A 2014 radio-show/YouTube segment (Confession Tuesday) featuring host Big Pop and life coach Rebeccah Silence. A listener confesses to secretly dating his ex-girlfriend's sister after a short (three-month) relationship; Rebeccah outlines relationship stages (fresh love, disillusionment, power/conflict/control, unconditional love), advises honesty about intentions, and urges consideration of karma and how one wants to be treated. The segment ends with practical homework to assess relationship goals and reality-check fantasies.
In studio, our finalist for the sidekick search for this week, Banna in studio and inspired results coach Confession Tuesday, Rebecca silence as well. Good. Good morning.
Good morning.
All right, so Ben and I had talked about this off the air, but I want to. I want to say this on the air because of the way confession Tuesday goes, and especially, like, you know, it gets real personal and whatnot. So what I don't want to do is I don't want to put any of the finalists on the spot to, like, open up too much or whatever. I try. I'm trying to make it, like, as fair for everybody as possible. So the finalists are just gonna kind of chill during. During our segments, and then once we have a winner, then we can kind of work its way in. But that's. But that's. That was my game plan because I want it to be fair for everybody, because who knows?
Don't worry, Bama. I won't coach you on the air. Okay.
Thank God. No, but. But it's one of those things where depending upon what we talk about, you know, one of the. You know, one of the finalists may have a connection with it just to try to keep things, you know, fair across the board. All right, so this is how we roll out of confession Tuesday. Rebecca silence is a life coach. And different from therapy. It's life coaching. It's all about you getting yourself out of your own way.
Right. We diagnose faulty belief systems, patterns that keep repeating in your life, and old emotional wounds, and help you figure out how to stay stop Groundhog Day from happening over and over and over again in your life. And it is different than therapy because we're just focusing on solutions and action plans instead of focusing on the problem.
Right. So if you go to cnykiss.com, click on confession Tuesday. It's on the left hand side, and tell us your story. Let us know what's going on, and we'll handle it here on the air for free. And of course, confidentially, you know, we wouldn't. We wouldn't been able to do this this long if, you know, if we were calling people out on the radio.
So we're not doing that at.
No, not one bit. All right. Are you ready?
Yes.
Okay. Dear big Pop and Rebecca, my ex girlfriend and I only dated about three months, and she was way more into the relationship than I was. I ended things because she was a little crazy, and it wasn't going anywhere. I was attracted to her sister, though, and I knew the feeling was mutual. So now we've been secretly dating For a few weeks, but she feels guilty since my ex and I didn't date very long. Is it okay that I'm dating her sister? Should we be upfront about relation of. Should we be upfront about our relationship or should we wait to tell my ex until things are really serious?
Okay, this is a great email. Thank you for your courage. This is a brave one. I think that the first thing I want to say is relationships go through stages, and we've addressed this on Confession Tuesday in the past. The first stage of relationships is fresh love, where it's the honeymoon and everything is fabulous. Except there's no foundation in fresh love. So we don't actually know all of each other, the good, the bad, the ugly. We don't have any foundation to sustain any issues that might come up. It's just all fun right now, right?
It's like getting engaged after meeting at the party and frozen, you know, that's all fresh love. Okay, let's get ingredients.
Yeah. It's like, I think of it as an upside down triangle. The foundation is just the point. There's nothing there. So the big bad wolf comes along, have some puffs, that thing's going down. There's no solid foundation. The next stage after fresh love is disillusionment. And this is where a lot of relationships end. It's where we hit panic and think, oh, my gosh, this is not what I thought it was. And it can happen not just in romantic relationships, but with a career, with your home, with your town, with your friends. It's just where all of a sudden that fresh love is gone. And now I'm facing the reality, right? A lot of relationships end there. If you're able to get through disillusionment, next comes the power, conflict and control, which is where if most relationships didn't end at disillusionment, a lot of them end at power, conflict and control. And so then you either only have your relationships going through fresh love and disillusionment. Fresh love disillusionment, or fresh love disillusionment, power, conflict, and control. Back to the beginning. Okay, so that's the way most people's relationships go. One of those two scenarios. There's actually a fourth stage, which I call unconditional love, which is where we're actually able to work through the power conflict and control and sustain through the conflict.
Right? And that's. I mean, that's all stuff that we. That we've talked about, but this dude's dating. This dude's dating his ex's sister.
So what I'm wondering, though, the reason I'm bringing this is because the first relationship lasted as long as the three months, which I'm thinking may have just been through the fresh love phase.
Right.
So what I'm wanting him to get is that this relationship, this new one, while it might be fresh love, it's gonna hit those other stages eventually. So I want you to really think about where is this relationship going? Are you just in it for the fun? Which I'm not saying is a bad thing.
Right.
My coaching is to get honest about where you are in terms of what you're wanting long term with this sister, because the truth's gonna come out. In my experience, the truth always comes out. So either I can be in leadership around. You're gonna hear it from me, or I can be in that guilty mode where I'm trying to hide the truth. Eventually it's gonna come out anyway. And what I'm suggesting is the two of you decide where this relationship is headed and decide if you're really wanting to make it work no matter what. Or is this just something that's fun on the side right now?
Well, could. I mean, part of the attraction could in fact be that it almost feels taboo that they're doing that because of the situation. That could add to the appeal of the, you know, forbidden fruit. Yeah, seriously.
But I'm wanting you to think about what you do in relationships is what you do in relationships. We just kind of change characters.
Okay.
But I show up the same every time, and until I learn what I do, that kind of gets in the way. So I'm wanting both of them to just have an honest conversation so that they can determine how they want this to go. And I always tell people, think about how you want to be treated at the same time.
Oh, yeah.
Because karma is going to come back. So I would be very conscious of karma and thinking about, do I want to be treated in this way? Yes or no. Right. And I said, karma and Gary just spilled coffee all the time.
Seriously. I was sipping coffee as she said the word karma was going to come back to get you. And it came, and, like, I missed my mouth. It just went down my shirt. Man, that's. That's so funny.
That's hilarious.
There. There are women right now that are laughing hysterically because that happened at that time. Yeah.
But Karma.
Yeah. Enjoy that laugh.
It's important to think about. And when all else fails, I ask myself the question, how would I want to be treated?
Yeah.
In this scenario? And so for both of these people, the boyfriend, the sister. Think about how you would want to be treated. Because I believe that how you treat yourself and how you treat other people comes back at you. And think about you can't get it wrong. You're not bad people. You're doing best you can like everybody else with the tools you have. But what is it that you're wanting long term? It's so easy to focus on that fun, fresh love piece, but it's not gonna last. So what are you wanting in the long run? And is this really something that can last?
Local Life coach Rebecca silence inspired results coach.com follow her on Twitter and also on on Facebook as well. And if you have a company, if you have a group, if you have an organization and you want Rebecca to come down and do any type of talk, whether it be team building or anti bullying or how to get through workplace drama, absolutely do so. And contact her at inspiredresultscoach.com so here's the homework, everybody.
Take a good look at your relationship situation and get out of the fairytale fantasy mode and get into reality, like what's real and what's working and what do you need to shift so that you can be totally fulfilled. It's time to get real so that you can have the relationship that you want that lasts.
Vocal life coach Rebecca Silence on a Confession Tuesday. If you want to tell us your story, go online. CNY Kiss.com how to deal with cheating on your husband. We'll talk about it in the next segment, Confession Tuesday here on Kiss fm.
