Local life coach Rebeccah Silence appears on a Confession Tuesday radio segment with host Big Pop to respond to a listener’s relationship confession about lost trust after suspected emotional/near-infidelity. The episode mixes promotional items (Radiance event, coaching circles in Whitesboro) with counseling: Silence reframes trust as self-trust, highlights red flags (lies, emotional affairs), recommends honest communication, possible couple intervention or therapy, and being willing to leave if needs aren’t met. The segment is conversational, anecdotal, and locally focused.
Questions this video answers
Tonight, 7:00–8:00 PM at the office in Whitesboro, 156 Main Street.
Together almost six years and engaged for two years.
Local life coach Rebecca Silence is in studio. This is a Confession Tuesday inspired results. Coach.com is the website. Of course, you can like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter as well. Now, you do a lot of corporate things. You do a lot of things with schools. You do some personal stuff. You had Radiance this past weekend, so congratulations. I heard it was fantastic. The turnout was incredible.
Yeah.
And for someone who has been listening for where are we at, like two years now or something like that.
And.
They want to maybe stick their toe in the water for some life coaching, that's what the circle tonight is pretty much all about, is to be able to give it a try.
Coaching circles are an hour from 7 to 8 at the office in Whitesboro, 156 Main street and it's group coaching. But you come in, you get some great tools and strategies, meet some fabulous people, and you get to see what it's all about.
So details, inspired results, coach.com and it is tonight.
We'd love to have you join us.
You know what's funny? You and I have been friends. A lot of people don't realize we've known each other since high school.
Right.
Like, we grew up together and, you know, and I was, we did, you know, confession Tuesday live. But I've never been to a circle. I've never. I've never been to Radiance.
So.
So I know you from here. So part of me wants to, but then I would feel like obligated to like be like knee deep and do all kinds of sharing and stuff like that. But in circles, you really don't have that pressure. You can share as little or as much as you want to.
No, just like in life, you're always at choice and. Exactly. You could share as little or as much as you want to and you get tools and strategies that apply anywhere in your life.
So this is how we roll on a Tuesday morning. You go to cnykiss.com and you click on the Confession Tuesday icon on the left and you tell us your story. We talk about it here on the air confidentially. And as we help you, we end up helping so many more people here in central New York. Because you would be surprised how many people are going through something very, very similar. You may think you're alone on that island, but that's definitely not the case. Alright, so you ready?
Yes.
All right. Dear Big Pop and Rebecca, My fiance and I have been together almost six years and engaged for two. About three years ago, I caught him texting and calling another woman based on the content of the texts. There is no doubt in my mind that he would have cheated on me if the relationship had the chance to progress to that point and if she had been willing. Although I'm pretty sure nothing physical happened, in my mind, he already cheated on me, and I've been unable to trust him since then. Since then, I have recently caught him lying to me about little things like where he is and who he's with. He thinks it's not a big deal and swears he would never cheat on me. I cannot bring myself to trust him and wonder if I'm wasting my time. Can trust be repaired? And if so, how do we go about it? This is one of two major unresolved issues that has kept us from getting married, and I would like your input on this. Thank you.
Wow, what a great email. Thank you. And, you know, trust is so difficult, and this is a piece that can really make or break relationships. But here's my take on trust. I don't believe it's about trusting the other person. I believe it's about trusting yourself. And no matter what, no matter what happens, can you trust yourself to be able to survive it and handle it in a way that you're proud of? This is what I want you to be thinking about. Now. Red flags.
Before you. Before you go on to the red flag, explain what you mean by that. Because when you're in there and a lot of people have trust issues, and really, it is what it is, and you're afraid of getting hurt from the other person, explain what you mean by that.
So can the other person really hurt you?
Okay.
