Rebeccah Silence talks to someone who has everything on paper—good job, house, partner, baby—but still feels empty. She says happiness isn't about what you own or achieve. It's about knowing what actually lights you up and making choices that match that, not waiting for the next thing to finally make you happy.
Confession Tuesday we have local life coach Rebecca Silence in studio.
Good morning. Good morning.
Inspired results. Coach.com is the website Inspired Results LLC on Facebook and of course cnykiss.com youm can submit your questions to have Rebecca coach you. Doesn't matter what the subject matter is here every single Tuesday. Are you ready?
I'm ready.
Okay. Dear Rebecca, this is entitled Something is missing. Something is missing. I'm in a situation where I should be completely happy and content with what I have, but something is missing. I have a good job, a nice house, nice car, awesome family and amazing friends. I have a boyfriend with whom I just had a baby with who loves me, but yet I feel like there is something in my life that is missing. I'm not sure how to pinpoint or figure it out what it is. Please help.
I actually hear this issue on a weekly basis.
Really?
In my private practice. Absolutely. So a couple of things. The first is be careful of what you're using as your measuring stick. Like, who says XYZ should make you happy? Right. And this is what happens. People go through their lives thinking that the house, the job, the money, the spouse will be even the car or the place that they live, the magic bullet that fulfills them. But I really look at fulfillment or what you're calling happiness as an inside out job. And many, many, many of us have this outside in approach where something outside of me, what I call seeking external validation is going to be what fills me up. But it's like that. There's a hole in my bucket. Dear Liza song. Like, if you're looking for something outside of you, there's a hole in your bucket and it's just gonna keep leaking.
And then Rebecca dropped the Dear Liza reference.
We haven't done that in five years. But I really think it's a good metaphor.
No, but here's the. A lot of times we talk a lot of celebrity gossip, and what happens is these celebrities, absolutely, they're so driven and they're like, I'm going to win a Grammy. I'm gonna have a sold out tour. I'm gonna do that once I get there. And. And they're not happy.
Yeah.
Because they're chasing something that they think is gonna make them happy. And it's empty. There's emptiness when they finally get that physical thing or they reach that whatever goal it is.
Well. And so many people are basically throwing a spaghetti noodle against a wall and hoping it sticks. Will this make me happy? Will that make me happy? Will this make me happy?
It's You Utica reference right there, by.
The way, I know for sure you.
Are the one that needs to fill the holes in the bucket and make sure you're filled. So, again, I want you to consider that happiness is a job from the ins versus the outside in. And whose rule book are you following? Whose playbook are you using as your bible? I want it to be you checking in with you to see whether or not something lights you up like a light bulb versus what you think should be making you happy.
Okay, so how do we, you know, real quick, how do we figure out what makes us happy if it's not. If it's not, you know, possessions and what.
So the next point I want to make is that when she's saying that, you know, I am realizing that I should be happy with what I have now. You're actually way ahead of the game, because one of the things that when I had cancer, I learned is that it really is possible to find peace in impossible situations. So it isn't ever going to be like, once life is working out just fine now I can be fulfilled.
Right.
There is a way right here, right now, with what you've got to be able to find peace. And then. What's your definition of happiness? It's one of the most elusive terms I have ever heard, and people throw it around like it's this big, significant concept. But what does it mean to you? What does happiness mean to you? Step one, define it for yourself. For me, happiness is the ability to find peace in whatever situation I find myself in.
And it's gonna be different for everybody.
That's exactly my point. Right when we're in relationship, people have different definitions of love. They have different definitions of partnership. What does happiness mean to you? That's the first question I want this listener to answer, not, what do I think happiness means based on what my parents told me or my inner circle believes. But what do I believe? How are you gonna know when you've arrived? People want love. People want happiness. What's the finish line? What's the definition?
Rebecca absolutely made everyone think today, because now I'm trying to figure out what happiness is for me. I know, me to put it up into words. We've had a Dear Liza reference. We've had a Utica reference, and, yeah.
She'S done work today.
So follow your own rules and don't worry about necessarily knowing what they are yet. When you're thinking about a choice, it's very simple. Does this light me up or not?
That's real simple. It's Confession Tuesday life coach Rebecca silence. Inspired results. Coach.com, absolutely great job.
The only other thing I want to say to this person is it sounds like you've done a great job of setting your life up to have a solid foundation. You've got a partner, you've got your baby, you've got life going for you, and now it's just time to raise the bar for yourself. And why not?
Expect more Confession Tuesday with Rebecca Silence. Amazing job as always.
