Confession Tuesday 3/15/16 "WE'RE SNIPPING AT EACH OTHER"

It is a confession. Tuesday, local life coach Rebecca silence is in studio. Good morning.

Good morning.

So we're getting ready for your leader. I'll tell you what, being in each other's lives for as long as we have, we've known each other since high school, for crying out loud. But seeing the work that you do and the results that you have with your, I don't want to say clients, but you know, the people that come to you, especially with these workshops, especially with these weekends retreats, the work and the. The results that happen from these weekend getaways really are incredible.

Yeah. The women come with something that they want. I call it a value statement. So it's an I statement that isn't true for them when they arrive. So it could be I am fearless. It could be I'm safe. It could be I am confident. It could be I'm a business owner and then I have a 300% success rate of women by the end of the weekend becoming that value statement. And this leadership retreat is different than anything I've done in the past. It is much more fast paced. We have almost all entrepreneurs at this one.

Oh, wow.

So people in network marketing, people that own their own businesses and really want to grow those businesses are attending this women's weekend, and it is a leadership retreat to take them to the next level in their lives or in their businesses. We have three spots left. It's an unforgettable weekend. Seminars are where my life changed the most. Coaching is profound. It's powerful. It works. But then with seminars on top of that, it's like putting your foot on the gas and changing your life very, very quickly.

And if you want details, you can like Rebecca. It's Rebecca Silence of inspired results. Or you can go to inspired results coach for all of the details. Congratulations on being published over the last. Since I've seen you last.

Yes. Elephant Journal published an article I wrote last week. Very exciting.

And for people who aren't familiar with what Elephant Journal is, tell me about this.

So it's a personal growth publication with outstanding articles. Everyone out there, definitely, definitely check out Elephant Journal. You will see a variety of articles for whatever's going on in your life. Very cool. Very relatable work. And I have an article that I called Fear Blocks Joy. They called it the Girl who changed my Relationship with Fear. And you can like me on Facebook and definitely check that out or look it up on Elephant Journal itself.

Absolutely. So how it rolls on A confession Tuesday is you go to cykiss.com and there is a backlog of past segments with Rebecca. Rebecca is a life coach helping you to get out of your way to get the results that you out of whatever the situation is. So you can listen to these past segments, and you can also submit your story or your question or what you want to be covered. And we handle it here on the air confidentially. So again, cny kiss calm. You ready?

I am.

Okay. Dear Rebecca, I absolutely love my wife, and normally we have a great, loving relationship with good communication. But over the last couple days, it seems like it's all gone out the window. We seem to be snipping at each other over stupid stuff and is starting to become uncomfortable at home. I know that every relationship has peaks and valleys, but how long before I go into panic mode? Or should I just ride this out and hope it's just her time of the month?

Well, if you talk about it happening because it's her time of the month, I guarantee it's gonna get worse before it gets better. So let's just point that out right away. I wouldn't suggest that you go there.

That's a good thing to.

Oh, please help yourself. And don't acknowledge that one. Yeah, that won't go over well. I can pretty much guarantee it. So she's not hormonal, and it's not her fault, and there is probably a reason that this little breakdown is happening. What I love is that you were brave enough to reach out. So in all seriousness, thank you for reaching out. And how many of us have had this situation where things get awkward, things get uncomfortable, and now I don't know what to do. And the good news here is you're only two days into it. Some people are calling me after two years or five years of letting things continually drift farther and farther and farther apart, and that makes it a lot more difficult. So the point is, you're early in catching this. And so what I like to coach my couples to do is the first one who recognizes the drama is the one should be taking a step towards getting closer to their partner. It's really common for people to say, all right, I don't like this. I'm gonna wait for you to do something about it. And then again, that wedge only gets bigger.

Sure.

