Confession Tuesday 1-12-16 "WEDDING PLANNING BUTTING HEADS WITH MOM"

It is a confession. Tuesday, local life coach Rebecca silence is in studio. Good morning.

Good morning.

All right, so you have your big weekend coming up this weekend I do.

The inspired results. Women's weekend is sold out. We are so excited to have everyone. Brand new curriculum. I actually doubled the length of the workbook for everyone. Awesome material, and it's a gorgeous home. They'll be able to relax in a hot tub, eat delicious, healthy food, get individual energy, work in the form of reiki sessions, and then get a toolkit from me that they can use for the rest of their lives to design whatever inspired result they want to create.

And you know, this isn't the first one that you've done. It's definitely not gonna be the last.

Right. We actually now are half full for one in November.

Oh, no kidding.

I decided last week that I would do one the first weekend in November, and we're half full.

Oh, that's. That's incredible.

So information will be out very soon, probably next week on the website. And you can also find it via social media if you're interested. This is the time is the year. Why not? Whatever you've been wanting does not have to be a wish or a dream. Make it a reality. And then I just support you in figuring out why you're not there already yet in terms of getting through any patterns, emotional blocks, or beliefs that are keeping you stuck so you can have what you want.

It's so funny, you know, everyone's thinking new year, new me, and, you know, trying to better themselves, and people automatically assume losing weight. But, you know, even more importantly, work on you yourself, you know, on the inside.

Getting happy, getting fulfilled is something that people talk about wanting, and then how many actually experience it, right? And then why not, like, why not be fulfilled? Why not have a life that you love?

So the way it works here on a confession Tuesday, you go to cnykiss.com and submit your story. Submit whatever topic you want us to talk about. And Rebecca is a life coach, and she'll handle it confidentially here on the air and helping, you know, thousands of people since we've. Since we started, and it's absolutely incredible. So CNY kiss.com, are you ready for.

I am.

Okay.

Yeah. What do we have?

All right. Dear Rebecca, I just got engaged, and I just started planning the wedding, but everything I want to do is basically the complete opposite of what my mom wants. She's arguing with me over the venue, the flowers, and especially my dress. I'm going with a certain theme, and she wants it to be something more traditional. But here's the thing. Neither of my parents are putting down any money for the wedding. My fiance and I are paying for the entire thing ourselves. She's my mom and I love her, but since she's not forking out any money, should she have any say in what I do?

This is a great email. Congratulations on getting engaged.

Absolutely.

And your upcoming wedding.

Let me know if you need a dj. I'm available. Hit me up. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Shameless plug.

And you know, even if your parents were paying for things, I would still be coaching you to be really honest about what you want and need. This is your wedding. This is a super special time in your life. At first, when I was hearing the email, I thought you were gonna say that your fiance wants everything the exact opposite of you. And that would be a different conversation.

Sure.

So it doesn't sound like that's the issue here. And so with your mom, I think it's important to see her as innocent, see her as doing the best she can with the tools she has, and understand that this is probably really difficult. This is a new level of relationship for you and your mom. On some level, she's losing you now to your fiance and to being a woman who's now going to be married, having her own family. She won't actually be losing you, but she's losing the relationship as it looks right now.

Right. And her. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I would imagine that her wanting things a certain way and butting heads on it is her trying to control what little time she has.

She's missing you already.

Right?

She's missing you already is my hunch. And then what I think a lot of people don't understand is that when relationships change, that doesn't have to be a bad thing. There's always an opportunity to reinvent any relationship, to redesign it as things change. My husband wanted to do a vision board for our marriage recently for New Year's Eve because, well, I had. Had canc. We had a new baby. Things look different. Let's reinvent.

Yeah, your 2015 looks a lot different than your 2016.

