Commitment Is Worth the Wait | W/ Angela DeCarlis | Commitment, Waiting, and Trusting

Of healing is possible. Rebecca. Silence. And what we do in the hot seat is we get hot, we get sticky, and we heal. I today have special guest Angela decarlos, owner of artlife Magic, here to talk about commitment. So any one of you that thinks you have commitment issues or wants a crash course in how to take on commitment, you want to tune in. And Angela, welcome to the hot seat.

Thank you so much. Rebecca. It's such a pleasure to be here on this wonderful product that you've created. It's so amazing. It's been such an honor to watch and be a part of your consistent weekly hot seat, and I'm very happy to be here. So excited to talk about commitment today.

So am I. And our relationship, I think, is a great example of commitment. Angela is one of my closest friends, and we've worked together in many layers professionally, personally, I was just in our wedding, and we're in each other's lives, and then commitment, we're going to talk about in many, many ways. But I just want to point out that commitment is also a key ingredient to relationship.

Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. Relationships are truly based on your willingness to commit to that other person, whether it's a friendship, whether it's a partner in life, whether it's your children, whatever it is that you're doing. I couldn't agree more with that. And we definitely are a testament to that. We've had quite a roller coaster between the two of us, and it's been an amazing ride, and I'm so excited for whatever else is coming.

Me too.

And, Angela, for everyone watching, just a.

Little bit of background on her.

She's an artist. She's an integrative, holistic coach.

And.

And then she has taken her business to a whole new level this year while she got married, while her oldest is in the process of beginning college, and she is a stepmom of two kids. And I wanted her to share her four steps to commitment with all of us today so that we can chew on some real ways that we can.

Take on commitment and not feel like.

We are floundering or behind in any way.

Right? Yes. So I sat and thought a lot about this. You know, I have to honor Rebecca in being one of the people that were really the inspiration for me to get into this type of growth work and explore myself and know that there was another version of a committed version of myself that was out there in the world. And I was trying to boil it really down to a few aspects that really impacted my life and were Able to be value in creating commitment for others as well. So I'm excited to start talking to you about that today. And commitment is worth the wait, right?

Let's talk about it. Let's go. What does that mean to you? Commitment is worth the wait.

So in a lot of ways, everything I always wanted immediate, right? Immediate gratification is something that, you know, I think a lot of us want. You know, we want the money faster, we want the success faster, we want the wedding faster. You know, and for me, I know that was very true. And when you're willing to stay committed, regardless of how long it takes, that is real commitment. And then also not waiting, if that makes sense. So there's always two sides to every coin, right? So. So I really want to talk about the first step, which is it's only about one person, and that is you. You versus you. You know, a lot of the time in my past history, I was blaming something else or someone else. You know, this didn't work out. And really the power is knowing that it's your choices and your accountability and your. And your willingness that's actually holding you back from where you want to be in your commitment.

So say that again in a different way. This is really important, right? Because commitment is worth the wait. Meaning those results aren't going to be instantaneous. So once you fully commit, knowing you're willing to do whatever it takes as long as it takes, there is time, inevitably that has to go by that you've got to wait for it. But there's more here, so. So share a little deeper.

Yeah, so if you say that commitment's worth the way, right? Which it is, you're in the process of being committed. You're already there. There's nothing you're waiting for to happen. It's just taking however long it takes. So you're already committed by taking those actions to do the work, to move through those things that are in the way. How you feel about yourself, how invested you are in your. Why. Why are you doing the things that you're doing? How committed are you to those things? And you know, if you're waiting for the weather to be 85 and sunny, or you're waiting for Mr. Right to come in on the white horse, or you're waiting for the million dollar check to come in the mail, probably not going to happen, right? So it's how do we stay in that commitment and be okay with however long that takes? So all of those things are super important because you're already in the commitment. You're already taking the steps, you're taking an inspired towards what you're doing. So there's nothing to wait for other than the result.

