Confession Tuesday 2/9/16 VALENTINE'S LOVE TALK

It is a confession. Tuesday, local life coach, life changer Rebecca Silence.

Like I said before, she's like Yoda but doesn't talk backwards.

Yeah. A lot taller, too.

Yes.

Yeah, absolutely. Rebecca, good morning.

Good morning.

So, of course, inspired results Coach.com is the website, whether it be individual, couple, family, child, as far as help that way you're doing it. And also corporate talks as well, whether it be for schools or jobs. And your job and what you do is help people get out of their own way to get what they really want.

Right. It's about what inspired result are you looking to create in your personal life, in your career, in your relationships, in your family. And then what I do is help people get out of their own way by looking at beliefs that may be keeping them stuck, Healing past patterns. So many of us have patterns that keep repeating themselves, and we don't know why. If you work with me, you will understand why and be able to break the pattern. And then we also have to, of course, deal with emotional blocks so that those can get released. And then from there, you can create whatever inspired result it is that you're wanting for details.

Inspired results coach.com. you can also like Rebecca of Inspired Results and get more details that way as well. All right, so it's. It's Valentine's week, and I would imagine that in your line of work, that Valentine's week is very. I don't want to say treacherous, but there's a lot of anxiety. There's a lot of stress. There's a lot of, you know, just like the holidays, there's a lot of things that come out of the. There's a lot of things that come out of the woodwork for people individually. It seems like if you're single around Valentine's Day.

Yeah. Or even if you're in a relationship, is this the right relationship? Do I want to even be your Valentine?

Today is actually the biggest day for breakups.

It is.

Yeah. Because. Because people want to be, you know, are afraid of that commitment and whatnot, or they just don't want to spend the money for Valentine's Day. But today's the biggest breakup day, kind.

Of that time of year where a magnifying glass is held over your relationship status. And then what if that's actually a good thing? I'm a big fan of knowing the truth so that I can move on with my life. And if the truth is that you're not all in. In this relationship with me and I end up being single on Valentine's Day, what if that is incredibly freeing. You know, I have several people, obviously, that I coach and I have this one woman in particular I'm thinking of, who is super sad about not having a Valentine. She's been divorced. She really wants to be married again. And my coaching to her was to think about the fact that she's not wasting time with the wrong person right now. If she's single, at least that's giving her an opportunity to really figure out what she wants, to really look at how she can be the best potential partner possible. And then she's not wasting her time and spinning her wheels in a dead end relationship.

A lot of people are really doing that, though. They're staying where they are because it's the easy thing to do. It's just what they're used to and they're not really happy.

Right. And what if it's possible to actually be independent and have a relationship that's fulfilling? This weekend I worked with a couple in a couples intensive and we worked on designing their marriage in a way that works for both of them. Really looking at, okay, what am I bringing to the table that has nothing to do with my partner but is still haunting me from my past? How do I deal with that so that we can create something new that has nothing to do with what we saw growing up or what we learned relationships have to look like.

So I want to talk to you about people who are just kind of sour on. It seems like people are really, they're either lovey dovey or they're sour on Valentine's Day. I want to talk about the people that are sour on Valentine's Day. Like the, you know, the relationship haters club. It seems like obviously there's, there's a lot of them. Is it because they just can't seem to find the right fit? It's. Or they've been, I would imagine a lot of it is because they've been hurt before and that's their way of coping. I, you know, I've been hurt, so screw that. I don't want to even deal with that.

Right.

Is, is that a recurring theme?

Well, I hate crappy relationships too.

Everyone does.

Rebecca Stiles, ladies and gentlemen, Crappy relationships.

It'S gonna really impact your life if you're in a toxic relationship. So I'm all with the haters of the bad relationship club around. This is not what I want or deserve. But what if it doesn't have to stop there? What if from everything that you know, you don't want, you have an opportunity to create Something new. And I think it does maybe make you feel powerful to kind of bash on men, bash on relationships if you've had a bad past, or to bash on women if you're a guy who's had a bad. And it's okay to let that past go. I would never be able to appreciate Mark, my husband now, who I absolutely adore, if I didn't have such a toxic nightmare of a first marriage. Sure, I am so grateful to my first husband. He taught me everything that I don't deserve, that I will never tolerate, and who I really am because of that relationship with him. So it's a gift. And then from right here, right now, whatever your history, what do you want moving forward? I guarantee it's not to be alone.

So how. So if that's, if that's the case, how do people go about, okay, say hi, you know, and this. And this is the, this is the thing, you know, say, okay, well, you know, maybe I don't want to be alone, but I don't know how to get what I want.

Right.

You know, that's because. That's. Because that's the thing. That's the hard. That's that hard step.

But you've probably never seen anyone getting what they want in a relationship, which is why you think you can't have it. But what if that doesn't have to be true? And then unconsciously, you guys don't have to believe me, Check this out for yourself. But what if unconsciously we think that what our parents had is what we are destined to have to have for ourselves? And what if that's not true and it doesn't make your parents bad or wrong, but so many people think, oh my gosh, my parents were so in love, I'm never gonna have that. Or I absolutely don't want the kind of drama that I saw my parents doing. So I'd almost rather not have a relationship than have to endure what I saw my parents through. And then what if there's a way to have something completely new, completely different, completely yours, other than what you saw? So just plant that seed of possibility with yourself. Give yourself permission to dream bigger about what you want relationship to look like. And I guarantee everyone out there wants connection. And I guarantee that everyone out there has the perfect partner waiting for you when you are ready to find them. And Gary, you're a great example of that.

