Liz and life coach Rebeccah Silence tackle why Valentine's Day triggers so much dread. They walk through the real sources: social comparison, the stories you tell yourself about being unlovable or alone. Then the fix: sit with the feeling, notice what you're making it mean, and do something different instead, like skip social media or go outside.
We could do like a whole, like week long series of confession Tuesdays over and over and over again about your birthday. I'm just saying.
Okay.
It's 9791055 Kiss FM. Big Papa and Liz 7:55. And it is a confession Tuesday. Life coach Rebecca Silence in studio. Good morning.
Good morning.
InspiredResultsCoach.com is the website. It is Valentine's Day. And what we have, the email that we got. Very fitting that it came in. Dear Rebecca, I hate today. I always have. Why is it that today is so important? Every year I see all these pictures and videos of happy couples and all the romantic Valentine stuff. It makes me sick. Why do I react like this every year?
You are so not alone in your sentiments on this, on this very special and for some people, very obnoxious day.
Right?
You know, whenever people get upset, if they reject that and make themselves wrong for it, it only makes it worse. So I don't know why you're upset, but what if you just gave yourself permission to be upset and that's not bad or wrong. It's just, I'm upset. And then from there, dig a little deeper. What do you wish was going on today instead of what is happening? Are you wishing that you had your own relationship and presence and, you know, gaudy, gushy stuff happening? Or is there something else that you would rather be in other than just watching all of the social media and feeling upset? You know, what is the solution? What is it that you want instead? When people get upset, it's so easy to focus on the problem and it's so easy to focus on the upset. But it's rare for people to go a step farther and go, well, what exactly is the ideal outcome versus where I am now?
Do you think that. And maybe I'll put this to Liz, because there are a lot of people that get that way. Just like with this listener on Valentine's Day. Do you think a lot of it is because they don't, they aren't getting that because they're single.
So here's the thing.
Or in a relationship where they're not.
What are you making it mean? Are you making it mean that you're not lovable, that you're not wanted, that you're not special, that you're lonely? You know, it's never the situation that's happening. It's what you make it mean about yourself that causes you to suffer. Okay, so you're telling yourself some kind of a story about this day, about you, that is causing you to feel like crap, right? So what's the meaning you're putting on it? Check that out. And then from there, what is it that you want? Because here's the deal. It's not that special of a day. You're making today mean a lot more than it has to. If you're giving it all this power to rile you up and be a horrible day, it's 24 hours of your life that is precious. So do whatever you want. Turn off the computer, turn off your phone, go for a hike. Go. Go watch Netflix. I don't care. But do something that you want to do instead of just feeling miserable because this is Valentine's Day.
That's fantastic.
Yeah, why not? It's your day. Do whatever you want. That's the thing. Like, my friends, you're in charge. This is your life. Yeah. I've got single friends who are, like, amazed that I have a boyfriend. And our idea of Valentine's Day is, you know, we're gonna go get a red box and go get some burgers. Oh, it's hysterical. I get to hear all about how she likes to spend her birthday with her boyfriend and Valentine's Day, and it's wonderful. But you know what?
Even though she doesn't come to her.
Own birthday party, that's a whole nother confession. We're not gonna talk about that right now. But it doesn't matter. The way I do Valentine's Day, the way Gary does Valentine's Day, the way Liz does Valentine's Day, it's our business. It all cares. But if you are in a world where you're comparing yourself to other people, you will suffer.
Right?
So today is just another opportunity to either compare yourself to other people and their relationships and their relationship stats or to just really check in with yourself. And what if this is the last Valentine's Day you hate for the rest of your life? Because you make a decision to do it different from here on out and then have from now until next Valentine's Day, you becoming the person that you want to be so that the way you actually want Valentine's Day to go can happen next year. Why not?
Fashion Tuesday Life coach Rebecca Silence. The all Ladies leadership retreat is coming up. All the details on that and more@inspiredresultscoach.com.