Right. So it's what I'm hearing you say is it's a game with yourself only to decide are you going to commit now, given everything the way it currently is, including you and how ready or not you feel, are you going to commit now or are you going to wait to commit? And then once you commit, there is a little bit of a waiting game. And I think so often people won't commit until they know how it's going to happen and feel like they somehow have evidence of a guarantee. And I'm here to tell you that guarantee ain't coming and it's never going to be the right time to fully commit. And then at least for me too, there's been once I've committed so much evidence that maybe it's not going to happen, but that I play with, it's like, you know, you got to get your sword out and just slay those dragons that are telling you maybe it's not worth it, maybe it's not going to happen. That to me is the waiting game. What would you say about that?

Ang?

Absolutely. Well, that's another step is it's not about the circumstance, you know, so that's step two. It's never about the circumstance you're in. It's what you're creating for yourself. I'd love to give you an example about this because I had currently I'm waiting for the grand. Well, not. I'm not waiting. The grand opening is here. So I have a new location that's opening right now. I'm in the process of moving into and I had two other locations that I had been really hoping that were going to be the right fit. But the thing is, it wasn't about the location. It wasn't about the beautiful individuals that own those locations that I was partnering with. It wasn't about how much money I have. It was about how committed I was and how clear on my why I was. And I wasn't as clear as I should have been and I wasn't as committed as I should have been. And it wasn't, I hate to say the word should, but in order to have the success that I was looking to create, I needed to be more committed to the vision than I was and really clear about why I was doing it. And I just knew that these elements were there. And as we all do, we have all these elements in ourselves that we're really clear on. But we don't always know how or why or. And I really need to clear on the why. So with that example, now it's coming to fruition because I am clear, I'm committed, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes and take as long as it took to be where I'm at now, basically. So, yeah, that is really the point is, you know, you really have to get real about who you're being and how you're showing up.

Yeah. And are you being committed or are you waiting to commit?

Right. Because I really thought. I swear to you, I really thought I was committed. I really did, you know, but when you're suffering, you're not committed.

And I was more about that. That's so good.

Yeah. So, like, I was suffering because, oh, this didn't work out or that didn't work out, you know, I. Because I needed it. I was so attached to how it should look that I wasn't like, is this really right for me? Is this really the right fit for me? You know, am I really clear on what I want? And you know, the world, the universe is like, nope, not now. You know, and I was suffering about it, in pain about it. You know, when I was got in this pandemic, I thought of it as like an incubation period and I really got clear on the integration of these businesses that I was doing and why that other stuff didn't really work for me because I wasn't. It wasn't energetically where I was. And now if I was suffering about this, you know, no move, business integration, rebrand lines of business, all this stuff is never really the easiest process. But I'm not suffering about it because I just know that this is the direction I'm meant to be going in. And it's inspired and I'm excited. And it doesn't really matter how much money it takes, it doesn't really matter how long it took. It didn't really matter. The obstacles that came up, those multiple locations and the people in and out and, you know, re budgeting and reformatting. That's what commitment looks like and what you are doing.

I'd love for you to be even more clear about the businesses that you've integrated and what it is that you're doing. Because I think that alone was the beginning of commitment.

Going.

I'm a integrative, holistic coach and I'm an artist. And this woman, everyone is more of a community leader than anyone you'll ever meet. Like, she Brings the community together through events. And then how do you put it all together? And you just decided before you knew how you were going to put it all together that you would put it all together. And right there is the beginning of the momentum. And then I also think what's important about what you're saying, you know, until you're fully committed, you will suffer. I mean, think about commitment to what you want instead as the cure to suffering.

And once you're committed and trusting, I know how it's going to happen. I don't know when it's going to happen. I don't have a clue what it's going to look like, but it's going to happen. And the energy starts to flow. Right, but what have you integrated? What did you decide that you were going to do that I haven't seen anybody else do?

Clarity on my why? Clarity on the impact on the purpose of the things that was inside of me. And I call that the magic piece of the things that I do. So I am an artist. Creativity is the fuel for, I feel like the world's most divine work. Artists have been storytellers from the beginning of time. And I think in our own way, we are all storytellers, all creatives, all have that. And that's a big part of my coaching, because that tapping into that is such power. And I feel like the success of the integration of all these things is really knowing those parts of yourself and being able to have the. That you need for you to create your life. So that was a lot. So let me just pause that and say that again. Okay.