Yes. Any other year that I've ever had. And so that doesn't have to be a bad thing, though. There's an opportunity to use where you are to grow the relationship. So my coaching is that you and your mom have a huge opportunity here to reinvent the relationship. And I would suggest either writing her a letter or having a sit down conversation and telling her how much you love her how much you appreciate her, how much you understand that she really wants to support and love you with this wedding process, that her opinion is very helpful. And you would really appreciate it if she let you make the final call for your wedding. I don't think it even has to do with whether or not she's paying for it.

Right.

I think it has to do with her probably being afraid of, well, what's gonna happen now. So let her know you still want her in your life. You still need your mom. I don't care how old we are. We still need our moms, all of us. And so let her know. And it isn't about this codependent reassurance. It's just an honest lo conversation. And remember, people are either crying out for love or they're loving. It's one of the two. So when people are being really, really goofy, if you can look at them as innocent and send them love and understand that they're just crying out for love, that can help you not get so stressed out and caught up in whatever the drama is.

And the best way to handle it. And correct me if I'm wrong, the best way to handle it is to have the conversation, you know, when it's not in the middle of happening. Do it at a. At a separate time rather than, you know, when you're dress shopping.

You are so funny.

No, but am I right?

That's absolutely a great point. Yeah. So part of having a difficult conversation is making sure that it's set up well. So I always encourage people to ask permission first. I have something that it's really important to me that we talk about. When would be a good time is a great first. One liner.

I'll bring the vodka.

And I would encourage you absolutely to be sober in these difficult conversations.

See, this is why I'm not a life coach. This is why I'm the DJ at the bar.

Your heart's in the right place, though. Your heart's in the right place. You're absolutely right about.

We gotta talk. Let's do a shot.

I think I learned that one. No shot at the wedding. Have a shot with your mom. But we'll get through this first. So ask permission before you have the difficult conversation. And then you can also say, I just need you to listen right now and have her listen or just write her a letter. Sometimes it's too emotional, it's too sensitive. It's too scary to have the sit down. So it's totally okay to write a letter. But then on the flip side of all of this. Have you checked in with yourself around how do I feel about getting married and my relationship with my parents changing? You may have your own emotional experience about this, and that's totally okay because it won't be the same anymore. But that doesn't actually have to be a bad thing. I always say, you know, life after cancer can never go back to what it was.

Right.

That's actually phenomenal for my life. And it wasn't that my life wasn't working before, but why not grow with the circumstances instead of feeling like you're missing out or staying stuck wishing that your life was different and back to the way it used to be. Back to the way it used to be. It's over for a reason. Grow and actually learn how to make whatever experience you're in the best possible one for yourself. So congratulations on the marriage. And then I would also be encouraging you to make sure you are talking to your fiance so that you know that you guys are on the same page. And we don't often have these conversations ahead of time. We wait and we have the conversation when we are trying on the wedding dress in the middle of the fight. Think about what is bothering you and deal with it head on instead of when it boils over.

Right. Because at that point, you know, the emotions are real high and, you know, and it's tough to communicate when, you know, everyone's in the middle of their own stuff.

Yeah. And weddings are interesting because they really are this big squeeze and everything comes up and everything.

And everything's under a microscope.

Absolutely. So it can be a great time to reinvent or you can kind of fall apart at the seams when you're in a process like a wedding. So use this as an opportunity to make sure you have exactly what you want and you have nothing to apologize for. And, of course, you deserve to have your wedding be exactly what you want. And I guarantee your mom wants that for you too. She probably just wants to be included. She probably wants to be important. So just let her know, you are important to me. Your opinion is important to me. And you respecting my wishes means so much.

Local life coach Rebecca silence inspired results coach.com Whether it be couples, families, children, corporate speaking, or seminars, hit up Rebecca. And she is a life changer. Absolutely.

And for a limited time, I am accepting new clients, so get in touch with me@inspiredresultscoach.com have a great weekend. Thank you.

Enjoy your weekend away.

Thank you so much.

And we'll see you on Tuesday.

Wonderful.

All right. We're gonna break. Come back. It's Big Papa and Banna in the Morning here on Kiss FM on a Confession Tuesday.