Rebeccah Silence and a guest discuss friends who act different in public than in private. The guest frames it as insecurity and suggests stroking people's greatness while calling out unhelpful behavior, modeling consistency, and choosing self-respect over being liked.
Okay, so here's how it works. You go to cnykiss.com and you tell us your story. It's all confidential. And then we go through it here on the air, again confidentially. But with your story, you help so many more people. Now, I just shared the link this morning on my Facebook and BP and Bana Facebook and whatnot. And somebody said. And it sparked a question from me. When you see a Facebook friend out in public and they act like they don't see or know you, do you delete or keep them? I always delete. And it made me think of something a little bit bigger.
Okay.
When you have a friend and they are. There's, like, almost two versions of them. You know, there's the version when you're not out in public. Yeah. And then as soon as you get out in public, they completely change. Like a 180. Almost like, to an ignore situation. Because I think that happens to a lot of people. And what's the best way to kind of handle that? Because, you know, especially if it's, like, a boyfriend or, like, a boy girl kind of a deal, that could be really traumatizing and really confusing.
Mm. Yeah. You're talking about, like, the two face, the two sides. So what happens for me, like, the.
Private, public kind of a deal.
Yeah, well. Or the insecure version of the person who's trying to get approval in the real version of the person.
Okay.
Right. So that's where my mind goes, and that's where I start taking this. If I'm, like, looking at a relationship I have and somebody is being what I would call inauthentic out in public, they're probably insecure in trying to get approval. So where I go is more compassion. Instead of pushing them away, deleting them, more compassion and talking about how, you know what? I love you no matter what's going on, no matter how you show up, and then maybe being brave enough to stroke their greatness and saying, when it's just you and me, that is the real you that I love so much that if the world saw this version of. I bet would love you too. Right. And then it's never my job to fix anybody else. But, you know, one of the things. We have the women's weekend coming up this weekend, and one of the things that.
Oh, my God, that's. That was this weekend.
Right. We had this thing filled in July. Whack a mole. So it's been a long time coming.
Yeah.
Can't wait to get these women together. And I'm gonna Tell you one of the things we're focusing on because women have the tendency, right, to be really sweet to each other and think they should be nice, and then they get really catty behind each other's backs. No.
That never happened.
Let's talk about too faced. And so I'm just calling a spade a spade. And so one of the things we're gonna talk about is how important it is to be honest with each other and stroke each other's greatness. Like push each other towards the greatest version of yourself instead of just holding back and then making judgments and talking about people, Right? Like, let people know, hey, I don't think you need to try so hard to get approval here. Just be yourself. Because that's who I love. That's the person who I became such close friends with or in a romantic partnership or whatever. But my coaching is to str. Stroke people's greatness and to tell the truth, especially when it's uncomfortable. Especially when it's uncomfortable, because otherwise you're only helping this person stay scared and insecure.
Very true. Very true.
And how is that going to serve anyone?
Especially if it's a. If it's a relationship. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship. If it's something that you want to have long term, long term friendship, long term romantic, whatever, you gotta be able to have that. Yeah.
And then you're setting the bar. Now, please know I'm not saying tell people what to do, Right. I'm not saying get in other people's business and tell them what to do. I'm saying talk about what you see in them that you love, respect and appreciate and share that. And then just model being consistent in your own life.
Sometimes I call people out on their crap right in front of them.
Yeah, I do the same thing. You gotta be really careful. It's not about calling out.
No, trust me, I'm not. I'm not necessarily. I'm not necessarily proud of it. But at the same time, you're just. If I know. If I know somebody very, very well, and I see them acting a certain way, like the. Almost like the. I don't want to say Jekyll and Hyde, but trying too hard in public to, you know, be liked, get friends, this, that, and the other, I absolutely will call them out on it.
One of the best coachings I ever had, my coach said to me in a coaching session, this is probably six years ago, she said, rebecca, do you want to be liked or do you want to be respected? In that moment, it changed my life because I wanted both at the time. And I didn't recognize that if I want to be liked, I'm fake. I'm adapting myself to fit in with other people. So how can they even have a relationship with me? Because I'm not there. I'm just being a puppet. I'm being someone who's going through the motions to try to get your approval. That's not me. So you can't even have a relationship with me. That coaching changed my life. And so instead I want to respect myself. So it's the same thing in relationships. So even the person who posted on Facebook about do I delete the person or not delete the person, what are you going to respect the most for you? How are you going to respect yourself? And then here's another great question. So homework for everybody this week. In your relationships, I want you to think about what you're doing and I want you to ask yourself if that's going to grow you or hurt the relationship. Anytime you're going to make a decision, it's going to do one or the other. It's either going to grow you in the relationship or it's going to do damage that sometimes is irreparable. So think about it before you take any action in your relationships.
Local life coach Rebecca silence inspired results coach.com it is a confession Tuesday cnykiss.com, share your story confidentially and we'll handle it here on the air or 733 kiss.
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