Breaking The Silence: The Journey of Healing, Support and Empowerment w/ Rebeccah Silence

Thank you for joining me today on the Who God Says podcast. I am your host and kingdom ambassador, Tyshondra. Hi, hi, hi! We have a special guest today. Oh my God, beautiful soul. She is a self-healing and relationship expert. An author, a coach, and a media personality, Miss Rebeccah Silence. Welcome!

Hello, it is such an honor to be here, and I am ready for a life-changing conversation.

Oh my God, this is definitely going to be life-changing. It's amazing. I love your story. I do want to kind of give a warning to the listeners, um, if you may have been dealing with any abuse, or that might be a trigger for you, you guys might want to kind of brace yourself for this conversation. Um, but it is real life, and we want you guys to know that we walk this life together.

So, and healing is possible. Yes, we are going to get you to the other side of the trigger, and I appreciate the disclaimer.

Yeah, yeah, yep, healing is possible. So I want to first start by asking you, what is your spiritual background? Where did you grow up? And like, kind of, what was your childhood like?

Yeah. So I actually grew up in a little town in upstate New York. No streetlights, little tiny community. And my spiritual background, I actually grew up Catholic, and I was an altar girl, literally carrying a light candle bigger than me, you know, from a very early age. I have been the light. I have been carrying the light. But I didn't trust my light or God for a while. I grew up pretty severely traumatized and abused to the point where I should have been removed from the home, but I wasn't. And, you know, I always knew God was there and I wasn't alone. I always knew love was the medicine, but I felt crazy. And I think for so many of what I call the generational healers in the family, We feel crazy because no one else seems to be able to see the possibility and the better available. And so if they can't see it or validate it, then we think something's wrong with us. Nothing's wrong with you. It took me a long time to figure out nothing was wrong with me. And the other thing I'll just share is it's not enough to understand trauma. I devoted my life to understanding trauma and to being someone who could help people heal. I worked at state psychiatric hospital. I had a master's degree in counseling with a 4.0 GPA, and I'm a nationally board-certified music therapist. And none of that education was enough to stop me from recreating my childhood in my first marriage. I grew up in domestic violence. I found myself in a domestic violence marriage at 23 with a baby and ended up getting out of that situation and cycle and from there actually understanding what it takes to, to truly heal. Um, and my life is still a dedication to me being an expert in human behavior and generational trauma healing, but it's so much more than mindset and strategy, and that's what we're going to talk about today.

That is amazing. It's amazing to have that foresight that, yeah, you may understand it But to actually really see it, go through it, come out of it, and heal from it, that's totally amazing. When did you leave home? What was your, like, mindset at the time when you left home? Was it like, I'm going to get away, or let me just be the opposite of everything that I've seen?

Both. It was one or the other. So I left home at 17. I graduated high school at 17 and immediately went to to get a degree in music therapy and vocal performance with a psych minor. And it really was about, you know, I can't wait to do better and I can't wait to get out of this. You know, I think both were true, but I knew I wanted to be of service and music therapy just felt like the perfect degree because I didn't have any self-worth or confidence. Yeah, you know, my last name is Silence. I married a guy with the last name Silence. At the time of leaving the home, I was very meek and timid with no voice and was very much wanting to pursue music therapy because it's a non-threatening medium to access emotions and healing without me having to facilitate it. Like the music could do it. So I was super intrigued. About this industry and this potential career as a music therapist. And I've taken that career with me, even in my private practice work, especially in retreats. We use music. But, you know, that was my stepping stone and that was my path out.

Yeah. Well, that's crazy. You were like, ah, you want to have a voice, but you were scared of that voice. So how could I get that voice to where I wanted to be, or what I have in my head with the idea of where I wanted to be, I have to use music because I can't just use me. I'm not, I'm not there yet.

And even in the beginning, it was more about helping people access their, their voice, less about me finding mine. It took me in the middle of this domestic violence marriage for me to find my voice and officially break the silence.

Well, what was dating like for you? So it was the same guy.

