Breaking The Silence: How to Stand Strong Against Violence & Volitility

Mix photo 2.5 the best mix from the 90s to now. It's big pop in the morning. We are live, we are local on a mental wellness Wednesday with life coach the unsilent woman, Rebecca. Silence. RebeccaSilence.com and the unsilent woman.com Rebecca. Good morning. How are you?

I am so excited to be here today. Let's create magic.

Absolutely. This is going to be a tough, a tough conversation, but you are the perfect person to have this conversation with. Unfortunately, in the news, there is a lot in the police blotter about people breaking orders of protection. So what I would like to do is have you talk about if you're in a domestic violence situation where you know you already have an order of protection or you don't know you may need an order of protection. Talk about that if you would, because unfortunately, there are more people dealing with this than everyone knows.

Absolutely. And I am a domestic violence survivor for myself, as you are well aware. So if you're meeting me for the first time, my work is about what we have control over in the moments where life is out of control. More than anything else, that's what my work is about. I created what I call the practice of emotional healing. And I want us powerfully, fully ourselves, no matter what. And when it comes to domestic violence, the anatomy of an abuse cycle, just so we understand that a little bit. And then we'll talk about what you can do, which most importantly is you advocating for you. That's the Most important thing 100% of the time you have control over. I'll break it down more in a moment. Okay. But the anatomy of an abuse cycle, it looks like this, an abuse moment happens, whether it's verbal, mental, physical, sexual, financial. We could go on and on. But in the face of abuse, the person victimized is either making a decision that is very unconscious. This is really important. Nobody does this on purpose and most of the time we don't even know we did it. But you're unconsciously deciding, I'm never going to be the victim again or I'm never going to do harm like that. A decision is made the moment abuse happens. So someone that is the one needing the restraining order, nothing about this you created, nothing about this is your fault. But if you made an unconscious decision to never be the one to do harm but didn't do the work to, to heal and break through what happened, now it's groundhog day and we're just re experiencing I'm not the one to do harm, but someone wants to do harm to me. And even if we take away this abuser, that abuser and that abuser, it'll just be whack a mole. Next. Here's the pattern all over again. Until you heal the part of you that goes, no, no, no, I'm not going to be the victim. I'm not going to be the abuser. I'm all done with this bs. I'm going to be the healed me. My definition of healing is freedom. The person who did the abuse, they also were abused 100% of the time. That doesn't make it okay. But I just want us to understand because you could be the person listening right now who is volatile, who is aggressive, maybe even violent, thinking, what is my problem? I've worked with the perpetrators as much as I've worked with the victims. Nothing's wrong with you on either end, but you are the only one that can break the cycle and stay, stop the madness by not letting yourself continue to go where you go emotionally because you don't want to be the opposite. That perp can't stand the thought of being victimized again. That victim can't stand the thought of ever doing harm. Right? So I've had six different rapists. I don't know if I've ever publicly shared that, but I've had.

Before you get into. Before you get into that, um, we just scratched the surface. There's a lot to get into. If you want to learn more, you can go to the unsilent woman, calm your own voice society. All details on that and the full segment. The full conversation is available right now@mix125.com yeah, so, okay, so start again from the.

I've had six different rapists. But the. The point is, I was going to keep being a woman abused until I did the work to heal where I was stuck emotionally. Right. So if you're in this situation, I just want to normalize. And as Gary pointed out, it's very real. This is so much more common than we talk about, and it's insidious. So many of us aren't even understanding is this abuse. And most of the time it feels like it's your fault. Because if you just didn't say the wrong thing or if you had just done whatever this person is complaining about, that didn't happen, that now activated them. The person doing the abuse. This is the next thing that's so important to understand. They are committed to finding a reason to lash out.

There are so many people that are living their lives and adjusting their Day to day, and how they do things to try to not trigger anger towards them.

Well, right, and this is the deal. It does, because anger, we've got to talk about this in this conversation. Anger is not violence. The second it's at you, that's not anger, but it looks like anger. It's not anger. It's avoidance to their real emotions. And it's an easy escape from having to deal with the emotions underneath. So now let's get to the real question, because this is so important. What, what do you do? Right? How do you enforce a restraining order? How do you get one? Okay, if you even suspect you need one, call the cops, find a friend. Okay, if you even suspect, we don't need, you know, a clear cut, you know, gavel. All right, now I have permission to go get the restraining order. If you even suspect, get help. And the local YWCA in Utica, New York, is the best resource. So, Gary, if you can promote and post, you know, online, here's the phone number. But, you know, you can call 91 1, you can call 988, you can call the local police, you can call the ywca, but if you even suspect you need help, you do.

The number is 31 5. The number is 3157-3221-5931-5732. 2159. Also, you can reach out to them on their website, ywcamv.org and you can also reach out to them on their social media as well.

