A YouTube call-in segment where a caller asks how much to spend on a girlfriend they started dating recently around the holidays. Rebeccah Silence advises prioritizing sincerity over price, avoiding gifts you'll resent, there are no universal rules (design the relationship that works for the two of you), avoid ulterior motives, and communicate directly—ask your partner about wishes and discuss holiday expectations and traditions. Closing includes homework to talk about expectations and a CTA for her coaching services.
So here's how this works. You go to cnykiss.com, you tell us your story free and confidentially, and Rebecca handles it here on the air. And the advice and the coaching that she gives not only benefits you, but it benefits so many other people here in central New York. Are you ready?
I am ready.
Okay, here we go. Dear Rebecca, I just started dating my girlfriend last month, which is kind of weird timing because the holidays are here. She keeps talking about all the stuff she wants for Christmas, but I think we should set a price limit. We haven't been dating that long, and I. I hope the relationship will last, but who knows? I'm not really sure what to get her. I don't want to get her too much because we just started dating, but I don't want to get her some measly gift that comes off as lame either. What are the rules of gift giving if you've only been dating someone a few months? Should I spend 50 bucks? Should it be 100? More? Less? What do you think?
This is actually a great email, and I think it doesn't matter if it's a brand new relationship or if you've been together 20 years. Gift giving can definitely be a stressful experience. Sure. Especially if you've been together a long time and you've already done 20 Christmas presents. And now what am I supposed to do? I've already given them everything.
Well, you're talking Christmas presents and birthday presents and, you know.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Anniversary presents. So I love this email. Thank you for sharing. My first hot tip here would be, whatever you do, just make sure you won't resent it later. I want people to really think about that because often we do what we think we should do, and it's an act of obligation rather than something that's heartfelt and genuine. And then, of course, if it's not sincere, you will resent it later, and that'll bleed out all over the relationship and actually come off radiating off of you energetically, whether you want it to or not. So just first and foremost, when you're thinking about making a decision, ask yourself, okay, is this something that I will resent later?
And if it. If it's something that's not genuine, if the two of you end up in a fight, that's gonna get used as ammunition. Like, you'll end up throwing that in their face.
If you don't literally throw it in their face, the energy will be there. This wall of resentment will totally be a block and a wedge in the relationship.
Sure.
So just consider whether or not you would be resentful later. And then the second thing is, there are no rules. There really aren't. So in relationship, when I'm doing couples coaching, I'm working with people on making sure that their relationship works for. For them, for those two people and those two people only. It doesn't matter if it is something that would work for other people or if it's something that that particular couple had seen done before or not. I want people in a relationship that works for them. And what happens more often than anybody wants to admit is we repeat what we saw growing up, like it or not. And so in couples coaching, you get to redesign the relationship and look at what works for both of you. So my second hot tip is I don't care if it makes sense to your parents, your friends, your siblings, your immediate inner circle. What do you want to do for your partner from you, whether or not other people agree with you? So just be thinking about. All right. And I like the if the shoe is on the other foot mentality. Right. Like, treat each other how you want to be treated.
Sure.
So think about that too, you know, and then I want you to make sure that it's true. Giving, which means that there isn't an ulterior motive, like, I'm gonna do this so that you will start. Doing this for me is never a good idea. So it doesn't matter if this has worked for other or if it makes sense to anybody other than you. I want this to be something you're not going to resent later. I want this to be something that's genuine and sincere from you and that you aren't looking for some ulterior motive to get back based on what you're giving.
So if I. If I can interject just a little bit, just a piece of advice, unless she asks for it, listener, do not not give her a vacuum cleaner. That's just plain blanket advice unless it's specifically asked for or it's hinted at. I would avoid that one. Yeah.
And I like what you're bringing up.
You can be smart enough to listen.
Asking, ladies and gentlemen, don't be afraid to ask her what you want either, you know, because there can be this weird codependent mind game when you're just kind of hoping that your partner gets it. Right.
Right.
It can be a setup. So there is something that you specifically, really, really want. It's okay to ask for it. Absolutely. And that doesn't mean your partner isn't doing a good job. It means that now you're helping your partner be set up to win and so you can ask listener who wrote this email your partner if there's anything specific that they want as well. And then maybe they give you the information and maybe they don't. If they don't, then just make sure it's from your heart and this is something that you want to give this person regardless of whether or not the relationship lasts. This is a relationship that you have right now. This person is important to you right now. Don't get into fear of the future or fear of what's happened in your past relationships. Be here now with your current partner and show up in a way that you'll be proud of in 20 years regardless of whether or not this relationship works.
Local life coach Rebecca silence inspired results. Coach.com, absolutely awesome as always. If you want details on the women's weekend or private coaching or talking to your business or your group or whatnot, go to to inspiredresultscoach.
Com and here's some homework for everybody in a relationship. Set the holiday season up to win and I invite you to have a conversation with your partner about what are their expectations of how the holiday season should go, what are their traditions that are important to them that they want to repeat. Talk about it ahead of time. Get to know your partner.