Uh, yeah, it was the same guy one after another with a different face. Okay, great. Because Attraction 101, nobody tells you this, but I'm gonna tell you. Attraction 101, we attract what we need to heal. So what people don't know how to do is make their triggers their bitch, right? Our triggers own us, and We're not able to take the trigger, which is just when the wound that hasn't healed yet resurfaces and own it and master it. So my dating life was just me in a trauma response, recasting the same character until I finally healed the wounds once and for all. And I thought I was making these men go from great to abusive. I thought it was me and not understanding This has nothing to do with me. They're looking for someone to play out their trauma response with. And I'm in my trauma response. And there's so much more than trauma bonding and one person being the victim and one person being the persecutor. But that's what happens. We trauma bond and you can't trauma bond and have intimacy or healthy love. And until you understand the trigger is access to my highest and best and to a healing that leaves the pattern and the wound in the dust, you're just playing out the same thing.

Wow. Ooh, the same guy with different face.

Yeah, I got proposed to multiple times, and you know, it, it was sad because I could always see the greatness in these men, but the pattern was just the same. And I, you know, I married my first husband because I got pregnant. I had a birth control baby. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't have married him. And it's funny, I got married— I'm in Colorado now on a mountain called Lookout Mountain. And way after, you know, my daughter is 15, that I left this domestic violence marriage with, we moved back to Colorado and we're driving along and I'm like, oh honey, look, that's Lookout Mountain. That's the mountain I married your dad on. And she goes, Mom, it says right on the sign, look out. God was telling you from the beginning. She's funny. And I was like, well, shoot, I didn't see that at 23.

She said, well, how big of a sign did you need, Mom? That was a sign right there. We all look for signs, and here go the signs staring you right in your face. Look out. You married him on the mountain, on Lookout Mountain.

Wow.

Okay, well, going through dating and then getting married because of your birth control baby, um, what was your view of that, of relationships period, and like the family dynamics where you were going through that marriage or Were you able to kind of determine that once you got out of the marriage?

Well, so much clarity happened in hindsight. But what I can say is I think, you know, the real answer to what do we want to be when we grow up is loved for everybody. I don't hear anybody answer that question that way. But for me, I knew I wanted to be loved and I knew I loved love and I knew I wanted family and I wanted family more than I wanted anything else. And I wanted it to be better than how I grew up. And this isn't about bashing our parents in any way, shape, or form. It's just— Starting and growing a business while dealing with your finances can be overwhelming and stressful. Enwalt Services provides packages tailored to your business needs to help you mitigate taxes, stay compliant, plan for your future, and save money so you can focus on being the creative, influential visionary that delivers your dreams to the world. Because what you focus on is what will multiply. Schedule your discovery call today to find out ways Emerald Services can benefit your life plan and your business plan. Visit emeraldserv.com or call 504-603-6059. Again, nobody's really going to tell you this. The levels of dissatisfaction and unfulfillment we have as adults in our family we chose is directly related to how unfulfilled and dissatisfied and unseen we felt growing up. We recreate how we experienced family, just like we recreate the wound until we heal it. So my first marriage, even with the best of intentions, I became my mom, he was my dad. And how did we get here? Just every night and every morning was the horror I was living. And, and what am I going to do? And I didn't have the self-worth yet to own the wounds of my childhood. And I think for so many people, when we are face to face with how we've been surviving and who we've been in survival and we want to break through, we don't realize it feels like you're dying when you break up with survival once and for all. So for me, that's what it felt like. Like, if I address all this, if I face all this, I'm going to die. I really thought that. And I know I'm not alone in it. But what really needed to die was my survival self. And fortunately, unfortunately, you know, my daughter was the catalyst for me breaking my own trauma cycles because I didn't have the self-worth to do it for me yet. But once I recognized I'm in an environment that would keep my daughter in the same type of environment I grew up in, I'm not doing that. Now she was the motivation because I couldn't do it for me.

Wow, that is amazing. But God will always provide what you need.

Amen. Amen. You know, and it's about getting honest and then it's about getting support. You know, I had told my book club All right, here's the situation. Thinking nobody knew how bad my situation was, and I had nobody fooled. I was not nearly as good of an actress as I thought.

Wow.

And 40 people showed up on my doorstep to move my daughter and I from the house to an apartment and to get us out of there. And, you know, you can't skip the part about getting honest with yourself, and you can't skip the part about leaning on support if you really want to break through. And break the cycle and have a new experience.

Wow. I wanted— I was going to ask you that because I know a lot of times when people are in certain situations, they feel like they have nobody, like there's nobody who, you know, who would understand, there's nobody who would help, there's nobody who would listen. I mean, how, how did you get the courage to just turn to your book club and say, hey, this is what's actually going on and I need your help? What, what sparked that? Was it just you being honest with yourself or just something actually happened?