Oh, geez.

But you are right. I mean, we just had our four year anniversary a couple of days ago for confession. Tuesday. Oh, wow. February 7th. I saw that on my memories.

Oh, geez.

Four year anniversary. Happy anniversary.

Now you see now?

And you didn't get her anything.

That's what I'm saying. She brought it up on the air and I didn't get her nothing.

You can get her anything. You can be my year four. Like, that's not paper.

Let's talk about this for a second.

Apparently, year four is guilt.

So our first.

You're welcome.

I'm sorry, go ahead.

Well, our first three years, how would you describe your relationship history and status?

Single.

Yeah.

And repeatedly single. You know, that's. You know, it got to a certain point and then it was. You know, it was next.

Right. And I remember the first year we did Confession Tuesday. I have goosebumps thinking about this. You did a homework assignment where I invited you to write out everything you wanted in a partner.

Yeah. Yeah, I still have it. It's in my phone.

You did the homework, and then it took a little while for you to be ready to meet her. But now I've met her. She's amazing. Came to the women's weekend. Killed it at the women's weekend. You have this awesome powerhouse of a partner. And I used to say to Gary, I can't wait to meet her.

She did. She did. Like years ago. She said this. Yeah, you're right.

I saw the description. I have goosebumps. I. I can't wait to meet her. And then now I've met her. So everyone out there, what if it's possible for you to get to the point where you are ready for your perfect partner? And what if that's all that's in the way? It isn't that the person doesn't exist. They do. And when you're ready to meet them, you will. What's happening with you right now? Sweet. Gary is so cute.

His heart is fluttering.

Oh, stop.

He's blushing.

Tell the people it's possible.

No, it absolutely is. You know, it's so awkward right now.

Because we're both staring at you.

Yeah, well, kinda. But the fact is that that was my truth. And you had me do this homework assignment of things that I wanted, a potential partner, and I did it, and I wasn't ready. And now all of a sudden, it just. It happened. And I literally have showed her that list, and I'm like, this is you. You know, and it's been f. The best relationship I have ever had, and.

You'Re working for it. I think that's what other people need to understand. It's not necessarily gonna be easy. It doesn't have to be hell, though, right? I don't want anybody in hell in their relationship.

Every relationship is work, let's say, you.

Know, it will require a lot of effort, right? And you have to be willing to go through the ups and downs. I mean, Mark and I, we have been through all kinds of things with businesses closing with me having cancer, with having a new baby. And it's definitely takes effort and the intention of recommitting and falling in love again every day. So as long as you're willing to do whatever it takes, and as long as you're willing to really dig deep and figure out what it is you want in the first place, there's no reason that you can't have a great relationship. And if you're single on Valentine's Day, that means that you're not in a dead end and that much closer to what you do want.

Do you have a homework assignment?

Absolutely. So I posted it in my confession. Tuesday's happening this morning, so if you like Rebecca Silence of Inspired Results, you can see it right on the Facebook page. But what I want you to do is get really specific and really clear about what you want in a relationship. Write down all the characteristics, and don't leave things out. I have had a couple of relationships where I got exactly what I wanted, but I forgot a couple of things. I have a kid. You have to like kids. That was the big one that I forgot to write down. So don't leave things out that are really important to you. But here's the second step, okay? It's much bigger than just writing down what it is that you want. Part two is you have to look at whether or not you are those things that you're looking for in a partner. If you're not willing to be financially stable, if that's what you want in a partner, you will attract where you are, not what you want. Same with physical health, same with intimacy, same with career, any of it. If you hate your job, handle that. If you want a partner who loves their job, you have to become what it is that you want, because you will attract where you are, not what you're looking for.

You're absolutely right.

So write it out. Make sure you look at whether or not you are those things. And if you're not, hire a coach, get a therapist, get a mentor. Figure it out so that you can ultimately get that great relationship that you want.

And when you're doing it, don't be like, oh, I'll never get that. That's not the point of it. Put down exactly what you want.

Oh, there's nothing you can't have.

Exactly.

And I want you all to just think, some people can have it. Why shouldn't it be you?

I get some crap sometimes because I'm a little like lovey dovey, over the top on like Facebook and whatnot. Fact is, I'm proud of what I've worked for.

I've been a long time for this.

Yeah, I'm proud of it. And we're both extremely happy. And that's, you know, that's. I'm excited about where I am in life.

And no two relationships are the same. So the way that you and your sweet woman are doing your relationship doesn't have to be the way other people do. They can all be different. But what I want people to understand is you don't have to lose yourself once you get in a relationship.

Exactly.

You can stay independent and have the relationship and it can look exactly the way you want it. Not like what you saw.

Inspired results. Coach.com, she's local. Life coach Rebecca. Silence. Confession Tuesday. Happy anniversary. Apparently.

Thank you. Four years of Confession Tuesday. How amazing is that?

I owe you a gift and dinner, I guess.

Awesome.

I don't know. I don't know what's. We have to figure out what. The fourth.

You better figure it out.

Yeah, the fourth year anniversary. Yeah, boy.

Happy anniversary. And everybody have a great week. Keep our emails coming too. We really want to hear from you.

Absolutely. See on my kiss.com gonna break him back. Big pop and band in the morning on Kiss fm.