Can the other person really hurt you? Or is it your thoughts about the other person and what's happening that can hurt you? See what I mean? I mean, it's never the event. So I had at Bellamy Elementary School last week, I role play the difference between being a doormat and a bulldozer and being assertive. And I'll let kids come up and role play. They get to call me a name, and then I demonstrate each one. So I had, like, the school bully come up and want to role play being the aggressive bulldozer with me. And he's saying, I don't want to keep hurting people. I know I get in trouble. Adorable, sweetest kid. And he's mean. So we role play. He starts looking around. I'm going, does he remember what I want him to do right now? And he goes, hey, Mr. Becca, did you lose something? And I said, no. He goes, yeah, you did. You lost your pretty And I just bust out laughing. Now I was supposed to be aggressive back and demonstrate what this is like. And I just start cracking up. And the kids are all looking at me with huge eyes like, no, he didn't say that to her. And I just started laughing. And I said to them, we're gonna have to do it again so I can show you what it means to be aggressive. But then I said, does it really matter what he said to me? I'm only gonna get upset if I believe him. What's the difference between him telling me I'm not pretty or him telling me I'm green with pink stripes? Okay, what's the difference? Right? So when I'm talking about the trust piece in the relationship, what's the difference? I mean, it's not what they do or say. It's how I interpret it that's gonna cause my suffering. So we can't change people, right? But what we can do is be really honest about what works for us and what doesn't in the relationship.
And right now, obviously, there's some things that aren't working for her.
Right? And so I'm saying I want you to trust yourself enough to know what you actually need to be able to tell the truth and to be able to walk away if this isn't the right relationship for you.
And that's. I think that's the biggest thing. Say that again.
I want you to be able to trust yourself enough to know what you need to say, what's true for you, and to be able to walk away if you need to.
I think a lot of people are afraid of the trusting themselves and walking away aspect of that. And that's why so many people put up with it and try so hard to save it, if you will.
And we can't change another person. And I believe, believe me, in my couples work, most of our couples end up staying together, and any relationships are parable, but both people have to want to do it. So you can try to put all your trust into another human being. And I want you to give people the benefit of the doubt. However, if we're putting all our trust in somebody else, in my experience, that usually leads to a lot of disappointment.
Absolutely.
So I want you to be careful, and I want you to get really solid in trusting yourself. And then the next piece of this is there are going to be red flags in any relationship. And so the goal is to actually check it out, to ask, is this what's happening? You know, are you bored in the relationship? Are you trying to Find something outside of the relationship. And emotional affairs, I think are just as dangerous, if not more, as the actual physical affairs. When you're putting your emotional self on the line and giving someone your heart in a way you're not giving your partner, that's toxic.
Let me ask you this. When it comes to relationships and a lot of times, a lot of people, you know, women call it intuition and they have that gut feeling. A lot of times if you have that gut feeling, are they right more times than not? Or is it people are just looking for it because they have that gut feeling.
So you're only going to create evidence to prove yourself. Right?
Okay.
So when I'm on a mission to find evidence that I'm right about something, I will get the evidence. So be careful what you want to be right about. And I would totally agree that if I think I need to go snooping through emails or text messages, I will find something. Right. Or the relationship's in trouble anyway because I'm just looking to find something eventually. Right, Right. So be careful what you want to be right about and because you're probably.
Going to be right. And are you going to be able to handle the consequences once you solidify that.
And we could torture ourselves by finding this evidence then now I don't want to actually face it, so I'm going to stick my head in the sand. You're going to torture yourself. So I'm saying trust yourself enough to know what you actually want and be willing to follow through to get it. You know, if you want a full on monogamous relationship, then get some support. If you're finding red flags, go to a coach, go to a therapist. I would definitely try to find some way to have intervention in the relationship if the red flags are starting to pop up.
What's step one for.
For this girl telling the truth about what your concerns are and being willing. Hey, if this is something that doesn't work for her, if she finds out it happens again. Being willing to leave or be willing to go and get some help, but he might not want to and that's okay.
Local life coach Rebecca Silence.
The worst thing you can do is be in a fairy tale pretending like what's real is not happening.
Because.
Because you're just gonna keep getting the lessons that it's real in your face and.
Yeah, and that reality check, the longer it goes on, the harder it's gonna hurt.
Right? And you can't change another person. I watched the tail end of the Bachelor last night. Oh my goodness. This girl my heart just went out to her because the guy won't say he loves her. He's not saying anything about the relationship meaning anything to him. And she's just sitting there looking at him with hope that, oh, I think he'll come around. I hope he'll come around. You know that book he's not just he's just not that into you is a great book, ladies. It's an awesome book. I got to see that guy stand up. Greg. Brent.
Yeah.
Awesome. Yeah. And next. I mean, if this isn't it.
Next, local life coach Rebecca silence. Inspired results Coach.com Tell us your story. Tell us your story. We'll handle it confidentially on the air here next Tuesday and of course tonight. Coaching circles. Details. Inspired results coach.