Yeah, say it again.

Okay. So the inner magic in your. In yourself, I do believe is linked to the creative part of yourself. So those divine things that you believe and know and trust in you are going to be the things that you can be committed to because they're a part of yourself. So if you're committing to the shoulds and the obligations, that's the suffering. Like you're going to suffer when you're committed to the things that you should be doing or someone thinks you can be, or it's supposed to happen now, versus these things are part of my DNA. And I'm going to commit to that because that's who the heck I am. And so by that, people trust you, the community believes you because they know you care not only about your work in the world, but also the impact that you're creating. So I think that that was really key in what I wanted to bring, and then also allowing other people to see their gifts and. And I'm not saying that I'm the reason. I'm saying let's highlight that. Let's highlight these people and these creatives and this community. Because Utica, New York, for a long time wasn't necessarily the epicenter of arts and culture. Right. Like, we had a lot of bad press, man. And Utica, New York is awesome. And it's my home and has amazing people. And, you know, growth is possible for all of. All of these and healing. Right. Rebecca, you are from Utica. You know this. You.

Utica launched me.

I know Utica. You launched Utica, too. Like all these coaches that are here and all these people that are here, you know, Rebecca saw a vision, as I see a vision creatively for more. And you all have that vision, too. It's just, do you trust it? Are you willing to do what it takes? Are you willing to wait how long it takes? Are you willing to take action that's inspired towards what you want? Or are you waiting for someone else to bring it to you? Are you letting that other part of yourself, the ego, come in and be like, you're not good enough. You can't do it. You're not going to. It's not going to be successful. No circumstances or obstacles can get in your way when you are truly committed to who you are and what you're doing.

So you brought being an artist and an integrative, holistic coach and somebody that wants to feature and showcase artists and someone that literally wants to paint the community, all the bright colors that you mural all over the community together into one career, one business. And you have a magic shop. Yes.

So, you know, there's this one piece of the world that I just couldn't grasp my mind around, and I was like, there's something missing. Like, there's this beautiful creative side. There's. There's all this art and all this community, and then there's self growth, which I attribute considerable amount of the opportunities that I've had to. I've had the opportunity to be a part of. And then there's this magic that's out there. And I had a kind of a battle with spirituality for a little while. And, you know, this sacred practice that I started creating for myself was based in tools and different things that I was reading. And I started really feeling the vibrational change in me as I committed to my sacred practice. And, you know, whether you call that crystals, lighting a candle, writing your intentions, journaling, you know, all these different things, you know, and I joke around And I'm like, you know, which. But, like, if you really look into the history of witches, they were actually healers. And, you know, people didn't understand it. So they, as usual, you know, the mass population had an opinion and they did what they do. But I really feel like the magic in healing yourself is honoring you and setting those rituals. And whether it feels like a crystal to you or a beautiful candle or. Or, you know, clearing with sacred practice of sage, I wanted to create a shop that highlighted that for other people to start creating their sacred practice. Whether it's something you've done your whole life or something that you're just trying to figure out what's right for you. I know that feeling so well, and I really connected with it. And I wanted to have a shop that offered those things to the public.

And step three is, all right, how willing are you?

So I had to be really willing to let go of the old version of who I was and what I thought I was capable of, who the people were that were surrounding me, the old stories that weren't serving me. Like, how willing are you to let go of what you thought you should be and what you used to be and who you were and the people that may have really been your people? And it doesn't discount how great they are. It's just, you know, what is going to support you moving forward, and are you willing to do whatever it takes to get there? And I truly believe that I am. And it's been, you know, it's not always an easy process, that suffering. Believe me, I can talk to you about it because I went through it, right? Like, I suffered about people, about places, about things, about experiences, attachments. And all of those things I had to really understand and go through in order to know that that doesn't have to be how it is. And it's the commitment to growth and willingness to. To just not be attached to how it looks that allowed all of these things to kind of manifest themselves into my life and more possibility.

