Are You Ready to Heal Through Codependence? | What is Codependence? Healthy Relationships

Creator of healing is possible with your healing message today not to give up on getting and creating what you want. One of the biggest ways that we prevent ourselves from getting what we want, that we can easily control, is how codependent we are being. So what is codependence? It is when there is me and there is you and there are us, and it all. All gets funky and enmeshed. That's the simplest, clearest definition of codependence that I can give you. It's you losing you as you mesh yourself into somebody else's life. And there's a healthier way to be. But I've never met anybody that isn't programmed to be codependent. It is nobody's fault. It is what we have learned. And so often we. We think that codependence is love. We really do. We think, well, if I don't care about you enough to lose me to be there for you, then I must not love you. But do you hear how screwed up that is? It's so much more loving to not be willing to lose yourself, and then you can really be there for somebody else. If I'm losing me to be there for you, I'm really not that soft. How am I actually support if I have given me up to be there for you? And this is a dance that we all do. No one's immune. And it's a dance that can be confusing. And today my goal is to help make codependence more aware in your consciousness this week. And then it's never going to be anything I don't think that any of us get perfect at. But if you want to make your life yours, if you want to feel in control of your own life, free, fulfilled, waking up in the mornings, like excited about your day and your life, going to bed at night, grateful for your life, then listen up. Because codependence will kill that excitement and fulfillment and gratitude that is your right to experience. And we don't have to wait to experience it. So I see it all the time. I do it all the time where you know you want something. And then instead of focusing on that, we focus on being there for everybody else. And the thing is you can be there for them and you can help and you can want everything for other people, but prioritize you first. So I am actually asking you to get more selfish. And the reason why I'm asking you to get more selfish isn't so that you care less about other people. It's so that you can be a model and an example and even more present with the people that you care about. A way that we're codependent, without even realizing it, is trying to analyze what we think other people need. And it's so arrogant. I've done it so much. Wait a minute. You could have this, you could be that. Let me help you get there. But they might not actually want it. And then it gets really confusing when people tell you they want something and then they don't put in the effort or the action to create it. And you're like, of course you could have this, but you're not doing it. So let me help. See how we can lose ourselves in our own path and our own ability to create what we want when we get distracted. So we. What I want you to be thinking about this week is just more awareness around codependence. And then how often are you helping as a distraction from actually pursuing your own life? I do want you to get more selfish. I do want you to get what you want. And then from that place of you being solid within yourself and fulfilled and grateful, you can be so much more supportive of other people. And then I don't want you losing you. Right. That whole here's me, here's you, here's us, and it's all this enmeshed shit show. No, here's me, here's you, here's us is the third entity. And my primary job is me. And then I'm 50% responsible for where the relationship is. You always have a part in the relationship and the results of your relationships, but it's not 100% your fault, ever. You can control how codependent you're being. And then other people, if they're really used to you giving you up for them, may have a reaction if you knock that off and start putting you first. And it's not because you don't care. It is because your life is ticking by and you deserve to get the most out of it. So codependence is confusing, and it is not put you first so you can be there more. And then a great hack that my first coach, Carol Reynolds, taught me. When you want to help, wait for permission. How often are you just like, let me jump in here to your life that is yours, that is your responsibility, and you didn't even ask me. We do it all the time. I just want you to catch it, notice it, and do something about it. This week, I was working with a mom and her son not that long ago, and after our coaching intensive together, just helping this mom and son navigate. He is getting older, he is driving. It's a different stage of parenting. At the end of the session, this kid said to us, what I learned today is to let her be her own fire extinguisher. Take that in. That is what I'm talking about today. He'd been trying to make sure mom wasn't upset, mom wasn't irritated, mom was taken care of, mom was happy. That's a job he was never going to win at all. And so what he took from our coaching was, oh, it's her job to be her fire extinguisher. It's my job to be mine. And I can't explain how to heal through codependence. I don't think any better than that story. Let them be their own fire extinguisher. You be yours and then see where your life goes and then see where your relationships go. It doesn't mean it will be a smooth ride, but it will definitely be a more healthy and healed ride for you. Take that in. There is a lot you can do about codependence. It is not love and you giving you up so that you don't have to deal with you in your own life. Not healthy. You giving you up so that you can be there for them if you have permission. It is better, but it is still not healthy to give you up. Hopefully this is landing for you. If you want more, visit rebeccasilence.com or join me for the $27 five day Healing is Possible challenge even if you've already done it. Do it again. You'll hear more, you'll take it deeper. 5 consecutive days $27 only 5 steps to healing and launching your life so so that you can get more clear and closer to getting what you want. Why not? We don't know how much time we have but you have now and I want you to get what you want. Big love and I will see you.