Confession Tuesday 4/5/16 KHLOE AND LAMAR TALK

So it is local life coach Rebecca. Silence on a confession Tuesday. Good morning.

Good morning.

Congratulations on your leadership retreat this past weekend.

Thank you.

How? All I saw was a couple things on Facebook and whatnot. Talk to me about the experience because this is the first time you've done a leadership.

This was a brand new curriculum, and I wrote it to empower women to understand that they can lead regardless of their circumstances, any situation that comes their way. I really believe that the situations that happen to us are never what cause us to be upset. So I designed a curriculum with seven steps of leadership to get you through any situation in an empowered place. And these women could not have been more incredible just because of who they are. From the beginning, we had a crowd that was a little more analytical and wanting to know the science behind why all this works. And they're powerful women. They're successful women. They're amazing women. And then my curriculum was designed to help them not only lead regardless of their circumstances, but to also help them identify who they actually are versus how they show up in the world just because that's what they do and who they're supposed to be.

Wow.

There's a big difference, right? Between just what I do to get by and does it actually light me up? Is this actually my authentic self? So this specific curriculum, more than anything, puts a spotlight on when you're being your authentic self and when you're not.

There's a. And there's a lot of times where there's a definite separation between the two, especially when you're doing something for a career that you may not necessarily enjoy, you know, And a lot of people, unfortunately, don't like what they do for a living. They don't like their job, but they have to because the their responsibilities or.

They'Re just simply going through the motions all the time, no matter what it is.

Very true.

So these women got to know who they are. We actually had a piece on creating your message to the world or if you were a business owner, an elevator pitch, which was incredibly profound because they really got to passionately describe who they are and what they want to do and be and give to the world. This group was awesome. Three days together where they're unplugged, not having to worry about taking care of anybody other than themselves. And we just witnessed miracle after miracle after miracle. Miracle. I'm already filling up the November inspired results Women's weekend. That will be November 4th, 5th, and 6th. These seminars are absolutely the best way to grow the fastest. If you're interested in Working with me, it's basically equivalent to two years of coaching in three days.

And if you would like more information, you can go to inspired results coach.com you can also like Rebecca on Facebook. Rebecca silence of Inspired Results and get more information that way as well.

Thank you to all of the women. They all inspired me so much.

So also, if you would like Rebecca to speak at your function or for your group or for your. Your company or even your school organization, she's available for that as well. Again, same contact information as well. One of the things I wanted to talk. Weird. Ben and I were actually talking about it earlier with celebrity gossip and whatnot. We were talking about Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom. And are you familiar with the. With the story at all or most recent story?

I'm familiar with the couple.

Okay. So a few months ago, Lamar. They're married. They're going through a divorce. Lamar OD'd while he was familiar with the story.

I don't know if there was more information this weekend.

Well, the. No. What ended up happening. What. What we're talking about is the fact that Chloe said most recently that she is afraid to proceed with divorce proceedings because she's afraid that if that happens, pretty much Lamar will die. That. And. And that really kind of like, struck a point and that. Honestly, then we started talking about you because how many people listening are afraid to pull the trigger on whether it be a separation or divorce or a breakup because of. They're afraid of what the other person, you know, that the. Whatever's gonna happen with them. And so I wanted to bring it up because if it resonates through that. And it resonates through, there's other people going through it.

Absolutely. Yeah. This is difficult, especially when you really, really, really care about someone so much, but their energy is toxic for you. So here are the two choices, right? Stay in the relationship, drinking your own poison in this toxic environment because you're afraid the other person's gonna spiral out. Or do. Right. Action for yourself. Lead in possibility, and the other person will see you growing. But here's the thing. The other person's gonna do what they're gonna do. So if Lamar's gonna die or if the person. Basically, what we're talking about is rescuing. And so in Cartman's drama triangle, there are three different roles. The first one is victim. And this isn't the person. This is the thinking. So drama's always thinking. I believe that people are not the choices that they make. Our choices are our coping Skills. So when we're talking about drama, you know, it isn't the person, it's their thoughts.

Okay.

And that's what's creating the upset and the suffering and the drama. So in drama, there are three different ways to think. And the first is victim, where you're forgetting how capable you are and feeling sorry for yourself. The second is persecutor, where you're blaming and aggressive and threatening and blaming that upset on somebody or something. The third is rescue, and this is the one that's super slippery. I think it's the easiest one to correct, and I think it's the hardest one to see. So basically, what we're describing here in this scenario is someone who's wanting to rescue a person they perceive to be a victim. So when you're rescuing somebody, it isn't actually superhero saving the day. Good thing. It's actually toxic and keeps the drama going. The rescuer will always keep the victim stuck. Always. So when you're wanting to avoid dealing with the reality of a situation that's toxic, you're rescuing and actually making that drama even louder.

