A woman asks if it's weird or unsafe to go to a bar alone. Rebeccah Silence and a co-host say confidence and how approachable you seem matter more than whether you're solo or with friends. They suggest picking one insecurity and taking one concrete action to build confidence.
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All right. Dear Rebecca, after I get done working, I like to go to a bar for a nice happy hour drink. And I don't invite my girlfriends to come with me because I like to be by myself. I'm single, and I've always found it's great way to meet men. When I don't have friends with me, guys are more likely to talk to me. But one of my friends says she thinks it's creepy and dangerous for me to go to bars by myself. Is it weird for a single woman to go to a bar by herself?
I love this email. So, no, it's not weird and creepy to go to a bar by yourself, but I want to give you something to think about. So what if what's really happening is that you're just more confident when you're alone? And that's what the men are responding to. So what I want you to consider is that our emotional state where we're at emotionally. So if I'm down in the dumps, people can feel that. Like, it's radiating off me like the sun. When I'm high and confident, like, happy, enthusiastic confidence is sexy. That radiates off me too.
Yeah, it's almost like an aura.
So consider that the real issue here is that people are responding to your energetic state. So my guess is when you're by yourself, when you're just going solo, then you're more confident, and that's what the men are responding to. When you're surrounded by women, maybe you're comparing yourself, maybe you're insecure, and that might be why when you're with your girlfriends, the things aren't happening the way you want.
I disagree.
That's fine.
I disagree.
But I want everyone to consider that I absolutely know this without a shadow of a doubt that people respond to your emotional state.
Oh, absolutely. I'm not disagreeing with that at all.
That's the piece I want you to just think about and then go by yourself if you want to. But what I would challenge this listener who wrote the email to become is someone who can stay confident with her girlfriends or alone. Not just I have to go alone because if I'm with my girlfriends, it's not gonna work out.
Right. I agree with that.
Yeah.
Here is. Here's where I disagree with you.
Okay?
Guys are. Guys are just as gun shy about getting turned down and just as afraid of getting turned down as girls are. And most guys, if there is a bunch of women Quote unquote or whatever. Guys are less likely to come up and start a conversation, you know, by themselves. It's easier to start a conversation one on one as opposed to if you're by yourself. If you're there, go into starting conversation with two girls. It's a little intimidating for the guy. So, you know, if you ladies, if you want to go out by yourself, okay, but be as approachable as you are by yourself. Then as you are with more than one girlfriend. That's because that's, you know, that's part of it too, guy. You got to be approachable. And it's sometimes it's tough to be approachable as you know, for that.
I love what you're saying and I don't think we actually disagree at all. I think we're saying the same thing different ways. I think it's about exactly being approachable regardless of whether or not you're in a group. And then if, you know, I want you to just think about something. I personally wouldn't want to attract somebody who is gun shy or afraid to talk to me if I'm with my friends. Like, I want somebody who's just as confident as I want to be. So I want somebody who doesn't care if I'm in a group. I want somebody who's gonna be himself with or without, you know, the circumstances being the way that he wants them. So just consider that you're going to attract where you are. So if you're insecure, you'll attract someone who's insecure. If you're gun shy, you'll attract someone who's gun shy. And go for what you want. Not settling for what you think you can have. That's so important. Go for what you want. Don't settle for what you think you can have because that's a self inflicted glass ceiling. And think about what am I looking for? And then think about how am I being the person that would attract that, Right? Like if you want somebody who's super confident, has their money handled, is a high integrity type man, then are you a woman that would attract that? You know, I've had clients who they say they want this really, you know, high bar, this guy who's got all the right stuff, and then their house is a mess, their money is a mess, they're in damsel in distress mode. I gotta get through all that if I'm gonna attract this other type of man, right? So go for what you want regardless of whether you're going to the bar solo in a group. Be someone who can handle herself wherever she is. That's what's important. And if you've got a situation that you're scared of or that you get insecure about, that's okay. But handle it so that it doesn't stop you from being a fully expressed woman.
I realized a while back that I enjoy women that are put together on a regular basis. And I realized, well, if I want someone who's put together, I should probably start putting myself together a little bit more.
What's the put together woman looking for? Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it doesn't mean that you're making yourself different for her.
Speaking of that, I need a haircut.
It's just about being someone that you feel confident in your own skin.
You got this mange going on my chin.
Yeah. So you got it, though. Be the person that you want to attract.
Local life coach Rebecca silence inspired results. Coach.com Go to cnykiss.com all of the past segments are there as well. And you can submit your question for Becca.
Here's a quick homework assignment.
Go for it.
Write down one insecurity that you have in terms of attracting the opposite sex or same sex, if that's what you're into. And then figure out what you could do. Take one action step that would raise your confidence. So maybe it's having a different type of outfit or maybe it's going to a bar that you feel more comfortable in. But address the insecurity because if you don't, it's running your life. And then come up with one action step that you could take to be more confident in that area.
Confession Tuesday with Rebecca silence inspired results. Coach.com, awesome as always. Travel safe.
