A Confession Tuesday segment featuring life coach Rebeccah (Rebecca) Silence responding to an email from a listener whose marriage is strained after the birth of a 10‑month‑old. The coach discusses separation as a step, revisiting why the couple fell in love, the impact of life changes (especially a baby) on relationships, communication habits, shared responsibilities, and advice to redesign the relationship and take mutual responsibility. The tone is conversational, advice-oriented, and empathetic.
All right, so here's how we roll on a confession. Tuesday you go to cnykiss.com there is a backlog of Rebecca taking on literally anything and everything that could happen and go on in your world. She can help you through it. That's what she does. She is a life coach and we handle it here on the air free and confidentially. And you can submit your story@cnykiss.com as well. And of course, if you want to have Rebecca either speak for with your group or you want to have private sessions for family or yourself or your couple or whatever and go to inspired results coach.com that is the website. All right, you ready?
Yes.
Okay. Dear Rebecca, I'm going through a difficult time in my life right now. My husband and I are are good to separate. We have a 10 month old together. We fight a lot because he's always working even late every night and drinks with his friends after instead of coming home to his wife and baby he hasn't seen all day. I'm heartbroken. It was our anniversary this past Sunday and he didn't even say happy anniversary to me or anything. I love him, but I know he doesn't love me. I think he's only in and out of our marriage because of our baby. He could never admit when he is wrong or even apologize for anything. I'm very hurt. I envy others relationships and I wish I had what they have. So much. He says he loves me, but only when he's drinking. And he is so unaffectionate unless he drinks. I've asked him multiple times just to admit he isn't in love with me anymore, but he won't say anything. Why? I could really use someone's perspective.
Okay. Thank you for this email. It must be scary right now to have this little baby and to not really know whether or not this relationship is going to make it. But let me give you a few things to think about. The first thing is, you know, are you wanting this guy? I mean, have you gotten real with yourself about what exactly is it that he brings to the table that you want him? Right. Because from where this email is being written from doesn't really sound like she's that in him.
Right, Right.
So that actually isn't necessarily a bad thing. But I think when we're on the verge of splitting up, there's a few things to. Number one, we're just starting with a separation. So that's great because that'll give you some time to really think about long term. What's the final decision that you want to make, I would invite you to do this. I would invite you to go back to why you fell in love in the first place. What is it that you wanted in the beginning about this person and about this relationship, and then also be thinking about in the beginning of the relationship, how were you showing up? Because one of the things that might be happening is if you're focused on what's wrong and not working and letting him know that this isn't working, this isn't working, this isn't working, this is what you're doing that's making me upset. That makes it rather unattractive.
Right.
For him to want to work with you, for him to want to come home, he may just be in avoidance because at least then he's not getting reamed out. And I'm not making you wrong because there are probably very real issues that are upsetting to you. But energetically, if you're only focusing on what's not working, you're just going to create more. More of a disconnection.
Sure.
So what did you want about him in the beginning? How were you showing up in the beginning? And then you've both grown and evolved. You have a baby. Life is changing, so that changes the game. If we have two young people in love and no obligations in terms of children, that's a different version of a relationship than once you have a baby involved. So one of the things that often does not happen in couples is when there's a big life change. We don't talk about, how does the relationship need to change now because we have this baby.
Right?
Right. How are we doing bedtimes? How are we doing bills? How are we doing all of the house cleaning and running the house type jobs? It's really important to actually have that conversation. Anytime there's a big change, somebody gets a new job, you get a new house, you move to a different area. You know, there's the baby. There's a different foundation now for this relationship. And then if we expect it to be that we're just running the relationship the way we always, it's gonna breed a lot of disappointment and discontent.
Anyone who had, you know, any relationship where there is a new baby, if there is any type of squeeze on a relationship and puts it through the trials and tribulations, it's when you have that baby.
Well, right.
I mean, that's. If there's anything that's gonna put pressure on a relationship, it's that.
Well, and parenting issues, money issues, and brown chicken, brown cow issues. Are the three biggest issues that break people up.
I like the fact she called the brown chicken brown cow.
I don't know what else to say on here, but you get my point. Those are the three issues that most couples don't know how to navigate. And often it's because they're just handling those areas in the way they think they should, but not necessarily in the way it works for the two adults. So you get to design this relationship however you want. You gotta make sure you're attractive in it, though. Are you making sure he knows how much you love and appreciate him? Are you focusing on what he's doing right? If he's been around a while, gave you this baby, chances are there are some things that he's doing right, and there's probably a reason why you chose him in the beginning. So go back to that. Pay attention to how you're showing up and then get real with yourself about what you want moving forward so that you can give him a chance to actually show up. But if every time he's around you it's negative energy, then I want you to think about why would he want to come home? And then I'm not giving him a, you know, free pass to avoid or disconnect from you. But in a relationship, it's both people, not it's all your fault or it's all my fault. It's 50 50. So each of you take responsibility. Talk about what you want next. Go back to why you fell in love with the first place and then let us know what happens.
Life coach Rebecca silence. Inspired results. Coach.com on a confession Tuesday. And if you want your situation handled on the air just like that, you can go to cnykiss.com we'll catch you up next week.