Well, again, it was— I couldn't do it for me. I could do it for my daughter. And I just felt like I was falling apart at the seams and I had nothing to lose at that point, if I'm honest. You know, I think it's interesting because the bottom has fallen out of my life twice. The first time was as I was getting out of that domestic violence marriage. The second time was I'm in a second marriage that I'm still in today. I've been married 12 years, love of my life, most healthy, gorgeous, opposite experience of how we both grew up now. But when I got diagnosed with cancer, pregnant with my second baby, married a second time, my business was thriving. I had everything on paper I'd always imagined for myself. And so cancer felt like a really cruel joke, but it was harder almost to deal with the trauma of fighting for my life with a 5% chance to live because I felt like I had so much more to lose. At the time of getting out of the domestic violence marriage, I had nothing to lose. Yeah, I was a baby with a baby. And, you know, I just— I call it high-functioning unhappiness. I think is really a great way to describe it. We talk about high-functioning depression, we talk about high-functioning addiction, but nobody's talking about high-functioning unhappiness. I think it's almost easier to bare your soul and get vulnerable when you know you have nothing to lose and the only way is up.

Yeah.

And for me, at the time of getting out of that first marriage, that's where I found myself fighting for my life with a cancer diagnosis, with everything perfect on paper. It felt like I had so much to lose and I didn't want to threaten the high-functioning part of my life. I didn't want to lose what I built because it had roots. It had legs. You know, my life in my early 20s in this domestic violence marriage was a house of cards. So it almost made it easier. I mean, it sucked. It wasn't fun. It wasn't pleasant to have to be like, I'm kind of a fraud that's full of it. My life behind closed doors is a disaster, and I am not safe, and my daughter is not safe, and I need help. But again, there was only up to go from there. It was a whole different animal with the cancer diagnosis, but the difference was I had already healed through my trauma. So it wasn't my wounded inner child fighting for my life. It was the healed Rebeccah Silence in charge of the mission called saving my life and fighting for my life. And I just had to know that even now, what if there's nothing to lose and there's only an opportunity to really meet myself? Because I knew it's easy to be my best when everything is perfect on paper. It is not easy to be my best when my worst nightmare is happening right now, and I am afraid I'm going to lose everything I had built and created. And I just knew at that moment, and this is true for all of you, the only thing to lose was me.

Yeah.

And I wasn't going to let that happen, right? So the only thing you really have to lose is you. Don't you dare let that happen is my message.

Yeah, that is amazing. Oh, don't make me cry. So we left this marriage. Uh, let's go, Book Club! Book Club say I'm showing up. I love that, getting the community around you, getting that support. I love it. How long were you in that book club?

Oh my God, I have chills just remembering all these gorgeous women. Um, I was in that book club for a few years.

Okay.

And we, we stayed together, I think, a year after that, and then people started to move away and, you know, life happened. I'm still in a book club today though. I've always been in a book club, and I'm, I'm an author. I'm a published author. This story goes way deeper. Coming Back to Life: A Roadmap to Heal from Pain to Create the Life You Want got published and has won awards. And it's, it's my roadmap for you to use trauma to your advantage. And I write about this situation with my book club. But I mean, they brought their spouses. One guy worked for a tire company, so I had bald tires on my car. Not only did they move me into this apartment, I had brand new tires on the car. All the wall hangings were hung, the dishes in the cabinets, the clothes hung in the closet, you know, same day, same afternoon. It was wild, and I will never be able to thank them enough.

Yes, praise God. That was amazing.

Um, it was God. That was God.

I, I asked that question because people just don't know until they know, you know. Yeah, you may have said, I don't have anybody, I don't think anybody is listening, they won't understand, they'll judge me, they'll think I'm crazy. They want to ask you, why did you deal with this? And all kind of things like that. But when you actually put yourself out there, most of the time people are not going to offer the help because they don't think you're ready for the help. You may have some people who offer help just so they, you know, will let you know, I'm here for you, but you have to be ready for that help. That— and I think that desperation that you had was just, hey, that is the light bulb going off. I am ready for this help. I need this help. It is life and death situation. It is generational. I want out and I need that help. But having that community, that was amazing.

Well, and being open to receive. And I don't know, I just think, Ty, it's, it's a higher vibration to move it from this idea of help, which implies helplessness.

Yeah.

