Confession Tuesday 2/2/16 "IMMATURITY IN RELATIONSHIP"

And it is a confession. Tuesday, local life coach Rebecca silence is in studio. Good morning.

Good morning.

So missed you.

Missed you guys.

So go to inspiredresultscoach.com for the first time in a long time, you're accepting new patients.

Yes, I am.

And is patients the right word?

No, I call them clients.

Yeah. So I apologize, but no problem.

Yeah. This isn't traditional therapy. It's a lot different, actually. Even though I have a master's in counseling and have a background in traditional therapy, and I think traditional therapy can be great, but this is a little bit different working with me. So I have clients and, you know, I'm almost hesitant to say that I'm still accepting new clients because we're almost to a waiting list again. So if you're interested in working with me, get in touch with me immediately. Yeah, like now, because I'm going to have a wait list very, very soon. I work with individuals. I do a lot with couples, and then I also work with entire families. The newest addition to inspired results, couples intensives, where I work with a couple for six hours. And it sounds like a long time, but it's really not. You're working with me for six hours so that we can kind of rip off the band aid, get the air clear and give you a very solid plan to move forward all in a day. So it's a more intensive way to work with me. But if you don't want to drag out coaching over a longer period of time, an intensive is a great way to go. So that's new. Of course, I'm still doing the corporate trainings and keynote speaking. And we do have another inspired result, Women's weekend for sure, coming in the fall. Potentially something exciting happening in the spring as well. More details on that soon.

So for details, you can always check her out on Facebook. You can like her Facebook page and of course, inspired results coach dot com. So here's how we roll on a confession. Tuesday, you go to cnykiss.com and submit your story. It could be about anything that's going on in your world. And we bring it to Rebecca. And again, Rebecca said she's not a quote unquote therapist. She is a life coach. It's all about you getting the desired result that you want no matter what the situation is.

Yeah. My goal is for people to have the inspired results in their lives that they want. And the only person that can make that happen for you is you. And I work with people on healing, past patterns, emotional blocks, and any beliefs that are unconscious that are in the way of their getting their goals.

Okay, so what I would like to talk about today are people that are in relationships. Relationships. But it seems that one of them, or possibly both, aren't mature enough to be in there. They think they are, but they're not. Does that, does that make sense? And it's like, it goes back to like childish things and whatnot. Can we, can we talk about that a little?

Here's the life coach. Yes.

Yes. Does that make sense?

Absolutely. So number one, what if when we are grounded, present, and basically in our adult minds, we're all mature enough to handle a relationship?

Duh. Oh, sorry.

When we hit fear, what if we actually age, regress, and that's when the childhood kinds of comes into play. So anyone who's in fear, I want you to entertain the possibility that you're not the adult in their right mind in that moment because you're afraid of the past repeating itself. So if you're afraid of the past repeating yourself, then you're not in that right adult mind.

So to kind of translate Rebecca talk, when you say, you know, in fear, what does that mean?

Yeah. So basically, anytime things feel off, feel uncomfortable, you feel upset, you're in fear. And it can be super subtle, it can be like a whisper. But in the personal growth world, I say that you're either kind coming from a place of fear or empowerment. It's that simple. So in any thought you're thinking, in any word that you're saying, in any action that you're doing, what if it's either fear or empowerment? One or the other, that's it, black and white. So a lot of us are run by fear way more than we recognize.

Oh, sure.

And then it's okay to admit that there's. Okay. I don't actually even know what's happening. Like ignorance is bliss and then there's denial while it's happening, but I'm gonna pretend like it isn't.

It's fin. Worry about it, it's fine, It'll be fine. No worries.

When we're operating from that place of fear, it's almost self protection mode, which means that you basically guarantee that you're gonna get hurt. If you are in self protection, you can pretty much guarantee that you're gonna get hurt because you are waiting for it, you are looking for it, and you are expecting it. So self protection is extremely toxic to your relationships. And my coaching is be real, get vulnerable. Be willing to say, I don't like this, I'm scared of this. What's Happening right now is reminding the denial isn't gonna work. And I'm encouraging you to go there to create more emotional intimacy with your partner so that you guys can get through whatever the issue is together and grow. If we avoid dealing with the issues, it gets louder, you're in more self protection and you end up getting your heart broken. Pretty much guaranteed.

Now whether it's people are in a relationship or not, if someone, you know, like you said, they're in fear or they're uncomfortable, or they're, they have anxiety about something or, you know, you, you clam up. The self protection mode that you're talking about, that could hurt. Doesn't matter if it's professional, doesn't matter if it's a relationship, family, career, whatever it is, that could hurt. And in all facets and it's like, and all of a sudden you, you go back to what you know and.

