Radio-style "Confession Tuesday" segment (April 21, 2015) featuring host and local life coach Rebeccah Silence responding to a listener who has been seeing a man casually for a year and whose sister "hates him"; the sister is getting married in October and the listener wonders whether to invite the man. Coach emphasizes: avoid people-pleasing, get clear about personal needs (ambiguity vs. wanting more), gauge the man’s commitment, and proactively talk with the sister ahead of the wedding to reduce drama. The episode also includes studio banter, prom promotions, and calls for listeners to submit confessions.
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Papa and Banna in the morning. Scattered showers today, high of 57. Right now we are at 47 degrees. Coming up, it's prom time. It's weird, like somebody already had their prom this past weekend. Is that right? Yeah, I heard, yeah, I heard a school had their prom already and prom season, it's here. So if you want, if you want to get some deals, you want to know what's going on, I got a prom directory going on. Big thank you to of course Tuxedo Junction, who's the reason why we're having it. And Nikki Marie salon and Spa, Stellan Dot Massero and Sons Florist, Linda's and Wendy's Beauty connection all helping us out on that. And we're actually gonna do a contest where we're going to ask for your prom pictures and we're gonna be giving away different prizes and whatnot with, with your prom pictures. So that'll be coming up in, in just a bit. But right now it is a confession. Tuesday, local life coach Rebecca silence is in studio. Good morning again.
Good morning.
Inspired results. Coach.com is, is the website and of course they're corporate clients and individual clients and you actually have life coaches because there's only so much Rebecca Silence time.
Yeah.
So they have been, they are absolutely awesome. And your chance to help get yourself out of your own way again, all the details, inspired results, coach.com and chance to get helped here on the air. You just go to cnykiss.com you ready for the second email?
Here I am.
Alright, here we go. And remember when, and I think this is the, this is something that we hear. I hear a lot. Number one, you can't even touch my problems, blah blah blah. Because my email, you know, because my email is going to be so, so long and da da da da.
Where would I even start?
Yeah, well guess what? Start and just go to town.
And when you do that, it's not even about helping yourself. The ripple effect is bigger than you could even comprehend.
Absolutely. And the second thing I always hear is, well, people are going to know it's me. No.
Right?
No.
No, they're really not. Because a lot of people are probably having the same problems as you are. Yeah. So email us.
Absol want your emails. And I've also been doing this long enough where if there's something that's super duper duper specific, I can make it so it's not super duper duper specific.
We can protect the innocent.
Absolutely. That's how we roll.
Yes.
Would have been sued by now, for crying out loud. All right, so here we go. Dear Rebecca, I've been seeing a guy for the past year, but we're not sure where the relationship is going to, and I'm fine with the ambiguity, but my sister is not. She doesn't like how he's okay with being so casual. I understand where she's coming from, but personally, as long as I'm okay with the arrangement, she shouldn't worry about it. But she's getting married in October, and I want to invite the guy to her wedding. I know I'd have a lot of fun with him there, and my sister might even grow to like him. But still, as things are right now, she hates him. So I don't really know what to do. Should I bring him and have a good time at the wedding even though my sister doesn't like him? Or should I avoid drama altogether and just go to the wedding alone?
Thank you so much for this email. So when you're trying to make sure other people approve of you, it is a recipe for drama because it's never gonna happen. You're never going to jump through the right hoops or meet the bar. Exactly right. To please people 100%. And then consider the possibility that you're always training people how to treat you. So if you're training people that you're gonna cave so that they're going to be happy, they'll keep making requests for you to cave so they can be happy and it's not their fault. They've learned that it works with you. So be careful about what you teach people. Works with you. And I encourage everyone out there never to cave. Instead, have an open and honest conversation. So there's a couple of layers here. The first one is being swayed by your sister's opinion. If you're ever swayed by someone else's opinion, that just tells me you're not solid about your own choice. And that's okay. When I'm rock solid about my choice, there's nothing anyone could say or do to make me change my mind or question myself. And a lot of people make choices that they're shaky about and then think that the other person swayed them in one direction or another. That's not what's happening. You just weren't solid in the first place. So get really clear with yourself and honest with yourself about whether or not this ambiguity really does work for you. Because my hunch is, if it did, you wouldn't have written this email. If ambiguity really worked for you, and this idea that you don't know where the relationship was headed worked for you, maybe we wouldn't have seen this email. And I'm not making you wrong for that. It's okay. And it's okay to want more and let the relationship go to the next level or end. And people get really scared about that. I don't want to actually put my foot down here, because what if they go away?