Okay, so now the next thing I want you to understand is again, if you even suspect you need help. So get it. And it doesn't make you weak. It is the step in the right direction of breaking the cycle and stopping the madness. You've got to do a different dance step. The walking on eggshells, the trying to be hypervigilant and get ahead of this person's explosive volatility. It's only going to prolong the inevitable. So get the phone call made and then make a list of the top three to five people closest to you that you know are there for you emotionally and will go to bat for you and will pick up the phone. Now, here's the next step. Make the list and then call them proactively and let them know I'm in a vulnerable season and I've made a list of the people I trust the most and I feel safest with, and you're on it. And I need to know, in case of emergency, will you be there for me?

Right.

Okay. I can't emphasize enough how powerful this exercise is, asking for help does not make you weak. Asking for support and proactively letting the people that you want to be on your support team know you've chosen them. This is next level Healing is freedom. You claiming your right to freedom beyond the cycle. And anytime an adult is in a cycle like this, it's because it's normal for them. It's how they grew up on some level. All right? I didn't end up in a domestic violence marriage because life at home, growing up was clean and good. It wasn't. I recreated how family was for me. And that's what happens. And it just takes one decision in one step at a time to break the cycle. Now, if you have a restraining order and a court order of protection and this person is still a loose cannon and you don't feel safe, I need you to document everything. And I need you to be a squeaky wheel. Don't be afraid of being annoying. Keep calling the police. Here's what's happening. Here's what's happening. Here's what's happening. Be a squeaky wheel or ask your support system for help with that. But you having real protection is 100% going to be your responsibility. And you being willing to get louder when you want to shrink, okay, You've got to get louder and louder and louder and louder and louder so that you know you did and make sure the people around you know when you need help and make sure that the police are aware of everything that's happening that is going against the court order. You've got to enforce it. You've got to.

And the authorities don't know unless you tell them it may be happening, but they. They don't know how often it's happening unless you tell them every single time. If you tell them once. Oh, yeah, it's been. It's been happening. Literally. Tell them every single time. I can't. I can't stress enough how important that is. Rebecca, talk about how unsilent woman. The unsilent woman.com has the information about something like this, right?

So wherever you are, okay? Especially for women and men, I've got you2@rebeccasilence.com Any gender, I've got you. But with the unsilent woman, right? And I don't care if you identify as a female or not. If you feel called, join us. This is all inclusive, okay? But the unsilent woman is your sanctuary to reclaim your voice, your peace and your power and to find the strength in you that's already there and to let it out without fear. I want women relaxed into their power and I want us having life on our terms. And our voices are medicine and the tool of all tools to next level our lives. Our voices are when they're coming from pure intention and love and regard for ourselves and other people. When it's about mutual respect. So you know, you used your voice and left no stone unturned. I don't think there's anything more powerful than that. I say it all the time. There's nothing more amazing than a fully expressed woman. So almost 25 years of helping people heal. I've been helping people heal since 2002. The unsilent woman was just born. It's a new business of mine, but it's what I've been doing for years, helping women see step into their power. And I've got a membership now. So if you've done my women's retreats, you definitely want to be a part of the own youn Voice society. If you haven't, you definitely want to be a part of it. It's a membership. It's a community. And it is so no brainer, irresistible. The price point. And. And I'm not gonna tell you what it is. I want you to go check it out. Go to the unsilent woman.com because we are making founding members sacred and we are going to gift you this rate right now that's only available for one more week and it is ongoing. You'll get locked in at this price point. It's not that. It's nothing. So you are everything calm and we want you with us. And what will happen? I go live twice a month. So you get me training live. You get me doing coaching and Q and A live. So if you can't afford me privately, I. I got you. And then there's a vault of masterclasses. The first training we're doing next Tuesday at 10am Mountain is unmute yourself five steps to speak up and you get the vault. You get journaling. You get introduced to all of these women and you get me live. So theunsilentwoman.com own your voice society. It's a great place if you don't have support, if you're thinking, I don't even know who. I would write down three to five people. You know, it's time to make some new connections that are healthy and to create an inner circle for you. You. So we would love to have you with us. I would love to have you with me. I would love you to let me have your back. And I just know my life today is the greatest testimony that healing is possible, not all the crazy I've overcome. And if you don't know about my crazy story, get my book coming back to life. But what I want you to know is there's nothing outside of you more powerful than you. And you're more powerful than this moment. And help is available and support is available. But you have to ask and you have to let yourself have is the.

Unsilent woman.com the website Life Coach Rebecca Silence on a Mental Wellness Wednesday. Thank you so much for the time. Absolutely incredible information. We'll talk to you next week.

I love you all.