To support, right? And being willing to receive support. So many of you pride yourselves, I'm certain of it, in being a giver. You want to give, you love so hard, you care so much, you are there, you are there, you are there. But if you don't let yourself receive it back and let yourself call it support— what if we don't even have to call it help? But let yourself receive as much support as you give and know that really is what giving is all about, because otherwise you're just constantly drained, right? But when you give and receive, you're replenished.

Yeah.

And you're equipped to keep going and it doesn't tax you. For many of us, and this was me for a long time, I'd give 90% and then wonder why other people are only given about 10, but I wouldn't let them do more than that. And I wasn't a vibrational match for reciprocity because I was identifying as the giver.

Got it.

And it's really okay to receive support. It's really okay. It's really okay. It's really okay. And the more you let yourself receive, the more you can really say you're a master giver.

Well, you can't give away nothing, right?

And it isn't selfish to receive, and it isn't really giving to not let yourself receive back.

Yeah. I want to ask you, what are some of the signs, um, that we should look for, or that we may have already seen and not really grasp that this could be a toxic or abusive situation? Whether it's— I mean, physical, we probably can see that. I know a lot of people hide that a lot, but me, mostly like mental, um, abuse and— yeah, things like that. Like, what are some of the things that we can look for?

Okay, so I'm gonna give it to you from two different angles, and, and this is a little bit of a unique spin, but thank you so much for asking this question. And there's no judgment here. Let me just disclaimer and qualify. Forgive yourself for any judgments against yourself as you're listening, because we can't see what we can't see. I didn't even know at the time of divorcing my first husband that I grew up in domestic violence. I wouldn't have called it that. I knew there was dysfunction, but I didn't want to face the truth yet. I didn't understand how deep it went or that it was generational, really. I just knew I wasn't safe growing up. I wasn't gonna have my daughter unsafe, and that was enough. But, you know, the signs I want you to look for— so there's verbal abuse, there's mental abuse, there's emotional abuse. And, you know, this term gaslighting, it's so good because anybody that's trying to have you question what you know is very true to justify their bad behavior, that's abuse. Gaslighting is someone trying to make you doubt yourself, someone trying to make you feel like the crazy one, someone trying to discount the facts and replace those facts with a story about you that's a distraction and a diversion from their bad behavior. Now, you know, The definition of gaslighting is only a powerless victim can be gaslit. So I want you to consider today deciding I'm not someone who's eligible to be gaslit after hearing this episode with Rebeccah and Ty, because only a powerless victim can be gaslit. But it's name-calling, it's putting you down, it's backhanded compliments like, oh, you finally Made a good dinner for once in your life. Oh, you're going to wear that? I guess you look good. Backhand. It starts so subtle, right? So anytime someone's dismissing your feelings, cutting you down, calling you names, trying to get you to question yourself or take responsibility for their bad behavior, these are all very subtle, but beginning stages of abuse. Someone that's trying to control how you spend your time, who you spend it with, someone who's trying to have this power over you, whether it's just in how you're choosing to go about your day-to-day, who you're choosing to spend your time with, or even it shows up in sex where there's this power and control dynamic that has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with power and control. Because see, the real anatomy of an abuse cycle is an abuser was abused. We don't talk about that enough. And they're trying to take their power back powerlessly by staying the abuser because they never want to be the victim again. They never want to feel like the victim again. And then the victim that just finds themselves— somebody like me, 6 different rapists in my lifetime— I'm never going to be the one that does harm. So I've accepted the this is just what happens to me position in the abuse cycle because I'm never going to be that abuser, right? So the big 3 things aside from all of what I just shared that you need to really look for beyond looking for the signs of abuse coming from another person, look for you're losing your voice and you're stopping talking.

Hmm.

Massive indicator that there is trouble in paradise. Number 2, you're trying to be who you think you would need to be to get them to behave better, or to avoid the conflict, or to avoid their next eruption like a volcano, whatever it is. Not your job. And then number 3, you're totally pretending to be okay when you're not, if you're losing your voice, if you're trying to manipulate and control the other person so that they behave better, and if you are just pretending to be okay when you're not, these are signs that this is unhealthy, this is toxic, and you are in what I call a love trauma response. And I am telling you, love does not hurt. My second marriage, before we got married, I remember being at my husband's house. We weren't married at the time, and my first husband had called me and he was screaming at me. And I got off the phone and I looked at my husband now, and I go, I think he's still in love with me. And my husband goes, Rebeccah, that is batshit.

Yes.

