A short studio interview (Confession Tuesday) between host Big Pop and local life coach Rebeccah Silence. Rebeccah promotes her practice Inspired Results and a weekly coaching circle (Whitesboro office, 156 Main St.; 7–8pm; $15) and then coaches a listener who’s dated someone three months whose girlfriend works closely with an ex. The coaching focuses on understanding jealousy as a signal, owning and communicating one’s feelings without accusation, tracing trust issues to past (often parental) models, trusting oneself, and negotiating mutual solutions.
Questions this video answers
Weekly, 7–8pm at Inspired Results office, 156 Main St., Whitesboro.
$15 per session.
Three months.
Five years.
All right. Confession Tuesday Local life coach Rebecca silence in studio inspired results coach.com with Tuesday. We're doing the. The circles tonight, right?
Yes.
Okay. So for people who aren't aware and what is, what is the circle, if you will? And it's not, it's not like a big game of duck duck goose. It's something different, right?
Not at all. Yeah. I own Inspired Results. It's private practice where I work with individuals, couples and families. I do corporate trainings and then now I offer coaching circles. So. So the coaching circle is where you have a chance to work with me in a group setting. It's for one hour, 7 to 8pm at the office in Whitesboro, 156 Main St. It's just $15. And it's not individual coaching. But what I do is I teach different tools and strategies that will help everyone. And you come with an area of your life specifically that you want to focus on, get some great tools and strategies, meet like minded people and we have a really good time.
And you don't necessarily have to come in and, and I hate to say it this way, but it's not like it's an AA meeting where you make, where you make everyone stand up and be like, hi, my name is. It's because people are gun shy with stuff like that.
You have lots of opportunities to share if you want and everything is optional.
So details on that inspired results coach.com also add them on Facebook as well. And you're doing, you're speaking of talks and whatnot, you're doing something tomorrow as well, right? With the ad Club.
With the Ad club, yep. And it's open to the public. You can find the information on my Facebook. I can share. Share it on Big Papa's page as well. So you could see the invite for that?
Absolutely. And if you have a business and you want Rebecca Silence to come in and do a corporate training team building again, inspired results coach.com ready for another email?
Yes.
All right, here we go. Dear Big Pop and Rebecca, I've been going out with someone new for three months and things have been great. There's only one problem. She works for a small company and works closely with her ex boyfriend. The that's where they met and then dated for five years. She said they're just friends now and I have nothing to worry about. But I hate the idea of her seeing her ex every day. Am I overreacting here? Should I be jealous?
This is a great email. So jealousy. What if it's just a message for you that something doesn't feel right. Right. So what if jealousy is not bad? I'm going to suggest embrace the jealousy and talk about it. Communicate, say. So I'm not sure if you've told your girlfriend or not your concerns, but what I will say is that if you have any trust issues in your relationship, I want you to look at your parents relationship and determine whether or not there were trust issues there. Because we have to learn that there's something not to trust in our partner and it doesn't just happen naturally. That's something that we learn.
Okay?
So it's either from past experiences that you've had, most likely from what you saw in your parents relationship. And I just want you to consider the possibility that each relationship you have can be designed in a way that actually works for both of you. And so the past is in the way when we have these trust issues. That's just a fact. Right. Because it's something that already happened that is now influencing your ability to trust the person.
Now the first thing you said was, did you communicate that with them? I think a lot of times when it comes to situations like this, the way you approach the situation with the other person, the way you start the conversation really is critical. Because if you come at it at like a passive aggressive kind of way, right.
Or accusatory if you're, if you're accusing.
Them rather than, you know, this makes me uncomfortable. This makes me, you know, even say this reminds me of this. I, you know, you know, help me out here.
Getting the lingo down.
Yeah, well, I mean, but that's, but that's the truth though, because if you approach, you know, your girlfriend with, you know, oh, gonna go hang out, you know, if you're like, if you're mean about it and accusatory, that's just gonna make things even worse. It's going to be harder to communicate.
Right, Right, absolutely. I love that you're bringing that. Course, the way you present this conversation is critically important. And my recommendation for all types of difficult conversations, no matter what it is, is to own that this is what's going on for you. It has nothing to do with the other person. Ever, ever. And this is hard to understand, but you could check it out for yourself. It's never about the other person because it's your thoughts about the situation that are causing you. Suffering is not the situation.
Right.
So think about what it is for you and then consider the possibility that who you really need to trust is yourself. Right? You need to be able to trust yourself to be able to handle anything that could possibly go on here. Can you trust yourself to be in a relationship with someone who sees their ex every day?
A lot of times with. With stuff like this too, like if, you know, boyfriend, girlfriend, and one of them has a lot of friends of the opposite sex, a lot of times if you know, a lot of it's fear of the unknown is the best way to put it. Like, you know, they've only been dating for about three months. Maybe the boyfriend hasn't met the ex and, you know, maybe all that needs to do is, hey, come visit me at work. And, you know, there's an introduction there and all it takes is 10 minutes. They see, you know, the boyfriend sees the dynamic between the exes, and they're good. A lot of times all you need is to have that unknown taken out of the equation and things will be a lot easier.
Right. But what you're bringing up is a great point, and most people don't actually know what they would need to feel better. So that's the next bit of coaching, is to really think about, would you want to meet the ex? Would you not want to meet the ex? Are you literally just wanting her to get a different job? And good luck with that because that might not go over well.
Right.
And just think about, are you wanting the type of relationship where you're being treated the way you're treating your partner? Right. Do you want a partner who's controlling to you? And I'm not saying in this email he's being controlling, but there would be a tendency to go down the controlling path in this situation, and in my experience, that doesn't work out very well. So just get real about what it is that you need to feel more confident in the situation and, and understand that whether she's working with her ex every day or getting a new job where there's another hot prospect employed there. In life, when you're in a committed relationship and you and I were kind of just talking about this off the air, people are exposed to other people all the time. Right? And so it's a matter of being able to trust yourself in the relationship and to be able to communicate when you're starting to not feel connected, because that's when the cheating or the breakdown can take place, when the relationship isn't tight and you start to get disconnected.
All right, so what's, what's some good, you know, step one homework for this guy.
So treat your partner the way you want to be treated, number one. And get really clear about what's going on for you. Own that and get really clear about what you need to feel better about the situation. Own that and ask for it and be willing to negotiate with your partner until there's a mutually satisfactory solution.
Rebecca Silence Local Life Coach inspired results coach.com the coaching circle tonight is at what time?
7 to 8. And I just want to say one more point here. It's never going to be about like changing the job or changing the scenery that makes the problem go away. So the gift is that you actually have the awareness that there's this issue. If you don't handle it, it won't go away.
Correct.
So you have an opportunity here to get even closer to your partner. So embrace it and have fun with it and see what happens.
Follow them on Facebook and on Twitter for all of the details. Local Life Coach Rebecca Silence awesome as always.
Thanks everybody. Have a great week and good luck to all the kids taking the standardized test today.
Absolutely. We're going to break. Come back. Big pop in the morning. Kiss FM.
