Three patterns silently damage relationships: believing love must hurt, viewing yourself or your partner as broken, and losing independence to codependency. The goal is 1 + 1 = 3, where both people stay whole while building something together.
Chapters
You can be independent and have relationship. Okay, what a concept.
The silent relationship killers. These are the things that people just kind of accept as whatever, and the next thing you know, those are the things that are tearing everything apart.
So number 1, expecting love to hurt is a silent relationship killer. There's no way to have deep connected emotional, physical, sexual intimacy from a place of a belief that love is gonna hurt you. So that's number 1.
Okay.
Number 2, you aren't broken and they aren't either. And you think you are broken and they're broken based on what you've been through. Trauma, heartbreak, financial devastation, being cheated on in the past, being the cheater in the past, whatever it might be. You're not broken. And neither are they.
You're not broken. What's the third one?
Okay. Number 3, you can be independent and have relationship. Okay. What a concept. I've been doing this since 2002. I've been helping people heal. And what I see all the time when I'm working with couples is they think it's either their independence or the relationship. And if they've lost their independence, they blame it on the relationship instead of recognizing they got fake. To try to save the relationship, and nobody made them do that. We learn to be codependent and to give ourselves away, and that it's you, me, us, and it all becomes one thing and enmeshed and funky and terrible. And what I teach is my ideal partnership formula, which is 1 1 3. There's me, there's you, there's us, and you can actually have independence and a relationship. But this should be and can be your year of love. But so many of you have already decided you don't get to have it, and that in and of itself is a silent relationship killer that we've got to deal with. If you DM me love on social media @RebeccahSilence, I'll send you my 3 Must-Know Secrets to Heal and Save Your Family masterclass to take this conversation even deeper, get you more in my world. Just DM me love @RebeccahSilence.