He goes, that isn't love. And I mean, I'm not even embarrassed to tell this story anymore. For a while it was embarrassing, but now I'm just like, if that can help you relate to where you're justifying, oh, this is just because they love me.

Yes.

And Mark goes, this is not love. That is not love. That is not love. And I was like, what if he's right? Mm. What if he's right? Love and pain, love and hurt, not the same thing. So somebody that is intentionally willing to lash out, shut down, punish you— I teach my couples in my VIP private practice with my coaching clients about this punishment-reward dance that happens. Anybody that's withholding love or punishing you for not being what they need you to be That's not love. And if they're only giving you the best of themselves when you behave the way they want you to, and then they'll reward you— not cool. And if you're doing it, that's just because you learned it. No judgment. Forgive yourself if there's any judgment here against yourself, but just know that's not love and that's not healthy.

Wow, you brought up a lot of great points in my head. Wheels are just turning, and I'm thinking about people that I know in my own personal life, and it's like, wow, it's, it's really eye-opening hearing you say those things. And it's like, oh my God, it's eye-opening. It, it really is. There was a guy I talked to, and he told me about, um, a previous relationship where He said something about, um, you know how you women do when, uh, the man does something you don't like, then you gotta punish them and you gotta, uh— I was like, wait, what do you mean you women? What do you mean? What is— I'm like, well, what do you mean? Give me an example, because I've, I've never done— you are not my child, I'm not going to punish you. I'm not— I don't get it. I just didn't get it. And he was like, okay, well, it's just For instance, if you go a place where that person doesn't want you to go, um, and they find out about it, well now, you know, if they used to cook every day, they're not going to cook, or they might withhold sex or something like that. I was like, oh, I don't, I don't, I don't think that is regular. I was like, I don't think that's a regular thing. Hi everyone, join the Kingdom Fanatics community. Get exclusive content, green room access with our guests, and more.

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It's like, yes, y'all do. Women do that all the time. I was like, I don't think it's a good thing. I've, I've never been exposed to that before. I'd never heard of it until he said it. And now when you said it, I'm like, oh my God.

Oh yeah. Oh, it's a thing. And then here's the really sad news. I mean, I used to think if you have a penis, you are an abuser.

Oh, God.

Right? And women are abusive too. And I don't care, you know, this is not just for heterosexual couples, right? Whatever your orientation, whoever you love, these dynamics are in the mix. If you grew up with them, now you expect them and we get what we expect. So until we expect better, first from ourselves, you know, then from our partners, we're in the same cycle and it's normalized. It is regular until we're like, hold the phone. What on earth? Not okay anymore. But, you know, the other thing we don't talk about enough, Ty, are boundaries and how freaking terrifying they are to enforce.

Yeah. Yeah.

You know, it is scary to go, I might lose you if I demand better from you. But anybody that wouldn't want to be their best for you, it's okay to bless them and love them from a distance. Try first. I work with— I knew I was ready for the global stage when I was able to coach the perpetrators. You know, I had a case once where a lawyer client of mine called me and said, I have this guy, I need you to help him, he's in jail. He just beat up his fiancée. She was unconscious and the 10-year-old twins had to call 911. Can you help them? That family is intact. They all healed. Parents stayed together. After a year of intensive work where I insisted that they stayed separate, we gradually brought them back together. But we had to heal. This guy is playing out the childhood trauma he grew up with that he hadn't faced. Ever. Yes, she had childhood trauma that made him a vibrational match for what she thought love was.

Wow.

And they did the work to graduate beyond trauma bonding and to actually have healthy intimacy.

That's amazing.

It is possible. It is possible, but not everybody wants it.

Mm-hmm.

Not everybody wants it. And so I always say It's really important to give the relationship a chance. If there's physical violence, get out, distance yourself. But it can heal the pattern of abuse if the person wants to heal. Yeah, but not everybody does. But if you don't give them the opportunity to grow with you, you just take the pattern with you. If you give them the opportunity to grow with you and they say they want to and then they don't, which happens all the time, Now you know you're clean on your end.

Yeah.

Now you know you left no stone unturned.

Yeah, yeah, that's great advice. I think on— there's always a spectrum. So I think that once someone has been in a situation where it could be abusive, um, they either shut that completely down, it's like there's no room there, or it would be they allow the pattern to continue and they're not keeping themselves safe. So what you're saying is you make sure you get yourself safe, but you can revisit if we're willing to do the work and make this work. I like that you said that.

