Confession Tuesday 1-5-16 PASSIVE AGGRERSSIVE

So it is a confession. Tuesday, local life coach Rebecca. Silence is in studio. Good morning.

Good morning.

Happy New Year.

Happy New Year.

New year, new me.

New year, new me. A natural, fresh start for all of us.

How many times have we all heard that in the last couple days?

I know, but it's the truth. It's like you're starting the class with an A. Nothing's happened yet.

True.

I like that.

Good news. Yeah. Can I do that tomorrow?

Sure. Why wait? Start now?

Yeah.

So tomorrow you might be at a B plus. That's fine.

Well, what I'm saying is I can mess up like a bajillion times today and be like, you know what? I'm good.

That's the story of our lives all the time. Yes. You can always start over tomorrow.

Thank God. Thank God for that reset button. It's like the old school Nintendo where you know when you accidentally throw Mario off the cliff and you're like, oh, reset. That never happened. No. Rebecca is a life Coach. Inspired results. Coach.com is the website and you are taking on new clients. You are taking on more and more speaking engagements, whether it be for private businesses or groups or seminars. I mean, you are. It's 2016. Guns a blazin.

I am back. Yeah. And I haven't taken new clients in a few years. So this is really an exciting time in inspired results. And for me, I love the one on one, the couples and the family coaching. And then, yes, I'm doing speaking engagements and corporate trainings as well as the women's weekend. We have one spot left still for the women's weekend. January 15th, 16th and 17th. It's the best of what I know. Bottom lined into three days. You get to live with me. You get my curriculum that will guarantee that you are able to inspired results if you follow it now. Awesome opportunity.

Let's talk about this, this women's weekend, because this really is. I mean, when you say there's one spot left, this isn't, you know, this isn't lip service. This is a handful of. A handful of women, most of which don't know each other. And you guys are going up for like, I call it a slumber party. And I say that kiddingly, but literally it is. Everyone goes up and you guys are on like this remote, you know, in this remote cabin, and it's fully catered and all the food and everything's all taken care of. And it literally is like, you guys, it's a. It's a weekend about you and making you better. You don't have to worry about anything else in your life. It's all about you.

That weekend you unplug, you are surrounded by women who are supporting women. You learn material that you will use for the rest of your life. It's an incredible experience. And then I limit this to only 12 women because I want them to have enough time with me. And individually, if we get over the number 12, then it's a bigger group, it's less time with me. So it's just me, my support team, 12 women, gorgeous eight bedroom home, beautiful kitchen. The food is provided. Everyone will get individual energy, work, reiki sessions. There is a hot tub. It is a jam packed weekend full of information and it is such a powerful experience. Every woman who went last year has had significant life changes in 2015. Only for the better. And then I can't wait to see what happens this year year.

And I am not allowed, right? I'm, I'm not even, even. I was gonna pose as the jacuzzi cleaner.

Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Because I mean, obviously you quality control. I was going to be the, the poison checker like in ratatouille, you know, making sure that. But no, everything's, everything's on the up and up and everything is fantastic. But the fact is. I'm joking. But the fact is that, you know, everyone who has gone to one of your retreats, one of these women's weekends, has seen amazing, amazing progress in whatever facet of life that they've been trying to.

Right? And they come with a focus, they come with an area that they know they want to work on and then if they follow the curriculum, they get the inspired result that they're looking for. So join me. There's one spot left. I'm so excited to find out who that last woman is going to be that joins us. And I can't wait to tell everybody all about how this goes in a couple of weeks.

And for all the details you can go to inspired results coach.com that's inspired results coach.com or you can hit up Rebecca on Facebook as well. All right, you ready for this week's email? All right, here we go. By the way, if you would like to submit your email, you go to seeing my kiss.com and on the left hand side there's a full backlog, a full back catalog of past, of past segments and you can submit your story confidentially as well. Dear Rebecca, I'm not a smoker, but every once in a while I have a cigarette when I'm really stressed. We're allowed to in my apartment building. But I don't want the smell getting on my furniture. So I put on a fan in my window and smoke that way. Well, my upstairs neighbor stopped me the other day when I was walking in and asked if I smelled any cigarette smoke lately. I told him I hadn't. So he said he could tell because someone had been smoking and he looked at me funny. They just shrugged and walked away. I'm an adult. I shouldn't have to put up with neighbors being passive aggressive like that. Shouldn't this guy just close his window if it bothers him?

Thank you so much for your email. I think one of the things that.

Happens this obviously was from a week ago, week and a half ago, before it got two degrees out.