Yeah, you're just making it. And especially because.

Inevitable.

Yeah. It's just going on even longer. And the longer it goes, the harder it is to do whatever it is.

So the other piece is that the rescuer will always become the victim. Wow. 100% of the time when you rescue, you end up getting kicked, and now the victim resents being treated like a victim and comes back at you and the whole thing blows up. So, you know, I try to make rescue really unattractive, and it's, you know, not very much time.

Just. Just to put it in terms of Chloe and Lamar.

Yeah. Yeah.

Chloe is you seeing Lamar as a.

Victim that she needs to rescue. Right.

And she is not going forward with. With the proceedings and whatnot. I'm doing. I'm doing. I'm doing this for him. And, you know, and what's gonna happen? She's gonna be unhappy because genuinely, she doesn't want to be with him. And she, you know, she was already dating and everything else. And what's gonna happen. Lamar at some point will fall off the wagon because that's what he's. He's gonna do whatever he's gonna do, and she's gonna get burned because, you know, here she is thinking, I'm doing this for you, and that's her getting kicked.

Right. And you will never be able to influence somebody's decisions.

Right.

They're always gonna do what they're gonna do, and you won't ever be able to make somebody happy. You won't ever be powerful enough to make somebody upset. And you're definitely not powerful enough to get them to change. So Lamar's gonna do whatever he's gonna do with or without Chloe. And especially when we have addiction, the only way that anyone can ever get sober is if they want to and get some serious help. And when I'm. What I teach is that any relationship is repairable. Basically, what I really believe is that any two people can make a relationship work as long as there isn't abuse or addiction. Second, there's addiction. That isn't necessarily true because the addiction is more important than the relationship to the person in addiction. So if there's abuse or addiction, then until that's handled, how can a relationship be repaired? So I encourage people to take care of themselves and to be responsible for making sure that their needs are met. The other person, if they want to work with you, and if they want to get help, that's their business and great. But if they're not willing to work on the relationship or get sober, if there's addiction, the relationship, in my experience, is just going to be spinning out in drama until the addiction gets handled. And you can never make somebody else do that. And then their disease, because that's what addiction is, isn't about you. It's not personal. This is something that's all consuming and they need help, but they have to want it. It's very difficult. And anytime. It doesn't have to be romantic relationships either. You know, you're really close to somebody and you're seeing them as a victim that needs saving and wanting to swoop in and rescue them. You're keeping them stuck, and you're keeping them in this belief that. Or you're reinforcing the belief that they really aren't capable, which, of course, they are. So the difference between rescue and support is pretty significant. So support is healthy. I don't want people going through life, me against the world. I want them supported. But there's a difference. When you're supportive, all you are is committed to the goal. You're not committed to who's helping you. How it looks, the how, that's more drama. But when you're just committed to the goal, now it's support. And then another big difference between rescue and support is that when you're rescuing, often you don't have permission. It's just, I see you as needing help, so I'm swooping in. Support always has permission implied. Where I'm asking for your help, and I'm not needing you to do it. Gonna be mad at you if you don't do it where you don't love me. If you won't do it. If you can't, somebody else can't. There's a big difference. So knowing what your goals are and knowing where you need support is huge. My leadership retreat weekend, I was just telling Gary and Van off the air that I was able to just do my job of facilitation, just feeling the women looking for what needed to happen next because my support team was so solid that I didn't need to worry about anything like, do we have the supplies that we need? So support is huge and really, really important. And rescue keeps the drama alive. So I want you to have support, and I want people to take care of themselves first and foremost without being willing to sacrifice themselves so that they can try to save other people. You can't save them.

Local life Coach Rebecca Silence inspiredresultscoach.com Rebecca Silence of inspired results on Facebook. Absolutely awesome on a confession. Have a homework.

Go for it. So here's your home assignment this week. Don't help anybody unless they ask you for it.

That is gonna be tough for a lot of people.

Yeah, absolutely. And I am a recovering rescuer is how I started in this industry. And it doesn't work. So my challenge is only help if they actually ask for it.

Confession Tuesday. Local life coach Rebecca Silence Gonna do it again this time next Tuesday here on KISS fm.