Confession Tuesday 11-11-14 CATFISHED

It is a confession. Tuesday, local life coach Rebecca silence is in studio. Good morning.

Good morning.

All right, so how did slumber party weekend go? I called slumber party weekend.

This is very serious event.

It really is.

It really was. We had 16 women absolutely transform their lives. So the purpose behind doing the inspired results Women's weekend was to promote generational healing. And what I mean by that is breaking patterns that have been learned over and over again, generation after generation, and then to release any stuck emotion, any blocks to getting what the results are that these women were wanting while having support of other women. Women who are supported. How powerful are they? And then so many women isolate and think they're alone and that nobody really understands their situation. And so then I broke this weekend down into three parts. So Friday night was all about creating the intention and your goal. And then Saturday, all about getting out of the way. Sunday was all about leadership, Just taking on leadership of your life and getting your results. And these women have a toolkit in their back pockets to go create through anything.

Now, when it comes to. When it comes to something like this, and you and I were talking, you know, you had you prepared for, you know, xyz, but you all of a.

Sudden, oh, everything I wrote, I might as well throw it in the lake. We were on the lake. We were on Lake Ontario. Yeah, yeah. This seminar grew itself.

But that's. But that's the beautiful thing. This is because the women that were there, you know, every seminar is going to be different depending upon, you know, the women that are a part of it because of their. Their experiences, what they're willing to share and all that stuff. So that's what makes it really cool because their experience is absolutely genuine and unique to that individual session. You know what I'm saying?

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. And it does grow itself based on what people are wanting in their individual stories. And it's an unforgettable experience for everyone involved. These women will never forget that weekend.

Absolutely awesome.

Yeah. And we'll do more probably June. Probably June will be the next inspired.

Results Women's weekend inspired results. Coach.com if you want details on Rebecca and she can come and talk to your group, your, you know, your employment, you know, if you're team building, she'll help you with that as well. And of course, how we work in here, on a confession Tuesday, you email us and just go to cnykiss.com, click on confession, tell us your story confidentially, and we'll handle it here on the air. I want to talk about Getting catfished. We talked about it on the air yesterday.

Okay.

It's super duper embarrassing for someone who obviously has been deceived and whatnot. What's a good way to get past getting catfished? Because, you know, it sucks, quite honestly. So.

Yeah. And so what if whoever was getting catfished could just look at it as a gift? Because if at least now you figured out what happened, you can go back and look at what were the red flags that you missed. And it's not bad that you miss the red flags. It's just this is an opportunity so that you can look at the pattern and prevent it from repeating itself. Right. We can't change what already happened.

Oh, sure.

And so when any type of deception or betrayal or just, wow, this isn't what I thought it was, pops up, just consider the possibility that that's okay. And I don't want people to get out of idealism. You know, I'm an idealist.

I'm not sure what that means.

So being an idealist, break it down for me. Do you remember Mr. Allen, our seventh grade social studies teacher?

I do, but I didn't have him.

Okay, well, I had him. And in seventh grade, he said to me, you know, Rebecca, you're just an idealist. Next question, next person. And I remember looking it up when I got home and being like, what's an idealist? And it's someone who just, you know, sees the beauty, but almost to a fault. I'm just in the ideal utopia version of what's going on.

Yeah, okay, I'll believe that. I'm there. Yeah.

Right. So, you know, essentially seeing the good in people. And the best case scenario, right?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. So there's a flip side to that coin. You don't want to do it in a way where if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, over and over and over again. And you keep saying, well, maybe you're not a duck, then that's not necessarily going to serve anyone. Right. But I like the idealism in terms of. Yes. Seeing the best in everything and everyone and then not being willing to give up on getting what you want. The women at the Women's Weekend went from having a dream or a wish, something they hoped they could have to they now have a plan to go create what they thought was probably impossible. Right. And so anytime someone just pulls the wool over your eyes, I want everyone who has that happen to them to consider the possibility that in that moment, they were someone who could get scammed in some way. And so that doesn't make you a bad person. But let's get out of fantasy and get into reality. What is the truth? Rocks are hard. Water is what somebody is going to. I'm saying look at the facts, look at what's real. Right? Like, rocks are always gonna be hard. Water's always gonna be wet instead of, you know, this is a duck, and maybe it isn't. I want you looking at the facts. And then it's really delicate because not in a way where you're shutting down your heart and putting walls up.

No, I've never done that.

Right. So this is slippery. This is slippery.

Don't look at me like that. I've never.

Cause I'm saying don't give up on possibility and what you want, and then don't put walls up either. So this is not easy to do. But if whoever this person is that's having this happen to them would get to the root of where they originally wanted something to be different in their lives. And it's probably a childhood event. It's probably something that happened when they were younger that they wished was different, that wasn't different, and they're still holding out hope. And then in their adult life, they're just setting it up to repeat that in a different costume.

Are you talking about the person that got scammed or the scammer?

I'm talking about the person that got scammed. And then what's interesting is the scammer, too, is probably in some lies from their childhood. No adult just does goofy things out of the blue. It all starts with you.

I've met some goofy adults.

Yeah, I have, too. I've been a goofy adult. Right?

I've been goofy with you. Yeah.

Yeah, that's right. So, I mean, a goofy adult, that's not the problem. But see, here's the magic of the work I'm doing. We go back to the beginning. We go back to where the pattern started so that we can stop it, and then we learn how to lie. Right? So my baby's doing about nine weeks. She does not know how to tell a lie. She does not know how to be lied to until she experiences it.

Okay?

And then it's now in my radar is something that's possible that happens to me once I experience it. See what I mean?

Right.

So it's all learned behavior. And the person who's getting scammed, I'm just suggesting they may be age regressing to a young age where they really wished something had gone differently. And they're still holding out hope for it.

Remember the time she brought it back to reality by bringing up her kid?

Right.

Seriously.

But it's the truth.

No, no, you're right. You're right. You're the truth.

We learn shame, we learn embarrassment, we learn betrayal. It's not a naturally occurring human phenomenon. Right. There are five emotions that are real, and they're anger. They are grief, fear, joy, and excitement. And anything else is a coping skill that's learned. So what I would encourage, once this has happened and if this has happened, stand up for yourself, own that you deserve way better than this and be willing to address any type of conflict head on instead of avoiding it and hoping it's not going to escalate.

So homework for some, you know, for someone who has had this happen to them.

Yeah. So I would encourage you to make a list of any time that you have felt either betrayed or scammed.

What time is it?

No, I'm serious.

This might take me all day.

And then go back and try to figure out what's the first time I wanted something to be different than it was. And then figure out how in your life now you can set yourself up to never have it happen again. Get a therapist, get a coach, get a mentor that can help you look at this pattern so. So that you can break it. Because the good news is you're just continuing to try to see the best in everything. I don't want you to lose that and put walls up, but I want you to get that if we don't face reality, we lose. If we try to change people, if we try to pretend like what's happening isn't happening, we set ourselves up for disappointment. So quit setting yourself up for disappointment. Look at the pattern and recognize it goes back way farther than you probably get. And then love yourself anyway and no longer be willing to accept anything less than what you deserve.

Local life coach Rebecca silence inspired results. Coach.com on a confession Tuesday. Your questions coming up next here on KISS fm.