Are freakishly warm. You know, it's amazing that it's January and this is the first time it's been this cold living in central New York. But for the listener, I want you to just consider the possibility that what you judge about other people is what you judge about yourself. So what I mean by that is if you're criticizing him as being passive aggressive, my coaching would be, well, where are you passive aggressive? And not in a way that is making you wrong or beating yourself up, but whatever is true, triggering us from the outside in terms of our situation or another person. Guaranteed, if you look hard enough, it's something that's already going on in you. So to stand there and not acknowledge that, hey, yeah, I smoked. It's my apartment, it's allowed. I'm so sorry. If you had the smell, I will work on that. Let me know if it doesn't get better. If you don't acknowledge that, then you're passive aggressive, right? So that's okay. But just consider the possibility that the other person doing what you want won't make whatever this upset or judgment that you have going on in you go away. It's gonna stick around until you look at it and face it. So another thing I wanna confront about your email is why not just own that, yeah, you're a smoker, you're a smoker to the point where your neighbors can smell it, that means you're a smoker. It might not be 10 packs a day or even eight pack a day, but if it's once a day, if it's a few times a week, I would suggest that, yeah, you're a smoker if you're making the purchase.

But it's only when I'm stressed. Apparently I'm just stressed a lot and.

So good to know, but let's just start 2016 by getting real. Instead of dancing around the truth of what is and what is not working in your life, get real. And then take a stand for whatever you choose. If you're choosing to smoke, I'm a smoker. Own it, acknowledge it. And then I almost guarantee it's not gonna be as appealing. We end up in this war with ourselves and in this power struggle with ourselves when we're almost rebelling against what we really want and it becomes like the forbidd fruit. So if you wanna smoke, give yourself permission to. And then see if you start smoking less.

Go back through that again a little bit slower.

Yeah. So what I'm suggesting is when we're doing things that we don't wanna admit or that we're ashamed of, there's this little part of you that might be rebelling. And so what I'm saying is to set it up where you don't have to rebel anymore against yourself, right? As kids, we rebel against our parents. As adults, we. We rebel against ourselves. How much sense does that make? So instead of rebelling against yourself, what I'm saying is give yourself permission to do whatever it is that you're wanting to do. In this case, it's smoking. I'm suggesting that when and if you do that, it won't be as appealing. Because what I'm hearing from this email is you don't actually want to smoke, right? You are a smoker right now, but you don't want to be. So you don't want to call yourself that. I'm saying do a little game with yourself. Own that. Right now, I'm smoking. Give yourself permission to. And then maybe it won't be as fun, and then maybe you will be able to let this habit go and.

Invest in dryer sheets and put that in between, and you can blow the smoke.

Oh, gosh, you know all the tricks. But we do care.

I had some friends in college. I'm just, you know, not saying what I'm saying.

So something I want to point out. Not dryer sheets. What I want to point out instead of dryer sheets is that we all have shame and it's pointless and it hurts us, and it gets us into that experience of being lonely and disconnected. And I'm saying there's nothing. I don't care what it is or what you've done that you need to be ashamed about to the point where you're missing your own life. So own whatever it is that has happened. Own whatever desires you have. Take a Stand for that and then see what happens. There's an amazing TED Talk by a woman named Brene Brown. B R E N E Brown. Dr. Brene Brown is a specialist on vulnerability and shame. And TED Talks are just about a 15 to 20 minute conversation where experts are speaking about a certain topic. Brene Brown talks about vulnerability and shame. I would encourage everyone who's listening right now to Google Brene Brown shame TED Talk and have a listen. It's incredible because we're not alone. And then we all carry the shame around and feel alone. We're not. And then when you acknowledge the shame, it can go away and you have the opportunity to connect and that's what we really want.

Yeah. Once you own whatever it is and you're at peace at okay, it happened. Okay. And you move forward, it's like a monkey off your back.

Right? And then what Brene Brown talks about in this TED Talk is the Teddy Roosevelt quote, where, you know, the real hero is the person who's in the arena going for it with mud on their face and sweat and blood. The person outside on the side, just outside looking in, not going for it. They may think they're keeping themselves safe, but they're not living. So I'm saying go for it, whatever it is. If you want to smoke a cigarette, you know the dangers of that. And if you want to do it, own it. Say to your neighbor, hey, yeah, I smoked. I'll work on that. Sorry. You don't have to be dry sheet pretending, hiding, and then thinking he's the passive aggressive 1. Start 2016 by taking a stand for what you want. And everyone out there notice when you rebel against yourselves because we all do. And it doesn't make any sense. It keeps you in shame. It keeps you disconnected. What's the point of that?

She is amazing. She is Local life coach Rebecca silence inspired results coach.com One spot left for the women's retreat weekend and you can get details on that on her Facebook page. And also inspired results coach.com as well. So, Rebecca, awesome as always.

Thank you, everybody. Watch that Brene Brown TED Talk on shame and I will see you next week.

Stay warm. All right, we're going to break. Come back as big Papa Band in the morning here on KISS fm.