Oh, my God. I can't be alone. I don't want to be alone.
Oh, here's the deal.
Oh, one of the best I'm ever gonna find. What if I'm pushing them out the door?
No, here's the thing. They're already gone. If they're going away because of you being honest about what you need, they're already gone.
Right?
So don't push it. Now, the next layer.
Was that too much? Was that. Was that a little too much?
Well, we've all been there. Maybe a little too much.
Well, that's. Well, that's the thing. Those are the things that go through people's minds when you know, before you know. That's why they won't put, you know, put their foot down.
People think it's more comfortable to be in a bad relationship than it is to be alone. And I would suggest that what's really uncomfortable is the bad relationship. And trust yourself enough to know you're worth more than that and that you don't need to convince people to be with you.
Right?
Anyone who's out there trying to convince people to stay, be willing to let them go instead of being willing to lose yourself. So many people are willing to lose themselves over the relationship. And to me, that is just so sad and unnecessary. And then the next layer of this email that I want to get into is, how do we deal with the family at the wedding? So you get to decide what's best for you, and then consider that every choice you make does have a ripple effect. But you're just as important as anyone else on the planet, and so is your happiness. And if you really want this guy in your life, don't apologize for it. And be willing to lovingly have a conversation with your sister ahead of time. What I would not encourage is that you just show up, kind of doing a little bit of, you know, sticking your nose up in the air, and here I am with my boyfriend. You know, what are you gonna do about it?
Kind of rebellious.
Kind of. We don't want that. I was gonna use bad language, but caught myself.
Appreciate that.
We don't want that to happen. So what you could do.
Remember the first time I hit. We have the, you know, the new delay system here in the new studios. Remember the first time I almost had to use it on Rebecca.
Right. Of all people, on me.
Yeah, almost.
Almost. People have come to confession Tuesday live different. But what I would encourage you to do is be proactive and have a conversation before the wedding so that there isn't any walking on eggshells or worried. How are people going to be treating each other at the wedding? Have a conversation before and let her know that it's her day and you love her and respect her and you want her to have the greatest day and you want to be there with someone who's really important to you, cheering her on as well.
Can I make a. Let's see what's up, because you're going 12 steps out. I think that option one, before she even talks to the sister, I think that she should blunt, honest, ask the guy if he was going, well, sure.
Does her boyfriend need to be a united friend ahead of time?
Well, they're not boyfriend, girlfriend. That's the whole issue.
Whatever they are.
But this could absolutely be a way for her to put her foot down and see exactly where he is. Because if he's quasi serious about her or if there's feelings there or whatever, he'll be like, okay, cool, I'm in. He'll put it in his phone and there you go. But if he's wishy washy, well, I don't know, then, you know, he's really on the fence. And it shows where he. Where he is too, though. Am I wrong?
Well, what I want this listener to focus on is what's true for her first and foremost, instead of making all her decisions based on the other people, the boyfriend, the sister. That's what makes me nervous about this email. If she's just making decisions because of what they want, then she's losing herself. So of course she should know what the deal is with this partner, friend, whatever you want to call him. But then you've got to decide what's best for you regardless of what's going on with other people instead of waiting to make your decisions because of their opinion.
I'm just saying use that as a way to gauge. As a way to gauge how into it he is.
That's.
That's all I'm saying.
Yeah. And it sounds like they have some understanding that works for both of them and so. Right. He might not be interested in being part of the family deal and it may be a non issue before she talks to the sister. This is a great point you're making and yeah, they can have a conversation first but I'm saying if it gets to the point where yes, she wants him there, he's agreeing to go. It's better to have a conversation with the sister before the wedding than just quietly show up, cross your fingers and hope things go okay.
Absolutely.
So don't be willing to lose yourself is the homework. Be willing to fight for what you actually want and deserve and let people and jobs, whatever it is, fall to the wayside if they weren't actually right for you long term.
Local life coach Rebecca silence inspired results. Coach.com, absolutely awesome as always.
Thanks for the emails. Keep them coming. I love being back. Thank you.
It is confession Tuesday inspiredresultscoach.com and you can submit your story at cnykiss. Com.
