Breakup Blues: Surviving Your First Valentine's Day Alone

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We're live and local on a mental wellness Wednesday. It's mixed with a 2.5 big papa in the morning with the world's leading love and emotional healing coach. She is Rebecca Silence, located attheunsilent woman.com. but more importantly, she's located right here right now. Rebecca, good morning. How are you?

Hi, everybody. And happy love month.

Speaking of, it's the week of Valentine's Day. Let's. Let's just. Let's just pull the band aid off. Going through a breakup around Valentine's Day. Go.

My heart is with you. And let's think about this two ways that maybe haven't occurred to you yet. If you're in a breakup moment, that does not mean you aren't worthy of love. That does not mean that you are not wanted, chosen, or enough. That does not mean that your current relationship status is determining your future. And just because you're going through a breakup right now does not mean that you're going to die alone or that you're going to be heartbroken forever or that anytime you put yourself out there, it's just going to end in heartbreak. So for those of you who, like me, love, love. And you are a romantic, and you don't want to give up on your dream of love. Don't let my voice right now be in your ear saying to you, love is worth it. And you're going through a breakup because you didn't settle. Okay? There are so many of you that are going through a breakup that it could. That could have, you know, tried to mold yourself like Gumby, if you're old enough to remember Gumby. I'm an old woman now. You know, we've all done it where we bend and weave and do back hamstrings to try to be who the person wants us to be. And even in the movies, they say, like, I changed who I was for you. Well, that was the freaking problem, right? If you change who you are for somebody, there is no real relationship. So many of you could have actually made this relationship drag out longer if you would have jumped through more hoops or continually abandoned yourself, betrayed yourself or changed yourself so this person was. Would want you. And that isn't love, and that isn't good enough for you. So you broke up because you weren't willing to settle. And I know that doesn't make the sting any less painful, but I need you to recognize it. I remember coaching a single mom once, and it was Valentine's Day, and she had just gone through a breakup, and I was like, listen, you. She'd never gotten married. And I was like, you're waiting for your standards to actually be met. And I'm the world's leading love coach because I create comeback love stories that go beyond how it was for you growing up. So many adults don't realize they're recreating their childhood in their marriage that they chose. It's the same experience. And so if you haven't settled or you haven't given up on love, thank you. Go for it. I had one guy, I coached five marriages until he got it where he wanted it. And then we did a couples intensive and super proofed them. Love is always worth it. But when we think that this person is supposed to heal our love trauma from our childhood, that isn't the point. You doing the work to heal your broken heart and keep it open and create what you've imagined that you haven't seen yet. That's where there's gold and miracles and it gets so freaking good. So I want you to be so proud of yourself right now more than anything.

So real quick, a lot of people are getting the sting because they're seeing. Because they're seeing, you know, these quote unquote romantic gestures and whatnot. And some of them are just for the gram and some of them aren't. What's a good way to kind of get through that? You know, like in Finding Nemo, you know, trying to get through the jellyfish. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Well, Finding Nemo, I want you to just keep swimming. Like swimming the love. Keep going for the love. Okay? Don't give up. Just keep swimming. I know you love that line, Gary, but, you know, the sting is real. But here's your assignment. If you really want the dream of love. And again, my clients don't just get the dream. They exceed their expectations of what the dream could be. Here's what I have them all do. First and foremost, you're going to make a list. You're literally going to get out a pen and a paper and you're going to write down all of your requirements, all of your standards, all of what you want in your dream relationship. And I'm not talking about six foot to six foot pack abs. You can put that if you want. But what qualities do you want this person to have? They value their health. They have a healed relationship with their family and their childhood. They have money and enjoy their career. They have a relationship with spirituality or religion, whatever it might be. Make your list. My list? When I called in Mark, my second husband. First marriage was a goddamn dumpster fire. This one, My list was 11 pages, front and back. 11 pages. And on date three, I read it to him and he goes, well, do you want to see my list now? I was trying to scare him off.

Amazing.

And he's like, do you want to see my list? His was a half a page. Mine was essentially 22 pages. I am not saying you have to go that deep, but I do want you specific and I do want you to have a list. So your job is to make a list. Part one, part two, look at that list and make sure you are all those things. Because so many of you want in a partner what you haven't stepped up and become. And so if you want it, you gotta be it. You don't get back the love you give to others. You get back the love you give to yourself and you attract your level of integrity. So I am.

That is that. I mean, that right there, you just nailed it like that. That is it right there.

Nobody else is going to tell you, but I'm going to freaking tell you.

Yeah. That's. That's incredible. It's a mental wellness Wednesday, the world's leading love and emotional healing coach, Rebecca Silence. Learn more at the unsilent woman.com fall in love with love please.

Sam.