A March 22, 2016 radio-style YouTube segment featuring host Big Papa Banna and local life coach Rebeccah Silence. The episode promotes Rebeccah’s upcoming women’s leadership retreat (one spot remaining) and then addresses a listener’s confession about whether it’s acceptable to 'go number two' at a new boyfriend’s home. Rebeccah uses the question to explore broader themes of vulnerability, authenticity, and leadership in relationships — arguing people should be unapologetically themselves and that others’ judgments are reflections of those people, not of the individual. Contact/promotion: inspiredresultscoach.com and a Facebook page for Rebecca (Rebecca/Rebeccah) Silence of Inspired Results.
Big papa banna in the morning. It is a confession Tuesday. Let's get right into it. Local life coach Rebecca Silence in studio. Good morning.
Good morning.
So talk to me about the leadership retreat. We got one spot left.
We have one spot left for my first ever inspired results women's leadership retreat. This is different than the inspired results women's weekend in that it is my five steps for leading in situation and in any circumstance. So obviously these aren't the only steps to leadership, but I've chosen five steps for the purpose of this retreat that women can take out into the world and into their lives. This group specifically is full of entrepreneurs. We have several network marketers coming this time, which I think is great. And I'm gonna help people build their businesses and their lives so that they can lead regardless of what's going on.
But you don't necessarily have to have your own business or want your own.
What are the next steps in your professional life? If you're wanting to know where you're headed, this is definitely for you. Basically, if you are a woman, you're a leader, so you fit the criteria. Join us. We have one spot left. I have a three story house on Lake Ontario out in Fair Haven that we rent for these retreats. It's a gorgeous, gorgeous home. The women will be receiving facials. There's a hot tub there, wonderful healthy food. And we spend three days together getting to work. It's intense. It can be confronting, but it will work to help you pop your life and take it to the next level. One spot left. And I always am so excited to meet whoever it is that's supposed to be with us. So I look forward to having you, whoever you are. And if you're interested at all, message me right away.
That's right, you can go to inspired resultscoach.com or you can like Rebecca Silence of inspired results on Facebook. You can go that route as well. How we work here on a confession Tuesday. Go to cnykiss and tell us what's going on in your world. What's going on? What is the drama? What are the things that you're having issues with? What's keeping you up at night? What do you want that you just don't have? Or what you know, who knows what it is? But hit us up and it's all confidential and we handle it here on the air for free. So are you ready for the.
I am.
Here we go. Dear Rebecca, I've been going out with a guy for a month and just spent the night at his place and, but we ate wings, drank beer and a lot of other things that are gut wrenching to eat. So the next morning I woke up and I had to use the bathroom. Badly. And not just number one, I hadn't done that at his place yet. And I wasn't about to. You got to keep some of the mystery alive, right? So I was going to get us some coffee. I told him I was gonna get us some coffee, I'd be right back. And then I was out the door and ran home to my place, use the bathroom and then went and got coffee and then went back when it was that excessive. When should is a good time to cross that line? That's, that's, that's where this email is going. Okay, so different strokes for different folks. But, but when it, when is it appropriate to break wind in front of somebody when you're in a relationship? When is it appropriate to, you know, use, use, you know, go number two.
Human and be yourself?
Yeah.
Is that what you're asking?
Some, I mean some people I know coup, you know, they don't break wind in front of each other and they've been together for years.
Uh huh. And if that's not happening, what else isn't happening in front of the other person? And then what if there's never a good time to just be the real you? And I say the flaws are the frosting. The parts of you that are the messiest. What if that is the best part? And if I am lucky enough to know that vulnerable side of you and to see your flaws, I'm lucky. And if you actually get to see that side of me, you are incredibly blessed. So I would love for everyone to take that attitude on, like if you're lucky enough to know my darkest, most vulnerable parts of me, you better take that and treat it as precious. It isn't a bad thing. It's not something to be ashamed of, you know. And my motto literally is here's me on a platter, take it or leave it. And you cannot please 100% of the people 100% of the time. So I would rather be raw and be me all the way from the beginning to see, see whether or not it's a fit and if it's not, it doesn't mean that you're too much to handle. I had that belief for a long time, this core belief that I was too much to handle. And I literally had a guy that I thought I was going to marry at one point tell me, you know, I can't keep up with you, it's like my face is dragging through the mud. Like, he wanted me to be smaller, and I thought, well, maybe I should be smaller. I don't want to lose you. And now looking back, I think, how insane.
