Confession Tuesday 2/23/16 Commonly Asked Questions

In studio, local life coach Rebecca. Silence. It is a confession. Tuesday Good morning.

Good morning.

So you have so much stuff going on, and I love the fact that you're. You're back to, like, you've been. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's, I think that's the best way. Best way to put it because, you know, you've been doing so much as, you know, over the last year, you, you know, were diagnosed and have beaten cancer, you know, had the baby and everything. So, like, the last year, you've been, I don't want to say a shell of you, but you haven't been all the way like the Rebecca that I, you know, you're, you know, it's like.

There'S a little bit of a pause.

Well, it's, you know what it is? It's like playing a video game and, you know, sometimes the, you know, the main character, you know, loses some strength and, you know, and finally you get to, you know, you get back to 100%. And I feel like, like your mojo, like, it's all there.

And I'm healthy. I'm so happy to be, and I'm definite to inspired results. Full throttle, which makes me just so excited. It's an honor to work with the amazing people I work with. And then there's a lot to do. So, yes, I am back. We have the April leadership retreat coming for graduates of previous women's weekends or the radiant seminar. And then I will also be co facilitating the legacy life coach certification program. And that closes, I think, the end of this week. So if anybody's interested in getting certified as a life coach, definitely get in touch with me right away and let me know. It's the best program I've ever seen. Better than grad school. I love it. So that's coming up. The practice is booming. I'm back to corporate trainings. I'm doing a WEBINAR with about 500 scientists on Tuesday, which I think is great. I absolutely love it.

Oh, what? Huh.

They wanted me to do a webinar on diffusing conflict in the workplace. So that's happening next week. Just super fun to be back to coaching, training, facilitating, and seminars. And definitely get in touch with me on inspiredresultscoach.com right away if you'd like my support with any of those things.

So you have the leadership. And now when is that going down?

April 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. There's more information on the website. Spots are filling very fast, but there are some left for that leadership retreat.

And you also have it feels like you just got done with a women's getaway weekend.

The Inspired Results Women's weekend in January. There will be another one of those in November for anyone.

And, and for. Again, for all the details, you can go to inspired results coach.com or like Rebecca Silence of Inspired Results on Facebook and you get all the details there. I like the fact that you started to do a blog on a semi regular basis.

Yeah, I was doing that before cancer and the baby. And I'm definitely back to weekly blogs. But.

But I think that, you know, beyond this segment, which a lot of people tune into just, you know, specifically for you, I think that that gives them. Gives people another opportunity to kind of look at things from the outside looking in. I think that's one of the things that you make people do is just the way you approach situations. And a lot of times just to take a step back no matter what the situation is and look at it from all angles. And I think that's one of the things that you're really good at is forcing people to take a step back and see it from whether it's the other person's point of view or from point of view that's not your own to make better decisions.

Yeah. And the website has a lot of free resources on it, the back radio shows as well as multiple blogs. So feel free to check out those as well.

What do you get asked most about? Is there like one topic that always seems to come up? Is it. Do you. Because the one thing I always hear when I talk about Confession Tuesday, number one, I hear about how awesome you are and how in how amazing you are and. But I also hear, oh, Rebecca doesn't have enough time for me. All the problems that I have, I just. There's just too. There's nowhere to. There's nowhere to start. That's the, that's the big thing that I normally hear when it comes to, well, submit something. What do you, you know, what do you want us to talk about? It's a lot of times that's the big thing where like, it seems like people feel like they have so much bad mojo going on and multiple different spots that they, quote, unquote, don't know where to begin, so they give up. Is that fair to say? Is that something that you get a lot as well?

I think people get really scared of not only having to do whatever it takes to get what they want, but there's a lot that they would have to let go of to get what they want.

Explain what that means.

So what I mean by that is, when you're taking on a big goal, for example, say you want a new career, then anything in the way of you becoming the person who could be successful at that career has to go. So we'll talk about me, for example, when I first started personal growth work, I was bulimic. I was broke working three jobs. I was a single mother. I had wonderful friends, but it was a party all the time. So those things weren't gonna work. If I wanted to do what I'm doing now, I had to make changes to let go of behaviors that were out of integrity for me and anything that was destructive and toxic that would kind of keep me in survival mode. I couldn't do if I wanted the life I have now. So that's an extreme example, but it's true for everyone. When you're taking a bigger goal or what I call a bigger game, anything in the way of that has to go. So I think where people get stuck is not necessarily knowing for themselves what it is that needs to change to get where they want to go. So that's where I come in, and I work with people on changing belief systems that keep them stuck dealing with emotion that they don't want to feel, that's blocked, that's keeping them stuck. And then I also, I think, have a unique ability to get people to not only see where their patterns come from, but to support them in breaking those patterns permanently. So when you're asking me what do people come to me with the most, or what comes up the most in my office, you know, I would say two different things. So the thing that comes up the most in my office, people don't come to me wanting to deal with this, but it comes up the most, and it needs to get dealt with is emotion.

Okay?

People do not feel comfortable or have the toolkit to heal and deal with their emotions in a way that's productive. Almost everyone I've ever met, including me, has programming that taught us to keep our emotions inside.

Swallow it.

You don't want to feel it. You're gonna hurt someone. If you feel it, you're gonna make.

The situation worse or you're weak for showing emotion.

