeccahsilence.com. I've got a free masterclass, The 3 Must-Know Secrets to Heal and Save Your Family, but it's also the 3 must-know secrets to heal and save your business and keep it sustaining. So check that out, totally complimentary at rebeccahsilence.com. You can also check out my book Coming Back to Life: A Roadmap to Heal from Pain to Create the Life You Want. And really, this is a book to help you know how to use all trauma to your advantage. And there's no entrepreneur that isn't dealing with business trauma. So how do you use it to your advantage? How do you maintain your power and your leverage and how do you create what fits in with you, check out my book. It's won a couple of awards and it's got so much goodness to not just help you understand but integrate so you can get back to that beingness we've been talking about. Because the question is never what do I do? It's who am I going to be? If you want to be fulfilled.

Yeah, absolutely. Well, I am so glad to have you on the show. You're definitely a rule breaker. I would say that's an understatement. Even just when you're talking about that photo shoot, take that as a compliment. But even talking about that photo shoot, I'm like, yep, this is my girl. She's a rule breaker.

The photographer was like, is this boudoir today? This is not boudoir. This is just me. And it came out so good. I'll send you the pictures, Kelly.

Oh, love to see it. Absolutely love to see it. So for everyone that's out there in the audience today, I just want to remind you that you have a very unique skill. And if you don't know what you want to do in life, maybe you should really should be drilling down and listening to Rebeccah Silence. But you have a very unique skill, and only you can offer it the way that you can. So take some of— I almost would say it feels like, and I don't know how this is gonna sound, it almost feels like this this podcast was a little bit of medicine for your soul. So take some of the medicine for the soul today. Go out there, be fierce, go make a big difference in the world. And until next time, my friends, have a really great rule-breaking day.