Confession Tuesday 1-14-14 "Teens in Bedroom Together"

It is a confession. Tuesday. Local life coach Rebecca silence is in studio. Inspired results. Coach.com. it is a Tuesday. And that means you have coaching circles tonight, right?

Yes, we do. Seven to eight in the office. You get to work with me in a group setting. And remember, if we're all carrying around our baggage from the past, it affects everything. We pass it on to our children. And so what we're doing is you learn how to just let that crap go for good. We're gonna give you tools. You come in. That's right. Now it's January. So focus on what it is that you're wanting to create this year. Any resolutions you have or goals, and you're gonna get great tools every single week.

And for people that walking into something like this alone may be a little intimidating because, you know, because it's a bunch of people you don't know, and they only know you from listening to you on the radio. Um, trust me that everyone is pretty much in the same boat when you walk. When you walk into the coaching circle.

Right. And we all are not really quite sure how we're gonna get where we wanna go. But that's okay. I'll totally support you in getting there if you're willing to do the work. And the thing about the coaching circles that I love, you can participate as much or as little as you want. There'll be plenty of people there actively participating that you can learn from. And you're gonna just get great tools every single week. And it's very different. We change it up every week. It's a lot of fun. And it's just 25 bucks for details.

Inspired results. Coach.com also add them on Facebook as well. And. And you get details on that there. All right, so it is a confession Tuesday. This is how we roll. Every single Tuesday. You go to cnykiss.com you tell us your story, and we go through and try to help you get out of your own way to get the result that you actually want. And a lot of times, half the problem is you people don't really know exactly what they want.

I find this so much, I believe it's actually not true that you don't know what you want. You just might be afraid to actually let yourself go there.

Right?

We all know what we want. Come on.

You do sometimes. And sometimes people are afraid to vocalize it because their fear of people judging you because of what you want.

Right. Or, well, who do I think I am that I could actually have these things? Well, who are you not to get them of course you can have what.

You want because if you don't get it, somebody else is gonna, right?

Yeah. And if you won't have your own back, no one's gonna just give it to you on a platter. And we can't coach ourselves. I wish I have my own coaches because I can't see the crap I do that doesn't work. I gotta get coaching.

If I'm not where I wanna be, absolutely nobody is. Nobody is perfect. And that's part of what makes life fun.

Right? We have gorgeous flaws that make us unique and wonderful, and that's just the way it is.

All right, so go to cnykiss.com and hear some of our old segments and also tell us your story as well. You ready for an email?

I am.

All right. My 16 year old son has his first serious girlfriend. I think she's really lovely and polite and she's good to him. I know how teenagers are, and one time I accidentally walked in on one of their makeout sessions. My son wants to be able to go into his room with his girlfriend and shut the door, but I don't know, should I allow my son in his bedroom alone with his girlfriend?

Wow, this is a great email.

See, what happened was this is where I love that.

My daughter's 9, but I do have lots of teenage kids. I coach lots of families. So number one, I think communication with your kids is so important. Having honest conversations, really talking about what's going on. Of course, you know, your son's going to do what he's going to do. Right. And they'll find a way. They'll find a way. So we want to make sure that conversations are happening.

Got really awkward here. Okay, go ahead. He's just like, oh, God.

But, you know, you want to be able to talk to your kids. You want to be the parent that your kids want to come and talk to.

Oh, absolutely.

Right. And I know you have this with your boys.

I'm trying and it's. It's hard to, you know, because at the end of the day, you're still dad or you're still mom and I'm afraid of getting in trouble.

And don't hear me saying I'm wanting you to set it up to be their friend, that they want to be talking to you like that. That's not what I'm saying. You're their parents, right? You're their parent. And, you know, we just want to make sure we're addressing what's real and be that safe space for your kids to Talk to first of all. And I think there's no right or wrong way to handle this. You're not gonna screw it up and get it wrong. I think what's important is that you're proud of the way you've set boundaries with your child.

Right.

And I think it's really a great conversation to put it back on them and say, so what do you think is reasonable here? Talk to me about what you think is fair. Like give them a voice. Have them start talking about it out loud.