Absolutely. So what, you know, I would say I deal with the most is teaching people how to manage their emotions in a healthy way, how to not be afraid of their emotions, and how to embrace their emotions because they're real. They're not going anywhere. And you were talking about my blog earlier. Next week's blog is all about emotion.

Okay?

Yeah, so definitely.

See, by the way, I had no idea.

Yeah, you did, too. But that's definitely something that I see. And my old coach, Carol Reynolds, used to teach that there are only five naturally occurring emotions. Okay? So abandonment, rejection, guilt, shame. What if none of those are actually emotions? What if they're all just coping skills that we learned, Right? You learn jealousy, you're not born knowing how to be jealous. You learn abandonment, you're not born knowing that you can be abandoned. Right? Guilt, shame. All of this is learned. The five real naturally occurring emotions that my baby does that she can do all of in about two minutes, right? There are five, and they are anger, fear, grief, or sadness, joy and excitement. So what I want people to know more than anything, you can go through.

In about two minutes, too, right?

All of us can't if we give ourselves permission to. But here's the thing that I think is so important.

Sorry, Vanna.

So, like, right now, you're laughing, which I love, right? It's a joyful, excited place to be. What if you can't have joy and excitement if you won't let yourself experience those darker emotions of anger, fear, and grief?

Okay?

So we have to learn how to feel all of them to be able to feel any of them. And that's what I'm working with my clients on, as well as teaching people that the emotions are there for a reason. And here's the biggest thing. Your emotions are never because of another person or the situation you're in. Ever.

Say that again.

Your emotions are never because of the situation that you are in or the other person. The example I love to give is cast away. Right? Did you ever see the scene in Castaway where Tom Hanks is arguing with the volleyball?

Yes.

Right. Wilson didn't do anything. Right. Wilson is innocent. But that's what we do with people. We project our past stuff onto people and situations that we're in that remind us of the past. And then we stay stuck in this vicious, vicious cycle. But after cancer, I am more convinced now than ever that the drama, the triggers, the emotions in me that need to come up, they were already there. And they're never caused by anyone. I had a client in the office last week who was saying to me that he's really learned, okay? When I'm angry, I'm just angry. It doesn't have to be about someone else. So he had shared with someone how he was feeling, and the person just said, I don't understand that. How could anger not be about a person? They just had a really hard time thinking about it. But this person has gotten to the point where he really gets that. And it's difficult and it does take some work. But when you're asking, what's something that I deal with the most? It's definitely teaching people not only how to identify and accept their emotions, but how to embrace it and heal through it so that they're not projecting it onto people or situations and getting caught in even more drama.

Real quick, what is. What would be step one into? Because people really, like, bottle up the negative emotions, whether. Because they don't, they don't want to. They don't want to show it, whether it be to the themselves or other people or, you know, what's a good way to just to start to handle that stuff?

So step one is when you're feeling upset, ask yourself, what's the emotion I don't want to feel right now? Is it anger, fear, grief, joy, or excitement? And just identify it. Just start getting more aware of what emotions are you comfortable with and what emotions are you not comfortable with? And then if you're trying to start stuff or block any of them, you block and stuff all of them. So I would just start tracking what's the emotion I don't want to feel right now when you're upset, and then hire a therapist or a coach or a mentor to help you feel whatever that is that you don't want to feel, so that you don't set your life up to have to feel what you don't want to feel, because that's what people end up doing unconsciously. And then the other question you asked me about, what do people come to me with the most? Okay, because the emotions, that's what I end up dealing with the most. But what people come to me the most with is I don't know if I can get what I want.

Okay?

Right. So they may know what they want, they may not. They might not even be giving themselves permission to think about what they want. But what I get more than anything is fear that they're not going to be successful at achieving their goals. And what I know for sure is if a few things are in place, there's no way you won't get your goals. Number one, you do have to know what you want and be really clear about it. Number two, you have to be willing to grow through and let go of anything that would be in the way of you accomplishing that. And the third thing is you just have to stay committed. You have to be willing to do whatever it takes and if you're willing to do all of those things, there is absolutely nothing that you can't have. And it happens every single day where people tell me and they're shocked, oh, my goodness, I took the coaching and look at what I got right. And it's not a fluke. There's a reason why you're getting what you wanted and then don't give up. And when you tell yourself from the beginning that you're not going to be successful, you're going to be right. So be really careful about that. There is nothing you can't have.

Local life coach rebeccasilenceinspiredresultscoach.com that's absolutely awesome. Absolutely awesome.

Thank you. And I want to hear from you. What are you wanting? Let's get to work.

Absolutely. You can go to cnykiss.com and tell your story confidentially and we can handle it here on the air. Of course, you can Contact Rebecca at inspiredresultscoach.com or Rebecca Silence of Inspired results. And whether it be corporate trainings or you want to do the. The leadership weekend or the seminars or if you're just looking for individual coaching, family coaching, whatever it is, hit up Rebecca. And she is absolutely amazing at what she does. So thank you so much.

Thank you.

I think I. And I realized that we just, you know, there was no. We didn't get to the email and we just kind of talked. But I think that just having this conversation absolutely helped a bunch of people today. And I think. And I think that's great.

Thank you, everyone. Have a wonderful week. And please do email us as well.

Absolutely. We're gonna break him back. Big Pop and Ben in the morning on KISS fm.