Absolutely, because we're just trying to play our, our past out to powerlessly take our power back when we're finding ourselves in the pattern and the cycle. And to break the pattern, we got to recognize it, ask for support, get safe, and then do the work.

Yeah.

And I work with what I call the emotional billionaires. You know, it's 1%. It's like nobody wants to do the work because like I said earlier, when we begin to let go of survival, it feels like we're dying.

Yeah.

Or we're going to die. You know, I literally thought I was going to die facing the truth of where I came from, what I'd been through. I had no idea it would become my life's work. Yeah, using my voice after having no voice. But there's so much good for you, and you're not going to die, and you can't do it alone. And that's why I wrote this book. I have courses. I have a free masterclass we're going to gift you all later, the 3 Must-Know Secrets to Heal and Save Your Family. You know, there is so much help available And my work is about, all right, the nuts and bolts of what you actually have control over and what actually gets you out of the cycle. And if you can survive survival, you can survive what I call alignment with your highest self, the truth of who you are.

Amazing. Well, tell us about the book. How did that come about?

Yeah, well, I got through cancer miraculously by the grace of God, and I had so much to say. About, oh my goodness, here's what's possible. Here's what we have control over. And so I wrote a book and produced my course, The Emotional Survival Kit, over the next couple of years after coming out of cancer. And I had said to God, you know, if you let me live, all I'm going to do with the rest of my life is serve.

Yay.

And I couldn't wait to reach the masses because I had done a lot before cancer for a lot of people, but I was ready to turn the nuts and bolts of what was working for people in my private practice and what I was teaching into actual products.

Yeah.

Um, and I was so grateful. I got an agent, I got a publishing deal. Coming Back to Life has won some awards, and the course is so good. It's 20-minute lessons. It's bite-sized chunks. It's super accessible, kind of do-it-yourself with me as your guide at a super reasonable price point so that you don't have to invest hundreds of thousands of dollars and decades like I have to learn all this. It's just the best of what I've got for you. And cancer really gave me that mortality motivation, as cliché as it sounds. I didn't know how much time I was going to have left, so I was going to create the best of what I knew and what saved my life and liberated my life and freed me from the shackles of my past. My definition of healing is freedom, and I wanted to give people a path to freedom. And I wanted to write a book and produce a course to turn the trauma conversation from a disempowering conversation on its head into a very empowering conversation to connect us back to our ability and our right to connect to our personal power that never goes anywhere. That light in you, that power that is you, it is soft, it is relaxed, it is strong, and it's inextinguishable.

Yes.

Nothing can, you know, burn that flame out.

Yeah, but people have to reach that light. Sometimes it's kind of hard to reach that light, but you got to keep going because it's there.

It is there, and you can breathe into it. Yes. And you can connect to it, you know. And when I used to be a school counselor and a school counseling coordinator, I do these school-wide assemblies assemblies, and lots of school districts have hired me over the years to come in and do assemblies. And I'm letting even these kindergartners know, you have this magic crystal ball inside of you called your power. And I believe that power is our access to God.

Yeah.

And nobody can threaten it. Nobody can take it away from you. But we are so disconnected from it because we're surviving our way through our lives. And we can just breathe into our life force. We can breathe into our personal power and our light and ask it to guide us. And all we need is the next step. Yeah, we don't need to climb Mount Everest like that. We just need the next step, and then the mountain moves. You don't even have to climb Everest. Yeah, and you don't need— this is the other thing that's so important to me to share— is you don't need a breakdown, you don't need a crisis or your life on the line to decide to take your life back, your voice back, your power back. And your right to peace back. It's a decision.

Yes.

To go enough. And we don't wake up one day and know who we are, but we wake up one day and go enough with survival. And from there it's daunting. And again, that's why I have these products for you. And you can go to rebeccahsilence.com and check it all out. But it isn't enough to understand the trauma and it isn't enough to just recognize survival. Isn't the rule you want to live by anymore, because now you got to reinvent yourself and design your life, and that requires support. And it's scary. I think the scariest question I've heard— I've been helping people heal since 2002, you know— is, what, what do I want? People don't know how to answer that question. Who am I? People don't know how to answer that question. But if you know who you're not, that's a start.

Yeah.

And here's my other big hack: if you know what you want for other people, I guarantee that's what you want for you.

Yeah. Identity is a big part of the things that we allow, the things that we experience, the things that we share. And a lot of times people are not 100% on who or what their identity is in. And that's a big step in getting towards healing.

