Confession Tuesday 4/21/15 SHE HAS A DIRTY BATHROOM

All right, that's lunch Money Lewis on 979-1055 Kiss FM 724 with Big Papa and banna in the morning. Scattered showers today with a high of 57. Right now we are at 49 degrees. And of course, coming up on Saturday, it is the walk for Autism. It's benefit the Kelberman Center. It's going on at SUNY Polyunica. Registration starts at 9. The walk starts at 10:30. For information or to pre register, you can go to cnykiss.com and of course, this one' special to me because government center does a lot of stuff for autism and, you know, individuals with autism and families that have autistic members and whatnot and a lot of stuff for Joshi. And I'll tell you what, the. The executive director got asked to go to the United nations on autism awareness day to speak about autism and continuing care and hiring, you know, autistic individuals in the workplace, which is really awesome. So, I mean, that just shows how high thought of the Kellerman center is. So, yeah, it's SUNY Poly Saturday. Happy birthday, Jay. How you doing?

Happy birthday.

There you go. So. So, yeah, details. If you want to. If you want to join and if you don't have a team but you want to join Team Joshi, come on in. That way, you know, you don't feel, you know, alone and whatnot. You know, just team Josh. It's all good. It is a confession. Tuesday, local life coach Rebecca silence in studio inspired results. Coach.com Good morning.

Good morning.

Welcome back.

Thank you so much.

We're so pumped to have everybody. Absolutely.

I love the new studio.

Well, we love having you in the new studio.

Thank you.

Canal Park.

Yes.

So here's how it works. Rebecca is a life coach. It's different from a therapist. She is a life coach. It's all about getting you to the desired result. It's all about getting you to where you want to be with your life.

Yeah. It's about getting you out of your own way by looking at, looking at any faulty beliefs, emotional blocks, patterns that keep repeating themselves. It's all this unconscious nonsense that gets in the way of those inspired results.

And it's funny because the one thing that really hit me was patterns. And a lot of people do the same things over and over.

Roundhouse day wondering how on earth is this happening again? And I like to say it'll show up. It's the same dynamic in a different costume. And patterns can be really slippery and hard to identify sometimes. But we've all Been there. Where? Wait a minute. This is Groundhog Day.

And sometimes all you need is someone to say, wait, isn't that just like what happened six months ago?

Right. Or with the last guy and the guy before that and the guy before that and the guy before that. So you get together with me and we knock those patterns in a new direction and just shatter it.

And for Details, inspired results coach.com and of course, you can like Rebecca on Facebook as well, follow her on Twitter and get ahold of her that way. Well, and of course, Rebecca is doing all kinds of business talks. And, you know, I don't want to say lectures because it's not a lecture, but if you absolutely inspired results coach.com so here's how it works. On a Confession Tuesday, you go to cnykiss.com you click on the icon, you can tell us your story confidentially. We talk about it here on the air, again, confidentially. And. And Rebecca helps you and in turn, by helping you turns my out. So many people have a similar problem that whatever we're talking about, it affects so many more people by us talking about it here. And also the past segments are up there as well, so you can look into those as well. So are you ready for. For. For the question?

I am.

All right. Dear Rebecca, I've gone on a few dates with a really attractive girl, and everything looks great on paper, except for one thing. She's dirty. No, no, no. I don't mean brown chicken, brown cow dirty. I mean dirty dirty. Her bathroom is filthy. Seriously, I've never seen a more disgusting bathroom in my life. And her house is a complete mess, too. I always think ahead, and I know this would bother me in the long run. I can't be with someone who isn't neat and clean. I can just see us moving in together and me having to clean up everything. Is this stupid fault to find in someone if she has great qualities? Should I look past it?

This is a great email. Thank you for sharing and for everyone who writes in, you are so not alone. There are more people than you can possibly know with very similar or the same issue. And so with this email, what I'm hearing you say is you found someone who you're really excited about. On the surface, things look really good, and then you've gotten a little peek into what might be underneath the surface. And so, you know, the way people live, it says a lot about what's going on in their head. So if someone has a really messy house, it just tells me that there may be some messy Thinking some chaos going on. And so just know that this is a red flag. Does it mean throw the relationship away, drop the person? Absolutely not. But you have an opportunity to get real with this person that you're interested in and see whether or not she's interested in working with you. And there's a way to do it without making her wrong. You know, my husband and I have lived in what was his house before I moved in for almost four years now. And I had boxes that I had taken with me to multiple states all around the country, and they were just in the basement. And he very lovingly invited me to get rid of some of that stuff, unpack it, let's declutter. And then, especially once we knew we were pregnant and having a baby, I accepted the invitation and we decluttered, and it was a lot of fun. And so you don't have to make her wrong. And that's what goes wrong in a lot of relationships, is, I'm right, you're wrong. You need to change for me, or.

It'S my way or the highway. And that's not necessarily the case.

Ultimatums will always end in disaster.

Right?

And you can check that out for yourself. Don't take my word for it, but ultimatums are dangerous, and then so is blame. So you also want to lead by example. And then look at, okay, what's the truth about how am I comparing to what I'm judging in her? What's your house looking like? What's your car looking like? Do you have a closet that if you open it, everything's coming out, you know, because like attracts. So when you're attracting a new partner, you're attracting the same flaws that you have. And again, check that out for yourself. You don't have to believe me. And then you've heard me say it before. I've always said the flaws. That's the good stuff. If you're lucky enough to see the skeletons in my closet and the cobwebs on my ceiling, you're lucky, because not everybody gets to see that side of me.

Right?

And if I am able to see your flaws, that's the frosting, and that's what makes the relationship awesome. So, no, don't throw her away or kick her to the curb because she's a mess. You can invite her to experience what it's like to not be a mess at your place and then have a loving conversation about it. You know, this is a concern for me, and maybe she needs to hire some help. And you don't have to jump to conclusions that if she's not gonna clean, you're the one that's gonna have to clean your whole life together.

Right.

It doesn't have to be black and white in either or.

Yeah. It seemed like he jumped from, okay, she's got a messy bathroom, messy apartment to if we get together, I'm cleaning up. There's a bajillion different steps in between there.

Absolutely. And you don't have to go from A to Z and end the whole relationship because of it. So just know that there are some signs here that are important to recog not know how to set her life to win. She might not know how to be organized. She might not have ever had that modeling before.

But at the same time, you started off by saying, like, your first gut reaction was, well, a lot of people, if they have a messy bathroom or a messy house, there's something going on, you know, with. With, you know, with their mind, with their thinking and whatnot. But at some point, I would imagine that this person, if this is an issue for them, she must have come across as having her stuff together. And I don't wanna say put together, but having it seeming like she was put together and not that way when they first met.

So, well, she's still who you saw on the surface. You're just getting to see another layer.

Right.

So it's not like she isn't who she said she was. And this is another thing that happens in relationships. We start to get to know someone better and then question everything. I encourage you not to do that. It's really dangerous. She is still whoever you thought she. And now you get to see an even bigger picture of it. And she may just be a creative artist that wants to be a mess, and then you have decisions that you can make moving forward. Maybe she could have a messy room in the house. If you live together, maybe it can just be one little spot in the house and not the whole house. But there's a lot of ways that you guys can set each other up as a partnership to both be happy, but you have to be willing to have conversations that are uncomfortable to get there.

Inspired results. Coach.com it's local life coach Rebecca Silence on a confession Tuesday. If you'd like to have your situation discussed on the air confidentially and go to CNY kiss.com we have another issue, another dilemma, and we'll get to it coming up next here on Kiss fm. On a confession Tuesday.