Life coach Rebeccah Silence addresses why longtime friends withdraw when you pursue positive change. She explores their possible motives (fear, jealousy, protection), suggests asking directly for the support you need, and acknowledges some relationships may not survive your growth. Her homework: list 25 things that inspire you.
Questions this video answers
Make a list of 25 things that inspire you.
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Confession Tuesday 11/29/16 'NEGATIVE PEOPLE'
90791055 Kiss FM. Liz and Big Papa. It's a Confession Tuesday.
That's right. We have life coach Rebecca. Silence in studio. Good morning.
Good morning.
So here's how we roll on a Confession Tuesday. We take emails from listeners, and Rebecca handles them like she would with any client.
Yes.
Here on the air. And it's life coaching. It's not therapy. It's about getting the desired result that you want. And anything is obtain if you're willing to put in the work. You ready?
And we just bring you back into possibility.
Exactly.
So, yes, I'm ready.
Let's see. Dear Rebecca, it seems the more positive I create in my own life, the less some people want to support it. I have lifelong friends for years that have been supporting my change, that have not been supporting my changes for the good. What kind of advice can you offer to help me maintain these friendships without ending them or affecting my positive change?
Well, I love, love, love, love this question. And everybody turn up the volume and buckle your seatbelts because what I'm buckling.
She went old school. Like cheesy radio. Turn off the radio because it's gonna get serious.
Well, hold on.
Because blast the speakers, roll the windows down. We're going hard.
Nobody can take your positivity away from you. Nobody.
Hold on, let me turn it up. Okay, go ahead.
So you are responsible for the experience you're having all the time. And it's important to pay attention to. Are you committed to finding the obstacles and using them as a reason not to move forward, or are you committed to using obstacles as an advantage and basically as a test in your commitment? So I think, you know, when I first started inspired results, for example, here in Utica, not one person in my inner circle thought it was a good idea. I remember that. Right. I mean, except for maybe you. You were like, okay, you know, this sounds cool, right?
But I wasn't in your inner circle at that time.
Exactly. That's true. Right. You were more of an acquaintance.
Yeah.
And that quickly transformed. But my family and my friends and my inner circle, I believe, were just loving me, and they were just wanting me to be protected, and they didn't want me to get hurt and they didn't want me to fail. And so. So, you know, I can look at that like, nobody believed in me and nobody supported me or what I did was I just said, thank you all for loving me so much. You know, let's just see what happens. And now here we are, almost five years on the radio. Five years full Time in upstate New York and obviously it worked. So, you know, your friends and your family may not be wanting you to not pursue your dreams. They might just be coming from a fear based place.
Yeah. They could be scared that they, you don't, they don't want their person that they care about to get hurt or to fail or to, or to go through that now or to have to deal with you going through that.
Exactly. And there's a couple other things that could be going on. Right. Somebody pursuing their dreams unapologetically and really going for it can be confronting for somebody who's kind of just playing it safe. And you know, the thing is that whatever choices people are making, there's nothing wrong with that. You know, there are some people that are, you know, going to want this for you and they're just afraid that you might fail. And then there are some people that might be confronted by what you're doing and actually not wanting you to succeed because then it confronts that they're not pursuing their dreams, you know, but. But who cares really? I mean, you're the one that needs to find the rocket fuel to keep your passion alive and your inspiration alive as you take on your dreams.
So how do you do that?
Nobody can do that for you. Right? So, you know, you may outgrow. Before I talk about coming back to passion and inspiration, I just want to say you may outgrow some of the people that have been in your inner circle for a long time. Right. Just because a lot of years have gone by doesn't necessarily mean that friendship is for life. And then I hope it is. But the best thing to do is tell your truth to these people. You know, I'm feeling sad because it doesn't sound like you're supportive. I want to check that out with you. Are you not supporting me or are you supporting me? Because what I need is a friend to support me right now. You know, I remember when I moved to Las Vegas and I told my best friend, she goes, I'm really mad. I don't think this is a good idea. But I'll support you if this is what you want. And I said thank you because that's exactly what I needed to hear. So ask before you just make assumptions that these people don't want to see you win and succeed. Ask are you supportive? And then tell them exactly what support looks like to you. You know, you being supportive to me looks like checking in with me once a month and asking me how it's going. You being supportive is actually only talking In a positive way. You know what I'm doing and asking me questions about what I'm doing. So train them.
Yeah. And if they don't, that's okay, too.
Right. And then it's just information for you to have.
Yeah. And it doesn't mean that you don't not talk to them anymore or anything like that. You can still, you know, be friends with them.
And the whole point is, it's all.
About how you handle them. That's all.
And the whole point is for you to stay in leadership. Instead of letting other people's lives in fear lead you, you stay in leadership of your life. And in your experience. Now, getting back into inspiration and passion, when you know that fresh love phase of your goal goes away or that initial excitement starts to fade, you know, that's a whole other Oprah. And when I talk to people about what inspires you, because really, I believe. And this is maybe the most important thing I've ever said on Confession Tuesday, ever. If you are not inspired by your goal, it is not to work.
Right.
Okay. So you have to have inspiration behind it to be able to sustain life's obstacles that will show up. Now, when I talk about inspiration, I know what I mean by that for me, and I find that a lot of my clients don't actually know what inspires them. So the homework assignment, okay, is number one, tell your truth with the people in your inner circle as you're going for your big dreams, and be somebody that leads your life and isn't led by other people. And then make a list of 25 things that inspire you. That's the homework. So that whatever life is throwing at you, you can always go back to that list and find it. And it doesn't necessarily have to do with your goal. It can be yoga. It can be Grey's Anatomy. It can be, you know, healthy, delicious food. I don't care, but make a list. I love the Bachelor. Speak of our girls. Absolutely. I'm not a fan of the new bachelor for January yet, but that's okay.
Homework.
Make 25 lists of what inspires you.
It is confession Tuesday. If you would like Rebecca to handle a sit on the air next week, just go to cnykiss. Com and of course, you can contact her directly at inspired resultscoach. Com. We'll see you next week.