Sure.

And you guys can set it up together.

And that way you, you know, they can see your point of view. You see their point of view because there may be things that you know, you know, they may not be able to see the whole picture because they're looking at it through their jaded glasses and vice versa and. Yeah, yeah.

But I think it's so important to give them a voice. If you're the dictator type par just telling them what to do, then they either live their whole life thinking somebody needs to tell them what to do or they rebel against it. So I think it's great to just give them an opportunity to speak up and you get to say, you know what, I get the final vote here, but let me know your thoughts. You want to go in your room? Cool. You can leave the door open, that's fine. But. And I'm not even saying that's the right way to do it. Just what feels right for you and then following through. This is where I see parents falling short.

Okay.

Is they'll say, alright, yes, this is the way it's going to be.

And then they turn sobs and then they cave. Yep.

And then that teaches your kid not to take you seriously at all. It's so dangerous. So whatever you're agreeing to with your kids, I don't care if they're five and you said no TV for three days or if they're 16 and you said no going in your room and closing the door with your girlfriend if you don't follow through on what you said. This is you setting it up to have your kid not take you seriously.

And no matter what, no matter what boundary you set up with the kids for the. Make sure you have the talk. Make sure you have the.

This is what I'm saying. Talk to your kids.

I'm talking.

The talk guys are as big as mine right now.

No. Because this is the talk I got from my mother. You ready? This is. This is the talk I got from Grandma B. Ready? Keep it in your shoe. That's What I. That was the talk I got from my. Yeah.

And then.

And then my dad. My. My dad. I went and saw him in Panama. He had to get drunk. He took me to the. To the freaking library. He's like, here, take out three books. Okay? Go in your room and read them. And he was drinking scotch. I come back out, he's like, do you have any questions? I'm like, nah, dad, I'm good. Good talk. That was. That was the talks that I got.

I didn't get any.

Really?

No.

Oh, geez.

That's why I do what I do. I'm like, we got to talk about things.

Yeah, we. Yeah, talk. Talk to your kids.

All right, well, if you don't, first of all, if you don't, somebody else will. And you want to make sure that they have accurate information.

Yeah. Accurate information is not coming from the bus ride to and from school.

Right, Right. And you don't even want other kids. Parents talking to them because they might not have your value set. So don't be afraid to step over or don't step over is what I say. Don't step over the important conversation.

I frazzled her. I frazzled her. Mecca's ass. So wait.

But here's what I want to say about bound. Every once in a while, that happens. It's okay. I'm not perfect. I don't pretend to be. But boundaries. I want to talk about this seriously.

Keep it in your shoe.

Okay? So boundaries is not just making demands or empty threats. And I think this is important because, again, your kids aren't gonna take you seriously with that. They might know you're gonna get all upset, bark a little bit, and then get over it. So boundaries. Are you actually setting a firm limit and knowing how you're going to follow through on that? It's not just having the limit. You've got to know how you're going to follow through. That's so important.

Local life coach Rebecca silence inspired results. Coach.com if you want to tell us your story and we handle it next week, go to cnykiss.com and of course, Rebecca is available for corporate, private, family, all kinds of stuff. And of course, you get a confession Tuesday live.

We really want to do that again soon. So finally, homework for this is to have the conversation with your kids so that you're setting up consequences ahead of time.

Right.

So that they know as soon as they make their choice what the consequences are going to be. That's so important. And I encourage parents to offer the kids the opportunity to tell them what they think consequences should be before it happens. If my daughter doesn't clean her room, she knows what's going to happen. It's just obviously we're dealing with much smaller issues at 9 years old, glitter and these types of things. But she knows ahead of time if she lies, what's gonna happen if she doesn't do her homework. And as the kids get older, you can have that system set up. And I am so for getting ahead of those obstacles and handling them ahead of time.

My mom never gave me consequences if I didn't keep it in my shoe. That's. Yeah.

Empty threats.

It really doesn't work. It really was inspired results. Coach.com local life coach Rebecca Siles.

Thanks, everyone. Have a great week. Come to the coaching circles tonight.

All right, we're break. Come back big in the morning. Kiss FM.