Confession Tuesday 4-15-14 "GETTING A DRINK NOT TELLING BF"

All right, Pharrell Williams and Happy 97-910-55 Kiss FM 740 Big Papa in the Morning. Psychic Search Week 2. Chelsea is in all week and she will take the psychic quiz and also find out who she's going to be interviewing. Coming up in in just a bit. But right now it is a confession Tuesday. Local life coach Rebecca Silence from inspiredresultscoach.com is in studio. Every time I hear happy, I think of St. Patty's parade.

I was just thinking the same thing.

The actual, the actual parade itself. Did you get to video? I did. Absolutely. Awesome. If you want to go to YouTube and search hashtag happy utica and it. It, if that doesn't put a smile on your face. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what will.

We had fun.

Absolutely. So confession Tuesday. You tell us what's going on in your world. It doesn't matter if it's personal, relationship wise, business wise, family. Also, if, if you work for a company and you want Rebecca to come in and, and help with whatever it is, you know, whether it be team building or, you know, getting the drama out of your workplace or something like that.

Communication training.

What's that?

We do a lot on communication, conflict resolution.

Well, here's the thing. When you work somewhere, a lot of times you spend more time with your co workers than you do your actual family. So they, you know, so you're going to, there are going to be times where, you know, you bicker like, you know, brothers and sisters and, you know, and it is what it is. So if, you know, you want Rebecca to come in, absolutely do so. Inspired results, coach.com. you ready for the second email?

Yes.

All right, here we go. Dear big Papa and Rebecca, I have a boyfriend, but when I go out with my friends, I have no problem flirting with other guys. At the bar the other night, a guy bought me a drink and I accepted it. I talked to him for about 45 minutes before I told him I had a boyfriend. He said I let him on and he'd be angry if he had a girlfriend accepting drinks from random guys at a bar. And then he left. Was it wrong of me to accept a drink from a guy even though I'm in a relationship?

This is a great question. Thank you for the email. The first thing that I would want you to think about is how would you want your partner treating you?

Right.

Right. And this sounds so simple, but I think Relationships 101 treat your partner the way you want to be treated and just Know that whatever you're doing out there in the world, you're, you're inviting that back in your experience from your partner.

If you, if you go out and you, you know, have whatever behavior, if it's, you know, you go out with, you know, whether you go out with your boys or you go out with your girls, and if you act a certain way, you absolutely give them a pass to act that exact same way.

Without talking about it. It's energetic. It's an energetic shift. And so that's the first thing that I want you to think about. The second thing that I want you to think about is there's nothing wrong with you. No, you did not do anything wrong. Everybody out there listening. There is nothing wrong with you. I don't care how screwed up you think you are, there is nothing wrong wrong with you. It's just a matter of noticing what you're doing right. And deciding whether or not it serves you.

Sure.

But no, it's not bad. It's just. Is this the life you're wanting? Is this how you're wanting to portray yourself? But it doesn't make you bad.

I love how you, how you're, you're not bad. Like, like it's a, like they're a.

Puppy dog, you know, but we think that people are.

So you took a drink at the bar, you smack, smack them on the nose, like with the, with the rolled up newspaper.

People do that to themselves. They are so mean. And I'm just saying, why? What's the point? Right? And it might be good to notice that maybe you're seeking attention outside of your relationship because either you're not fulfilled in your relationship.

Right.

Or maybe you're trying to sabotage your relationship or you're trying to test whether or not it could be like a seeking self esteem thing, whether or not other people would find you attractive. Whatever it is, it doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's just good to notice and think about whether or not you would want your partner doing the same.

Those three things that you just mentioned are a lot of things that most people would never say out loud or even to their best friends as far as why they do what they do.

Right. You want me to say them again?

Absolutely.

So I'm talking about. This may be a sign that you're seeking fulfillment outside of the relationship. You're not actually as satisfied as you might think you are in the relationship. You might be looking to boost your self esteem by getting attention from outside of the relationship, or you might just be trying to sabotage it.

Right? So as far as far as this goes, and the guy who, you know, when he found out, he called her out on it because that's something that if he was in a relationship, he wouldn't do to his girl or would not want done to him. So. And that's. And that's what's, you know, what caused the email here?

And see, what if it's just a matter of giving yourself permission to tell the truth? What if it's not necessarily bad to accept a drink from someone, but he's giving you some good information, if you were coming across like you were leading him on, and maybe that was your intention and maybe it wasn't, but good to know that that could come across that way.

Right?

And why not say, hey, I love a drink. Thank you so much. And just so you know, I have.

A boyfriend, so if you want to, you know, if you still want to buy me a drink, okay, cool.

Right. But, you know, putting all those cards on the table and people do avoid telling the truth, and I'm saying no.

Why no?

See, every. You don't tell the truth, you undermine yourself.

Not tell the whole. Well, not tell the whole truth, quote, unquote. Because she could, you know, you just happened to leave out the fact that she has a boyfriend. You know, she was. She was upfront about other things.

Lies by omission.

Yeah, she was able to. She was able to, you know, not, you know, not happen to mention that in the first 45 minutes of the conversation.

Right, right, right. And lies by omission are lies.

Yeah.

So it doesn't mean you have to tell a bold face lie, but when we're leaving out the truth, and here's how you know you're in a lie by omission, you don't want it to get found out.

Okay.

Right. If you don't want it to get found out, you're in a lie by omission. And inevitably, in my experience, it'll come back and bite you. So notice when you're not wanting to get found out, because that's telling as well. And so the homework for this listener, or any listener who's questioning whether or not they screwed up, who. Who's questioning whether or not they should be telling the truth about something that scares them. What I'm gonna say is a good homework assignment would be to really look at what is the goal here? Like, what am I actually wanting? So then you can decide whether or not what you're doing is getting you closer to it or not number one.

I just wanted the free drink.

Yeah. And so maybe that was the goal. And you don't have to make your life. So that's okay. Accept the invitation, but be honest. Right. But what I'm saying is we're joking. But go back to what are you actually wanting so that you can determine whether or not what you're doing is.

Going to help or hurt local life coach Rebecca. Silence in studio. Inspired results coach.com I have to say.

Happy birthday to my sweet husband. His birthday is tomorrow, so happy birthday, Mark. And there is no coaching circle tonight.

Okay.

It is going to be a little radiance get together at my office. I'm off for spring break. But the ladies from Radiance are going to be having a get together from 6:30 to 8. Anyone who's been to Radiance, anyone who's interested in radiance can come hang out. The office address is 156 Main street in Whitesboro.

Absolutely. And details. Inspired results coach.com and Nspired results on Facebook as well. If you want your story or what's going on in your world covered next week, go to cnykiss.com and let us know. Rebecca, awesome as always.

Thanks, everybody. Have a great week.

All right, Enjoy. Enjoy New York City. All right.

Thank you.

All right. When we come back, sidekick search week two finalists. Chelsea will take the sidekick quiz here on KISS fm.