Who—

like you said, who am I? What do I want? Those are things— when you start to feel that freedom and start to understand where you find your identity, those are the things that are going to help you stop surviving and start really living your life. You have to put that identity in place now. Sometimes we find identity in things that kill us, like abuse, like trauma, like just these things that put us in that survival mode because that's all we knew. That's, that's like you said, we grew up with that. That's who we have formed our identity to be so far. We have to break that completely down and start from scratch. And you put your identity in something that is eternal, that light that you have, it'll never be extinguished. No.

Well, and can I just challenge the first scrap— from scratch piece, please? Because I think that makes it unnecessarily terrifying to look at reinventing yourself in your life, right? Like, there is an element of Wait a minute, scratch it all. Let me take what I want and build from that. But I like to say we're really only tweaking 5% of you on an identity level. 95% of you works great. Really, I've just seen it over the years. It's like 5%, but that 5% is a— it's a bitch to tweak and fine-tune and reinvent and transform and quantum leap. But just don't think you have to start everything over. And I really— again, there's nothing to lose except you. Don't you dare let that happen. And there's only about 5% of who you're being and how you're thinking and what you're believing and what you're a vibrational match for that we have got to overhaul. Let that give you a little bit of hope because it doesn't have to be so daunting.

Yeah, don't allow it to be daunting. Which is easier said than done, but there is a, a reformation, so to say.

Yes, the particles need to rearrange. Yeah, the rearranging is next level. I even had a chiropractor recently that I love, love, love retire that has been so healing and so helpful for me, and I was devastated I was like, how am I gonna get a better doctor than this guy? The chiropractor I have now kind of blows the last one out of the water, you know. I'm telling you right now, my husband now blows every other guy out of the water. Because there was a guy— you asked about my dating life— there were a couple guys, but there was one guy in particular in between my first husband and my second husband that I thought for sure was the next husband. This guy compared to that guy— I'm not saying they're bad people, but right, oh my goodness, the up level.

But we're gonna say transformation. Yeah, we don't want it to feel too daunting or too heavy or too scary for you guys, so transformation. There is going to be a transformation, or transformation that is needed, so Let's, yeah, let's put it on a lighter note to make sure you're not feeling too overwhelmed with it, right?

Because you know what, trauma response, fight, flight, freeze, keeping your nervous system dysregulated, it's so easy to go into freeze because it just feels too overwhelming. And all you need is the next step and to know what's possible. Even my earrings, this, my dear friend Leah Valencia Key designed these earrings and this necklace, but they say it's possible. Right on these earrings, because it is possible.

Yes.

And all you need is access to possibility.

Yes, yes. Well, you have been amazing. I am sure the audience is going crazy, so please let them know where they can reach out to you and again, you know, find your book and your course and everything.

Yeah, please reach out. Please let me know your biggest takeaway from today, what nugget you're running with. I would encourage you to all take one nugget. That's it, one little nugget from this episode, and that is enough to change your entire life. So I want to hear from you. You can find me at rebeccahsilence.com. Rebeccah has an H, R-E-B-E-C-C-A-H. Silence, like be quiet, dot com has the access to the free gift, the 3 Must-Know Secrets to Heal and Save Your Family Masterclass, my book, my courses, information about VIP coaching services with me. If you know you want that direct access and personal experience with me, I would love, love, love to work with you. You can also just go nuts on my YouTube channel. You'll never be able to get through it. It's like Disney World. There's so much content on there. Um, but so many just delicious episodes for you to heal your heart and give you hope and elevate your life. So you can go there. And then @Rebeccah Silence is my handle on all the YouTube channels, or any social media channel rather.

Yeah. Thank you so much for stopping by. Thank you for giving us your time and your talent. I greatly appreciate that. Oh my God.

It's my pleasure. Be careful with each other's hearts, everyone. And I mean it when I say I love you so much. And thank you for this gorgeous show. What a gift to use your voice in this platform to serve so powerfully.

Thank you. Thank you. I greatly appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you so much for hanging out with us today on the Who God Says podcast with your host and Kingdom Ambassador Ty Chandra. Go to whogodsays.com to join the mailing list for episode premieres, upcoming guests, and more. Send in your questions to be a part of the show at whogodsays@gmail.com. And don't forget, join the Kingdom Fanatic community. Until next time, be blessed and also be a blessing.