Insane, Right?
Right. Whatever he was doing had nothing to do with me, and I deserve to be who I am. Other people's opinions about that aren't even my business. So that's true for everyone else. Other people's reactions to you, other people's opinions are actually about them, not about you.
Say that again. Because that. I mean, we're talking about going number two, you know, in a new relationship. But what you just said was so profound and speaks.
But it's true.
Say it again.
Other people's opinions and beliefs about you are about them. They're not about you at all. But when I take it personally and believe it now, I have work to do. But they might as well be telling you, like I tell the elementary kids when I come in and do trainings, that you're pink with purple stripes. If you're not, you're not gonna believe them. So why do we believe other people's criticisms and judgments? They might as well be saying that we're neon green. We're not.
Right.
So it's just not true. And it isn't even about you. Other people's judgments. And your judgments about other people are about you, too. They're not about them either.
That just got awkward.
So just consider that for a second. And then. I love this listener's email because it is a real problem for some people. It is scary. And at what point do I let myself relax and just be me is what I'm hearing. The real question is, and then I think one of the most dangerous things that can happen in relationships, and I will see this in my couples sessions and in my couples intensives, people can start out the relationship almost like they're on their best behavior. Well, that's not sustainable.
Sure.
Right. Eventually, that act that you're putting on to try to save face and impress has to end. So it's almost more destructive to start the game not being you, because once the real you comes out. Now, talk about awkward. Wait a minute. Do you have multiple personalities? Who are you really? I thought you were something else.
I've actually had relationships in my past where, you know, start out being one way and then, like, three months in, they switched into, like, it was like Jekyll and Hyde kind of thing, because instead of, you know, they were acting one way because that's what they thought I wanted and then changed into who they really are. And it was. It really was. I was like, what? Just give me you. And it was so disappointing.
Absolutely. And confusing. Sure. Because wait a minute. You know, I thought I was signing up for something else. And then I'm just gonna suggest that the real you is perfection. There's no such thing as perfection. There is absolutely no need to try to get anyone to like you or want you or to try to impress other people. Your job is just to be yourself, and then the ones that are real are gonna stick around. And if people go away, I'm just wanting everyone out there, the possibility that they were looking for a reason the whole time, to go away. I had someone that I was really close with, thought we were absolutely gonna be friends for life pretty recently. And the relationship. The relationship's over. I'm not in her life anymore. She's not in my life anymore. Well, that wasn't supposed to last. It's okay. And then when those relationships are, you know, forced and you're trying to keep it alive, it's almost like you're prolonging the inevitable. Sure. So be willing to make for the people who really care about you and are willing to be there no matter what. Those are the gems. And then embrace their flaws and consider that you're lucky to be close enough to them to see that. And then the ones that you're letting in, that's awesome. And if they go away, don't dim yourself down out of fear that people are gonna go away again. Keep shining. Keep being you. Because the right people are gonna stick around, and you can't attract them if you're diminishing.
So in other words, it's okay to go number two at the boyfriend's place now and unapologetically. And if he. Well, I mean, I wouldn't celebrate it.
But you don't have to be ashamed about it. Don't come out of the bathroom and be like, yeah, yeah.
But the fact is, if something happens negatively in the relationship because she does that, the relationship wasn't meant to be anything.
This is the least of your problems. If going number two is something you can't get through, what are you going to do when life really happens? Right. It's gonna happen.
Yep.
So this is not a big deal. Be yourself unapologetically in your relationships and understand that if they end, they were always going to. It's okay.
Local life Coach Rebecca silence inspired results coach.com Rebecca Silence of inspired Results like her on Facebook it's what we do every single Tuesday at this time. And big shout out to everyone listening across the country. People like wake up early on the west coast just to listen to this.
Yes. And thank you for the emails. Keep them coming. They help so many people and it's an honor to hear your questions. Field your questions. Don't forget, we have one spot left in the Women's Leadership Retreat. And part of this work, too is helping people be who they are consistently wherever they are.
Exactly.
That's real leadership. So you don't have to be different in your relationship than you are at work or with your friends. The real you is awesome and deserves to be in the world where people can see you.
Whether it be the leadership retreat, whether it be private coaching for yourself or family couples. She also talks for schools and for businesses. Conferences. Go to inspired results coach.com It's a confession Tuesday. We'll be right back. It's Big Papa and Banna in the Morning on Kiss fm.
