A listener asks whether to tell her traditional grandmother about her pregnancy with an unmarried partner. Life coach Rebeccah Silence says honesty is better than secrets, but warns the grandmother might react with anger, support, or withdrawal.
It is confession. Tuesday. Local life coach Rebecca Silence is in studio. Good morning.
Good morning.
I like the fact that it's like you're. You're. This is like your last official thing before you head off, before you head off to a conference or something, Right. You're going to like a.
It's called the Abundant Living Retreat in Palm Springs, California.
See, people go on vacation, people go on conferences. Rebecca Silence goes to retreats.
Yes, exactly.
So talk to me about what you're. Where you're going and what you're doing.
Abundant Living Retreat is all about creating abundance in all areas of your life at once. Right. Because so many times people focus on relationship or career and money or body and other parts of their life suffer.
Right.
So this retreat is all about creating everything all at once. And that's all I'm going to say about that. My husband's coming too, and, you know, he's taking a huge leap of faith because he has not a clue what to expect really. And so it's a great time.
That's actually probably the best thing because there's no expectations. Just walk, you know, just walk in. Okay. I'm not quite sure. Here we go. It's like going on a roller coaster, but not being able to see the roller coaster before you get on the thing.
He's wonderful. I'm on the leadership retreat part of it, so I'm behind the scenes.
Oh, very cool. Very, very cool. Now because you're heading to that, that means tonight the coaching circles aren't happening, Correct?
Correct. Coaching circle is canceled. But they are going to have a little Radiance meet and greet. No charge. You can come meet some of the women of Radiance. There's a handful of left still ladies for the radiant seminar. So that will be taking place tonight at the office instead of coaching circles.
And if you want details on Radiance, which is happening next weekend.
Yep. We get back from Abundant Living and go right into Radiance.
Yeah, Details on that. And inspired results. Coach.com. all right, so here's how we roll on a Tuesday morning. You go to CNY kiss.com you tell us what's going on in your world, and local life coach Rebecca Silence will get through the muck, if you will, and get right to the heart of the. Of the situation and help you get what you want out of the. Out of the situation. All right.
Yes.
Shall we?
Yes.
Shall we? Okay. Dear Rebecca and Big Papa. My elderly grandmother is definitely old school, but my boyfriend and I are a little more non traditional. We've lived together for six years, and I have no intention of getting married. Not anytime soon anyway. But we just found out that we're expecting a baby in September. We're not married, though. And that's a problem with my grandmother. Should we hide the news from my grandmother, or should we just tell her now before she figures it out?
Wow, what a great email. Thank you. You know, believe it or not, I've been in this position. Exactly. So when my daughter was all of a sudden going to come into the picture, I was really nervous because my grandmother and I were super, super tight, and I wasn't sure how she'd respond. Here's what I know about secrets. They're poison. Okay? Not just for your relationships, but for your own life. Because there's always this sense of, I don't want to get found out hanging over your head. Right. This is never helpful for anyone. So, you know what I ended up doing with my grandmother was just calling her and saying, hey, guess what? You're gonna be a great grandmother. And she said, oh, how lovely, dear.
Was that the exact response?
How lovely, dear.
How lovely, dear.
I was expecting. I mean, I just want everybody to consider the possibility that we do go to the worst case. Scenari.
Oh, sure.
And sometimes that will happen. I'm not going to pretend that's not the case. But more often than not, the result is so much different than what we imagine in our head. So, yeah, my grandmother was totally great. We ended up getting married, and she was a great supporter. Doesn't mean your grandmother's gonna support you. But the point is that if you're proud of the decisions you're making, that's what's important. Because 50% of the time, people are going to make you wrong, whether it's about this or anything else. And 50% of the time, people are going to agree with you. And so if you're doing the I have to please 100% of the people 100% of the time game, you will always lose.
But there's also a handful, and especially when it comes to family, there's. There's a handful of people that. Whose opinion that you really value.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying? And a lot of times, you know, grandma, grandpa, mom, dad, you know, those hold those particular spots, so it makes it a little bit more difficult.
But the truth is, and I'm not discounting that you still have a 50, 50 shot of getting the approval from the people closest to you. So, you know, I get it. But is that just Justification to beat yourself up and worry a lot more. I don't know what the purpose of that is. So what I'm saying is, whatever your decisions are, get ready for some people to disagree with you, and get ready for some people to question you. You know, when I first started personal growth, my sister asked me if I was in a cult. She said, what is this? What are you doing out there in Denver, Colorado? And now you're moving to Vegas and what's happening with you? And it's taken them.
They didn't drink the Kool Aid, right?
They were very concerned out here on the east coast about me. And it's taken about six years for them to be like, oh, like this wasn't a phase. She was serious. Look at what she's doing. But see, if I was needing my family's support back when I started doing this work, I would have never done it, right? And so it's about following your own intuition, that little voice in your head that has the answer that knows exactly what you need and not paying attention to the opinions of everybody else. Because other people's opinions are just that. They're an opinion. It's not a fact. It's not gospel. It's an opinion. So what you're wanting is what's really important. And as long as you've weighed the pros to your decision and the cons to your decision before you actually made it, and that part's important, making the decision carefully. Then make your decision and just get. Not everybody's going to be on board, and either they'll catch up with you. I like to say it this way. There are three ways people are going to respond to you. The first is they're going to maybe get mad and then get over it. Right. The second is they'll support you. And the third is they'll go away. And if they're going to go away, I'm just gonna suggest they're already gone. They're just looking for the right reason to bail. So as long as you're making your decisions in a way you're proud of, to me, that's what's important.
And as far as hiding the news that you're preggers from your grandma, at some point she's gonna figure it out. She's gonna find out it's not, you know. You know, being pregnant is not something you can, like, hide. It's not like, you know, having, you know, a puppy at your house and, you know, no one ever comes over kind of at the end of the day.
And I'm just gonna say this. While you're pregnant, the baby feels your energy. So if you're in fear and you're in shame while you're pregnant trying to hide this, it really could emotionally impact in bigger ways than you can imagine. And so this is a gift, and I think owning it is so important, because you know what? The cameras are rolling. People see the truth, whether we want to admit it or not. So the faster. The faster we admit the truth, the better for everyone.
Absolutely. How do you feel? How do you feel? Respond. Hit up Twitter and use hashtag Confession Tuesday. And we'll go from there. Email Big papa@cnykiss.com More with local life coach Rebecca Silence. Next Confession Tuesday here on Kiss fm.
Free 5-Day Live Online Bootcamp for Mothers, August 24–28 4 PM EST. Replays available #shorts