A lot of times you start over and you pretty much will play out the same, same drama with somebody new. And that's another basically guarantee. So you can either deal with the issues with the person you're with now, or you can quit that relationship, start over and have to deal with it again and again and again and again and again until you finally get some support and deal with it by hiring a coach, hiring a therapist, hiring a mentor. But I want to touch on what you talked about, about maturity for a second because I do think that there's a big distinction between drama and basically falling apart at the feeling sorry for yourself, blaming. If you're feeling sorry for yourself and blaming, you're definitely in drama. And that is absolutely fear. So that is what I think you're describing as immature behavior. And all adults do it. So according to Gary, we're all immature.

Oh yeah.

Sometimes in our days and lives, including me, I have to use all of these tools every single day that I teach. I'm definitely not drama free, but I do with the tools, know how to get through it faster.

And I'm one of the lucky ones to have seen you when you're most immature times.

It'S great, right? Like live it out loud, you know?

Absolutely.

And it's about. It doesn't have to be that way permanently.

Right.

So what is mature is actually feeling your feelings. And I think a lot of people have a really hard time being with someone, especially of the opposite sex when they're feeling their feelings. So I might be with a man who's angry and call that drama. And this isn't okay. Well, actually anger is a Healthy emotion. And as long as they're not directing it at someone or something, then feeling the anger actually isn't a problem. It's really healthy. But I used to think, and I know a lot of my clients experience this as well, that, okay, if my partner is feeling emotion, they need to get it together. This is immature. This actually is making me uncomfortable. When feeling your feelings of anger, of sadness, of grief, of fear is extremely healthy. Right. And extremely important. Again, it's just about. Don't say, you made me mad. You made me sad. I'm scared because you did this. That is drama. That's the immature energy that you're talking about. But feeling your feelings is actually healthy. And then almost every single couple I've ever had doesn't know how to be with their partner when they're feeling their feelings.

That's. Well, that's a rough. I mean, that's a whole other conversation.

But I want to just point out how healthy it is for your partner to be feeling their feelings, and you actually can become safe space where they can be themselves no matter where they're at with you. And then that's real intimacy. You don't want them to, like, stuff it down. And how many women do this to men? I want you to be sensitive now. You're sensitive. Snap out of it. I don't like it. I don't want you to be sensitive anymore. Right? And that's a huge setup for the guy. And then there are a lot of men who. A woman starts crying, and the guy's like, oh, my God, I'm out of here. I can't handle it. Well, you want your woman to be coming to you with her feelings, or where else is she gonna go?

Exactly? Real quick, and I know we got to wrap this up. You were talking about people when they're in fear and whatnot, they go to, like, their default, you know, they, you know, enclose in what's a good step, because it doesn't matter what the situation is. People end up going back into that. What is. What's a couple good tips to help get themselves, you know, if they realize that's what they're doing. To not do that or to help them not be there as long.

This is a great question. So, you know, instead of calling it were mature or immature, what if it's about, I'm either, like, playing out my past or living in right here right now with you. So if you find yourself kind of playing out the past, living in fear of getting hurt the way you've gotten hurt before or fear of what's happened in your parents relationship, happening in your current relationship, anything like that, Just know that first and foremost, you have the ability to create a new ending to the story regardless of what's happened to you before or what you saw before. You're in the driver's seat and you can write a new ending even if the scenario is dangerously similar to what you'd been through before. So just because this looks the same, smells the same, feels the same, it doesn't have to have the same ending. So I think recognizing that first and foremost is super important that you can have a new experience, experience in a similar situation. And then the second biggest tip I have is to really think about what's your goal here? Like, what is the solution that you need to be happy and to feel resolved in the situation. So often people are coming to me with, here's the problem, here's the problem, here's the problem. Fine. What do you need to feel resolved, to feel clear, to feel confident and to put this behind you. And that's actually a really difficult question for a lot of people, right? They know what they don't want to. And if you know what you don't want, then you are 100% on the right track to identifying what you do want. So anyone who tells me they don't know what they want, I hear that as I don't value myself enough to figure it out. You know, you just at some point gave yourself permission to not go there. So I'm giving you this opportunity to give yourself permission to go there, to be thinking about what do you need to feel better about this? What's the solution? Because your partner will never be able to figure that out for you.

Local life coach, Rebecca silence inspired results, coach.com Again, she is very close to being full as far as as far as new clients go. So if you want to have Rebecca help you, your family, your child, your relationship, whatever it is, please hit her up. And of course, corporate speaking and emceeing and whatnot. Absolutely amazing.

Thank you, everybody. Have a great week. And our Rebecca Silence of inspired results Facebook page is almost at a thousand likes. So if you could do me a favor, go to Rebecca Silence of inspired results and like that page. That would be awesome.

So, yeah, hit up Rebecca Silence of inspired results like the page and keep up to date with what's going on with Rebecca and confession Tuesday. Amazing job as always.

Thank you. See everybody next week.

All right, we're going to break. Come back big papa and Bannon in the morning on Kiss fm.