Rebeccah Silence explains how to plan spring break so everyone actually gets what they want. Have each family member write three activities they'd enjoy, set a budget, and try to fit at least one wish per person into the week. Real yeses beat sacrifice and resentment.
Questions this video answers
2002.
Three things.
Seven days.
Maybe one activity can cost up to $100 (others should be free or lower-cost).
We are live and local. It's a mental wellness Wednesday mixed with a 2.5 with Big Papa in the morning welcoming the unsilent woman, Rebecca. Silence. The unsilent woman.com rebeccasilence.com A central New York native. Rebecca, good morning. How are you?
I am so well. Let's go.
All right, so we're going into spring break here in central New York. And one of the things that parents always seem to struggle with is finding stuff to do with the kids, trying to keep everyone happy and not fighting and, you know, trying to have it be a win win for all parties involved, including the parents. And it's as it could be very, very fun, but it can also be a very, very stressful time.
Yes, absolutely. And I think win win. Man, are you speaking my language? It' been doing this almost 15 years. That is the goal. So let's just talk about what women.
Before you keep going before you start. I'm at this point, I'm an honorary life coach for playing out loud. Right.
Here's the deal. I agree I'm going to have a coaching certification at some point, so you'll have to participate just to solidify it. But I mean, it's wild to think we've literally been doing this that long, but we really, we really have. And I've been helping people heal since 2002. And the one thing that makes the biggest difference in your relationships that you want to burn down is win win. It's an art form. And what so many of you are doing is you will agree to things that are a no for you, a lose for you, what you don't want, what you can't stand to keep the peace and to make sure somebody else is happy and to make sure somebody else gets what's a yes for them. And it is such crap. I can smell it all the way in Boulder, Colorado, where you guys are in central New York. It does not work to be in a lose so that somebody else is in a win. And we are taught to be codependent. And what that means is we raise our hand and we volunteer to give ourselves up, betray ourselves, sacrifice ourselves in the name of love. So whether it's spring break or beyond, stop the madness and be willing to do what I call bless you. Negotiate as long as it takes until you're at a real win win. So what does that.
The problem is. And you, you just touched on it. So many people will just be like, yeah, okay, that sounds good. And not really put in their two cents as far as what they want. And what happens from there is there they start to just have bad thought. What's the. What's the word I'm looking for?
Resentment.
Exactly. They had.
They get resentful. Yeah. No.
And.
And.
And then it turns into a fight. And the person who got what they wanted doesn't know why you're fighting because the other person didn't communicate.
Amen. Amen. Amen. And it doesn't have to be that way. I remember the first time I said to my sweet husband, all right, tell me what you want and don't agree to anything that's a no for you that you're going to resent me for later. And he looked at me and he said, rebecca, is this a trick? And I was like, no, this isn't a trick. Tell me no when you mean no. And if I get upset, I'll get over it. Right, because nobody's making you feel how you feel if you are agreeing to things that ultimately you're going to resent. That's why you feel off when you feel off. So Win Win is simply. It's really genuinely a yes for me. And it's really genuinely a yes for you. Awesome. We've landed on it. The process of getting there can be very stressful. I won't pretend like that's not true, but it's so freaking doable. And I have an exercise for the spring break that will make this really easy. But I want you to understand, Win Win is real. Mark would say to me, it doesn't even exist. Rebecca. A win win. Come on. And I'd say, right, if you quit before we get there, you're correct.
No, you're. You're right. And if you want to find out what that is to get the Win Win with your kids for this coming. The entire segment is online right now@mix125.com and of course you can check out more with Rebecca at the unsilent woman.com and Rebecca silence dot com.
Okay.
Okay, go ahead.
So many of you don't know what you want right now. Your children, they are closer to their truth and what they want than most of you because they don't have decades under their belt of being trained. They that everybody else's needs should be a priority over their own. So you're going to learn a lot from your kids with this exercise I'm about to give you. But I want to just point out and acknowledge it's okay if I say, okay, what do you want? And you have no idea. And part of why win win is a challenge is because it's easy to agree to somebody and with somebody that knows what they want when you have no idea what you want. Because that is like, okay, well what I want is them to be happy. So it's what I want to know. Right. So you're going to have to rebrand yourself, reinvent yourself and retrain yourself to dig deep. Right. Obviously I love jewelry. Obviously I love books and writing, obviously. Well, maybe not obviously if you don't know me. I love music, right. So at the very least, I don't know what I want. I can put on some jewelry I love, I can listen to some music, I can grab a great book. Find top three things that are your go tos, what you want amidst the chaos. Because you can, even when your kids are making you want to pull your hair out over spring break, just go back to those three things. But you're going to have to learn yourself. You're going to have to learn what you want. In the best parenting ever is reinforcing and validating what your kids want. They know it, they understand it, they're supported in it. It's such a powerful parenting hack. So here's the spring break exercise. Everyone in the house, parents, kids, not the animals. Three things that you want to do or experience over spring break. So somebody might want a movie night, somebody might want a no cell phones game night. Somebody might want to make pizzas from scratch. I'm remembering a time Gary came to my house and we made pizza for lunch and it was so much fun, right? Yeah, we did, yeah. Maybe somebody wants to go to a favorite restaurant or a museum or to the. Well, you guys don't have dog parks. We have dog parks here, but. Or a hike or root glen or whatever. But everybody write down and give a budget. Like maybe one of them can cost up to a hundred dollars, maybe two need to be free. You can actually set parameters around that. Right. But everybody in the house, I want you to write down on a piece of paper or an index card three things you want. And then we have seven days. And depending on how many people you're going to divide it up and you're going to do one at least of those things a day. And we want to try to get at least one thing everybody wanted covered over the week. But I think this is such a powerful exercise because you get to know each other better, you get to show up for each other and you get to be out of your comfort zone and have adventure and new experiences. So the rest of it the rest of the week, take care of you and encourage everybody else to take care of themselves. And your kids don't need to be entertained 24. 7. They need to know themselves. They need to know what they want and they need to know how they, how to get what they want on their own without you. That is medicine for your family.
What a great exercise this is because not only are you helping them to communicate with you, but if you have more than one child, that's a good way for them to communicate with each other. Because it's a lot of times, you know, most siblings, it's a lot of butting heads and who's got more control and, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But if, say there's two kids and one puts in their list and the other puts in their list, but there's something on the other's list that they didn't think of, but it's really cool, too. All of a sudden they, you know, they get on the same page and they're excited about. Absolutely. Yeah.
And family should be fun. Go to rebeccasilence.com and get my free gift right now. The three must know secrets to heal and save your family masterclass. It's totally free and I will help you create an experience of life at home that's magically delicious because that's how it should be. And that's how I want your spring break to go again.
RebeccaSilence.com on a mental wellness Wednesday. The unsilent woman is also a fantastic resource as well. We do it every single Wednesday right here on mix 102.5. Rebecca, have a great Easter and we'll talk to you next week.
