Life coach Rebeccah Silence advises on helping a friend through a devastating long-distance breakup. Let them grieve, sit with them in the darkness, remind them of their worth. She references A Course in Miracles and celebrates women supporting women.
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Yeah.
Rebecca.
Rebecca.
Silence.
Inspired results. Coach.com on a confession Tuesday. She is a life coach. She takes whatever's going on in your world. She breaks it down to the bare basics and makes it so simple to fix that you think that you're a seriously anytime. She's like, well, what about this? This, this? I.
She just.
I feel like I'm stupid because I didn't see it that way because it made. She simplifies it so easy.
And it's like, why would you. Why was your brain doing everything in its power to do go the opposite way?
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Here we go. Dear Rebecca, my friend who is normally a strong, independent woman, recently got into a long distance relationship. He broke up with her out of the blue. And she is besides herself. I've never seen her so upset and shut down. How do I help her get her groove back?
Oh, okay. I really believe that we're either looking for reasons to stay down or we're looking for reasons to get back up.
And kind of like the chub w. Chub thumping, tub thumping. I get knocked down.
Oh, yeah.
But I get up again.
Right, right, right.
And I'm gonna keep me down.
I get knocked down or we do the opposite. I get knocked down and I'll stay down forever. Now you're never gonna get me up.
Oh, geez.
We do one or two. The two, and that's it. Right?
Okay. Yeah.
People are either, I believe, looking for a reason to stay down or they're looking for a reason to get back up. And my message to the world is, if you're still breathing, please do yourself a favor and get back up. Right. Life isn't throwing you obstacles to show you that you're meant to stay down. Life is giving you obstacles to show you what you're made of and how powerful you are and that you can get up no matter what. So. So, you know, relationships don't work sometimes. It's just.
That's life.
Right. And so if somebody is so idiotic that they're willing to give up on you, Let them go and keep your heart open even more. Now I'm making it sound simple. I get that. You know, rejection, that's kind of what you do. A breakup hurts. I get it. It hurts. Let yourself feel that. Let yourself get raw and messy and think what you could have done to have maybe been a better partner. And then try again. Try again. You know, I think the biggest waste of our lives is to stay shut down and disconnected. There's this great course called a Course in miracles. It's a 365 lesson course. You're supposed to do one lesson a day. And one of the lessons in A Course in Miracles is that the only real problem that exists is separation. Disconnection.
Sure, that's it.
Disconnection from ourselves, disconnection from each other. So, you know, here's the question.
Yeah, here's the question. The friend wants to help her friend. You know, I'm, I'm paraphrasing because I've seen it back. I. I've seen it a bajillion times. You have this, you know, independent. I don't need anybody that. And all of a sudden they're literally a puddle of, of melted jello.
And.
And that's what you do. How do you get back up so.
You can't make somebody want to get back up, first of all.
Well, very true.
Right, so you're gonna put yourself through all kinds of self inflicted nonsense that's painful if you make it your job to make her get back up.
Right.
So what your friend needs is for somebody to sit with her while she's down and love her anyway. What your friend needs is for somebody to love her dark side and to be willing to embrace her dark side and love her for that while she's in it, and then just remind her who she is. Just remind her why you love her so much and tell her how you see her. Because unfortunately, a lot of us don't see ourselves the way the people that love us most do. So tell her. Tell her what you see in her. You know, when my Las Vegas relationship fell apart, my best friend said to me, I wasn't worried about you for a second because you're Rebecca. Silence. And you bounce. You'll get back up. And I thought.
And you didn't believe.
At the time, what if I believe that about me? You know, And I believed her that she really wasn't worried about me because I would get back up. And I did get back up. And I got to see what I was capable of in this Perfect storm of crap. And you know your friend right now is hurting, and she gets to see what she's capable of in this perfect sense. Storm of crap. So love her in her moment of vulnerability and in her darkness and sit with her there and then remind her who she is. You know, in independent women, we live in historic times, right? Today is election day. You know, independent, powerful women speaking their truth when less than 100 years ago, we couldn't even vote yet. And we've worked so hard to be treating ourselves as equal because we are. And the men in this world deserve women to be women who love themselves enough and can be our best. Right? Men deserve inspired, passionate, confident women. Right? So we as women need to remind each other who we are and show each other how we see each other instead of competing and being catty and mean. One of the most amazing miracles that happened at my women's weekend was we had zero catty crap. We had women who were not blaming each other for anything or tearing each other down, not once, not from the second they walked in the house. I have never seen that before. We had almost 30 women who wanted each other to win right away.
Absolutely amazing. Absolutely amazing.
I want that for women. So, you know, we all have voices and we all have needs and we all have worth, but we need to own that. Absolutely own your worth. And just because this relationship went away does not mean that. That you're not worthy of a great relationship. It just means this fool did you favor and moved on because you deserve better.
That is Rebecca. Silence. It is inspired results. Coach.com that is the website confession Tuesday. If you want her to dissect whatever's going on in your world next week, just go to cnykiss.com great job as always.
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