And what I love about your shop is it offers an alternative to the needing circumstances to be different or to having the obstacles feel bigger than the possibilities that you're chasing after. So tell me if I've got it. Step one, it's you with you. Step two, it's never about circumstances, is step three, it's never about the obstacles. And step four is about how willing are you. It's all about how willing you are and then finding your way to stay inspired and to have ritual and to literally have some Touchstones to help remind you of what you're doing and why, while you have no idea really how everything is going to pan out. That is the game that I am hearing, Angela. Just drive home to all of us as a possibility that we can play with ourselves. And I really love the couple of homework assignments that I am hearing coming out of what you are saying. Literally journaling about how willing am I to let go of who I think I should be.

Absolutely.

What a brilliant opportunity.

Yeah. And intention setting is. I know a hot word right now, intention. But really, when you wake up with the intention of who you're going to be, what state of being are you growing to? You know, what do you want to manifest in your life? Like, if you start thinking about that when you wake up, it's a different day, then you're like, what am I going to deal with today? You know, like, oh, another day at the office, or I'm so frustrated with my husband, or whatever it is. Like, if your intention is in a different place, your actions will follow it. So regardless of whether you believe in a crystal or you believe in a candle or you believe in whatever it is, if your intention is set, we're pretty powerful people. We will make it happen. It's different than saying like, oh, my life so hard. My life's so hard, my life so hard. Every day. When you wake up, up, then I am so grateful for the opportunity to create more for myself. I'm in the process of. I'm willing to. Different words, but it's more like you're already there versus waiting for something else to be different. You don't need anything to be different.

And that, I think, is the commitment that we're talking about. It's committing as if you're already there without any evidence that you're ever going to get there. And then what I believe about intention is it gives you a measuring stick to check in around how supportive your actions are with it. Right. Because just because you have the clear intention doesn't mean the actions automatically support it. It's helpful. But once you've got the intention, if all of a sudden you find yourself all messed up in the head or in the heart or in the gut or whatever. Now you can go, well, where are my intentions and actions off and how do I course correct? And it's easier to course correct quicker as it's just a little bit off track versus when the. Everything's completely gone off the rails and now I got to reign the whole thing in. And I just love this you are more powerful than you realize. I've watched Angela, the powerhouse witchy woman stepping into owning who she is and what she is doing and it is different and who cares? And it is been just such an honor to watch you build your life being the person it took to build your life. And we can all do that. We can all build our lives intentionally understanding why it is important to us and really consciously choose to be the person it takes to get there no matter what is going on around us.

I couldn't agree with you more. You know, commitment is willingness to be your word, to do your work and to be an action that's inspired regardless of circumstance or obstacle like those. Those things are consistent commitment. It's not just yeah, that'd be cool. You're not going to get the results you want with yeah, that'd be cool. Right?

And wanting it isn't enough.

Right? Right. We can want all day, but until your daily practice, you know, whether you call it a ritual inspired action, they're all in support of the vision of the one that you're already in. Regardless of how it looks, regardless of how much money is in the bank, regardless of the people around you. Like you can do it. You can be that state of being. You can be who you were meant to be if you choose it every day.

Yes, thank you. How do people get in touch with you?

Yes, I would love to talk to you. I am now accepting one on one clients. You can find me at belife Us or if you want to take a look at my beautiful shop, it's belifestyleshop.com and you know I have an upcoming retreat coming up in October. Goddess Retreat. It's going to be magical for sure and you'll be seeing a lot with my new location locally. If you're from the Utica area and you can find me on Risk and a boulevard at the new Livitt downtown facility. But I have all of those things on my website and then you can also find me on Instagram @beperiodlifecoach.

Final thoughts on commitment Ms. Angela Decarlos.

Be willing, be real, be you. Don't be your circumstance. Don't be the obstacle and you can do it. The magic is in you. Just connect to it. I wish you all the best so much and I just believe in you. You can do it.

Angela. Thank you for dropping the wisdom and shining your light. For all of us today, healing is possible and you can tune in every week to the healing as possible hot seat. If you want to be a guest and get laser coaching or share your message of healing. Reach out to me if you're ready for a deeper dive into your healing journey from the comfort of your own home. Please visit rebeccasilens.com and get yourself the $27 five day challenge to kick start your next level of healing.

We'll see you soon.

Bye everyone.