So that's my hottest tip for dealing with drama in your relationships. If you see it first, do something about it. Don't wait for the other person. And it can be as simple as just saying, hey, things feel off. Are we okay? Are you okay? Because nine times out of ten, or I would even suggest, like 9.9 times out of ten, what the other person is going through has nothing to do with you or the relationship. And they're just showing up, processing or dealing with something outside of the relationship that then the partner is taking personally.

Okay.

And that can begin the snowball of distance and disconnection, which is really difficult to recover from. But not impossible, right? All relationships are repairable in my experience, if both people are willing to do 100% what it takes to make that work. And there's a big difference between talking about wanting to make it work and then being willing to do the work and the action steps to make it work. But the good news here is that it's early, and I would just suggest that you let her know how much you love her, even potentially write her a love letter and just do some small gesture to let her know how much you care. And then just say, hey, I'm concerned. How are you? I feel disconnected.

I would imagine that there are a lot of people that, you know, whether they are married or boyfriend, girlfriend, living together, and the uncomfortableness is just commonplace. And it's just kind of what they've grown used to. And making that one step of, hey, what's going on? Or the love letter or anything along those lines are way outside the comfort zone because of how awkward or, you know, snippy was the. Was a word that. That the emailer used snippy or uncomfortable that the, you know, that it has turned into. Is there a good way to kind of approach it? Because a lot of times I think that that may be a block as well, is taking that initial step. If you're the one that's wreck recognizing it, right? Because they don't feel. They don't feel comfortable doing that.

Call it out. But not in a way that's blaming. In a way that I feel disconnected. Where you're taking the responsibility for your experience of feeling disconnected because the other person might not. I just had someone in my office talking about how the husband was saying how great things were and how happy he was. And in her mind, she was going, I've never felt more disconnected from. From you. Right. So we don't know what's going on with our partners unless we communicate and ask. And then, unfortunately, many people haven't seen good, healthy connection in relationships that were modeled for them. We model being, you know, uncomfortable and disappointed and unhappy a lot of the time, and then that gets passed on. I just had my dental hygienist saying to me, oh, my God, don't Ever get married.

Whoa.

And I said, well, I'm on marriage number two, and it's great. I learned a lot from the first one. Right. You know, but that's what a lot of people really think, that marriage is hard. Ugh. My life ends when I get married. And that doesn't have to be the case at all. I'm doing couples intensives that are a full day with me to help couples take a deep dive and reinvent their relationships. I do couples coaching, and I watch these couples transform their relationships from what they think relationships are supposed to look like for what they want and what works for them. So your relationship is unique to you. It doesn't have to look like anybody else's, but you deserve to be happy. And then my coaching is take responsibility for you feeling disconnected and call it out. And then set up a plan for reconnection. Whether it's an emotional, intimate night where you go on a date, whether it's physical intimacy, but you take the lead in bringing that connection back, it isn't your partner's fault. It's definitely not her period. And you guys deserve to have that reconnection.

Yeah, don't mention that part. That. That's that. Yeah.

Or go ahead. But it won't go well.

I don't think so.

My homework is that anytime you're experiencing drama in any relationship and it doesn't have to be a romantic one, it can be any relationship and you're feeling disconnected, you go first in calling it out. I feel disconnected. And then set up an opportunity to reconnect with that person.

And by drama, that's Rebecca Silence talk. But by drama, you mean any type of conflict. Conflict.

Any type of that uncomfortable, icky energy that's drama. In personal growth, many of the personal growth gurus are talking about there are only two options. One is fear and one is love. And drama is fear.

Local life coach Rebecca silence inspired results. Coach.com you can also like her on Facebook. Rebecca Silence of inspired results. And get all kinds of details, whether it be personal sessions or family or the couples. The couple's intensives she was talking about. And also the leadership retreat.

Yes. Three spots left at the women's leadership retreat. Anyone can go. This is not open to just past graduates of my work. Any women who are ready to take their businesses or their lives to the next level are welcome. So get in touch with me right away if you're interested.

Inspired results. Coach.com it is a confession Tuesday. Thank you so much.

Thank you, everybody. Have a great week.

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